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1,223 Public Reviews Given
1,228 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return.
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Pleasure Cruise  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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You had mentioned to me that you wrote a new story. Since I couldn't find the message with the story, I did a search through your port. I've pretty much read everything you have written, so it wasn't difficult finding the new story. *Bigsmile*

This was a shocking read. It was a good reminder of why it's good that I stick to short, fluffy, and furry men. Not only are they cuddly, but I can outrun them. *Laugh*

The hook
The story begins by introducing the main character. She's been nursing on drinks, while her friend is drowning in them. I could relate to it, as I typically do that. So, I kinda saw myself in her. The situation also told me that something was going to happen, though at first I was thinking it had something to do with her drunk friend. Overindulging in alcohol in a foreign land typically does not have good consequences, especially in fiction.

Dialogue
Dialogue was done well. The slang helped to develop these young women. It matched the stereotypical thought of what most think us Texans are like. Although, You didn't overdo it with the slang, like many do, which I appreciate.

Character Development
Tilisha is quite naive. She fears the obvious because of stories, but is easily manipulated by eye-candy, which is pretty typical of young women.

It was good that you made Jack a little older. Being a little more seasoned makes it easier to believe that he could manipulate her in such a way. At first he seems like a genuine good guy, but since this was not listed as a romance, I was waiting for the catch.

Scenery
Scenery is done enough to see the story without overdoing it. From the descriptions you provide within the action of the story, it is easy to see the popular vacation area.

Plot
The plot is good. Being that characters in my own stories always meet demise, I sort of was looking for it in this one. Although, I didn't expect hers to be what it was.

You provide plenty of twists to distract from the ending. For one, most would expect that something would happen to the intoxicated friend, not the sober one. You further distract by adding in the two men who approach her friend.

The only thing that I feel is odd here is that she obviously isn't a very good friend. No decent friend would leave her drunk friend alone in a foreign land in the care of two men she didn't know. That part I felt was a little odd.

That being said, I loved the ending. I cringed as that door shut, leaving her alone to contemplate her future. Quite disturbing!

Mechanics
You are always tight on your edits, so there were no issues that I feel need to be addressed structurally.

Final thoughts
This was a great little story and was easy to read. It flowed effortlessly, building up at a steady speed to a traumatic end.

Thanks for sharing it with me. *Heart*


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127
127
Review of Dawn  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and review, I ran across your verse. Since the raid theme is poetry today, I figured I would share my thoughts on your poem.

First thoughts
My first impression after reading through this the first time was that this was a very intense read. The emotion builds up due to that last line in each stanza, until the end when everything comes to a conclusion quite dramatically.

Imagery
The imagery, I imagined was coming from the perspective of someone that has done some horrible things. Due to their ego, they felt they were invisible, yet they were caught and are being executed.

Emotive qualities
Each line builds the poem, slowly uncovering this person's story, and heightening the emotion with the content. At first with the first stanza, after reading about the beauty of the day, I felt pity when I read the last line in the stanza. Then as the poem progressed, it seemed as though the fate was deserving.

Flow
The poem flows excellently with the use of enjambment. Also, the repetitive lines help the poem flow.

Mechanics
As far as I perceive, the poem is free of error.

Final thoughts

I found your poem to be an emotive read that first played on sympathies, but then encouraged anger towards this person. Excellent read. Though, I am curious if it is based on any true events?

Thank you for sharing your writing. *Heart*


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128
128
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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while browsing the random read and review I ran across your poem. Since the focus on the raid today is poetry, I figured I would share my thoughts on your verse.

First thoughts
In the first stanza, I felt that I could relate. Sometimes life just gets crazy and doesn't go so right, or at least the way we want it to. At least that is what I thought it was an analogy for.

Once I moved on from the first stanza, I was a little confused until I realized you were telling a silly story and your words were not an analogy for life.

Imagery
In reference to life, I like the analogies in the first stanza. Then there is some funny imagery with the nose having superglue, causing it to stick to your hand. Though, there are a few areas that make absolutely no sense to me.

You mention his flower spraying. Not really sure what you mean by that. Are you referencing to him giving you a flower from his sleeve, like the magic trick clowns sometimes do? If so, spraying is not really a good word for this. Spraying signifies putting some sort of liquid on you.

Again in the last stanza you mention "spray" again with the line, "when white returns from crazy spray". I know what crazy spray is, but this references it as a place, which confuses me.

Emotive qualities
All poetry, in my opinion, should bring out emotions in the reader. Your poems intention seems to be laughter. In some areas this really works. In others, due to lack of clarity, not so much.

Flow
The poem flows due to the rhyming, but some of it seems to be forced. By forced, I mean, putting words in for the sake of rhyme that don't really fit. Maybe this is why there is a lack of clarity in some areas.

Mechanics
There seems to be an issue with your use of capitalization. In poetry sometimes lowercase and uppercase are used to enhance emotion. Though, in this case it looks like an error.

You're punctuation is off as well. You use punctuation sporadicly. So, in some areas where there needs to be a comma there isn't. The same with end punctuation.

Final thoughts
This has the capability of being a wonderful little poem, maybe geared towards younger audiences. It just needs a lot of editing for clarity and grammar.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. If you get around to editing, hopefully you will notify me, so that I can up my rating according to repairs.


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129
129
Review of Haunting Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Dave! Been awhile since I reviewed you. I figured since the raid focus today was poetry, your port would be the perfect place to find something to review.

First thoughts
My first thoughts after reading this poem was that your mother must have been an amazing woman. The love you have for her is shown throughout. I am brought to my own cherished memories of someone I lost, who is my father, rather than my mother.

Imagery
In the first stanza the reader is shown how she showed her love through food, when you reference the pie. Then throughout we are given little glimpses of her, small memories that imprinted your mind. The reader gets a balanced view of your mother, showing that she was stern, but loving.

Emotive qualities
The poem shares sadness for loss, yet joy in the memories. As the reader, like anyone else who has lost someone they love dearly, it is easy to relate to the subject of the poem.

Flow
The poem flows really well. It follows the form exact without seeming forced. The last stanza not following the same rhyme as the rest of the poem could have easily seemed misplaced. Though, instead it fits perfectly, summarizing the poem.

Mechanics
In reference to grammar, spelling, and structure, your poem is excellently crafted.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your verse. It was an endearing little poem and a beautiful dedication to your mother.

Thank you for sharing your writing with WdC. *Heart*


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130
130
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and review, I ran across this lovely poem. Since the raid focus today is poetry, I figured I would share my thoughts on your verse. Besides, you have reviewed me a ton of times, so it is about time I send you some more reviews.

First thoughts
My first thoughts when reading this in its entirety was that it was a lovely little peaceful poem. When we sit, watching and listening to nature, it does give us some interesting stories, if we allow our imaginations to wonder there.

Imagery
I love how you personify the tree, making her female. Makes sense, since like woman she blooms life. Little details about the tree, like her high forehead and outreached arms really show this tree and how beautiful she is. Then at the end, you share the harmony of nature working together with your explanation of the ants.

Emotive qualities
For me, this poem created a peaceful feeling. It is a reminder to appreciate the beauty in the world. In the chaos of our existence, one should sit and watch, allow our imaginations to grasp the beauty in the world around us.

Flow
With the use of enjambment, the poem flows well.

Mechanics
In reference to grammar, spelling and structure, I really didn't see any issues.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed reading your verse. It was a lovely poem that put a smile on my face.

Thanks for sharing your writing with WdC. *Heart*


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131
131
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I was browsing the random read and reviews when I came across this lovely little verse. Since the focus in the raid today is poetry, I figured I'd share my thoughts on your words.

First thoughts
As a mother, it brought me back to those delightful moments with my own children. As a dog lover, it brought it reminded me of my own faithful and loving little dogs.

Imagery
The poem is told from the dog's point of view. At first, with the first stanza this was not obvious, but when we get to the second stanza it is. Well, it could be from another animal's point of view, but since I have dogs, that is where my mind went.

Some of the lines made me giggle, especially when he/she explains that the tray needed to be cleaned anyways.

Emotive qualities
This was one of those feelgood poems that emulates loving emotions in the reader. Emotions like joy and laughter that are part of love are expressed as well. So, like all poetry should, it creates strong emotions in the reader.

Flow
Due to consistent rhyme the poem flows well. There are no areas for me to trip over.

Mechanics
Where grammar, spelling, and structure are concerned, your poem is well crafted.

Final thoughts
Your verse put a smile on my face. I enjoyed the read.

Thanks for sharing your poetry with WdC. *Heart*


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132
132
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across yet another one of your poems. Since the raid focus today is poetry, I figured I would share my thoughts on this lovely verse.

First thoughts
On first reading, I felt that you did excellent personifying time. Like you suggest, the death (time lost) is sort of a crucifixion.

Imagery
The use of crucifixion, seems to have a dual meaning. It is time lost, but many of us also tend to view the past in a series of errors, crucifying ourselves. Your words suggest the latter concept more by expressing that time craves pain in the second stanza, that it is time's gain in the third stanza, that time abuses in the fourth stanza, and so on.

The Christian symbolism works well. Time is sacrificed, but yet is the nail, returning agony.

Emotive qualities
In my opinion, all poetry should provoke an emotional response in the reader. For me, your concept of time displays the darker aspects of memory, which is time sacrificed and lost. When looking back there is only death in a series of lost moments and mistakes made.

Flow
Due to consistent rhyme the poem flows well. When read out-loud there are no areas for me to trip over.

Mechanics
In reference to grammar, spelling, and structure, the poem is well crafted. From my perception there are no errors.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your poem and all its meanings entwined in metaphor. It was a great read.

Thanks for sharing your writing. *Heart*


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133
133
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across this little poem. Since the theme of the raid today is poetry, I figured I would give your poem a read through and share my thoughts on it.

First thoughts
My first impression is that the subject of the poem is very human. I mean, even us women look sometimes. Even women, loyal, like myself will look at the occasional attractive man. Being strait, from an artists perspective, I even look at women, appreciating their beauty.

Imagery

As readers we tend to interpret poetry by our own observances or personal experiences. Being Pagan, I've been to man festivals in wooded areas. At these festivals it is common to see a lot of women of various sizes walking and dancing beneath trees and around fires. So, I couldn't help being brought there with your poem.

Though, you begin with mentioning "dreams come and go", so I am thinking that maybe the poem is expressing your fantasies of these women. Towards the end, I suspect that your wife is rousing you from a daydream.

There seems to be a little guilt associated with your observances of the pretty women. This is evident by you including "they are not my wife" in several stanzas. Yet, you show that you are loyal, because you answer her calls.


Emotive qualities
Your words emulate appreciation for the female form, but also displays evidence of respecting monogamy in marriage.

Flow
The poem flows well, even with the varying rhyme scheme. When read out-loud there are no areas that I trip over.

Mechanics
Grammar, spelling, and structurally, it is a well crafted verse.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your little poem. It was a light read, showing a very human quality of lust and appreciation for the opposite sex.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


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134
134
Review of Dumb and Dumber  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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I ran across yet another of your writings on the random read and review.

This was a funny little story! You are a hoot. *Bigsmile*

The hook
You take the reader right into the conflicts of the story, rather than beginning with boring details. Knowing your gift for comedy I was curious what would be amiss with this vacation bit.

Dialogue
Except for the redundancy of said, the dialogue is done quite well. The words they speak are realistic and show the distinct characteristics in each character.

Character Development
The dynamics between husband and wife are pretty much shown right away. He says the funds are not there, but she is determined to get her way, hence why she says she'll "find a way."

I think it would be helpful to know the son's age. With his ability to rise in particular areas, apparently he is at least a teen. Though, some of his speech with bringing to attention the size differences, suggests that he is a naive little kid.

Scenery
Scenery is basic, but enough to show the story. We know it is a nudist resort, so our imaginations can easily fill in the blanks.

Plot
The plot gave me a good laugh! The pun gave me a giggle.

The only thing I would say here is that most nudist resorts have a no staring rule, meaning you are not supposed to look at peoples genitals. This is especially so with Christian based nudists resorts. Those who stare, making people uncomfortable usually are asked to leave. The only nudist scenarios where staring is somewhat alright are sexually based atmospheres, like BDSM clubs.

Mechanics
This was well written. Being that is from 2009, you have had plenty of time to edit, so it is void of spelling and grammar issues.

Final thoughts
This was a fun story to wake up to with my first cup of coffee. My day began with a laugh and a smile. Thanks for sharing your humor.




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135
135
Review of Why  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
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I came across this while browsing through the random read and reviews. So, I thought I would give this a read and share my thoughts on it.


First thoughts
The description of the poem kind of threw me off, as it doesn't make any sense. So, I would suggest rewording it.

With my first reading of the poem, it felt as if it was from the perception of someone young, who maybe has chosen to not marry or have children, due to the chaos of it all.

Imagery
The imagery is mostly blunt, with the writer asking society questions about marriage. The first stanza suggests cheating, the second is the work that is involved, and the third is the annoyance of the children.

Emotive qualities
The poem almost feels sarcastic. It is as if the subject of the poem is saying, "Why bother getting married if you are going to be miserable?"

Flow
The poem flows well due to the consistent rhyme. Though, the syllable count per line varies quite a bit, which interferes with the flow of the poem.

Mechanics
Each fourth line ends with a period, which makes each stanza one long run-on sentence. Commas and other punctuation is needed. Also, if you are asking a question then there should be a question mark.

That is sneaky as rats.- That are, not that is

Final thoughts
This was a cute little poem, but it needs a lot of editing. Hopefully you will get around to doing so. If you do, hopefully you will let me know, so that I can adjust my rating according to repairs.


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136
136
Review of Nine-Four  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and review, I came across this poem. So, I thought I would share my thoughts on it.


First thoughts
From my perspective, this seemed to be about depression. Though, I'm aware that sometimes when we read poetry, we read ourselves into the words, finding ways we may relate.

Imagery
There is some interesting imagery here. When you wrote of it not being a reunion, it seems as though you are writing about holding on to baggage.

Honestly, I had to look up "infancy deficiency" to know what you were referring to there. When I searched it the first things that showed up were links about deficiencies that affect cognitive development. So, I suspect if this is about depression that you are referring to how the brain just does not function properly during those times. Depression takes a tole mentally and physically.

Emotive qualities
This was definitely an emotional read. The state-of-mind of the subject of the poem is felt through your word usage and metaphor.

Flow
Enjambment was done well in your free verse, enhancing the emotions. There were no areas that I tripped over.

Mechanics
Structurally the poem is formed well. Spelling and grammar are executed good as well. There were no areas for me to trip over.

Final thoughts
This was a well written free verse. Though, I am a little confused about the title. I'm sure that there is a hidden meaning in reference to it somewhere in the poem that I did not quite get.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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137
137
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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I ran across this on the random read and review. So, I thought I would share my thoughts on it.


First thoughts
Wow, Ken, this was pretty dramatic! The emotional content really makes the reader understand why someone would take their own life. Honestly, knowing you, at first when he fingered that rope, I thought he was going to use it to hold the curtains open. So, I was quite surprised by the emotional ending.

Imagery
There are some great metaphors here. The broken teacup is probably the one I appreciate most. It reminded me of my father a little. As he aged and his health failed, he struggled to find his purpose. So, I felt the teacup was a perfect way to show this feeling of a lack of purpose.

Emotive qualities
The build-up in this poem telling this man's story really pulls at the heart strings. Details toward the end, such as the shadows dancing on the walls, kind of made me cringe.

Flow
Enjambment was done well in your free form poem. Line breaks do well in enhancing the emotional content of the poem.

Mechanics
Since this is an older poem, I am sure you have had plenty of time to edit. So, there isn't any issues that I tripped over. It was a well written and edited verse.

Final thoughts
Although sad, there is a message here. Those of us who are younger need to remember that our elders still need to have a purpose. So often we forget that, treating them like children that need to be tended to, rather than giving them the respect they deserve.

Thank you for sharing your writing. *Heart*


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138
138
Review of The New Procedure  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Hi there! I ran across this on the random read and review, so thought I would share my thoughts on it.

The hook
You begin by expressing that she is looking at store windows, then say she "then" passes a store called the Rave. Isn't passing by the Rave looking at stores? If so, the word "then" is out of place.

Besides the technical issue, the actual ideas you begin with are a great way of introducing the story. Right away we have an understanding of the main charachter's emotional state. Many of us can relate to her, too.

Dialogue
The actual words within the quotation marks are done well. They follow regular speech patterns and the personalities of the characters show in their spoken words.

One suggestion I have is to not use the word "said" so much. The thing is, the reader knows someone said something because of the quotation marks. If you were to show body language, rather than said, the character's would be shown more.

Here is an example of what I mean (Purple is your version and blue is mine):

“Okay, I’m in,” she agreed.

She released a slow sigh and nodded her head. "Okay, I'm in."
(The above shows reluctance.)

Her toothy grin matched her enthusiastic nod. "Okay, I'm in."
(Shows that she is excited about it.)

Character Development
There is some pretty good character development here, mostly with the main character. In the beginning we really get an understanding of her emotional struggle in reference to her weight. This of course makes her a target for the man that approaches her.

Scenery
We get a good understanding of scenery. Most of this you added into the actions of the story, rather than boring us with long winded meaningless details.

Plot
The plot was decent. I thought the work-up toward the ending was done well. Though, I am a little disappointed that the ending was a bit predictable.

Mechanics

She was also feeling very week- Weak is what you are meaning here.

Hello, my name is Jenna Perkins, I was told to come here for a special weight treatment.- You appear to have forgotten the quotation marks here.

It is t a minor latent effect?- Did you mean, "Is it a minor latent effect?"

You have quotation marks in a few places, where there should not be any. There was also some issues with your comma usage in several areas. For example, after or before the word so in a few places, there should be a comma. I would suggest using a program like Grammarly to write in, so that your comma issues are caught.

Final thoughts
This needs some editing, but otherwise the main concept is pretty good. Hopefully you will get around to working on it some more.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. If you get around to editing, hopefully you will let me know, so that I can up my rating according to repairs.


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139
139
Review of Be Grateful!!  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Amelia! I ran across this on the random read and review, so I figured I would share my thoughts on it. It is quite the emotive piece.

It is an interesting coincidence that I ran across this poem. Just the other day, I was reading the wrapper from my favorite chocolate. It's selling point, outside of it's delicious flavor is that it is slave free chocolate. This brought up a discussion on how sad it is that a selling point would need to be slave free chocolate. The discussion escalated to how poorer countries suffer so that us in America can have our luxuries. For example, Americans typically throw away rice with bugs, yet bugs in rice is normal in most of Africa and they eat it anyways. It is really quite sad.


Emotive qualities
All poetry should be emotive, rather it makes us upset or simply laugh. Yours makes a statement. It feels angry, which given the contest is fitting. I especially like how the anger builds in each stanza. I'm one that thinks that sometimes profanity in poetry just makes sense to get the point across, so I think it works well in the build-up of anger in your poetry. By the end, it seems as if you are yelling it.

Imagery
The imagery is matter-of-fact, rather than the use of metaphor. Though, the strong imagery of maggots and mold in food make some strong statements. Then that mention of homeless, helps to understand that even the homeless in America live better than those in developing countries.

Flow
For me, the poem flowed well. The only area that I trip over is where you used that light aqua. It really hurt my eyes trying to read it, so I would suggest using an easier to read color.

Final thoughts
I have a great appreciation for poetry that makes strong statements that others are afraid to express. So, I really liked this poem. It makes some important points about us Americans. We really should be grateful that we have the comforts that we do. Yet, there are many that really just do not realize how lucky they are.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


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140
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Review of Stains On My Soul  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Browsing across the random read and review I ran across this poem. It was quite the emotive read, so I thought I'd share my thoughts on it.

First thoughts
When I first read through this, I felt that the poem does well to express the emotions of a physician who experiences death on a regular basis. I would imagine that it would leave a stain on their soul.

Imagery
The imagery is of various experiences a physician would have with dealing with death, including the families reactions. I am not sure if it was intentional, but the last single, left alone word in each stanza, actually makes a suitable sentence for the theme of this poem. Very creative, if it was intentional.

Flow
I found a few areas that need correction, but other than those areas, the poem flows well, due to chosen meter and enjambment. It almost reads staccato.

Suggestions for correction
Rescus- I'm thinking that you meant rescues
Brotha - I'm thinking this was intentional as slang, but since the voice in this is a college educated physician, slang is not fitting.

Final thoughts
This was actually a pretty good free verse poem. It was emotive as poetry should be.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


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Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi there, it has been a while since I've reviewed your writing, so when I ran across this on the random read and review, I figured I'd give you some input on it. It is an interesting use of the prompt.

The hook
The first line of dialogue does grab the reader. It signifies that something is going to happen because they are asking if someone is ready for something. When we get to the second line, we learn that death was speaking, which makes it more interesting and apparent that he is asking if she is ready to die.

The Dialogue
Since this is the premise of the contest, dialogue is the most important component here. It seems that you used internal dialogue as a way of dealing with the lack of allowance for descriptions outside of dialogue. It works, but I'm not sure if it is allowed in that particular contest.

Dialogue does carry the story. The voices of the two characters are distinctive enough to show they are two different entities. You use things like italics in the words in quotation marks, which helps to show stresses in speech. The woman's personality is shown well with the sarcasm, which shows she has a great sense of humor, even at the end of her life.

Now it’s time to go.” - You seem to have forgotten a quotation mark.

Plot
The plot is more about acceptance. Like death says, she really doesn't have a choice, it is her time. So, she can go willingly or by force. Then there is the understanding that there will be another life, so there is a bit of spiritual significance with the reference to reincarnation.

Final thoughts
I think that you handled the prompt well. Carrying a story, while adding all the important elements in story telling, is challenging with only dialogue. You did a good job with it.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read in your port. *Heart*


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Review of Fresh Bread  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across this lovely little story. For such a small word count, there is a lot expressed here.

I love the imagery. As the reader, I relate because I remember my grandmother making that homemade bread. If in the same situation of the girl in your story, I don't think I would resist the temptation of tasting it.

By your descriptions, I could smell and taste that bread, and I felt my stomach rumble a bit in anticipation.

At the end, the relationship between mother and daughter is sweet. They both know, but it seems to be an expected and acceptable occurrence.

The story flows effortlessly, without any grammar issues or any unclear gaps. Overall this is a well written and wonderful little story. Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read.















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Review of Don't look  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
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I ran across this in the random read and reviews and thought I'd share my thoughts on it. Although short, this is somewhat of an impact.

It flows well with the meter and enjambment that you chose to use in this free verse. There is some great lines too. My favorite line is when you refer to the crowd of repetitious meat.

Though there are a few things I'd like to bring to your attention. It seems odd that you would say, "whisper loud". I mean, isn't the poem about standing out in a crowd, daring to have a different voice? If so, then why would you tell them to whisper?

Also, I was a little confused about "When it's your time to call". If they are raising their hand, they are being called on, rather than calling.

Or maybe the meaning of this is to express that we quietly try to express our differing thoughts and are shoved down. If so, then I would suggest changing the wording in the beginning. In the beginning the wording is expressed in such a way that it seems that you are telling them to do something, rather than expressing that in general people whisper their truths.

The concepts are good here and it is obvious that your attempt is to make an important statement. Though, it needs some clarity and editing.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts expressed here are helpful. When you get around to editing, hopefully you will let me know so that I can up my rating according to repairs.















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Review of Rocky the Rock  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi there, Snow! This popped up on the random read and reviews, so I figured I would have a look. From the looks at it, this was an entry for a flash fiction contest. It was a cute little story and a good use of the prompt words.


For such a short write, there is plenty of character development. I could see these two playful children clearly. Obviously the little girl has quite the imagination.

Dialogue was done excellently! You implemented body language and the actions of the story, rather than the redundant "said". Due to that, you were able to add more content, even though you had a limited word count.

Overall, this was a cute story. There was no twist, but that is somewhat expected with such a short word count. Mostly the five stars is for the character development and how you handled your dialogue.

Thank you for sharing your writing! I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


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Review of The Pinwheel  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Just stopping by to up my rating according to your repairs on your great little story. *Heart*
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Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Hi there! I found this on the random read and review list. It was an interesting short little read. Definitely original and creative.

For such a short write, this has a lot of substance. I get a strong understanding of the characters. They seem to be more like energies, rather than solid beings, which is an intriguing concept.

Dialogue is exceptionally done! You avoid the redundant said and instead add the actions of the characters, which shows the story more. The result is that I felt that I was experiencing the story, rather than being told it. So, great job on the showing, rather than telling.

I loved the ending. It is sort of sad though. These beings are looking for intelligent life and the planets they have explored have been destroyed. In a way it seems like this is a glimpse into a larger works. I could see this being developed into a larger concept, like maybe they find intelligent life on Earth, but they can see the destructive path that we are on.

Overall, this was an excellent read. Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed my visit in your port. *Heart*


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Review of The Beach  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there! I found this on the random review page and figured I'd share my thoughts on it. This was a great little poem. *Heart*

Imagery
I appreciate the imagery shown here. As the reader I am taken to a peaceful existence, feeling the sand beneath my feet on a sunny afternoon. Aspects like the water kissing the shore, tell me that the water is softly touching the sand, rather than crashing violently, which gives a sweet feel to the poem.

Flow

Rhyme and meter are consistent, helping the poem flow effortlessly when read out-loud. The repeated lines flow well, expanding on concepts in preceding stanzas, without seeming forced.

Grammar
Since you are the comma queen, I'd expect this to be void of errors and it is. Hopefully you don't grade my comma usage in this review. *Bigsmile*

Final thoughts
This was a great little read. You are an excellent poet. *Heart*

Thank you for sharing your writing! I've enjoyed the read.
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Review of NYC  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi, Rach. This popped up on the random review page. As you may know by now, if you checked your e-mail. SM's is giving us double gift points for reviewing items in the random review tool. *Bigsmile*

This is an excellent little glimpse into a moment in your life. Since it is a contest entry, I suspect that there was a limited word count. You did well showing a lot with the limited allowance of words.

I especially appreciated all the imagery that is shown in this. You add all of the senses, which made me feel like I was there in that moment, experiencing the world around me in anticipation of getting married.

This was a beautiful short little write. Thank you for sharing it with me. *Heart*


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Review of Mirage  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hi, Ken! This popped up on the random review page. Since us preferred authors are getting more gift points for random reviews, I am stalking it a bit today.

This was a great little story for such a short write. Since it was for a contest, I'm thinking there was a word limit, so I'm going to judge it as such.

Something that I really appreciate about this is that even though there was a limited word count, you still managed to show a lot through dialogue. I really get a sense of these characters.

The fact that the woman was more interested in shopping really shows that she is a little empty, incapable of seeing the deeper meaning. I mean, she is on a beach right before sunset, which must have been beautiful, yet she was more interested in finding what she could buy, rather than enjoying the world around her.

The husband has quite the imagination and is an avid reader. Dune, as I remember it is quite a lengthy book and a great book at that.

The only suggestion I have is there are some areas where you mention that people said things, rather than maybe showing some body language. For example, instead of just writing that he said after he mentions the smell of the air, he could close his eyes and inhale.

Overall, this was a great little read, with a ton of character development and showing, which is challenging when given less words to work with. You are an excellent writer. *Heart*

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine what advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts have been helpful.


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Review of The Pinwheel  Open in new Window.
Review by Warped Sanity Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)


Hi there! I found this in the random read and reviews. Great little myth. It is quite haunting.

The hook
The way you begin the story is a little cliche and is as often used as "once upon a time." Maybe consider revising with just beginning with her marrying her sweetheart.

Strengths
The ideas expressed are excellent! The thoughts of this woman holding the dead child throughout Winter is haunting and made me cringe a little.

Then the imagery in the conclusion is haunting as well. It is one of those haunting myths that kind of stick with the reader.


Suggestions
For me this seemed like a telling of the story, rather than a showing. Of course most of it there would be no dialogue, especially since it is the woman left alone with her dead child. More descriptions here would probably help. I mean, she was holding the baby all Winter, so she must have been decaying. Did she just act like she was alive, trying to feed her and putting her to bed? Or did she just hold her during her waking hours and mourn her as she touched her hand? Maybe she was in shock and thought the baby was alive, it is unclear.

There are some formatting issues. You forgot to space one of the paragraphs, but with a quick read you will see the error.

Final thoughts
I really enjoyed this story! It has potential to be an excellent haunting piece of writing. It just needs to be expanded on with some showing, rather than just telling us what happened. Hopefully you will get around to expanding on it. It is definitely worth doing so.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts here have been helpful. If you get around to doing any repairs, hopefully you will let me know so that I can up my rating according to improvements made.


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