Heartbreak makes writing so beautiful. The flow is good and you use punctuation which I really like. My favorite line is carry my soul when I'm too weak to walk. It reminds me of marriage vows and the sentiment behind them. It's so hard when life takes these turns. It's a beautiful piece that speaks to many of us. Totally relatable. Thanks for sharing!
Social media is a phenomenon that we all have to contend with. I love that you put the pros and cons of the issue into the report. The issue for me as a parent is moderation. How do we encourage moderation when they are young so they don't develop bad academic habits? I love that you are already thinking about it and your citations are great! Your right is eloquent and non-biased. Good job on the flow! Keep going and save us from ourselves!
It's beautifully written but it confused me. I get that its about a vampire. Who is he refer to? Is it Death or God? What do you mean by I should have indulged that taste? Like he should have turned her? Or at least that's my thinking. I love vampire stories especially modern day ones! Thank you for the write.
It's exactly the type of poem I would try to write and agree with its sentiments wholeheartedly. My favorite verse is we've taken from God's dream. It's true in our existence we have learned nothing. If we are creatures of God then we are sacred and therefore everyone else is too. It's free will that gets in the way because inevitably we choose how to treat God's gifts or choose a different path altogether that embraces no hope, light, or love.
I really like that one. Dark, mysterious, romantic. It's good competition for the one I entered. I hope she likes her as much in person. My favorite line And, now, with no warning. It makes it seem like there is a more mysterious plot being unveiled. So much potential over milk, who knew? Good job and keep writing the good write!
I know this was written 2002 and don't know it's still accurate but I agree with Storymaster's sentiments. I love this community and all the services it provides for beginning authors like myself. It's a community that thrives on positive feedback which makes it unique from a lot of other open forum communities.
I also believe its important to financially support (as much as one can to the extent they can) any worthwhile communities that support their craft. It takes a village with resources to keep its people strong.
I want to like it. I want to be intrigued by it but I'm having some trouble relating to Patrick. What makes him likable or relatable? I love the premise. It's a good idea. I wonder if he's going to get trapped in Bubble Gum adventure or Conflict Destruction. How will he get trapped? Good luck and keep writing!
Living in the moment is so important to maintain good positive energy I believe anyway. And, it alludes many of us. We get so consumed over what's coming next or what happened that we can't forgive or forget. The present is the most important thing we have. It's hard to remember that. I'm never to old to latch on to a new dream. They keep me going. Well done!
How sweet romance is! It's sounds like you must really be in love and that moment! Hope it lasted! I love the rhyming. It was an easy read and kept me engaged the whole time. The points were clear and I love to see punctuation in poetry. Keep writing, there aren't enough romantics out there.
How sweet! He fell into a world and found a friend! This theme must be popular because I just did the same thing! I just wrote about my sons falling in.
I loved that you describe what's he's doing during the story. I would love to see Aiden engage in dialog with it. I want to find out more about him. He's a nurturer and a healer. I wonder how you can develop his character more. Maybe the mammoth has a problem he can help solve.
You know, I love to read and review other people's work. I get to see how they use their word choice and set their ideas. Sometimes, I struggle with making a really good idea great and something that would be truly engaging to the reader.
What other fantasy trapped movies and books have you read that really make this story come alive? Peter Pan, Never Ending Story, Goonies, Jumanji. All of the things that you read can really help develop your ideas into awesome story writing. Those are just some of the references I could think of that may help you. Good luck and keep writing!
I agree with you but it can be a hard road to travel. As long as you find happiness along whatever road you travel, you are traveling better than most. I think that the people that are telling you that its bad are telling you out of worry. You know it's been my experience that most judgement comes from fear and most fear comes from a sense of caring, as warped as it is. Good luck on your journey.
Wow! I was instantly engaged! I felt the spark! It feels extremely intimate but without graphic imagery. I'm not crazy about writing with ellipses because I think here it detracts from the seriousness of your writing. But, I don't want to harp on grammar. Good write! Write on!
You are so right! On a technical level the meter and verse are good and I love it when poets use punctuation. On an emotional level, I love that you made it a theme! I was definitely entertained by it. The last two verses are exactly right and the right woman will see that! Don't settle. It causes chaos. You are reflecting the virtues that are important to you so if you keep reflecting someone will reflect that back to you. It' all about energy and compatibility! In any case, write on!
It's very intelligent writing. I feel like an Environmental engineer would understand industry terms that I didn't. But, I did grasp that Orgone was revolutionary and Peter was disappointed that Liam didn't feel the same way. Is that going to be central to the story line somehow? Is it going to eventually drive a wedge between him and Peter? And, what is going to make Orgone revolutionary? Just some questions I had after reading it. I hope you're still writing!
I love your optimism! I think that sharing our value is infinitely important and we can agree on that for sure! I agree with you whole premise actually. How quickly do you think we realize we are the solution? Do you think it's going to happen in your lifetime? I think if you are correct the timing will beyond anything I can see in the next two generations. But, here' to hoping!
Great free advertising for the movie! I like the Twilight series too. I'm a tween at heart and sucker for a good tween romance. Kimber Wheaton is a friend of mine and authors books with lots of tween angst. If you like the Twilight series give her books a try. I read them because I knew her but objectively, I can say she's quite talented. It's supernatural but it's more into the paranormal. Keep writing the good write!
I love the crown intrigue combined with the reptilian backstory! Margon and his brood were bought because they were unique, which leads me to believe that other creatures do exist in this realm. It looks like Redwyn is going to have his work cut for him to keep this realm together. I read a lot of stories that go heavy on the dialog with no other expression of the character and I think it takes great skill to include dialog as just a part of the story and not the whole one. I hope you plan on writing more as I was highly entertained and would definitely by a book like this.
Thank you for sharing it and I look forward to reading the other pieces.
So, I know it's a little personal to share this in a review. But, my younger son is always talking about energy and dimensions to other portals. He believes in the stuff we don't see and my older son is so patient with him that they are great buddies. I love the interaction between Aaron and Tree as I see it play out every day. What a wonderful story! I loved it and it connected with me on a such a deep level. That's why I love reviewing. It's like I get to peek inside other peoples' sentiments and I feel so connected with their sentiment connects with mine.
I love that you are encouraging people to follow your light. Although I have never seen the way you describe, I believe we are all connected through a constant ebb and flow of energy. I love your description of it. Have you ever thought to set it to verse and make a poem from it? It's my personal style, so I'm a little biased. I'm glad that you have a path and are committed to following it. Keep up the writing and I hope others follow you into the light!
I love that your writing about what some of us feel. Self pity is the emotion that gets us into the most trouble and then allows our inner insecurities to have their way and wreac havoc. I love the purpose of this poem. It's almost a warning to stave off self pity or else. My favorite line is self-pity is like a cage, being self-absorbed. I think that if you can break it into free verse, it will read more like a poem if that's the style you're going for.
What a sad tale. Unfortunately, deaths like these happen all too often. You used some great words and it painted a picture in my head. I know the parameters of that particular contest and given what they are, it's a wholly complete story, not just partial one. So, kudos to you for that.
It almost sounds like a poet longing for death's embrace. It feels almost hopeful about it. I think this piece speaks to the part of us that feels like we want to have accomplished something with our mortal time. The last verse is my favorite. The last line really speaks to me. I bet everything fuses together at the end: time, day/night, past and present. It's a really cool piece and I enjoyed it!
I'm glad that you found what you were looking for. Sharing your story could be incredibly powerful for people struggling to find something to hold onto. For you, that was faith, as it is for many people who wish to feel more connected to something other than themselves. I'm so happy you found peace. Keep going and sharing your truths. Other people may need to hear them.
Definitely feeling at one with nature here. Until I realize that the great big sky contains the word I just referred to as I is my favorite part. We are all part of a spiritual existence and I'd like to think that we are all part of God and God exists in all of us. I love the natural feel to this as well because it's easy to feel close to the divine in nature.
He sounds sooo cute! What a clever idea using writing.com in that way. Sounds like it must be true love after all. It's an internet fairy tale. Literally. Awesome job and love the dialog! She sounds like a smart fairy. Keep writing! Thank you for sharing it!
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