Well, Matilda, I don't know what to say about this piece either. I am sure that I don't know what you are intending to say. Your poem is one of those that leaves a reader - at least this one - with a big question mark above their head. That can be good, but it can also be very bad. The reader may walk away with no idea of what they just read. I realize that poems are often open to personal interpretation, and it is true that, at times, only the poet knows the message conveyed. In this case, I wonder if you actually know what it means.
Well, this may be your style. I won't judge it but to say that it needs a little clarification. Keep at it.
Unless you really believe yourself to be an inferior writer, I wouldn't refer to myself as you do. On the other hand, you might not be the best writer, but we all started at some point and grew better over time. No doubt, you have to put the work in to improve. Stephen King says that if you can do anything other than writing you ought to do it. If writing is just a passing fancy, then maybe you should find another way of using your spare time. However, if you find yourself needing to right, then, by all means, press on. Who knows what will come of it?
Tell me something, Brandon. Is this work about a boy who was left to fall between the cracks by those who should have paid more attention to the signs and done something to help? For a very personal reason, I did get that impression.
As far as the style fo this piece goes, I wasn't wild about it. Don't get me wrong, as I believe every poet has his or her own style and voice. Your style may greatly differ from mine, but that comes down to personal preference. I care very little for the rules of form that many would like to force upon us. To me, it is about what the poem is saying to the reader. I also believe that to know the poem one must know the poet - as much as is possible on such a forum.
Well done, technicalities aside. I have placed you on my favorites list and am looking forward to reading more of your work.
Hello, Crissy. It has been a while since I have visited your work. This is an interesting piece. Eternity is always a fascinating topic. The entire movement of the piece is a basic one, and that is a good thing. The question is, however, what do we do with those who do not believe? Although I do not personally believe in ancestral curses, there are many who strongly believe in them and feel that they are being punished for the sins of the father. They do not realize that each man will bear the burden of his own sin and not that of another. At the same time, one can be a participant in another's sin. The Scriptures hold the key.
Your writing here was well done. Your subject was clearly stated and left no ambiguity as to your purpose. I enjoyed the read. You did a fine job as usual.
This is a great piece, Monty. I just a tad younger than you, but I am continually watching those increasingly falling leaves. I am a nostalgia junkie. If it has to do with the past, I'm on it.
I really loved this poem. It captures the essence of the passing years. You encapsulated the idea of growing older in a very concise and understandable package. Great job.
Hello, CurlyFry. Your piece caught my eye and I decided to give it a read. I understand that this is only a small part of a larger story, so we won't get caught up discussing the abrupt ending. However, there is something in the first paragraph that needs consideration. The second sentence," Following the footsteps of those who they have watched." This should be connected to the first by a comma or possibly a semi-colon. The way it is written it is standing there with its pants down, dangling without any support. In another area, you write that Layla glances at the tattoos and says, "What an eye candy to look at..." That phrase doesn't sound natural. You might write, "Humm, eye candy..." or something curter.
I would be interested to read the entire story, as it possesses the earmarks of a mystery or thriller. My suggestions are purely my own and are no reflection of your writing talent. The important thing about to know is that you must be ready to edit as many times as is necessary to get your story to sound fluid and natural. Oh, I almost forgot, "Not even Matthew is not a sentence. It should be connected to the last sentence with a comma.
Keep writing, CurlyFry. You will do well if you constantly study your craft.
You hardly need further accolades from such a soul as I, but, nevertheless, I cannot forebear. You have touched the heart of my sadness, seeing those once living places living no more. Beautiful simplicity is what you have created. I have walked those streets and spoken with those shades of wonders past. Truly touch and haunting to an urban ghost as myself.
Alright, Whitemorn, that was a fine piece of writing. I loved the twist and turns of history and irony. This was the perfect length for your piece. Of course, it would also make a first-rate historical/educational piece of two or three times the length.
I must say when I first saw the length of this poem, I almost decided not to read it. I usually do care for long poetry. However, as I read the first few lines I became intrigued. I am not saying that I fully understand your mind in this piece, but I did enjoy reading it. I found the imagery interesting. I will ask you why you did not use punctuation. I have noticed that some young poets have chosen to go that route, but I would never suggest it. Readers don't like to guess where you are going. They appreciate those diacritical markings as their road map.
This was an interesting take on a timeless theme, a machine that develops human characteristics. Of course, machines that wish to go beyond commands represent a danger that can not be tolerated by the powers that be.
Your piece is nice but could be fleshed out in greater detail. It's your work and I feel confident that this version will not be the finished product.
Well, QueenOwl, I must say that this is an interesting take on a dream. Truly, only you can say what you experienced. Dreams do make excellent stories. My port contains one called, 'The Night I shot My Father' One thing about dreams is that if they deeply impress you you have little trouble remembering the details.
Your dream and what followed was very interesting. You did a good job of relating the details.
Well, Olem, this s quite a philosophical piece and true in certain respects. I think we all realize that we can love more than on person or fall in love many times. I also believe that we can fall out of love with a person. However, I believe the crucial problem is that people don't understand the concept of love in the first place.
You brief piece elicits thinking, and that is always a good thing.
This piece is a nice one, and that is straight from my mouth hole. I appreciate the simplicity of thought. And, never forget, simplicity is good. You may have chosen a unique and humorous way of stating it, but all you have stated is true in a very profound way. Well done.
Although what you explained was all but Greek to me, although I did take Geek in seminary. I would like to know how you like Canada? Is it a place you would choose to live? I have always thought Canada was beautiful if you can stand the cold. I'm from the deep South, so I'm sure I would experience a climate shock.
I want to let you know how much I enjoy your jokes. They are the best and never fail to make me laugh. They are a super way to start one's day. Your work is a great service to our writing community.
Good story, Madeleine. I think that the pace and flow were very good. The topic was excellent since there are so many who can relate to such circumstances. I liked the story very much and believe you did a fine job.
Now, this is what you should do to make it even better and more user-friendly. Start by indenting each paragraph, separate each paragraph by one or two spaces, and increase the size of your type. You may not feel that these are important, but they may mean the difference between someone reading your work or passing you by.
This was a nice poem, Charles. It may seem strange to call a poem about death, nice, but it is one of my favorite genres. I think this piece has a subtle beginning and then begins to build to the final line. Of course, I do love the mention of the crow. I wonder if I know him? The scene is well set for a walk in a cemetery. Would our visitor have tried the mausoleum door? Overall, I like the entire poem. It's not overdone, but just right. Great job.
What all of this does reveal, Ruth, is that there are a great many more professing believers on WDC than you might think. It's a safe way to relate your trials of faith and of how The Lord has worked in your life. It really feels comfortable being here.
Alright, Jo, let's get this show on the road. You might think it a little strange, but we have more in common than you know. My parents also divorced when I was very young, about 1961. My father was hardly ever around anyway, so, at the time, his absence did leave a noticeable void in my life. But, who can say how these events affect young children without the child being aware. I am 67 and take medication for depression. It seems like everybody and his uncle is on meds for depression these days. No doubt, there are those who don't need to be. I too found writing as solace, and later, reading. Writing.com has become a place for my expressions to find their wings, and find them they have. WDC is a wonderful place for authors of every stripe. As an amateur historian, I have been able to translate my love of history into articles that others might enjoy. That being said, my port is very eclectic.
As far as your work goes, you have every opportunity to make a significant impact on your readers. I wouldn't always write about depression if I were you. I feel you have much more to offer than just that. Use your varying moods to take others to places they have never been. In other words, if you are feeling low, it may be fertile ground for a great story or poem. Use all available emotions to your advantage and for that of your readers. No doubt, I am telling you things you already know.
I did enjoy reading of your journey as a writer. I trust that the journey will continue and be an inspiration to others. If you will allow me to send out a few words of practical advice. To make your portfolio pop, find an appropriate cover picture that expresses who you are. Broden your bio so that people can really get to know you. I'm going to put you in my list of favorites in anticipation of your broadened horizons.
If there is one question I could ask of you, Jace, it would be how you think erotica serves the best interest of this writing community? How indeed does it serve anyone's best interest? It certainly panders to the base nature of all, but how is that good? If indeed you wish to have an honest conversation with yourself, you must ask why you love this genre. If you are trying to be honest, let's be honest.
Neva, your's is an interesting story. From what I see from my vantage point, you certainly aren't wasting any time. By the way, I will 67 in March. My mother died at 85 from Dementia. So far, my brain is still taking me where I want to go. Like you, I trust that it will continue to do so. I placed these entries on my favorites list for later reading.
Now, let me get this straight, Neva. Aside from being a most prolific poet and following your particular faith, do you also have the same beliefs about the circle of life that General George Patton held? I want to clear that up for myself.
A very interesting poem. I have been attempting to get a handle on the universe for decades. Having said that, how is the cosmos doing?
As an amateur historian, I truly appreciated this piece. I love the line "Spoils inhumed under the soil where slain." How many would truly never be seen again? This is excellent work.
With My Compliments,
Crow
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stuka/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 9:03am on Jul 12, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
