I read that you found this young woman who you are interested in, but are several short 'phrases' I didn't understand within the context of the poem: "That little occasion you pray no one cares", you also wrote, "give two weeks give two dates give too more and oh no!" What did the too refer to or was it a typo?
It is a whimsical piece that made me wonder why did he lose his chance with Fire Hair Girl. Since you mentioned quarantine, did the "Black fears in our chest" refer to the Covid virus?
Thanks for sharing.
This is fascinating stuff. In my opinion, it is exactly as it should be in the context with which it is written. It is interesting that the Transcendent is of the opinion that she, and others of her kind, are superior to other lifeforms. The same as humans felt in their own 'hey-day, actually. I felt this flowed well, the conversation was appropriate and well-written. I did not see any punctuation errors and I like how you included written pauses in the conversation. Thanks for sharing.
Very nicely written. I use those words all the time in ordinary conversation (which no doubt makes people irritated), but I enjoy using the language, embedding words in conversation like nuts in rich chocolate fudge. The word usage does not seem forced, it flows well with the ideas and images being presented.
This was a definite expression of true teenagehood, which I am living through with a 14-year-old daughter. This was well written, rhyming pretty well, I saw one spelling error (You said "to scared to stand out" should have been "TOO scared to stand out". Nicely written.
Very nice imagery. It was romantic without going overboard. I get the impression of hard times but winning over them to finally return to where they began. I like how the sex wasn't raunchy in this piece, a quiet sort of flowing from image to image throughout the whole story. Thanks for sharing!
well, I looked up "sestina form poem" and I am impressed you were able to make something of it. The story, however, to me, is incomprehensible. I am too early in this writing stuff to be able to make sense of it. I appreciate you bringing forward a Form I haven't seen yet. Keep writing, and I'll keep reading. Thanks for sharing. I'm giving you 4 stars because I don't know what I actually read. LOL
Oh my goodness. I guess Sesame Street wasn't your bag! I was too old for it, but my sons loved them... and the Veggie Tales and 3-2-1-penguins. My daughter got into anime'. Now none of them watch television. I think your descriptions were great, the mood is totally controlled by your words. Then, the final culmination of the world's cutest monsters being the stuff of your night mares! Good reading. Thanks for sharing!
Very amusing... I KNOW animals do that. My dogs worked together to pull a cheesecake off of the counter. Lacie was 13 pounds and the ruler of the roost. Rajah was 22 pounds and did everything she said! Great memory, thanks for triggering it! Thanks for sharing your story.
This was well written because it totally is accurate with how children explain things. You need to extract every bit of information you can word by word. And even then it's iffy about whether you got the while stories right! Good read, thanks for sharing.
This was a fascinating read. I've not seen this sort of form before. I might have to try it. You wrote it very well, with good imagery, a commentary on the changes in the respect (or lack thereof) man has had with nature. Thanks so much for sharing. I'm new at this poetry 'stuff' so if my review is a bit unorganized, that's why. Thanks for sharing.
Nicely done, the reading is pendulum-like like the authors' soul. It was actually disorienting which is quite a cool effect. I enjoy the process of reading as much as I enjoyed the content reading. I could use a little peace myself! Thanks so much for sharing this stimulating work.
This was quite well written. It isn't forced at all. I can't imagine that much chaos in my house with that many people! I get a different kind of chaos... autistic children who won't eat! At least there are desserts that they'll eat. LOL
Very nice imagery. Electronics are a pain in the "A double scribble". Especially computers. It was nice to hear a good outcome of a bad start. Not many of those around! I have a laptop, but it is mostly the phone or the desk-top I use. Luckily I never dumped a drink all over it. :) Fun read, thanks for sharing.
This is a very odd encounter. The masochist wants pain, but the sadist refuses to give pain because he prefers when his victim doesn't like the pain. The good dialogue flows nicely. The images and words keep you reading. Ironic, the serial killer threatening to call the cops. Thanks for sharing.
This was too funny (and terrifying!)!! I would HATE to be the boyfriend who owns that car AND also has to find her and the car! AND the shop is closed tomorrow so they won't notice a car in the tree! Oh, woe. I really enjoyed reading this. I taught my husband how to drive a clutch and it wasn't nearly as easy as he thought.
I absolutely am acquainted with this event. I will also include, eyeglasses and my cell phone. Even my oldest son who is the most autistic will say "Mom, here's your phone!" And then we say, it was in the last place I looked... well, duhhhhh Thanks so much for reminding me what a clutz I am!! :D
This was a vivid reading. I can read that there is a specific form in here, you say it is Rondeau. I don't quite see it all fitting together that way. I see what is missing...you inserted the refrain on the last stanza without having that 6th line on the 3rd stanza.
A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the same metrical length).
Interesting play with words. And, yes, I think all couples go through this process of 'little white lies. I think that humans cannot go through life without being untruthful in some context! It's just a part of human function. thanks for sharing this!
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