"Falling" takes us down, as the writer relates to us in depression-like lines the sadness, darkness, pain and so forth; it is to fall, all right. Kinda sad and dark poem, but it flows well, conveys emotion. The writer ponders: "Is my heart still beating?" I like the word "abyss" but of course that's not a good place to slide down to. I hope you can pull yourself up, find some hand-holds or just grab onto an eagle's claw and fell the power in the wings. Your hands may be cut but your soul will be warm.
"What And If" is a speculative poem about a relationship, wherein the writer wonders how the relationship might be going, "What" and "If" this were different, and so on. It is one stanza, sonnet length. It is sincerely written and flows well. The thoughts come fast and on top of each other, to the point that, "They're unbearable". This is a pretty good effort. Welcome and write on. The text is red and a bit small, might want to make it bigger so it's easier to read.
"Nocturnal Longings" is a remarkable poem well written. It is full of fine words and well-chosen phrases; it is quite thought provoking. It is 16 lines long, total, divided into two unequal stanzas. It evokes sympathy and more, and still leaves me thinking a bit here this morning; there is an intellectual depth here. I'm still trying to fully decide how I feel about the sun being referred to as a "live-giver that kills". Well, I suppose that is technically true. And then the fish dies, expiring "without a whimper." The writer speaks of a "gentler moon" and says of it having, "borrowed brilliance"; this is good, insightful--reflecting the sunlight. I would read this poem for a treat of mind-stimulation, for the enjoyment of reading an excellent piece, and to be left satisfied with a fulfilling and maturely controlled ending. Write on.
"Paralyzed Sleep" is an intriguing read to say the least. It's all about sleep, dreams, waking up, and falling back to sleep, plus a little more sinister ingredient of evil and talk of the spirit leaving the body. In line (2) we have, "Dream collides with reality." That's a fine line. It is posed that perhaps the Spirit left the body, "...for a/little tour and is returning/Home." Eerie, outer fringes here, almost like the Twilight Zone! I encourage you to read this poem and challenge your mind with some thought gymnastics...this is good mental theater as well as good phrase structure. We sleep in deep peace, the spirit has come home.
"Perfect Dream" is a peaceful poem and is nice to read. It goes well with my cup of coffee this morning. It is 3 stanzas and 22 lines altogether. The word choice is good as is the phrasing. The theme is the sharing with someone, the sharing of being together with and in nature--can't go wrong there. There's some glitches that need tending to, however. In line (8) there is "vally'ds"--I don't know about that. In line (19) there is "forev er" which needs repair. And in the last line, "Too" should be "To". The poem is a nice thought and well-conceived. Write on.
"Morning Coffee" is a well structured poem with good flow and feeling combining the simple act of having coffee with the dynamic of family interaction seemingly the child arriving in the morning getting up and coming down stairs. The wording is good as is the phrasing. Nothing i forced. The writer speaks gently to us. Write on.
"The howl of the wolf" is a pleasant and well=written poem and is evocative. There are differences in the cr4y or howl, from fear to love and the difference is striking and well-caught by the writer. This short 13 line poem is a pleasure to read. The wording is good as is the phrasing and the ending strikes a cord.
I am trying very hard to find some consistent flow and reason to "Hush Little Victim", but I am thrown off, and I think it's partly near the end of the poem, for example, at line (9), "If that looking glass can't be broke", which is a struggling line. I am also thrown off by the use of "A" that is the subject of these lines: who or what is "A"? This 12 line poem is a take off of a well known lullaby, but some explaining is called for, particularly due to the gruesomely odd and ridiculous ending. The effort is acknowledged; respectfully, though, I cannot recommend this.
"Flame of Passiom" (sic) (this should be Passion) is 16 lines divided into 4 stanzas. The flow and rhythms is good and fairly consistent, with rhyming of the second and fourth lines. The poem is about the yielding to passion one night and then the feeling later on about it ("Tomorrow bringing sorrow"), as obviously others are involved here ("Both vowed to another"), so the writer here does a good job with this poem of emotion. It's a good read, write on.
"Red and Orange" is clever in insightful, a narration from some thing's point of view revealed to us at the very end, so I will not reveal it. The language and phrasing are good, as is the flow. There are a number of actions, like "lunge", "incinerate" and "sizzle" moving the poem right along. "...brittle boughs of branches" is a good piece. Good imagination; write on.
That's really a nice poem about the Japanese maple (there's one next door), written well and of course the poem shaped like a tree! Yes, a living, breathing thing. Nice job.
In the first part of, "Different Perspectives On Beauty", the writer looks at going along with the crowd, basically, to fit in, to stay young, as that is what the world judges by and that what's important--what society deems. But in the second part, individuality is what's important; aging is part of the deal: "In this society, I will age." Sacrificing our individuality sacrifices our self-worth. "I will be unique." That is where beauty resides.
This is a prompt poem; "I'll rise to fall again" is 12 lines, 3 stanzas. It has pretty good rhythm (consistent 6 syllable count) and rhymes the second and fourth line of each stanza. Life is a journey, and you learn by falling, in part. "Its (sic) all a part of life"; Here, this should be "It's". Other than this slip, the only other thing I would alter is the very last line, which to me struggles a bit in flow. "For the time I'm around" doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest of the poem. How about, "The time I am around" ? Something like that would flow better. Well, give it a look, good luck and write on.
There are time depression grabs you by the throat and the feeling is that this is it; goodbye world. But when you are able to reverse it, make a 180 from that vile ogre that takes away all light and hope and love, then the world appears again with all its zest and wonder. "Black Widow Nightmare" examines such, with intensity and a creeping image. The writer got his back up, for good reason. Excellent poem title.
"Truth" is a short poem that talks about scars, dreams, lies and pain. In it, the "lies I told follow me" and "the pain will never disapear (sic)". Some corrections need to be made. "Disappear" is one spelling error. In line (1) it is said that scars of an empty past "hunt me yet". I'm assuming the writer meant "haunt". At least, I can't imagine being hunted by scars. And in the last line we have, "Till im (sic) in your arms". Unless this is some new style I'm missing, it should be "I'm". And by the way, what happened to periods, anyway?
Very nice, fine rhythm, great choice of words and phrases: "Criss-cross the dense earth", "...delicate fall of rain enlivening". There is a rich smoothness to this. Each line is a balm to the human spirit. Line (14) is well said, as is the entire poem. Good job.
"End" is a ten line poem dismally painting the world: "Tears falling into ocean of despair" and "Hearts and souls made up of lies" as examples. Rhyming is consecutive and forced. It has some errors: line (1); "...my heats (sic) beat", here I assume it is meant heart, so it would be "heart's beat"; line (4), "...everyone's sprit (sic) drop", it should be "spirit"; line (10), "No ones (sic) wounds", should be "No one's wounds". It's a good idea, this short poem, examining the dark and the pain. Wars in the head need to end.
Indeed, the cost. As a veteran, I know the cost. As a disabled veteran, I share the cost. All worth it for our freedom, our way of lives. The tribute honors us.
"Word Search" is an interesting poem. The writer is looking for a special word to describe someone, but the search is in vain. It is the attempt which is important, not the failure to find the word. After all, what is the perfect poem? It's an interesting concept, the originality scores. I would leave the title of the poem out of the main body, or at least give it some space. (...am echo faintly heard in the distance...leave it out...) Also, I think the structure could be improved: why is line (6) so long? also line (13). In line (12) you say that German was left out, "for obvious reasons." Those obvious reasons are not clear to the reader; I think it would be much more effective: "I left out German." The poem ends remarkably; the last two lines are excellent and powerful.
Your poem, "what if" has potential but it needs to be corrected of errors. The poem can be sincere and evocative. Okay, here we go: Line (3), "laghed"---> "laughed"; line (4), "anoyyed"---> "annoyed"; line (6), "heads ach"---> "headache"; line (8), "breath"---> "breathe"; line (10), "alote"---> "a lot "; also, some punctuation is needed, for example: line (10), "but i really lied", a common needs to be here, after "lied". In line (5) it would be better as , "...liked your scent". Repair and rework, it'll shine on.
"Undying Love Kiss" (intriguing title) has potential but kinda wanders around. It is rather difficult to know what the writer has in mind here, there are questions and soul-searching and even a lament as to the writing itself: "What am I doing writing this (sic) stupid rhymes?" Loves seems to be at point here, as with: "Please can anyone show me how falling in love feel (sic)-" Here it should be "feels". My favorite line is, "For we are many in this universe-" First thing to do is go through and correct all the errors ("this stupid rhymes" becomes "these stupid rhymes"; "gunna end" becomes "gonna end", "man made" becomes "man-made" and so forth), and then rework it so that it flows better and reads clearer. Persevere.
"Little Children" is a fun poem that looks at little boys and girls and their lives and all the interactions that can come about. There are lots of images, from chocolate to scattered toys to slimy frogs to walls splashed with ice-cream and jelly. Children are a joy, we are informed right from the start, then taken through the colorful events of all the interactions, a whirlwind of busy and disruptive "Little Children" things. All this affects the parents' vocal cords, because it is a real joy these little children. Without them life would be dull and colorless. Poor cats.
Hello, and a warm welcome. I enjoyed reading your poem. There are some good images and I like the scenes of the river and canoes. There are some good lines. But in line (17) I think it should be "somebody's" not "somebodies". It is a nice poem about coping, your therapy in your lonely world.
I had trouble with "The Birds and the Bees", not because of the writing (the writing is fine), but because of the subject. This is a dark poem (the writer lets us know that.) I had to read this poem three times for the full impact and understanding to set in; perhaps I didn't want to. Yet in reviewing, one has to set aside emotional prejudice, and judge the writing, not the "feel" one has from the subject. Ergo, this I do. Here we have 16 lines of sadness, two stanzas separated by one single line for effect (I read it thus). The writer effectively paints vivid images, and the writing style mirrors the very point and thesis of this piece spot on. Just a few minor things here; I would not repeat the title in the frame. That's just me. But the writing in this piece does the job, all right. This site has lots of writings on flowers and love and kisses and cute critters. But life what it is (and death), well, we cannot put our heads in the sand. This needs to be read, so read it. The are many different ways to cry.
Good imagination and funny. This is short and sweet and a good story. The ending did make me laugh. The images presented are vivid and clear. My only suggestions would be to tighten up the spacing (that's just me; as you have it it's not wrong), and correct of few spelling errors in the body, typos, like, "t heir" and so forth. Finger slips. Good job, write on. (Spacing is okay, forget I said that.)
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