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145 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of A Child's Sorrow  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This reads so good, needs a little tightening up with the long sentences, but other than that. This is great.

Not being the middle child, I can not relate, but I have watched as friends came from large families and i witnessed them get lost in the midst of the brude. This reads that memory true.

Great read

Dawn
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27
Review of Alone  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This poem evokes great sadness for the heart that has been hurt. I noticed this peice has no title, so I looked and thought, but I am at a loss. This is a great read. Wait, how about the title "Alone", would this not suit it?

Keep writing

Dawn
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28
Review of Unfinished  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is great for only a few stanza'a but it is one of those that you don't want to keep adding to because it would hurt it. Great job in decribing the longing for love, for that someone to know you are there.

Dawn
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Review of A Crying Heart  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is really a great poem, I have someone who is dear to my heart who has gone throught hte same thing. Coming to terms with all the we cannot change is always the key. I read to to her, and she stood silent. That is what makes this so good.

Dawn
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Review of The Lonely Tree  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is really cute. It shows how lonely it can be for even a tree. Great read. I really liked this and it reminds me of a poem I wrote. You may want to visit my port, click on Natures Friendship. It reads so very close to this, you may enjoy.

Dawn
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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the way you used this poem to describe lost faith. As a person who has an unshakable faith, I really enjoyed this.

I did find grammer errors, I will put a few. You may want to re-read this.

You can do the same, it(if) you choose to.
It's you(r) fate, whatever you choose, can't turn back.
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Review of God's clown  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a great way to anylize the problems one is having. Stuck in a worm hole of ones dispear. Great read.

You may like the poem I wrote, Moving on. I wrote that for a friend who has been beaten up by life. Very similar your read. You may enjoy.

Dawn
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Review of Loneliness  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was very sweet. Great poem. This shows the acke of the heart, the williness to wait, to except. Great read.

I think it would be better if it was in format, it read almost like a story, but a good story, not your original style poem.

Good job on this... keep writing

Dawn
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Review of Lipstick  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a strong write. It's sad, because, in reality, years ago, woman were treated so badly for being gay. It's not much better today, but it has its plusses.

Great write Dawn
35
35
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
I can relate to this poem. From one who has lost both, a lover and a mother. This was a great read. I found a few errors and I put them below, so this emotional poem would flow.
Dawn

Sometimes i(I) still cry at night
Even thought i(I) know (I)i shouldnt
Sometimes i(I) still cry at night

Thank (space) you for loving me
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36
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, just finished reading this. It has a great story line, will make great reading when it's done. I did find a few errors that made me stop reading.
The suggestions are below.
Dawn

of the darker (I would remove dull here. You have it before, then in the next paragraph. It is reduntent. Would read fine without it.)dull gray sky.

tobacco. And alcohol And young women. (this sentence needs woirk. During the war, the solders refered to liqure as "Drink" and women as wenches.)

One might find it odd that we were a company entrenched in an outpost on seemingly hostile ground( this next line does not flow with this...Revise) and rather couldn’t tell if our great country was still at war with the Germans.

orders: Stay at the outpost until further orders. ("notice" you have orders in the same sentence and in the next paragraph.

abandoned by its residents, who were now the (?, Almighty, this does not sound good) Almighty only knows where.

Loosely translated, (in german as a s***hole)that’s German for “s***hole.”

("its hullking... That would read better. You use barn allot and need to find other meanings)barn’s hulking swing-doors,

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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very well writen. How this relates to all writers who suffers from writers block or extreme exhustion, but the mind keeps the story going for another day. You accomplished a wonderful peice in only a few lines. The imagery is perfect.

Great write.
Dawn
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Review of Computer Vampire  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a cute story. It does not lack imagination, nor, does it lack the force to be a great story. A little clean up would make this fantastic. I put a few sugggestion below. Simple words missing and a few typos, one sentence did not flow.
Dawn

Besides, what worse (thing that) could happen? He tormented the chair once again

a totally unique machine hummed as inner motors whirred( did you mean? Whirled)

Snarling, he opened the window and flew out into the cursed never ceasing neon glow. (this sentence does not flow. Had to read it three times to understand)
39
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Review of Ruined Inside  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is really a wonderful poem, it makes me think back to my youth and my mother hurt and upset with me over something I did.


Here are some suggestions for clean up. this wil make it read better...
Dawn

I'm nothing but (a = remove this) f*** up,
can't they tell?
Another sleepless night passes by,
another night I see myself (a = remove) change.
Wondering if things will be okay this time,
if things will be back (the) same.
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40
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is very good for a short liner. It pretty much sums up hpw i felt as a teenager. Oh, how those days were then, would not go back to them, ever.

Good write

Dawn
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Review of MSN Messenger  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is again a very sad tale, and one that many can relate to, so good story, needs a little work, so bear with me.

The messages are coming far apart now; (the time in between) in the time between my heart endures a dull ache.

I feel a heavy weight impress upon me(,) the truth that is slow to dawn: (does she still or does she not care?) she still does not care.

All this time I thought I (had)have learned the trick not to end up waiting, anticipating. I thought I (had)have learned not to fall in the pit of assumption, of even giving it a thought.

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Review of Grandfather  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very well written and I can offer no opinion on changes. It read well. On the emotional side, I like this very much. You refer to him in such a grand manor. His confussion, his pain, but his contenment while he waits for the end to near.

Great job

Dawn
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Review of Angel  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great poem, says so much of the hurt and distance put bewteen a couple. Sad in a sence, but have a kinship with this, I have felt this way in the past. Great read...

Now for ideas to fix...

One cap your I in - lulled as I am
two. You are refering to her as a third person than change it to her. fix that as her instead of you..
-my heart sounded your name
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Review of The Blue Note  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Yhis is a great read. at first I thought it was made for the 1800's then as I read on it became appearent it was within this centry, that was not predicted and that is whgat makes a great story.

Great start, are you writing more?

Now being new to WDC when posting, there is an option to make the format the same as your word doc. Click that, it will keep the phargraphs the way they are supposed to be and not jumbled up together. this was one of the things I learned here. There are also other great tools such as utilizing the contests and learning the bitem format. You will have a lot of fun with that. Keep writing, when you work on this more I want to see the changes.

Great read

Dawn
45
45
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a great poem, I left a few suggestions at the bottom. A little tightening of the stanza's and punctuation and this will be wonderful. Not that it is not already, but there will be no distraction

Tighten this one up a bit

Even you Bautista, Abad, and Garcia Villa
do not to me sound any more familiar
although I have walked among mango trees
where probably at the foot of one

(T)they tell me your line breaks are mastery of craft
of enjambment
when they seem to me nothing but arbitrary.
(human whim)
they tell me your words
life imitates
and the life your words imitate
live for all time.


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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is perfect, it reminds me of the times I was trying to find my way. it took me down memory lane. Love this

Dawn
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47
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is great. What is important to others as adults does not and will never be as important to a child. Children always remember that one moment, may it be an injury to the fless or the heart. It is still just as impacting. Great read

Dawn
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Review of Try The Uni  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I guess I will have to try it. You made me hungry.

Good write

Dawn
49
49
Review of Broken Child  
Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is very sad poem to read. It takes me back to a time of imperfection, and that is when I was a child. I feel we learn from this and take it into adulthood so when we have children, we brake that cycle. Parents that are old school did not know better, they are that way becayse there was no other way they knew. In todays times, we are better educated and also aware that the cycle of pain has to come to an end. This hits that point well, it says that the person/narator knows this pain, and knows what caused it and how not to be. Kudos to this.

It is a long poem, longer than what I would have written, but there is a lot to be said from that.
Keep writing
Dawn
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Review by LuciDreamer
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very cute. I heard my own words echoeing in my head as I have told my kids time and time again to focus. This poem brought a smile. This one with only a few have done that. Great write and keep writing
Dawn
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