The state of loneliness is well depicted here. Concentrating on self, only to find it thrown into a plane of desolation can drive person to the edge of sanity.
"Clashing against my mind,
Relentless agony,"
Expertly used terminology of depression and loneliness shows your command on vocabulary.
Not a single word describing loneliness is repeated except the refrain "alone".
Favorite lines;
"Tidal wave of sorrows"
"Embers of emptiness."
The shape and quality of aloneness can be fearful. Life without a companion is tantamount to a curse without a cure.
I can connect with this poem, which portrays a child's wonder looking at nature, people and much more.
"Imagine first flowers,
Pearled with first drops,"
This review of a telling verse is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on stepping on another year at the WDC.
Have a wonderful day!
I remember the surprise and the feeling of wonder when for the first time I became aware of nature's beauty and those of the human world.
"Imagine first parent’s sight
Of first parents’ child;"
Everyday, there was a new discovery. It hasn't changed even today.
I think everyday is a wonderful journey to new horizons of beauty and joy. The positive things overweigh the negative ones. I am grateful for that.
I love the imagery you brought to the reader's mind, depicting various phases of life that shock or surprise the child's first experience.
Certainly interesting.
The introduction to the house is suspenseful. The expectation that something is brewing behind the dark walls pushes the reader to read on.
Space, either single or double between paragraphs, brings clarity.
"The taste of fear was evident in his mouth."
I think it is bitter in his mouth.
Here are a few edits, which might be useful.
"the dream seemed more real then the hard plastic phone pressed too hard to his ear."
(more real than..)
"To try and reason with Debra Whiting was beyond reason."
I am not sure I like the repetition of 'reason' in one sentence. You can change one of them.
"by there looks"
(by their looks)
" in his office now,"
(into his office now)
"what did someone exterior say"
(what did someone's exterior say)
the twist comes at the end of the tale, well told.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on this lovely occasion as you ring a brand new year at the WDC.
Have a great day!
What a day and what a dog!
I can see that you two are inseparable till death did you apart.
You told the story in a way where the reader lets imagination fly in some other direction till the end comes.
Love of animals is a rare quality. Many express it, but in real life few follow it. You are one of those few, if I may say so.
Story takes us to life shared together like love of the beach and games you enjoyed together.
Descriptive details are absorbing.
I agree with your opinion.
I remember writing rhyming verses rather than reflective poetry.
Poetry existed much before prose. It is not that one is liked better than the other. There are those who cannot bear with poetry and those who write nothing but prose. Both poetry and prose are of equal importance, they say.
That's a never-ending discourse.
Coming to your poem, I like the way you admitted to being a lover or rhyme rather than the reason behind it. Poetry becomes powerful when it inspires and makes one think about life, God and nature.
Whether romantic, rebel or religious, poetry can be a powerful medium of expression.
“to express what
cannot be expressed
as powerfully in prose”.
Understandable why the cat can sleep deep but not the mistress.
They have no problems to carry to bed whereas we do.
They obey nature's fixed formulae and we don't.
Hi I am Jaya and my review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations as you open yet another year at the WDC.
Have a wonderful day!
Your poem gives rise to a meaningful discussion on insomnia among humans and its absence among animals.
Your lines clearly indicate that your cat so well off.
"I wish I slept
as deeply as my cat."
Isn't it enviable?
A close watch of the feline routine might reveal the secret behind its effortless sleep.
I like this little poem with a compact rhythm and flow.
Imagery is visual.
Joe is one of those unsung heroes.
He prepared himself with care and attention. Despite disappointment in getting drafted, without losing his passion for the game, he became a free agent.
Merit cannot be hidden for long. Soon he was recognized as a skilled player. Replacing an injured center would be a turning point in his career, he thought.
It is as if he came to serve his life's purpose with just one game, that would let people know his multifaceted talent in football through that ill-fated game, the first and last of his career.
Did he tempt the fate? Did fate play against him? Fatalistic?
No man can answer the questions. We can only think about it.
His success would make just another story of a star player.
But the enormity of failure after resounding success remains in people's mind forever, as it did.
The relentless shadow of tragedy haunting success, is well depicted.
It is always nice to know and appreciate the bond between fathers and daughters, particularly when the daughters are timid and the dad gets angry too often too soon.
My review here is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on this nice occasion.
Have a wonderful day.
Your story on how you got closer and friendlier with your father has a good start. I am saying this because I too was helped by my dad when started to learn cycling. The beginning was wobbly, hurtful and tough.
Isn't life full of pleasant surprises?
Learning to pedal also showed a father's love and concern for his daughter. This discovery of unconditional support from dad makes one feel inspired and enthusiastic.
"He was gentle and firm and persistent.'
Exactly what a teenager needs. Someone to boost self confidence.
Language and style are impressive and the story surely attracts daughters in a similar situation.
It must be still early on the Covid pandemic season. Hence, Anderson School Hotel still worked. However, it gave you and your wife an opportunity to enjoy the art and historical facts of events behind each room. True, it is unusual and praiseworthy.
I also appreciate the fact of being allowed to work from home much before Covid took over. No doubt it is a convenient arrangement.
The story runs well, one event leading to another besides providing information on the history of the place.
Edit-
" There are not TVs, ..."
(there are no TVs)
Wonderful poem on Mother Nature.
Who can beat her beauty?
who can bring more solace
to an an injured soul?
This poem on nature rekindles my love for nature and her mesmerizing effect on anyone who cares to stand and stare.
Imagery is visual and the deep connect with nature is bared in the poem very consistently.
"Like the mesmerizing sunset
The amazing sunrise
The smell of flowers"
Swamps are a different kind of natural scenarios.
Semi-dark and gloomy, often inhabited by mosquitoes and loom with cobwebs, dry branches and a fascinating green reflected in the swamp.
Your poem shows swamp life in a descriptive manner. Details are interestingly presented.
"Yet beauty can be found here,
amidst the curtain of mosquitos."
The ducks are an important part of swamps. No wonder, duck shooters favor swamps for a game. Dogs help the masters fetching dead birds. The beauty part of it is in the flowers that bloom all along the swamp.
It is a visual poem. Facts are well chosen and versified.
It flows well.
Hi,
I faced a similar problem during my growing years. I suppose many people face this particular stage in life. Perhaps my children have faced it too.
Generally, mothers want to cut us to size. But the rebels don't allow that and make it known to their parents. In retrospect, it looks so freeing from the stereotypes.
Your poem depicts the state of mind of the child as well as the mother. You have a right analyses of two minds. The meek fall to the dictates and expectations.
So you pretend as thought you agree. But in fact you don't. And so the "lies" continue till you get away from the shackles. It could be too late by then. Always better to be one's own self whether they like it or not.
"Love does not conquer all,
for love cannot overcome its own pain"
Well tested statement. I love the truth behind it.
This poem speaks of the need for one's own space, peace, comfort and joy. To me, these are the ingredients that make a life, livable.
Hi, I am Jaya. I picked this very vocal poem to review for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on the nice occasion.
Have a wonderful day.
I see the anger and irritation at the way the world abuses environment.
"I want to get out of this inhumane race.
Where we toss our junk all over the place"
Exactly! This is the way of the so called refined world of today.
Your focus on greenery wins my praise. I support your view and plead with as many people as I could to plant trees and save hills. People do not hesitate to build apartments on top of green hills.
How very deplorable!
You have shown in a clear way the importance of clean and quiet atmosphere to breathe, to live and find peace and joy.
I am on your side.
This poem is well balanced because of perfect rhyming and rhythm. This is a functional poem.
This reverie on the backyard setting is quite calming, bringing peace and tranquility.
Hello turtlemoon,
you took me along with your Bluejay and beetle conversation effortlessly. A connect with nature give meaning to our lives and the cheer it brings stays with us unruffled throughout the day and beyond.
I am particularly taken by the description, "...the sun had dropped sparkling jewelry on my property."
And, "...Its reflection on the dimpled glass table top was Nature's way of painting an abstract design using light and shadows."
The play of light and shadow is attractively presented.
The interruption put too early an end for the well laid plans. Yet, I notice it makes no difference because the short recess with nature provides an adequate relief from other things.
This is the attitude I would like to cultivate i.e., letting life go at its pace with no hurry no regret.
It is not only nature I see in this splendid piece of prose, but also the beauty in the viewer's eye.
Thank you for sharing observations on nature, self and the world around.
I wish you a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary!
Have a lovely day!
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on this very special occasion.
Have a wonderful day!
Hi D.L.Robinson,
the fact that being positive to others' joy has a great impact on personal life comes to fore in this free style poem of yours.
The very first line makes me pay attention because you have so easily personified "Love & Joy."
"Love & Joy passed by me
Strolling hand in hand"
Indeed happy people are always a welcome change in the not-so-enthusiastic world of ours. Every one has troubles and tribulations in life. But there are always those who'd rather be happy than sad. Some are spontaneously happy.
The smooth change from rainy weather to sunshine well suits the situation.
The rhythm changes according to the mood.
"Weight rolled off my slouching frame
And now I stood full height"
it could be truly impacting a viewer, who just witnessed an old lady in a hurry being flung by the speeding vehicle.
"A collision occurred
she was flung into the air."
Compact and clear lines make the reader sit up and give attention to details.
I like this poem because of the refrain you used, the rhythm that balanced and the content taken from daily struggle of existence.
The accident in the poem is well focused on as events followed in rapid succession. Poetically, it is better if it is taken in slow motion, which I did and I was able to visualize everything as you did, walking on the pavement with a companion.
I also see the fact that we should be careful with life taking precautions as directed. Nothing is more valuable than life.
the question at the end of the poem makes difference.
Not the pure white nor the pitch black, but as you have hinted, it is "good and evil;" that matter.
Taking the debate a little forward, I would say, we are all an alchemy of good and evil or angel and devil. Given a choice I should like to see the angel dominating my thoughts.
This poem is good for self analysis. Am I or am I not good? May be good but not good enough.
I think, like you did, we all need self examination, an honest one, so we know our worth.
Imagery is visual and the rhythm makes is flow well.
I can see color blue dominates this prose poem.
Blue is my favorite color as well.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on this nice occasion.
Have a wonderful day.
This house of your sister is all blue. A touch cream on the borders would be fetching in my opinion.
I like the blue eyes too. In those old movies actors such as Gregory Peck with blue eyes certainly must have been effective and attractive.
Lucky you! with blue eyes too.
The obvious blue that appeals to me is that of the ocean and the sky. The mid-day blue is so cool on the ocean deep.
Shades of azure like baby blue, midnight blue, sky blue, navy blue, cobalt, cerulean blue, corn flower blue and many more are all beautiful, attractive and oh so endearing.
The poet's picture of New Year dreams is full of drive and hope and enthusiasm to realize her own heartfelt dreams.
Hold on to dreams besides "Prayers and praise". They are the biggest asset we have, often inspiring enough to make them come true with hard work and honest intentions. Goals will come true with ease.
"Stories and rewrites are fun to tell
Full of magical, creative sales"
Writing stuff that pleases us is a fun activity no doubt. Days are made on the basis of how much time we spend on pleasing activities which are beneficial to self and society too.
I love these observations you have about life and the valuable rewards for the next year.
It flows well with tangible imagery, pleasing rhyme scheme.
I know why you don't like poetry.
I know you don't like conventions.
Well, conventions are compulsory.
Be it a poem, story or plain prose.
It was poetry that existed at the very beginning of literature.
Take any religious text, it is more like poetry.
Of course, I can see that all that you don't like about poetry is what makes poetry.
This poem is praiseworthy because it puts forward a case for poetry and justifies it's uniqueness.
Cleverly handled. I can also see why some people get bored with poetry, which is the earliest medium of expression.
Like life, poetry needs rhythm and all those features you have listed.
Love it or not, poetry is here to stay. I will go a step further and say every one is a poet and a singer unknowingly.
I recommend Sir Philip Sydney's "The Defence of Poesy" in which the author puts forward several arguments in support of poetry and also points of the need for it in life.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.93 seconds at 11:26pm on Apr 23, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
