This is such a great story, it says so much about who you are and the needs you had that were pushed aside to make a little girls time with you happy. That is very selfless. I admire that so much, but no matter what the mom did to try to cause a rip, she was only causing the rip between her and your daughter. Wonderful thing. Children are not stupid, they know who loves them, and if she loved her daughter, she would have never have asked her to chose. I hope you gave this to your daughter, she would love this so much, it would help her understand you so much better. Kudo's to this, as a mom, who has given everything up just for my kids, to always show them love, respect and understanding. To allow them to love others, and to never deny their feelings. Kudo's to this.
This is a greatr story. i love the way you incorporated the time of day with mother nature. I lovrd thid part.
Hide and Seek seemed to be the game of choice -- or was it Tag? I saw her smile brightly before ducking behind a cloud. I searched the sky but after a while decided she'd gone. Only when I turned my back did she reach out with shimmering beams to touch my shoulder and say, "You're it!"
It is playful, funny and your style of writing kept me going. I wanted to get to the end. I wanted to see how clever you would end the day. Diamonds? I really like that. Great read.
Dawn
This is so funny and the sad thing is I remember the earlier commercials. Sigh... I loved your spin on making this commercial it is almost as silly as the mediteranian butter. who is going to swim across a channel to get butter for their bread? Poeple are to lazy for that. I laugh every time I see it. I agree this your insight into this and the late night shows that have you spelling nite instead of night. That'why I live in this site, to avoid it now.
This is very emotional and sad. I have seen through the years such waist of life taken. Ones that did not have a chance to so know who they are, to find themselves, then those whom never had a chance from the beginning. Then those cut in their prime that was just reaching their goals, but was still to young to go. This touches all I have seen and anyone who reads this can relate. Kudo's on this peice.
This is a great poem, easy to read and flows so wonderfully. Each line give the reader hope, anyone with a life long friend can relate and for those who do not know, it could offer hope. Great read
This is really good. it shows what one will do for love. This peice flows and the rythim matches so well. Good job on this peice. I would not change it.
Dawn
p/s
I would have gottenm around to this sooner as promised, but I have had so much going on, and some personal battles I have been conquering.
This is good, I would dump "From the rest of the world." It takes from your poem. This peice is great, but without that it would say it, it would be so much better. sometimes too much is just that.
Dawn
This is so sad. How many people really feel the same. It seams people we do not know are eager to be a part, where family take it for grantid. Good flow of feelings. One this you have a mixture of rhyme with prose. this may have been what you wanted, what you planned. Your first stanza is the only one that rhymes. I read it twice to feel the meaning. May want to rhyme in everyother stanza to keep it equal in a scence.
Bravo, this is short direct to the point and offers so much feeling. poems like this makes the reader remember when they had a crush that they would not tell. To want someone, to hold it, to never share those feelings. Amazing how you said in a few short lines what so many people feel.
This is so sweet and sad all at the same time. You show the emotion of hope so well when he/she looks in he/she eyes. then you manuver to the confussion/sadness that is a part of this lonely soul, and then bring it back to hope. This is one fine poem. Rear on this site to read. Good job I would like to see more like these.
Dawn
This is a sweet poem. It expresses so well and says so much for such a short poem. I like this part the most..This strange and flawed beauty that only we know is there.
I am writing a book based on this feeling. A feeling that only her and I knew. Very well writen, it broughtback a sweet memory.
This is a wonderful essay and I hope you get an A+ on this. The world ever changing still has the few people who are what I use the term "closeted" These people are so afraid of what they do no understand that they rather hate it than take the time to know it. You have to admitt that times have changed, what was considered bad yesterday is acceptable today. Gay marriage ban will one day be part of our past and people will accept it as they do many other things. It is the youth of today that will change tomorrow.
Copied here is a poem I wrote about this subject.
It is said...
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder
What is beauty?
What is the on looker looking at,
the cloths we wear?
The shape of a person’s body?
The smiles that creep across a person’s face?
Is it no longer the kind things we do?
Is it no longer how a person makes you feel?
Or is beauty meant for any one race?
Anyone religion?
Any one faith?
Does beauty reflect ones gender?
One's beliefs?
One's lifestyle?
Does beauty have a gender orientation?
Does beauty matter who you are with?
Does beauty care if you are a boy or a girl?
If your partner is of the same sex?
Does beauty matter to anyone any more?
Or is beauty who you are?
Who you know?
How do you see the beauty in a person?
When all you see is the package.
A Label?
Is beauty a person’s life style?
The person’s outer appearance?
If beauty reflects a persons heart?
Then why aren’t all people beautiful?
Then why do we judge?
The answer is right before you.
We believe what we perceive.
But we are all beautiful whether you believe.
This poem is perfect. It has so much feeling, very powerful. Death to me is only the beginning of a life thereafter, so to look at it with such wide eyes and know it should not be feared was done so well here. I just called my friend Shawn who has started to take med regiments since his count has changed and he liked it so much. He said it gave him peice as I read it to him.
This is a good peice. It reads very well and the climax hits at the right point. I like the way it started off as a nightmare, but the reality was a dream of beauty that made it so bad. Like a tormented soul who has lost the love of his or her life.
THis is a nice poem. I like the way you used the dusk and dawn- The battle between the two and ended it with lovers. It sends a message and much can be read from this. Great read. A`Wonderful differet approuch.
This is amazing. Each scene set so proud and the flow of words touched my soul. I felt so much kindship with this, for it was like reading my own life. My swing, my children, my mom who passed away. The smell of baking, the love of spring. Amazing how our lives are the same.
Note: You put in your testimonial that you are not a writer! From what I read and how emtionanally it is written, perfect grammer and structure. I would say you are a writer.
This is information I needed so long ago. My mopther passed away in 2002 after years of stuggling with the disease. She contracted it as a young child. Her chore was to wash the cloths, and those close also were that of my grandfather who worked for the John manfield Company in England. Percausions at that time were not exercised and when she would shake the cloths of there dust, she would breath in the fibers. It is sucha horrible death, and I watch her fade away as it progressed. Such a waist of life. Again thank you for this post. I hope it helps someone from going throught he same thing, and if that person or family member is conflicted with it. I hope they find this post. I believe it will help so much.
This is such a great tool. i still get lost and getting reviews is not as easy as it may seem. I see each day where someone has peered at my work, but did not take the time to comment. Exposure is always so wonderful, and helpful tips from other writters is always needed. This offers that. Nwew writters have not gotten so big headed that they forget about us little people, and when I say little, I say it with confermation of my own work. I am stilllearning everyday, and I have so much more to learn, and welcome all help.
Again thank you
Dawn
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 8:08pm on May 03, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
