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OLDWARRIOR'S POETRY FOLDER
Want perfect poetry? THIS IS NOT THE PLACE. My simple poetry comes from my heart and soul.
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Back To The Past: Jane Austen Fifty-One
Megan and Jennifer are with their husbands to be on a ship the way to France.
Twisted Tales Contest
A monthly contest for stories with a twist. Get 500 GPs for entering! Feb round open!
That Wretched Grief
A poem about loss and grief that's been lingering in my head for a few weeks
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10,846 Public Reviews Given
10,888 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
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Review of Blue - me and you  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
An evocative love poem on thirty five years of togetherness. No doubt the occasion calls for cebration. Reminiscence of the meeting years ago is still clear and fresh on the poet's mind. Color blue signifies an important milestone in his life.


You are right about returning home from what looks like a colorful party to celebrate at home. It is a rare privilege to stay steadily in love.

The past and present are well harmonized.

Word choices reflect feelings appropriately. Imagery is visual.

It flows well



Write on!

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2
2
Review of Mighty Oak  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The story of the mighty oak is well narrated.

It might become old but it is strong in the roots. So strong that it moved not till the end.

The comparison between the oak tree and a mother is apt. A mother is as resilient while facing undesirable changes in life such as separation from her offspring.

poet has a way with words that precisely carried her sentiments and memories.

I apperciate the figures of speech used with effect
Imagery is from nature and life.
It flows well.




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3
3
Review of Broken  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Broken hearts are hard to mend.
The poet vents her hatred at the person responsible for the obvious pretentious attachments,

"misconceptions, miscomprehensions
Misdemeanours of love.

The agony of failure in love is shown clearly and with a certain amount impact.
"A suffocating layer that surrounds the heart and chokes it"

Matters of heart are challenging facts of love. Love is not love if it is not steady and loyal.
The indigestible bitter and heart rending, dream- shattering truth that broke her heart into "Into a million little pieces"

It is every true lover's nightmare.

It flows well with images of disappointed love. Quite appealing.

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4
4
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Only a heart charged with faith and devotion to the Almighty alone can write a psalm like this.
For the poet the Lord is omniscient and omnipotent. He is everywhere. There is an affirmation that He is the Creator of the Universe and the power of God is supreme and infinite, and He has the inherent ability sustain all creation.

There is nothing ever to grieve or fear for a believer, for his or her faith leads them on.
Utter surrender to God's will comes through the psalm.

"You take my hand and lift me off the floor,
Then open the gates that lead to Heaven's door."

Ultimate wish of a devotee is spelt well.

Rhyming and rhythm go hand in hand.

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5
5
Review of Courage  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Innocence lost with childhood and experience in the final phase proves useless.
That's how cruel life can get to be.

However, the note of self dependence comes through clear and loud. An assurance that all is not lost...yet.
"Because if I stay in my lowest state,
I just might miss out on
What trophies my courage will bring..."

Really? what a nice way of working on finding courage.

Life doesn't pause, it moves fast and so one needs to move on taking challenges and such.
Faith in the One behind many seems to provide enough courage and freedom to take risks.

It flows well. Imagery appeals.

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6
6
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
The poet's experience is more or less the same as that of mine.
"I was unable to pen a good poem,
and prose was just as unknown."

But we do learn quiet a bit after joining a cite as inspiring as Writing.Com. Wasn't I green behind ears when I came here?
Those different ways to pen a poem or a story finally made me scribble some of mine own.

"Since landing on
this site, writing dot com,
I now have no need to be shown"

Isn't that just wonderful? The poet oozes confidence that he is the best.
Great! Keep going, thanks to the encouragement and inspiration one finds here.

Write on!
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7
7
Review of The End of Her  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Mother's absence is never to be filled once she is gone.
The poet's remorse and the keen sense of sorrow come through lines that touch my heart.

"I call out to her
evoking the need of my infant self,
and find that I am alone in the crib,
looking at an empty doorway,
waiting for her to come through."

Visual and meaningfully metaphoric.
She is the only one that understands your mind acts like an alter ego.

Mother and daughter relationship is not always on level.

"despite the
often thorny divergence of mother and daughter,
is no more."

These lines and many other lines are so realistic that we are reminded of our own little and big quarrels with mom.

No wonder, "I teeter with sorrow and
bend to the frantic madness."
I do call out to my mother when distressed or hopelessly sad.

Free verse that flows well effortlessly.

May she rest well.

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8
8
Review of Better the Choice  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
"We define life for ourselves."

This last line answers the question in the first stanza. Why else do they call it a "gift?"
That's all that matters for this "This thing called living;"

Nice little poem that is effective in making me think of life, reflect on the way I lead it on, taken for granted by majority.

"Homo Sapiens" are so unique.
"advantage of existence." You mean we lord it all? It is much more. Right?

It looks like a casual poem, carries deeper thought.

It flows well.

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9
9
Review of Whiskers' Tale  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
A delightful little story of Cinderella from a cat's point of view. its observation is keen and its sympathy for his mistress is large.

Rat hunting keeps us engaged and the cat's nature highlighted just enough.
" but there's something so satisfying about the hunt. "

The story is familiar but the point of view makes difference.

Summarized, yet it covered all the important points.

language has no deterrents and the style is unique.

The furry animal departs for the palace with his mistress, feeling cozy, yet making his own plans for a new.
hunt.
"I may have to find new prey to hunt in the palace, but as long as I have Ella, I know I'm home",

It reads well.

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That's new.


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10
10
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

I can see the reasons behind your writer's block. You are right about your apprehensions regarding getting into trouble should a certain person happens to read what you write.

"but if certain family members read it, I could be in some deep doo doo."

The easiest way to write about anything you want to write about is to write a story in which you can claim that all the characters are fictional.

Well, if you search for topics to write about, there is always a wide range. I am sure you will stumble upon some topic or the other, which might interest you.

Write on!
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11
11
Review of Universal Love  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Spiritual Dawning Author IconMail Icon!

Here is a romantic poem that embraces universal love.
"That love is universal no matter who you be."

Real freedom according to the poet is the ability to love no matter how far you are. I think it is a great idea.
Beginning with an appealing description of the sun breaking through the clouds, the poet takes us to the kind of love he finds, shining brighter and better. Love is all that matters.
"But I only see the brightest light to send my love to you"

Nature imagery dominates the poem.

Word choices and rhythm are apt and hold my attention till the end.

It flows well.

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12
12
Review of ~My Love For You~  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The attachment to the baby that a mother carries in her womb is stated in visual terms.
The bond of love an affection is already forged.
"I haven't met you
but I love you with all my heart."

The poet takes us to her own private world of joy with very first line. It is a very exclusive world, which familiar only to mothers.
Every moment reminds her of the infant inside and makes her to take care of it, in terms of nurturing with love right from there.

"Each passing day" attains a special significance as the promised meeting draws near.

A mother's psychology is well shown in this poem.

Imagery is apt and it flows well.

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13
13
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
How very true!
An idea comes in a flash and lucky is he or she , who could catch it on the quick and put it in practice, while it is still glowing bright like a star in the dark sky.

"There it was, like a bright flash bang"

Brief and bright this poem is a real to life observation. Like in "Gather Ye rose buds while Ye may" one should seize the idea, enjoy and embrace it while it lasts or before it flees.

There is a kind of sense of disbelief in the second stanza, which clearly is an after effect of getting a precise and brilliant idea. A shock effect no doubt.

It flows well with impressive images.

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14
14
Review of Somewhere We  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
It is great to see, Somewhere She and Somewhere He, combined to Somewhere We.

"Our lives transformed with laughter
Together we’re a WE"

The poet's description is happily romantic and the sharing is highlighted so as to make the reader understand the delights of it.

It has the tone of a lyric as though the poet sings along the happy journey together. It looks like a golden period in life's journey where laughter rules.

Rhythm and rhyme are perfectly matched and I admire the visual images brought to the reader's eye with ease.

It flows well.

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15
15
Review of On the Precipice  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The title is a metaphor for expression of a certain experience. As per the poem, the poet is on the brink of saying it all on paper, pouring the feelings driven by words. Sad words.

To me some words are impressionable, which one remembers, recalls and reproduces via writing them down.
Words are a power and they carry immense possibilities. They bring images and imagination together to influence a person's life, changing fate as well. "As fates come unsealed."

"Worrisome thoughts
No images concealed"

Compact lines have a far reaching effect.

It flows well.

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16
16
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This short but to the point poem dwells on the fact of needless use of words. It is not words but the true feelings, which are more important.

I think the best part of life is spent on speech rather than concrete action. Everybody is fond of talking instead of listening. A grave mistake. And the sad fact is that most of the time, they are useless words.
"Inconsequential in size alone"

As the poet points out, the faculty of speech is developed later than actions.
"...a child walks before words" How true!

Using speech with discretion is an important part of personality development.
Imagery says it all.

It flows well.

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17
17
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What a nice way of saying that one can impact society in a beneficial way in different ways. Human touch is all that matters.

The example of two friends who followed different professions, nevertheless shared the point of serving humanity.
All roads lead to Rome they say. Similarly, all good intentions lead to the common goal of doing good.


Setting and dialog are helpful in understanding the theme and the way story moved to the end.

Language and style appeal to me. The story ends with a fine finish.
"Their paths may have diverged, but their impact on society, each in their way, has been profound. And isn’t that what matters in the end?"

Nothing else matters.

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18
18
Review of Friendship  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
It is true to life honest poem on quintessential friendship. Here the poet finds a real friendship bond. The poet's friend is a friend in need and so he is a friend indeed.

"...you put a smile back on my face."

There is emotional connection, support and loyalty and shared experiences. I can see that friendship doesn't have to be obligatory. It is natural and made of mutual trust.
It is also complementary.

Blessed is a person with true feelings for a friend. They are ready to help each other when need arises.

The poet's confession feelings for a friend comes through with visual imagery and high emotion.

It flows well.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary!

Write on!
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19
19
Review of Yes  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello!

The first line in each stanza is off the grammar point.
"used to" is used for describing past habits, which no longer exist.
For example, "I used to swim" or "I used to write" etc.

The use of " I used to no" perhaps could be changed to " I am used to no" which means you are accustomed or familiar with being said no.

"I used to no
But now I know"

would perhaps be changed to "I am used not to know /But now I know"
your meaning is clear but the expression is not. Rhyming alone is not enough.

Hope this helps.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary! *Cake2*

Write on!
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20
20
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The artist makes an effort to capture the colors of Nature on her easel. She wonders at the amazing color spread before her which leaves her somewhat overwhelmed. Her doubt is justified because there is nothing more original than nature. Originality is not easy to copy.

"How does she capture these stunning hues?"

She seeks to paint the colorful scenario with an apology to nature, which seems apt. It is kind of tribute to the beauty around as well. Her respect shows. Her plea to allow her to paint comes through quite eloquently as well.

"Please let me capture"

Imagining the warm breeze as approval from nature is fantastic.

Rhythm is something I can't miss in this nature poem.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary! *CakeB*

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21
21
Review of Death of Mystery  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Death of Mystery deals with changes in literature that took place through the ages. During the process of old order giving way to the new, a number of values were lost.
"all older ideals, left to ruin."

A new phase emerges.
superstitious musings gave place to troublesome musings wherein the old order was trampled upon with no regret whatsoever. Calling the new order "sterile tide" is an impressive idea and metaphor.

In the last stanza, I find a note of remorse for things lost, "like all things
Of beauteous nature"

The new era is effectively termed as "A new age of illuminated darkness."

More information and less understanding? you mean?

A poem of realistic theme that shows what we gained and what we lost in the course of literary history.

A rushing wave clears flotsam and jetsam but leaves some in its wake.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary! *Cake2*

Write on!
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22
22
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
"Let forgiveness find me..." is a new concept I am attracted to in this poem of abstract elements.
Meanings unfold as I delve deeper into each line and gap, the silence at times.

The very first line hooks me with its tone of compromise.
"I call back my peace, piece by piece."

In chunks lay life that needed peace, which the poet lets in gradually.
The "places" that the poet refused to look at before, are now within reach and the mind is ready to seek forgiveness.

That is the ultimate peace one looks for and finds it finally. To be forgiven.

Images are used as expressions of the poet's mind in a delicate and sensitive manner.

Word choices are apt and used appropriately to gain the desired effect.

Impressive.
It flows well.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary! *Cake*

Write on!
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23
23
Review of Snow Day  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

this is the way one feels after a day of disasters. The chain of bitter things happening to this girl makes me sympathetic to her. I suppose I might have had a similar kind of day in my life too.
It is quite relatable.

Jinxed for the day, she finds relief by finding "six inches on the ground" snow. A snow day is automatically translates into a happy day because it is going to be a holiday for her and for similar others.
Why do we feel like staying back not going to school? A strict teacher, unkind classmates, absence of fun and no chance to play and studying all the time- any of these causes could be the reason why kids don't like school, I guess.

A nice and sensible poem.
Imagery is completely captivating.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary! *Cake*

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24
Review of Stream  Open in new Window.
Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Poet!

it's a meaningful poem, a first person point of view of a stream. Its reflections are worth pondering and imagine the way it survives the long winter with its upper crust layered in ice and snow. Not an easy life! yet, it is a survivor.
The lonely stream hidden in a deep corner of the forest in the dark is covered by the transparent snow. The stream is almost choked and its flow perturbed. A wonderful metaphor voicing the suffering of the stream.

Its freedom is checked, subject to the new wintry chains. Fear too is mentioned.
"In freedom there is fear,"

Human emotions are aptly applied to the stream.

And so it continues to survive the hard winter.

Imagery is visual and appealing.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary! *Cake*

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25
Review of Lone Wolf  Open in new Window.
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Review by jaya Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi!
your introductory chapter got me with its nicely written descriptive passages. You have a clear lay out of the scene right from the beginning.
You call him "wolf". Is it anything to do with the paranormal creature? But then, on second thoughts I gather he is in business, a member of the International Assassination league. A kind of mafia I suppose.
sounds interesting as the wolf starts with his personal story.

Language draws me in with a style all your own.
So far, I met two characters, who seem carry on with the main story.

Interestingly, the second person point of view sounds natural too.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary! *Cake2*

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