|I'm reviewing you today because I've come across your port and thought this was a neat piece. It has certainly been my pleasure to read this story.
You had me thinking all kinds of things while reading this story (and that's a good thing). I read this piece three times because I enjoyed it that much. I had a few minor suggestions that if you decide to change them will make the rating a four.
My eyes focus on my once porcelain hands now coated in a baked on brown red I know too well, but my mind will not let me recall the name of. I look up to see the splashes of red decorating the white sand in oddly memorizing and beautiful designs. I know what the red is as well, but the word escapes my grasp as I clutch for it. The sudden urge to stand over takes me and I am on my feet, spinning in lazy distracted circles to view the surreal scene of my surroundings.
Try dropping of from the end of the first sentence. It isn't needed. Try using another name for look.
Bodies, disassembled and disemboweled, are scattered everywhere for the length of my vision. The surf foams in pink puffy froth where the water has begun to drink of the devastation. Gulls and other scavengers settle up pieces of carnage further away from me than I could make in a single lunge.
A comma is needed after pink.
I look down to my hands, still curled and opened - readied to work again. Noticing for the first time since my world focused once more, the caked blood does not end at the wrist, nor even the forearm. I twist and turn to examine the extent at the wrist, nor even the forearm. I twist and turn to examine the extent of my coverage to find not a porcelain patch nor piece of clothing left untouched. My fingers tremble as I touch my face and feel the patterns of splatter covering my smooth face and matting my blond locks into place. My lips part in a gasp as my fingers find their way to their skin. Though now drying, the new color on my lips holds them together until I draw in the breath. The sudden hit of the salty air to my tender pallet renews the metallic taste.
Try using another word for look. You use examine twice in this paragraph. You also use twist and turn twice in this paragraph.
Sister of Mercy