Thank you for sharing your work with us on Writing.Com. After reading your piece, these are the thoughts left in my mind:
My Initial Reaction:
My first reaction was actually to look for more; It didn't click in my head until I went searching in your port that the "2/4" in the description was the date and not meant as "2 of 4". Oopsies...). So, I guess my initial reaction to the story was that I was hooked and wanted more of it.
What I Liked Most:
The buildup was wonderful! I really wasn't sure where you'd take this, but I like where it went. I also enjoy that this was realistic... I really wasn't in the mood for supernatural reading.
Suggestions / Typos I noticed:
I did not notice any typos per se, but the bold text did feel a little awkward to me. I know that it's there to show the prompt usage, but it threw me off a bit --especially the ending as I had to struggle not to look at it and ended up peeking anyway because my eyes were drawn to the bold lettering.
How It Made Me Feel:
I definitely felt a bit spooked, but was also left with a somewhat haughty, serves them right! attitude.
My Overall Thoughts & Rating:
I really enjoyed this and think you did a great job writing it. It's not often that such tension and buildup can be pulled off so well in such a short amount of words! You brought me right into the scene and I love that! I'm going with a 4.5 rating only because of that "I want more" feeling that I had after reading this and because I was left wondering if they'd gotten out or if anyone noticed there absence after what happened...
,
Stephanie Grace
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Butterflies tatted by me.
Thank you for sharing your work with us on Writing.Com. After reading your piece, these are the thoughts left in my mind:
My Initial Reaction:
You captured the scene very well; I could easily envision everything.
What I Liked Most:
The imagery really drew me in and made the poem for me.
Suggestions / Typos I noticed:
In the second and fourth stanzas, the final lines are separate thoughts from the preceding ones, so I think that adding punctuation at the ends of lines 5 and 11 would help to improve the flow a bit.
How It Made Me Feel:
I felt like I was being haunted by an old love.
My Overall Thoughts & Rating:
I really enjoyed this poem. You stuck well to the 5-7-5 syllable count, though I was disappointed that it was not a traditional, nature-themed poem. (Personal thing, I know... Sorry... ) You created a great scene that I could SEE and, in doing so, I found a complete story, which I love. I'm going with a 4.5 rating only because I think that flow could be improved upon a bit.
,
Stephanie Grace
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Butterflies tatted by me.
Thank you for sharing your work with us on Writing.Com. After reading your piece, these are the thoughts left in my mind:
My Initial Reaction:
Creepy yet beautiful and touching... I don't think I've ever had them all going through my head at once before! (That's a good thing, in my world! LOL).
What I Liked Most:
The starkness of your words; how it's all right there and nothing is left hidden... I love that! I also love the tenderness and love that's shown --or the possession and obsession, depending on how the reader interprets your words because I can see this being taken both ways. (Mt brain just happened to combine them both. LOL).
Suggestions / Typos I noticed: I wove.../I want to...: The tense change here really threw me off. Perhaps italicize the first four sentences as kind of a way of setting the stage, so to speak? Eat...: While it's easy to gather that this is a continuation of the sentence before it, it also almost felt like a command... Could just be me, though... Maybe drop the period after the preceding line and start this one with an ellipsis? Just a thought...
Breathe... Same as above. It was a bit rough the first time to know exactly how to take this at first...
How It Made Me Feel:
I think I already covered this, LOL... It made me feel a whole wide range of things!
My Overall Thoughts & Rating:
I enjoyed reading this and found it quite creative. I was really amazed by how much you fit into such a small space --and how I was able to draw from it! The creativity comes through very clearly. I'm giving a 4.5 rating only because it feels like it could be tweaked a bit here and there to be even better, but, all in all, I really liked it!
,
Stephanie Grace
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Butterflies tatted by me.
Thank you for sharing your work with us on Writing.Com. After reading your piece, these are the thoughts left in my mind:
My Initial Reaction:
The title didn't quite feel right to me once I read the piece as it's not so focused on him being accused of something, but him just facing something that he did do. From the title, I was expecting an accusation of an innocent man which is not the case...
What I Liked Most:
The imagery and the consistent tone.
Suggestions / Typos I noticed:
This is probably just me, but my brain wanted to read the "In and out" parts as italicized words for the emphasis (and for the seemingly lingering/haunting visual that italicized words give sometimes...).
Paragraph 3: The final sentence in this paragraph is fragmented. It gave the statement a kind of... disjointed feeling as I read. Perhaps add it to the preceding sentence?
Paragraph 5: "...go."[ ]The...: Missing space.
Paragraph 8: action[s]: Again, could just be me, but my brain kept adding an "S" here as the preceding paragraphs imply more than one action done by the narrator.
Paragraph 13: The final sentence of this paragraph read a bit awkwardly for me... Perhaps move the "not his" to after "body"?
Paragraph 8: Here, the narrator mentions a vent blasting open but, earlier, it is stated that there is no vent.
How It Made Me Feel:
It was simple to feel for the narrator and to understand his torment. It left me with the same feeling of a crime show: justice served.
My Overall Thoughts & Rating:
I enjoyed this story and I love how much of it you managed to fit into such a small space. I did, however, feel like more could be said. The suddenly jolt of a given verdict without anything indicating that he was close to receiving it, threw me off a bit. I'd really love to know more about this character, though... first criminal that I might actually feel bad for! I'm going with a 4.0 because I love the idea of the story, I just think that it's calling for another few minutes of attention from its creator so it can blossom into it's full 5.0 potential!
,
Stephanie Grace
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Butterflies tatted by me.
Thank you for sharing your work with us on Writing.Com. After reading your piece, these are the thoughts left in my mind:
My Initial Reaction:
Honestly, I closed the window as soon as this loaded. Seeing that it was not broken down into paragraphs made me really think twice about reading it. In the end, though, [obviously], I opened it back up to give it a chance. After reading, my first thought was that this could be great groundwork for a longer story. I found myself wanting to know more about the narrator, as well as his brother.
What I Liked Most:
The creativity behind the story and the descriptive wording which made things very easy to envision.
Suggestions / Typos I noticed:
Breaking this down into paragraphs, I think, would definitely make this more appealing to the eye and more welcoming to the reader.
Watch for tense changes. There were several time when you switched from present to past and then back again.
...peering [at] the...: Missing word?
Add more! While this left me contemplating what I had just read, it felt like there was much more to the story. My mind couldn't help but wonder if the coffin indeed belonged to the narrator, but there was nothing to confirm nor deny that little theory.
How It Made Me Feel:
Contemplative... LOL. I found this quite creepy as well, though --in a good way.
My Overall Thoughts & Rating:
All in all, I did enjoy what you have here and I really hope that you choose to expand upon it! I'm going with a 3.5 because I really love the idea, but feel like it needs some tweaking. I think you could easily turn this into a 5.0 with just a few more minutes of time!
,
Stephanie Grace
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Butterflies tatted by me.
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Dawn:(Title, etc)
The title, description, and rating all fit this poem perfectly. The chosen genre, however, (Other) could be replaced...
Sunrise:(Contents)
The abcb rhyme scheme worked very well with your words to keep everything moving right along. The flow was quite smooth and everything was simple to follow and understand.
Noon:(Imagery, Emotion)
'Twas all simple to see as I read. It was easy to understand the emotions of the tea kettle and I found myself smiling while reading the words.
Sunset:(Suggestions)
The only thing that popped into my head is that I was kind of left wanting more... How did the kettle feel at the end? There was so much buildup of her emotion that the ending felt a little flat, to me, as it suddenly became more about the woman than the kettle.
Dusk:(Overall thoughts)
This was very creative and I really love that you gave a voice and emotion to an inanimate object that many of us ignore --or worship when waiting for some hot water! LOL.
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I found this to be very well-written and I love the glimpse into the person behind the name! It is a wonderful introduction to the beautiful soul known as "Fyn." I was left wondering about the auction, though... hmmm...
Anywho, everything flowed very well and was simple to follow and understand. The only thing that I noticed was a possible spacing issue in or after Paragraph 5... And "em" in the final paragraph: 'em?
All in all, this was fun to read and had me smiling, nodding, and being a bit jealous of all that you have been able to experience! WONDERFUL job!
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Dawn:(Title, etc)
The description and rating fit this story perfectly. The rating, however, felt like it could be a notch higher due to the scenes near the end... The title works well, but I think that there might be a better one somewhere in that brain o' yours.
Sunrise:(Contents)
You did a good job with the build-up and the storyline was very true to life. I love that the characters were just...normal. Everything was simple to follow and understand.
Noon:(Imagery, Emotion)
The everyday imagery kept everything simple to envision. As far as emotion, I definitely felt for poor Bryce, but I felt worst for other characters involved since I had a feeling about what was going on. (I saw something like this on television or read it somewhere and I guess it kind of stuck with me. LOL).
Sunset:(Suggestions)
deposited them [in] her...: into?
Dusk:(Overall thoughts)
This is well-written and very modern. It's amazing how easily technology can turn against people. (Or turn people against each other!).
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Dawn:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this poem perfectly.
Sunrise:(Contents)
The abcb rhyme scheme worked very well with your words to keep everything moving right along. Everything was simple to follow and understand and the flow was smooth throughout.
Noon:(Imagery, Emotion)
This was very relaxing to read. You did a wonderful job of capturing the peace and serenity of the scene laid out --not to mention the great job you did of laying out that scene! I could easily see it all!
Sunset:(Suggestions)
I want to say that this poem felt like more could be added to it and perhaps it could, but it also had an intense feeling of being complete.
Dusk:(Overall thoughts)
You really managed to fit a lot into eight lines! The imagery and emotion were superb and I love that this poem left me feeling relaxed and reflective. Great job!
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Dawn:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this story very well.
Sunrise:(Contents)
Everything was simple to follow and understand, though I did feel myself stumbling here and there with the flow. The story is quite creative and a great display of imagination! (Though I wouldn't have a hard time as accepting it as truth. LOL).
Noon:(Imagery, Emotion)
You did a great job with the buildup which really drew me in and held my attention well. Everything was simple to envision.
Sunset:(Suggestions)
I think that a quick edit could improve this piece... Just a quick read through to see if you detect any hiccups with the flow...
Dusk:(Overall thoughts)
This story is well-written and I enjoyed reading it; I must admit that I literally laughed out loud at the ending.
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The Invitation:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this perfectly.
The Banners:(Contents)
Everything flowed very smoothly and your word choices were great! You really managed to say a whole lot in a small space!
The Ribbons:(Imagery, Emotion)
Everything was simple to envision and the emotion was very strong; not only could I understand the feelings of the character, but this yanked on my heartstrings as I nodded in agreement.
The Confetti:(Suggestions)
I cannot think of one way in which this piece could be improved.
The Party:(Overall Thoughts)
You chose your words wisely and I love how much this said. Its statement was strong and its message was clear. Wonderfully done!
Please note that I do not claim to be a member of all listed groups, but have listed them as they are all part of the raffle and all want to thank YOU!
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The Invitation:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this poem perfectly.
The Banners:(Contents)
The abcb rhyme scheme worked very well with your words to keep the flow smooth from beginning to end without any rhymes feeling forced. Everything was simple to follow and understand.
The Ribbons:(Imagery, Emotion)
The imagery is reader-driven, making memories and faces float before his/her mind --which is wonderful and made this poem easy to relate to. The emotion came through very clearly. It was very heartwarming and incredibly touching; we should all be so lucky to experience such love!
The Confetti:(Suggestions)
I got nuttin'...
The Party:(Overall Thoughts)
This is very well-written and tugged on the strings of my heart. Your sister is lucky twice over--to have found such love and have a sister like you! She's truly blessed!
Please note that I do not claim to be a member of all listed groups, but have listed them as they are all part of the raffle and all want to thank YOU!
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The Invitation:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this poem perfectly. I was surprised, though, that "emotional" was not listed as one of the genres...
The Banners:(Contents)
The aabb rhyme scheme worked very well with your words to keep the flow smooth from beginning to end without any rhymes feeling too forced. Everything was simple to follow and understand. I love that this poem tells a story!
The Ribbons:(Imagery, Emotion)
The imagery was strong, especially as memories and faces floated before my mind's eye. The emotion was definitely the strongest part of this poem. Not only was it easy to understand the widow's feelings, but the whole story just yanked on my heartstrings.
The Confetti:(Suggestions)
In the fourth line, my brain kept putting else after what, so I thought I'd mention it.
In the second stanza, you mention unborn child which made the end seem a little off to me; Perhaps newborn child? This could also represent the passing of time, but there is nothing else to indicate that, so it seemed a little confusing...
The Party:(Overall Thoughts)
This is beautifully written and tragic. It put tears in my eyes.. Great job!
Please note that I do not claim to be a member of all listed groups, but have listed them as they are all part of the raffle and all want to thank YOU!
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Dawn:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this story perfectly.
Sunrise:(Contents)
Everything moved along at a very nice pace --almost hauntingly slow, yet too fast at the same time. It was all simple to follow and understand.
Noon:(Imagery, Emotion)
You did an amazing job with the build-up; the tension had me holding my breath! The imagery was good, though it was hard to "see" their surroundings and location until later --but that added to the tension and my curiosity, so I enjoyed it. The emotion, too, was very well-done. I felt for the characters even as I was trying to figure out what was happening... By the end, your words [and a touch of fear] were yanking on my heartstrings.
Sunset:(Suggestions)
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos. The only suggestion that came to mind is to add a little more to the beginning. Also, in the beginning, they know they are running out of time, but the woman doesn't mention the timing until near the end... It didn't occur to me until the second read, though...
Dusk:(Overall thoughts)
You did an amazing job --especially for such a short piece! It's very rare to find so much build up and tension at this length and you just nailed it! I love it! You really did a great job of bringing me into the story! {e:fear}
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Dawn:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this poem perfectly.
Sunrise:(Contents)
The free verse form worked well with your words to keep the flow smooth from beginning to end. Everything was simple to follow and understand.
Noon:(Imagery, Emotion)
The imagery was wonderful; I could easily envision everything as I read your words. The emotion, too, was superb. This was relaxing, comforting, but also sad. This definitely said much more than just the words on the screen.
Sunset:(Suggestions)
On my first two reads, the ending felt like it could be stronger somehow, but I don't know how... On my third read, I suddenly wondered how the blue bird knew "the mate" was dying...
Dusk:(Overall thoughts)
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem. It is creatively written and a great display of your talent for bringing your reader into your words.
After reading your other piece, of course, I couldn't help but click into this one....
I actually got goosebumps while reading this! It flowed well and was simple to follow and understand. There were a few places where it felt like a comma could be added (watch for when "added details" occur in a sentence.. I was taught that if the sentence can stand without it, then it should be separated by commas... I had some weird teachers, though... LOL).
The build-up was very well done and the end left me with a big smile. I cannot imagine exactly how you felt, but I felt comforted by your experience. Very well-written! Thank you for sharing this.
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The Invitation:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this poem perfectly.
The Banners:(Contents)
The abcb rhyme scheme worked very well with your words to keep everything moving along without any rhymes feeling too forced. Everything was simple to follow and understand and I found that the flow was quite smooth throughout the poem!
The Ribbons:(Imagery, Emotion)
The imagery, I felt, was mainly reader-driven, making memories and faces from the reader's own life flash before their mind's eye. The emotion, though, was clear. This tugged --HARD-- on my heartstrings.
The Confetti:(Suggestions)
In Line 2: much[-]needed -I think that hyphenating these words would help to better link them together as one thought/description.
Line 9: well[-]traveled -See above.
Line 10: The word yet seemed to fit with the preceding line, however, to me, it did not seem to fit as well with the lines that follow... I wonder if "though" might help to tie it all together just a little better...?
The Party:(Overall Thoughts)
This was incredibly touching and very well-written. This really put tears in my eyes and felt like a hug from a friend. It's very comforting... I love it's message!
Please note that I do not claim to be a member of all listed groups, but have listed them as they are all part of the raffle and all want to thank YOU!
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The Invitation:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this poem perfectly.
The Banners:(Contents)
You did a great job with the Acrostic form and the added rhyme was a nice touch. Everything flowed smoothly, for the most part, and no rhymes felt forced. What I found most intriguing was what I observed after reading this poem the first time. The alternating colors of the lines got me curious and I was very surprised to find that this poem can be three-in-one! (The whole thing, just the green lines, then just the black ones... It worked very well for me!).
The Ribbons:(Imagery, Emotion)
The simple, everyday imagery kept everything simple to see while reading. As far as the emotion, it is simple to understand the narrator's feelings while the reader's own emotions are stirred. The message is powerful and thought-provoking; it really made me want to stand up and do something!
The Confetti:(Suggestions)
The only thing that I thought of was punctuation. I think that adding some more throughout the poem would really make the flow even smoother.... Smoother than a frog's hair.
The Party:(Overall Thoughts)
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is well-written and I love the message that it contains! I hope that all readers carry it with them long after reading this poem!
Please note that I do not claim to be a member of all listed groups, but have listed them as they are all part of the raffle and all want to thank YOU!
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Dawn:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this story perfectly.
Sunrise:(Contents)
This was very imaginative. Everything was simple to follow and understand. The flow was pretty smooth and your usage of italicization was flawless!
Noon:(Imagery, Emotion)
The imagery is superb! I could easily envision everything as I read this story. All the way through, I was smiling. This was very fun to read!
Sunset:(Suggestions)
To me, it felt like the first paragraph could be ended after the mother speaks. I think that it would make the transition from one character to the other a bit smoother.
After giving the dragon's name, it felt a bit weird, to me, to still refer to it as an "it" since it's been established that it is a he. (It could be personal preference; some people call dogs "its" as well --I don't.)
The word worried in the eighth paragraph kind of caught my attention. I understand how it is meant, but it felt a bit weighty; As this is a children's tale, I think that there may be a better word as younger readers may not understand the meaning of the word other than as an emotive verb.
I was left wanting a bit more. It could just be me, but I felt like more could be added to this story...
Dusk:(Overall thoughts)
This is a great short story. It is well-written and I love the lightheartedness. It is very entertaining and I think many children would love this!
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Dawn:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genre all fit this piece perfectly.
Sunrise:(Contents)
This is well-written and flowed well, though I did feel a few little hiccups (see Sunset). Everything was simple to follow and understand, as well as feel!
Noon:(Imagery, Emotion)
You've described wonderfully something that, I think (hope), many of us have experienced --or do! The imagery is very reader-driven, stirring up memories from the reader's own experiences. The same can be said of the emotion, but you also share your feelings so openly that it really blew me away!
Sunset:(Suggestions) raucus - I think this should be raucous... eardrumsplitting eardrum-splitting?
The comma after contemplate threw me off a little bit as the part following it is in parentheses, so it already separated from the main idea of the sentence. you[,] God[,]
Dusk:(Overall thoughts)
This is very-well written and was simple for me to relate to. Every sentence felt like you took it from my own life which really made this hit home. Beautiful!!!
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Dawn:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating, and chosen genres all fit this poem perfectly.
Sunrise:(Contents)
The free verse form worked very well with your words to keep the flow smooth from beginning to end. Everything was simple to follow and understand.
Noon:(Imagery, Emotion)
The imagery is certainly the strong point of this poem; The scene that you lay out for the reader is simple to envision. You've captured and relayed the beauty of Nature in one simple scene. Beautifully done! The feeling of this poem was calm and relaxing which added to the wonderful essence of this poem!
Sunset:(Suggestions)
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos.
The only thing that stood out to me was the line about allergies; it seemed to have a much different feeling than the rest of the poem, but is very much a part of spring life, so it didn't take away from you captured, just felt different...
Dusk:(Overall thoughts)
This is very well-written and really came to life for me. Through the windows around me, I can see this scene in reality, but the winds outside make it seem much more...fearsome. I believe that you truly did an amazing job with this poem!
The Paper Cup:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating and chosen genres all fit this poem perfectly, though the type is listed as other and could be poetry.
The Cocoa:(Contents)
The short lines really drew me in; it reminded me of post-panic attack breathing, the short breaths when trying to regain composure and control. The flow was smooth from beginning to end and the seemingly random rhymes added a nice rhythm and did not feel forced.
The Whipped Cream:(Imagery, Emotion)
The imagery was strong, especially toward the end, but it also remained very reader-driven, bringing back memories from the reader's own experiences which made this poem very easy to relate to. The emotion was VERY strong. Not only were my emotions stirred by memories that came back, but your words really strengthened my feelings. You did a wonderful job of capturing the emotions!
The Cinnamon:(Suggestions)
The broken image tag at the top could be removed.
While this flowed nicely, it did feel, to me, like some additional punctuation could make it even better. You did a nice job of utilizing line breaks, though, which helped me to guide me while reading.
The Lid:(Overall Thoughts)
I think that you did a great job with this poem! It is simple to tell what was happening and understand what you were going through at that time --or had just been through.
My Feelings:
I love the message of this poem. It was very freeing to read, like a friend saying, "It's okay."
My Suggestions:
The only thing that I think could make this poem better is punctuation. I know that it's a personal preference, but I think it would really help to guide the reader's voice and make the flow even smoother while reading.
My Thoughts:
This is another well-written poem that I fell in love with! The flow was quite smooth and everything was simple to follow and understand. This definitely hit home for me --as I would assume it would for anyone here at WDC! The message is wonderful and encouraging! I love it!
What stayed with me:
This is a great tribute --a bit creepy, but also a delight!
Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my head.
My Overall Thoughts:
I know that I've read this before (several times, even), but it's been sitting in my bookmarks without a review. I'm pretty bad at reading lyrics without a tune, so I handled this like a poem and the flow was smooth from beginning to end. No rhymes felt forced and everything was simple to follow and understand. This is a wonderful contribution to the world of "Arts meets Science"!
As far as the song linked from here: It is beautiful. I was expecting something heavier, but I really enjoyed it!
What stayed with me:
This is very touching and filled with love.
Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my head.
My Overall Thoughts:
This poem is simple and to the point. The scene that you lay out is touching and wonderfully written. I could envision and feel everything. The aabb rhyme scheme worked very well with your words to keep the flow smooth without any rhymes feeling forced. This was an adorable and sweet read! I love it!
,
Stephanie Grace
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