Your seventeen year old mind knew what it was talking about. God is the all knowing and God made everything and God knows what we are going to do each and every second of the day, so he had to create everything even those things that human believe came from their own minds. I like the randomness of the poem, makes it an interesting read. Paper clips, Starbucks, Louvre, you tube video, ha ha . Keep up the good work and keep on writing. Thanks for sharing! Victoria
This is a good poem, good choice of words and seems to flow pretty well. I think that for a suggestion I would find another word for eith the end of the first line or the second. "thinks it" in a row. Besides that I think it demonstrates pretty good writting. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work. Keep on writing. Victoria
AHH you are to much..he he. Thye ideas you come up with are outrageous, to comical. I bet where your from people just love hearing your limericks. you really should do something with your limericks, Put them as a collection or something and try and get them published, if you haven't already. Well I will have to keep an eye on what you write, I like a good laugh every once in a while. Take care, keep on writing, and thanks for sharing. victoria
This is really good but sad, sounds like depression. Just wondering why you wanted some of the lines red, they significant?
She empties herself
Of everything of worth
And leaves with what she has
She repairs her wounded hand
why does she empty herself of everything of worth, I would think she would keep that? Mabe I'm not taking it right. But the poem is still good, keep writng and thanks for sharing.. Victoria
I understand where you are going with this, I think. I would add in some explainations, why is she feeling this hurt, well we know a little but not enough. She wants to explain, so have her explain. Why won't he understand, even though his feelings toward her is different then what hers are. Nicely worded, just need more description. Thanks for sharing. Victoria.
This is a cute story and I'm sure would grab a childs attention. With a little more work I think it would be great, the first part moves well, but toward the end it doesn't. I would consider taking that last line out and find something more catchy. Great imagination on an idea for a story, thanks for sharing and keep writing. Victoria
Wow! What an imagination. This poem is very creative, I like it. Blue m&m a broken mirror glued to a ceiling, eyelashes on a cheek and a certain time of the day. What random objects..he he he . Those random things are what makes a poem or story interesting. It makes people want to read it. Some of the best works I've read had random things included. Keep up the good work, you are onto something. Keep writing. Victoria.
D.J.
I really like this, might want to spell check though. I got a really good picture of the characters, they seemed real and truthful. This was a very sweet story and inocent to. I'm sure those are the kind of guys most girls find attractive. It was beautifully written you did a great Job. Keep up the good work and keep writing. Victoria
Oh wow! This made me laugh the poor one weakness of men for sure. very well put together, great word use. loved the part about the mandrake root and wolfsbane. To funny. Keep up the good work, will be looking for more. Victoria
Wow! I love it! Great use of words. You are a poet in the greatest sense. I wouldn't change a thing to this poem ...ever. This was writen from the heart.
I love this part...
'Twas me who learned my most sacred utter...
'Twas when I learned to call her Mother.
and this..
The Angels' dance in skies above
A joyful paean to her love
I really like this. You did a very good job at writing it. It is expressed in a most vivid way. lots of imagery. you used great dealof detail as in a story. very capturing. Good work. Victoria
This is good. Has great meaning. I suggest you try this poem out in rhyme, just to see how it sound. Some of those ending words you used would work perfect with another word that rhymes with it. Good job overall. Victoria
I love it, you made rain out to be passionate. I loved your choice of words. I always liked poems that didn't rhyme better then the ones that do. You did a good job. Simple title works well. Keep up the good work. Victoria
I'm curious to what this novel is about. The title kind of grabs you and the prologue makes you wonder. I'll look out for the chapter. keep writing. nice job. Victoria
THis is different, I like it. Where does this tradition come from? Just wondering. You did a good job, and I love the title. keep on writing. Thanks for sharing. Victoria
Interesting title, it is true that we daughters seem to always possess traits of our mother. You used the four "M" words I call it. Strengh, courage, loyalty, passion and love.. mother traits. You did a good job, keep up the good work and keep writing. Victoria
Wow! This is so emotional and I know you wrote it from the heart. I wanted to cry. I love the way the poem flows with those magical words you used. You are talented, keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing. Victoria
This is really cute, flows pretty well and has a very colorful picture. Good title! This would make a cute childrens book if you could add some more lines. Thanks for sharing. Victoria
This is good, suggestion: you might want to leave some foot notes at the bottom like traditions, places people are not familar with..etc. This is a very cultural and meaningful poem that describes how someone feels in that society. Again good job. victoria
I like this because it deals with an issue that is still in play for todays society. It takes a person who knows what it is like to describe it. You might want to write a short story about it, I'm sure you would get some great reviews..victoria
This is really good, you kept my attention. I was just wondering why Eli knew who his wife was and himself at the beginning, and then he seemed a little bit confused having to look in the mirror, and the man who was his first patient that died, why was he showing his face? You might want to describe some things a little bit furthur, slow it down just a bit. Good work!
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