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3,802 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I balance my reviews by commenting both on what worked and suggestions for improvement. I evaluate material as honestly and objectively as possible, while still being positive and supportive. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., tough love, encouragement, alternative suggestions, etc.).
I'm good at...
Structure, pacing, characterization, plotting, dialogue, and considerations for the professional marketplace. I'm okay at technical editing but much better with broader creative considerations.
Favorite Genres
Action/Adventure, Mystery/Crime/Thriller, Science Fiction/Fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Nonsense/Experimental Prose
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novels, essays and other nonfiction writing on a variety of topics.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry. (I'm not as familiar with poetic forms as I am with prose.)
I will not review...
Insincere writing. I typically put a lot of thought and effort into my reviews, so I try to focus my efforts on authors who are serious about improving their work. Beyond that, no genre is too weird, no content rating is too high, no form or length is too daunting. I'm open to anything.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Winter Promenade  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi HuntersMoon -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

As always, your poetry is a pleasure to read. I can't think of a better way to end the year of I Write than with one of your poems and, as per usual, I can find no areas in need of improvement. Thanks for all of your excellent writing this year; it was a real treat to see what you were able to come up with during this, er... unusual and tumultuous year. I particularly enjoyed your political poetry, but your other stuff is pretty good too! *Pthb*

Happy New Year, my friend!

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
"New & Noteworthy Portfolio Items
77
77
for entry "Christmas Colours
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi πŸ’™ Carly - Pumpkin Spiced -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I thought you did a fantastic job with all of the colors and vivid description in this poem. The different colorations you described made everything feel vibrant and alive, which worked well with your choice of subject matter, structure, and word choice. Overall, this was an excellent poetic work, as so many of your works usually are. *Smile*

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
"New & Noteworthy Portfolio Items
78
78
Review of I Write In 2018  
for entry "Who Am I?
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi πŸ’™ Carly - Pumpkin Spiced -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I really enjoyed this item. I thought you did a great job communicating the emotion and narrative situation primarily through dialogue, which is really not easy to do. In only a few short words and brief verbal exchanges, you painted a vivid picture of a complex scenario and it was clear and easy to follow along with. Overall, I think you did a great job with the prompt. Well done! *Smile*

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
"New & Noteworthy Portfolio Items
79
79
Review by Jeff
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I think you did a really good job with this entry for the Christian Writing Contest. You explained your passage of choice in detail and expanded upon it with your own thoughts, which are the two things I look for when I'm reading nonfiction. All in all, this is a really solid entry. Best of luck in the contest! *Smile*
80
80
for entry "~ Proverbs 18:18 ~
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Looks like we picked the same book of the Bible from which to write our essays! *Delight*

I really like the fact that you really honed in on one particular verse of Proverbs 18. I tend to focus more on larger excerpts from scripture (as evidenced from my entry!) because I like the "big picture" view of things... but, man, I really admire people who can really dig into the meat of a single verse and extrapolate a ton of information from it. You did a great job of that here.

And I totally agree with you; sometimes I read a verse from the Bible and go, "What the heck? Am I just not getting this, because it doesn't really make a lot of sense!" A pastor of mine once mentioned that fully understanding the Bible requires a lot of knowledge about the people and time period around which it was written, so maybe people back in those days were more inclined to agree to a drawing of lots rather than trying to win a dispute, conflict, or contest based on merits. Our society is so geared around winning, can you imagine what it would be like to just draw lots and the winner is the winner, plain and simple? It's almost hard to believe.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your item and your insights. This was a really fun contest and I hope you consider running other rounds of it... I could use more opportunities in my life to be introspective about the Bible. *Bigsmile*

I would wish you good luck in the contest like the other entrants I reviewed, but I don't think you're going to win. *Pthb* *Laugh*
81
81
Review by Jeff
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really loved your piece. I thought it was well written, addresses the prompt effectively, and is a really great message for those out there who may be despairing their particular fertility/pregnancy situation (whatever that situation may be). My wife and I recently went through a similar challenge with fertility issues and it took a lot of prayer and introspection to get to a point where we were able to recognize that sometimes God has different plans than we do for ourselves. But it's amazing how often, if you listen to Him, you'll find that His plans are infinitely greater than yours ever were.

Good luck in the contest! *Smile*
82
82
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a really great piece. I love the way you broke down the Bible verses and mixed them in with your own writing, and then took the time to elaborate upon them and add in your own thoughts. For me, this is exactly what nonfiction should be... informative, educational, a little bit personal... all in all, a really solid entry. Good luck in the contest! *Smile*
83
83
Review of Suffering  
Review by Jeff
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I think this was a really good encapsulation of Romans 8:18. You did a great job of summarizing and providing a little backstory for the text itself, and in your last paragraph applied it to the reader. That's really impressive to do in only a few hundred words! If I had one suggestion, it would be to use some of the remaining word count (the contest allows entries of up to 1,000 words and yours is less than 350) to expand upon some of the ideas you presented, or to personalize the essay in some way. Personal stories and connections are what really connect nonfiction to the reader, and if you were able to tie that in somehow, I think the piece would be even better than it is currently. Good luck in the contest! *Smile*
84
84
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think you made a lot of interesting points in this essay. Without getting into the specifics of who's said worse things (views on Maxine Waters' comments and Alex Jones' incitement of violence and harassment against Sandy Hook families will likely vary depending on one's political leanings), this item brings up the topic of public utilities, which I've always found fascinating.

On the one hand, social media companies are not now considered public utilities (and the Trump administration's efforts to roll back net neutrality regulations make this very same argument... that the internet is not a public utility that should be subject to governmental oversight and regulation). And if a company is not providing a public service, then protections under the First Amendment do not apply because the social media environment isn't a "public square" but rather a private place where we're being allowed to gather by the owner of that property. Private places are subject to the whims of the owner of that space, whether or not they're fair, reasonable or we agree with them. If Alex Jones or Maxine Waters were to come over to my house and start ranting about something, I'd be within our right to ask them to leave because while they are free to express their opinions, I am not obligated to let them do so in my own house. Similarly, companies own their platforms and are not required to provide them to anyone and everyone who wishes to speak. Alex Jones wasn't banned from the internet as a whole (he still has a website and other social media sites where he operates), but rather certain platforms effectively told him he wasn't allowed to say whatever he wants to say while in their house.

On the other hand, it's pretty hard to make the argument that some companies like Facebook aren't a public square in essence, due to the number of users they have and their impact on society. It's hard to pretend like banning someone from Facebook and Twitter isn't going to have a huge impact on their reaching an audience. (Then again, the first amendment merely guarantees freedom of expression, not an audience to respond to it.)

It's a tricky issue, for sure!

I appreciate you taking the time to explain your position and make a well-reasoned argument. It'd be my pleasure to feature this item in this week's For Authors newsletter! *Smile*
85
85
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall, I thought this was a great item. There are so many jobs out there that people look down on, but everyone who works hard at their chosen profession deserves respect and admiration, especially when it's a thankless job that most people would never want to do.

The only suggestion for improvement I have is to reconsider the ending... when the narrator asks what else she could have done with her life and mentions possibly being a soldier, it kind of undercuts the impact of the piece, especially when earlier on in the essay it's made clear that she was encouraged to be a teacher, veterinarian, or scientist but chose to be a sanitation engineer because she was passionate about it.

If this is meant to be a persuasive piece, I think it needs to end with a reinforcement of why being a sanitation engineer is the right thing for the narrator, not simply a the default because the narrator couldn't think of anything else to do with her life.

Otherwise, I thought this was an excellent piece and it will be my pleasure to feature it in this week's For Authors newsletter! *Bigsmile*
86
86
Review of Grosvenor Arch  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice job on this essay! I've never really considered the nuances of arches before. The only slight suggestion for improvement I have is to remove the reference to "natural arches" in the item description. The introductory paragraph of this piece talks exclusively about man-made arches (the Arc de Triomphe, St. Louis arch, McDonald's golden arches, and the architecture of the Taj Mahal), which felt a little out of place when the topic promised in the intro was a discussion of "natural arches." If the intro simply promised a discussion of arches in general, the first paragraph would fit right in... and it would arguably make natural arches all the more impressive. Nice work... it would be my pleasure to feature in this week's For Authors newsletter! *Bigsmile*
87
87
Review of Hand in my Back  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tinker -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

Overall, I think you did a great job with this poem. I think your word choice was excellent and it was well structured. I couldn't find any errors with the form, although you do need to fix the xlink WritingML at the bottom of the piece so it properly links to the webpage you're trying to point to. *Smile* All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Nice work!

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
"New & Noteworthy Portfolio Items
88
88
Review of A Gift of Healing  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Warped Sanity,

You are receiving this review as part of your winnings in connection with "Angel Roulette Wings. This is review 2 of 5. Please keep in mind that this review is just one person's opinion, and feel free to use or disregard any of the following as you see fit.


Premise

This was a really touching story and I love the idea of exploring the experience of an LGBTQ individual in such an honest and forthright way. These kinds of stories need to be told more often, and I thought you did an excellent job setting up a compelling and engaging story.

If I had one small nitpick for the premise, I'm wondering if Austin is the right setting for the story. Austin is by far the most liberal big city in Texas, and has even adopted a somewhat proud reputation for being a place that recognizes and even celebrates the weird. I feel like this story would would be a little stronger thematically if Lexy were going back to a more conservative city/town in Texas, rather than the one place that celebrates diversity. I know that's a huge generalization, but I think this might be a case where the choice of setting could make a difference and help reinforce the themes you're trying to explore in the story.


Story

The exposition at the beginning of the story felt a little heavy, particularly the mention of Lexy's transition so early on. Also, the mention of her being a legal advocate felt a little forced. I'll discuss this in more detail in the "Dialogue" section below. Other than that, I think the story worked. It was simple, straightforward, and created room for the character drama to play out, which is the highlight of this piece.


Characters

Lexy is an incredible character. You did a great job of creating a rich, nuanced character who goes through a whole host of emotions while revisiting her hometown. I think we all carry certain baggage when we go back and visit the places of our past, and I fully believed how traumatic Lexy's childhood in Texas was, and her apprehension about going back. Adinah and John were excellent supporting characters as well.


Dialogue

By far, the best line of the piece was "This is where Alexander died." That's one hell of a line and, unfortunately, I think it gets a little undercut by the continuing conversation filling in information about how she transitioned, used to be Alexander, etc. I think you need to give that sentiment some room to breathe... if you can hold off on the reveal for a little longer, it will allow the reader to sit with Alexander's "death" for a little while. The assumption is that Alexander is a person, and this part of the story is quick to point out that rather than being a literal person, it's a persona. To help an audience empathize with Lexy's struggle, let them marinate in the idea that a physical person has died, so that the later reveal of who Alexander really was is all the more impactful. I'll suggest something specifically in the "Structure" section of this review if you're interested in suggestions for how to accomplish that.

As mentioned in review #1 as well, I think you need to pare down the dialogue just a bit. What's unsaid can be just as important as the actual words that are used, and I think silence and inference can really be a benefit in weighty conversations like the ones found throughout this story. For example, when they're in the restaurant:

"I'm ready. John, Alexander, you ready?" She shook her head. "Dang it, I meant Lexy. I knew you as my brother, so it's taking some adjusting to you being my sister."

I think you could even more effectively modify that to:

"I'm ready. John, Alexander, you ready?" She shook her head. "Sorry, I meant Lexy."

Between what's unsaid in this version (and using the waiter's reaction to supplement the information), you create a much more powerful moment than literally playing out all the nuance through dialogue. Let some of the silence and non-verbal indicators of the characters do some of the heavy lifting, especially when it's an awkward topic of conversation or a sensitive issue. Most people tend to avoid saying any more about those topics than they have to. *Smile*


Structure

I would suggest playing with the pacing and structure of this piece a little. It's fine the way it is, but I think ther are a few moments in this story that could be real showstoppers if they're set up and paid off just a little differently.

For example, Lexy is clearly apprehensive about going to her sister's house, but once they arrive she just hops out reasoning that she's as ready as she'll ever be. I think this is a prime opportunity to put the reader in Lexy's shoes. Have them feel the same discomfort and apprehension that Lexy is feeling. The longer you hold on this scene in the car, the more squeamish the reader is going to get, which will help them reflect the feelings that Lexy is going through. IMHO, this is where I'd lay out the information about her actually being Alexander, and the other information about why she hasn't come back to town until now. If the reader is sitting in the car with John and Lexy, and learns a lot of weighty information right now, they're going to go through a whole gamut of emotions... finding out that Alexander isn't a literal person but actually Lexy, finding out that Lexy is transgender, learning the history of why she left Texas and hasn't been back since... all of that playing out here will build dread in the reader the way it's building in Lexy and will make her decision to head into the house that much more weighty for the reader as well.

Similarly, there are a few other points where the timing isn't quite matching up with the events in the story. John looks at his watch and comments on how ridiculously long it's been since they ordered their food, but the actual timing of the conversation has only resulted in a couple of minutes elapsing. Work in a little additional detail so that the reader understands the relative time that has passed. The drinks being empty are a good clue; I think if you add a few more details like that (the waiter walking by repeatedly, bringing out other order to other tables, etc.), you'll better set up how long it's been before John complains and brings attention to the sleight.


Technical

Just a handful of small typos:

-----
A ping pang of guilt nudged at Lexy's insides. "I take it she was sick for a while?"
-----

-----
Lexy gritted her teeth. "If she loved me so much, she would have looked for me, accepting me as her daughter. Instead, she chose to mourn over the son I never was."
-----

-----
Lexy's blood pressure rose, causing a fire to creep up her spine, toward her ears. "Stayed and what? Lived a lie? I didn't choose this! If I had a choice I would have chosen to be a cisgender*, but that's not what life gave me.

NOTE: I believe that "cisgender" is an adjective, not a noun. Therefore someone can "be cisgender" or you can refer to "a cisgender individual/person/etc." but someone cannot "be a cisgender" in and of itself, as cisgender on its own is not a proper noun. To be fair, though, I'm not entirely 100% sure on this; I'm just basing it on what few conversations I've had and/or heard on the topic of gender roles and labels.
-----


Overall

Overall, I thought this was an excellent piece. The characters were outstanding and the story was simple and effective. I think there's some room for improvement as outlined above (particularly with the pacing, setup and payoff, dialogue, etc.), but you've got an incredibly strong foundation already. This is an outstanding piece.


Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff
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89
89
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
ruwth,

Thank you so much for pointing me to this item. It's awesome! I think I attempted at one point to have at least one of every item type in my port as well, although I never really thought to try and put them all together into an item, let alone one that's presented in the form of a freestyle poem! I am a little in awe. *Shock*

This was really fantastic and I've bookmarked the item to check out your wide variety of items in the near future.

Well done!

Jeff
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If you're interested in checking out my work:
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90
90
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hello revdbob -

Thank you for sending me a review request! I was more than happy to check out your item and have enclosed the following comments for your consideration:

Overall, I enjoyed this story. I thought you did a good job with the characterization; you set up the protagonist well at the very start and made him somewhat sympathetic before you show him going down such a dark path. I also like the way that you built the story to a surprising conclusion.

While the latter half of the story was well-paced and excited, I felt the first half was a little slow. For me, the real draw of this story is the mental battle the protagonist fights with himself after picking up the boy in his car. That part was really great, but it took so long to get there, and the earlier parts of the story were largely exposition bringing us to that point. The story is roughly 5,200 words and 2,400 of them (nearly half the story) is backstory for the real meat of the narrative. I think you could easily make that section of the story a little more concise, or perhaps introduce the main narrative earlier and jump back and forth between his current frustrations and events that happened to him has he was growing up, in order to keep the pacing moving along quickly.

If this were simply a dark drama (which I think one could make a strong case it is), it wouldn't be so much of a concern, but for a story labeled as being in the Horror/Scary and Thriller/Suspense genres, hallmarks of those genres are graphic detail and really tight pacing, respectively, so I was hoping for a little more of those elements from this story.

All that said, this story was very well written and I enjoyed it from start to finish. Nice job! *ThumbsUp*

I hope you've found this review helpful and encouraging. Remember that these comments are only the opinion of one person, and it's ultimately up to you - the author - to decide which feedback to incorporate into your work. Thank you for the opportunity to share my thoughts; best of luck with your writing!


Jeff
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91
91
Review of I Write In 2018  
for entry "Diner of Despair
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi πŸ’™ Carly - Pumpkin Spiced -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I thought you did a great job with the prompt. By including an actual storm and having it be an integral part of the story, it really felt like you took the prompt serious and didn't just include it as a throwaway line. I always appreciate it when a writer takes a prompt and really runs with it. *Thumbsup*

I found the relationship between Emma and Charlie to be a bit confusing. As fellow travelers, the assumption is that they're somehow important to one another, and yet the way the story ended with Emma just watching the diner disintegrate and take Charlie with it, there didn't seem to be a lot of emotion behind it. It was almost like she was watching an objective event unfold in front of her rather than being traumatized at her significant other (or close companion) literally torn away from her. I know 300 words isn't a lot of space to work with, but I would have loved to have seen a little less back-and-forth in the diner in favor of a little more emotional resonance at the very end of the story.

Other than that, though, I thought this was a fun story and a great take on the prompt. Nice job! *Smile*

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
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92
92
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tinker -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I enjoyed this poem. I thought it flowed nicely and was well structured. I sometimes have a hard time with free verse because there's no meter or construction for me to evaluate it against, but even without the specific rules of a particular form, you managed to make this poem feel well paced and expertly laid out. Your imagery was also great; it was a joy to read.

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
"New & Noteworthy Portfolio Items
93
93
Review of Kitten Sitter  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snowwoman -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I thought this was a really cute flash fiction story. I'm a sucker for an animal story, and this one was full of charming characters and a clever ending that perfectly pulled things together. I really appreciate the fact that your entry has a complete beginning, middle, and end; that is NOT easy to do in less than 300 words. Great job and good luck in the contest! *Bigsmile*

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
"New & Noteworthy Portfolio Items
94
94
Review of In His Element  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Genipher -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I actually entered the same contest this week, so I was very excited to see that I'd get a chance to take a look at my competition! *Bigsmile* I absolutely love limericks and think you did a fantastic job with this one. You really captured the fun and entertainment value of a limerick with your choice of language; I laughed out loud at "fat bearded guy" as your rhyme for "sky." *Laugh* Overall, I don't really have any other feedback than to say I really, thoroughly enjoyed your poem and wish you the best of luck in the Christmas in July contest! *Delight*

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
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95
95
Review of The Swift  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi CeruleanSon -

This item was brought to my attention by Thundersbeard 30DBC JULY HOST through "The Steampunk Authors Guild Group-Blog, and as a fellow featured author, I thought I'd stop by for a quick review. Overall, I thought this was a delightful story. Your detail and description was excellent, your characters were fascinating, and the dialogue really helped the pace move along quickly. Steampunk is still a relatively new genre for me, but this was on par with the best of the stories I've read in the genre. Well done!

I hope this review has been constructive, and thank you for the opportunity to read your work! Please also remember these comments are the opinion of one person and, as the author, it's up to you to decide which feedback to utilize. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff
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96
Review of I Write In 2018  
for entry "My New Home
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi πŸ’™ Carly - Pumpkin Spiced -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

Looks like we chose the same contest to enter this week! I always enjoy seeing that because it gives me a chance to look at someone else's take on the exact same prompt I've been mulling over! *Bigsmile* I thought you did a great job with this story and gave both the house and your protagonist a level of detail and description that made it feel incredibly authentic. I love the fact that the house feels like both a representation of your protagonist as well as a reflection of her.

I don't often give 5-star reviews, but this is an exceptional piece of flash fiction. Well done!

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
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97
97
Review of Open Mic Night  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi πŸ’™ Carly - Pumpkin Spiced -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I thought you did a great job with the prompt in this story. You really captured the uncertainty and emotions of being in a situation where one has to perform on stage in front of a crowd. I could vividly see the scene thanks to your excellent description and use of detail.

There were just a couple of small places where some typos need to be ironed out. In the second paragraph, it should be "cold sweats" (not "cold sweets"), and in the third paragraph, it should be "bits of advice" (not "bits of advise"). Other than that, I think you did an excellent job writing a compelling story based on an interesting prompt.

Well done!

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
"New & Noteworthy Portfolio Items
98
98
for entry "Desperation
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tinker -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I briefly considered this challenge for myself with I Write this week, but when I saw all the rules and CJ's own twist on them, I quickly decided that it was way too complicated and I chickened out. *Laugh* I was very excited to see someone attempt this though! And while I'm not sure I even understand the rules of the modified poetic form enough to speak authoritatively about how well this particular piece followed that form, I can say that I really enjoyed reading this piece, subjectively speaking.

I'm very impressed that you were able to adhere to such a rigorous set of structural criteria, while still managing to create a compelling and entertaining poem. Your writing was clear and concise (of course, with a 30-second poem, it kind of has to be! *Bigsmile*) and evocative. Excellent job!

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
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99
99
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Dragyn -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I thought this was an excellent poem. You did a great job with the structure and the imagery; it was easy to envision your narrator's emotional state and how they feel about the object of their affection. With only 14 lines, that's a really impressive feat!

The one area of the poem that gave me a bit of pause was the first stanza where it mentions "The days became weeks / and turned into a month." For me, a month feels like a relatively limited amount of time that somewhat discounts the intensity of the feelings. My suggestion would be to make it months plural rather than a month (singular) to better exemplify the impact of the relationship by showing that it's an enduring emotion over a longer period of time.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this poem. Nice job! *Bigsmile*

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
"New & Noteworthy Portfolio Items
100
100
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Party Funds  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi πŸ’™ Carly - Pumpkin Spiced -

I am reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018

I really enjoyed your poem for this month's Dark Dreamscapes contest. I thought the imagery was excellent and and pacing was very strong. The only thing I noticed was that the second stanza starts with the lines "Above them, Chadron / Sweeps his mighty oar" and I think the ferryman from Greek mythology's name is Charon (or Kharon)? Wasn't sure if that was an intentional name change or not, but I assume it's the same character since there's also a reference to the River Styx.

Other than that, I thought you did an excellent job with this poem and really enjoyed it. Nice job! *Smile*

Thank you for the opportunity to read and critique your material. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff


If you're interested in checking out my work:
"The Book of Jeff
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