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145 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Could Never  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good poem written for your friend. A battered heart, torn by the one you thought you loved, but learn with the hardest lesson. Great read

Dawn
2
2
Review of Stormy  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay first t]let me tell you I love storms so this cough my ettention right away. i like the way you describe it so well. Makes me sigh.

Dawn
3
3
Review of letting on  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a good little story, I like the idea of him reflecting and coming to terms that there is something really wrong in his relationship.

Included are suggestions of grammer errors I found and sentence structure.
Dawn


So he thought for a while, (.)
steadily,(b) But
“I love you(,)” she said(,). (h)Her face seem so pale;
I love you to(,)” David said(,)
David never thought he’ll(he would) be in a situation like this.
thoughts. no need for plural

below this pharagraph does not read well

His wife then enters house. David never thought he’ll be in a situation like this. What will be the solution? Divorce? He quickly slaps his face. David’s mind is overcrowded with thoughts. He soon goes back in his house. His house was decent size, It has three rooms (which two out of three are not even used) 2 bathrooms and a small yard.
David takes a deep breath and sits down on his comfy couch. Sitting on his couch makes him feel relaxed, like nothing serious is going on .Everything is peachy, if you put it that way. His eyes calmly close until he’s fully asleep.


4
4
Review of Silence  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Silence, oh how I love it. I love the way you take this theme and relate it
good job,
I love this line below

Dawn

The line between dark and light ceases to exist,
No good but all evil eminates from where i come,
The silence it reaks is not death but far worse,
5
5
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh I like this, the flow is clear and percise, I like the way you bring the boy in to show an old man his wrong and that the way he percieves things may not be always the right way. Good job with this.

Dawn
6
6
Review of a good life  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
That is a nice way to put this. To question life, good and bad, then admit the bad but without regret. This reads really well, and it grabs you right off the bat. Great read

Dawn
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7
Review of alone  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow powerful read. To show him as a boy with all his issues then to grow into a teen with even more, then the climax, a man with a gun, ending it all...
Great read

Dawn
8
8
Review of Anorexia  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a hard read. mainly because my niece suffered from the same thing and we almost lost her. This once beautiful sight - I love that... So Fitting
Great read

Dawn
9
9
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This did not do what it was suporsed to, so will try again. i read this with a smile. After my son was born, i struggled to get back into my size three, it looked like size 7 was all I would be here after, because craving always took over. I finally won the battle, but this made me reflect so vividly. Great read.
Dawn
10
10
Review of Spring Fever  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
The visual is very nice here. Good poem

Dawn
11
11
Review of The Unknown Girl  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
OMG, this has all to strengths to make a good book. You took me to tears, then made me smile. At the end you had me shaking my head in agreance. I am so sorry your mom/bilogical allowed her boyfriend to hurt you and then, do it herself. I am so sorry you will carry those scares/war wounds through your life. I am also sorry that people make jokes about them. People arejust down right cruel. I understand the scares. I had one of those industrail size coffee makers tip over and burn me from the wiest down. It was horable, and the pain took a year to end. I did get lucky though, I was air lifted to a burn unit, and with all the technology, they were able to prevent scaring, at least they thought. If I try to tan on my legs, the scars are so visable. So I do not tan, have been made fun of for having legs as white as a ghost, but I am okay with that.

Again, my heart goes out to you, you are stronger than most.
Dawn
12
12
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so very well written and presented. We all believe and percieve what our heart tells. Good write.
Dawn
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13
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
OMG, this is such a good story, I could feel the officers discumfort throught he story. I wanted to tell Anna to shut up.
The flow in this story is amazing. You can fell smell and taste what is going on, and through my read I only found one error. That is great.

Dawn
We had maids, paid lawn maintenance, a butler(,- no need for htis comma) and cooks. That is, until my parents dies(died). Thats when I went to live with my aunt."
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14
Review of Erin  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is really cute, it reminds me of when my som was born. The most perfect little thing. The joys of a child.

Dawn
15
15
Review of Secure Hearts  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
For those of us who live in our heads and not in our hearts, but a time or two the heart took over, this expresses so very well.
I expecially loves this line

"It deceives, convicts and take no prisoners."

You wrote this with such passion.

Dawn
16
16
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very dark read. This line out me in a state of awe, "Death knows me.
D is for lots of things. "


I was amazed how well this poem was contructed giving such a strong message.

Love this poem

Dawn
17
17
Review of Closed  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a captivating poem. This tells the person who has hurt you that you are closed off to them, and nothing they can say or do will no longer cause you harm. Great read. I like this line the most.
but my herat is now a shield, when u come around its activated, protecting me , like a hen and her chicks.

Dawn
18
18
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a great way to put a poem into effect. It says it like it is. One thing I have learned being a writer. We are a different bread, we live within our head, within our souls, so no matter how smart one person is, they could never begin to understand us. that is why I stand there with you. Who cares.

Dawn
19
19
Review of Untitled  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is such a good read. To be raped, seduced and regret all within moments. I really liked this.

I did find a few typos, I put them below.
Dawn

Necrozix smiled as he traced his claws (passed = "across") her wrist

and squeezed her eyes shut as she felt his body cloer <-(?) to hers
20
20
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am right there with you, nights of agony, memeries, desires and lost hope alwas flutter their way into the thoughts as you lay, trying to fall asleep. But to the dismay, the thoughts linger. This reads very well. It needs a little tightening up, but that is minor.
Once sentence I did find confusses me.
And like the star crossed lovers every starts off great........

This seems to be missing something. (maybe)
And like star crossed lovers, everything starts off great...

I made two changes compare and see what you think.

Dawn
21
21
Review of Beautiful Girl.  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is sweet. You portray her so very well. It is easy to read she has an eating disorder and low self worth. Great job showing that to the reader.

I would recomment tightening up the sentences and puting caps in the beginning. It will help the flow and put a more dramatic push on the peice.

Dawn
22
22
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Final Farewell

This peice is so painfully true of most teens todau who have committed the act, and luckly have not succeded. I read an artical, and the owrds rain so true to their own.

Life

a creature that once was me but so unwanted, never to be in the light of a loved. You
astonish me ..... This brings life to this peice of darkeness.. good job


last poem, very sad, yes indeed, to be able to reflect and see yourselve, good job.. I would have titled this emptiness... That would seem to suit it.

Dawn

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Review of Born  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is really cute. This poem is one of those rear ones. If you left it untiled, you would get several responces and all would be different. You can take so many different meanings from these lines and that is what makes it so good.

Keep writing
Dawn
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24
Review of wrath  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
First let me say this is so very vivid, the betrayal is felt by the reader, and the anger the reader feels for her is real. Now there are a few problems with this, that I did point out, to help this great story read so much better.
Dawn

pain rocks (rocked)through her, making her we

she wants him dead: she)narrows her eyes, clenches her fists as her nails dig (ging= remove) moon shapes into her flesh.

(But,)but she is smart(;) so very cold and calculating. she knows there are fates worse than death. (this should have more) = for this man who tore her life apart) somthing like that)

(She)she raises the knife she borrowed from the kitchen drawer(;)aiming it at an area sharp implements should never be pointed toward.

she want(ed) him dead - her hands tighten around the hilt (with) knuckles whitenening.(She slams the blade down)
(but, knowing there are fates worse than death,= you have this saying in the lines above, redundent, keep each line new, prevent repeated sentences) she slams the blade down - metal biting flesh.

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25
Review of My Love  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really well written. It tell to other what life and love has to offer without complications,
I like this,

Dawn
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