This is some powerful stuff. Solid imagery, well written. It's interesting you describe 2 totally different people here and yet each in their own way shaped you unknowingly. Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes there is no reason that you fall in Love. Love happens even between (or because of) very different people. I enjoyed some of your imagery such as: We both get wet by rain
Heat turns into beads
glistening on our bodies.
that kept me reading, but it was a bit confusing at the end.
This work left me with some frightening images to work with. This is why I am terrified to commit a crime (besides the morality or lack thereof), I am afraid of becoming Rael. Interesting read, keep writing.
I like the stoic quality your main character is evincing. He has a loss, a sweet pain of shattered memories but he does not reveal the depth of his pain to the lost love. Not sure what the suns rays hanging dead in the air relates to the subject... maybe a mood starter, a hopelessness that even the suns rays cannot brighten your mod.
I think many of us have that worry about negative emotions getting the best of us. Taking the pill metaphorically to root out discontent and rage? I am quite seeing myself in this poetry.
I like the free-form of this work. I enjoy creating mental images from minimalist words. Shearing the leathery, woody extensions... I like that image. Thanks for sharing!
I don't have a lot of experience in writing poetry and essays and other literary forms, but I do have 53 years of reading experience. This was a well-written thoughtful essay and I enjoyed reading it very much.
Of course, through the years, I have found these 'deeper levels of meaning' (cited by the author) in many works I've read and it only added depth and grit to my pleasure. This essay was meaningful to me, personally, and it will help me become a better author.
Thanks so much for sharing with us. (If you don't mind the effrontery, I am now a fan of yours)
Your work was deep and meaningful. It is abrupt when it needs to be abrupt and flows when it needs to flow. I would add that ANY depression is terrible to overcome. I know, I've had both clinical depression and post-pregnancy depressions. It makes you wish you could sleep to death, not wake up at all.
The only criticism I would have is lack of capitalization and punctuation, and I am not sure that matters with your kind of work.
This was a very nice short story, that poor guy! LOL, some people have no luck, but what he DOES have is a terrific fiancee' Thanks so much for sharing!
Quirky and amusing read. I can just hear the queued "Wierd Science" soundtrack while they wear bras on their heads under the science lab bench.
I liked the verbal foray into proverbs and their meaningfulness. I really enjoyed this, thanks for sharing your word art!
This is a moving tale of mental illness as it exists in the United States which is where I live. I, too, have a mental illness, and although I never suffered such as he, it hasn't been pleasant by any means. When the government began to shut down large facilities that kept the mentally ill at least clothed, healthy and engaged, a new population of homeless hit the streets, and unfortunately, our prisons.
I commend the author for a close examination of the reality of mentally ill individuals.
I've never heard of a Brevee form of writing poetry. It has distinct possibilities I might have to investigate.
I like the brevee-ty and rhyme of this work. It makes me work for the images and meanings. I live in flood zones, so this is particularly pertinent to me. :)
I like the metaphor of the light remaining eternal no matter what is done with it. It isn't immovable it is fluid, buoyant, and moves with the threats and the waves. The 4th line meant nothing to me, and it would have been just as good if not better without it. In the end, it remains and everything else passes.
This really hit home and you are me. When you truly hit bottom, you do have a choice.... to live or die. I, too, had this choice and I chose to live. I like your vivid imagery, it unkindly reminds me of what not to do or be.
All slogans aside, this is a well-written piece that raises red flags. Only 3 transgressions, you are a newbie, which is good. Seek help, it matters not what kind. My thoughts are with your words, my prayers are in my mind. Good luck and God bless.
For not being your usual style, you did it pretty well. I am one to try to extract the most meaning in the fewest words possible. I don't always succeed, but it is nice to see someone embarking on the same journey. Thanks for sharing.
That is a very powerful memory, how do you recover from rejection as a child? I, too, experienced this sort of intimate hatred. I remember reading books was my escape since I had no PLACE to escape to. This brings back some horrid memories but in a soft investigative sort of way. This is actually why I came to write.com, to explore the deep darkness within my soul.
wow.. just wow. I found this fascinating and disgusting at the same time . Groupies can be the most vicious people alive (If you read Stephen King's "Misery"... great read by the way) and Love and Hate can be so intricately woven they are two sides of the same coin. Very well imagined and developed, thanks so much for sharing.
I really like this work, you have to read it carefully several times (at least I did) to work out what the author might be aiming at literarily. My interpretation is thus:
the speaker seeks to find a different scope of thinking, perhaps a way to look at the world with different or new eyes. After all the effort, the speaker finds that they had the strength and effort in themselves the whole time, and hadn't needed to look that hard.
I read this over several times, but I guess I just don't get it. A man who was strong and able became hurt and recovered poorly if at all. The images are vivid and invite the reader to relate to the character, but I am not understanding the content.
I really enjoyed your words, your husband sounds wonderful and you are so blessed to have him.
My husband was pretty terrific too before we seperated. Still is, as a matter of fact, we just fell out of love and into like. We would surprise each other with small gifts and activities. One year, on his birthday, I 'kidnapped' him to Niagara Falls. I arranged with his boss (he worked the second shift) to have him not come in that day. I invited him on a drive to see the autumn leaves in the morning. 3 hours later we arrived at the Falls. I got sick that night from moist exposure to the Maid of the Mist boat and the Falls chill humidity. He took care of me all night on his birthday. Thanks for sharing your story, and thanks for letting me share mine.
I think that all first responders are miracles, it is harder on the 'front lines' than you might expect. As an RN, I can see the amount of work and effort that goes into trying to curtail or even slow illness that is communicable. I most certainly agree with your kind words.
This is a rather tragic moment. A celebration with no celebrants, only the guests of honor, how empty. I like how you were able to pack a lot of meaning into 5 lines. I will think about this again. Thanks for sharing.
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