This is a great take on the old tale of Little Red Riding Hood! I wasn't sure, all the way through, who the villan actually was! Great ending! This was another great read from you! Thanks for sharing this story. I liked the way the young girl interjected her excited questions all the way through the Granma's story. The only reason I didn't give this story a higher rating... the last sentence that the girl spoke did not ring true, to me (but, please remember that this is simply my opinion, so take that for what you will). I could see her saying those words before the teeth were bared... but not after. I would think she would feel some sense of panic. Overall, though, this was an excellent story!
Write on!
This was a great story! Whether it be the child's imagination, or the binoculars themselves that caused this change of heart about the room and the new house, it was a great gift! My favorite part of this story was the child's description of the room, "Besides the horrible view, it’s much smaller than the other bedroom and beneath the pungent smell of fresh paint, there’s this faint smell of wet socks, dirty underwear and age." That painted such a vivid picture in my mind. Overall, this was an excellent read and an awesome take on the prompt. Thanks for sharing!
Write on!
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Laugh out loud funny! I loved the twist at the end of this one. The glimpse into the thoughts of this girl as she wonders whether or not to tell her mother about a man she's met was excellent. You brought out both of the characters in this story so well. I think any reader can relate to this piece. Thanks for making me laugh!
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This was a great read! I will never look at the glasses in my cupboard the same way again! I never realized how dull their life really is. LOL. My favorite line in this piece was, "You been makin’ snot pies or what?" That made me laugh out loud. Thanks for another great comedy!
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Great look into the "thoughts" of this cat! You portrayed Shiela very well as a somewhat aloof, disinterested family member. I could see two kids rolling tooth pitcks at each other with their noses! Actually, I remember crawling around on the floor "fetching" a ball to try to get my Golden Retriever puppy to learn to fetch when I was a child, so this picture was easy for me to see! Thanks for another great read!
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That was awesome!!!! I laughed so hard at the end of this story. I guess that's one of those things where you don't realize that you are not making sense until the words come out of your mouth... and then it's too late! At least it was him and not you Great work with this dialogue-only piece!
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From the mouths of babes, indeed! This was a great short shot into the mind of a child. I loved it! I think anyone with kids, or who has taken care of children a great deal, has found themselves in a situation such as this one. And sometimes... as is this case... it just gets funnier and funnier! Thanks for the laugh.
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I really enjoyed the beginning of this story set in 1846 New Orleans. The characters were well developed. I could see Crystal as a young woman looking for adventure... and then finding more than she bargained for. I think that is something that transcends time - a young girl follows a friend into a situation in which she is not comfortable - a typical teen scenario, even in present day.
The way you described the scene in the Place de Negres made it seem very real, and very scary for Crystal. This was a very intruiging read and definitely made me want to read more. I want to know more about this man who brought her home and if and how their relationship will develop. Overall, I think this is an excellent start to your novel. I look forward to reading more!
Write on!
This is a very nice poem. My favorite line was, "To dry up the tears of my heart’s open sky". I think that gave a great mental picture. This poem reads well and flows easily. Thanks for sharing this emotional piece about love lifting someone up.
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What a great glimpse at your musings! This is such a wonderful look at what (I think) we all think about. Especially as a writer, I often wonder if I have stories to tell and if they will mean the same thing to someone else who has not experienced the same things. That is part of the wonder of being a story teller. Reading your poem made me think about my own memories... and the things I will think about. Write on!
Amber... I am in awe of your port! I just had to say that! I love the fact that all of your different areas are named after different stones and precious gems (you being the most precious of them all!) I also love the fact that the items for SOAR are listed under my birthstone.... I think you have such a great idea for this group! I'm glad that you were one of my first friends on WDC! You are inspirational and a such a great person. Congratulations, too, on being Frontliner of the Month! You really deserve it. Man, I can hardly keep up with everything you do. You are THE BOMB!
Write on!
Beckie
Wow! What an excellent story! At first, to me, this was a story about a sight-less child. Then it became a story about everyone and anyone. It became a story about hope and about finding one's way. This story is uplifting and so helpful. I don't know what else to say except for thank you for the wonderful read!
Write on!
This was a great story! It was great for a couple of reasons, in my eyes: For one, I liked the twist at the end where Dick realized what was actually selling. For two, I liked the lesson that the story taught. There is one thing that sells (and I won't ruin it for anyone who hasn't read it yet)..... you nailed that one thing that sells right on the head. While seemingly a simply piece, it said so much! Thanks for the great read!
Write on!
This was a great story about a love of a father for his son. You portrayed the range of emotions incredibly well. It always amazes me how the smallest of us can have be the most brave and the biggest fighters... and how much they really have to teach us before they know the things of the world that we take for granted. This was an excellent read. Thank you for sharing.
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I think this is a great letter to yourself! I wrote one this year, so I wanted to read yours. I think you had some great goals for yourself and I hope you continue to reach for them. My favorite line was about the past being just a framework. I'm always saying that you are a product of your experiences. You do not have to like everything that happened to you in the past (or everything you did, for that matter), but if you can find a path to a place where you truly love yourself, then it was not all in vain. Thanks for sharing this great letter!
Write on!
I enjoyed reading this inner struggle. I think we all have things in our lives that we do to "get away" from our responsibilities, if you will. This was a great look into the motivations behind that and your feelings about what you should be doing versus what you are doing. Thanks for sharing! Write on!
I truly enjoyed this poem. I do not write poetry, so I don't really comment on the technical aspects of it, but as a reader I thought this poem flowed very smoothly. The images you created with your words were very vivid. My favorite line is:
The dripping wax of the candle
that burns our memories down
hurries us to another decade of new voices.
You had several images like this one incorporated into this piece, which I thought was great. Thanks for the wonderful read!
Write on!
WOW! This is great! I loved this poem. It showed an inner strength and a will to overcome adversity that many do not think they possess (I think more people do than they really think themselves). I believe that this poem will truly be an inspiration to many a reader. Thank you for sharing such a strong, thought-provoking piece! Write on!
I think this is a great story. All too often we don't really think about things from all perspectives. The idea behind the story reminds me a lot of the movie Letters From Iwo Jima, which was told from the Japnese perspective. One of the most moving parts of that movie was when two young Japanese men were talking and the realization came to them that they were just like the young American soldiers - with mothers and fathers and dreams and hopes. This story has the same weight to it. Very awesome.
Write on!
This seems like a good start! It makes the reader want to learn more about what happened to Jessica and what happened between the protagonist and her. If I had anything to add as far as constructive criticism, I would say the reader may like more description about the events that have taken place and about Jessica. One other thing I would do is take out "anyhow" in the sentence, "It no longer matters anyhow." Or, maybe reword the last part to something like, "Eventually I would see the truth about her any myself, but too late. Jessica was dead."... that's probably not the exact phrasing either, but I hope you get what I mean. And, of course, this is just my opinion, so if it works for you, great. If not, that's okay, too!
Write on!
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Great poem! I loved the fact that Grandma's presents are paralleled with Santa's! Back in the day when Santa left me presents..... I still think Grandma's meant more to me. Your last stanza really brought back some magical memories for me that only Grandma's can make happen. Thanks for the great read!
Write on!
What a great story! I loved the ending. At first I thought it was going to be one of those, "It was a dream" endings.... but you wrapped it all up in with a very cool twist! You characters were vivid and the story line propelled me along to the very end. Thanks for sharing this great read!
Write on!
This was an excellent read! I enjoyed the story for all that it has to teach. I think it speaks to every reader who has ever had a mentor, be it a relative, family friend, or what have you. You bring to light the important lessons in life and reminded me to keep my ears, eyes, and heart open. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story!
Write on!
This is an excellent article! Revising does not seem to be the most "galmorous" part of writing, if you will, but it's definitely needed. You hit on some wonderful points here. At one point I had issues with scenes: some of the scenes I wrote, although I loved them completely, really did nothing for my stories. A friend of mine told me to write down each scene on a piece of paper (title it whatever was pertinent), then put behind each scene name what the scene actually accomlished (introducing a character, introduce or worsen a problem, solve a problem, foreshadow another scene, etc). It hurt me to cut the scenes that didn't have a purpose, but once I did, it made my writing so much better. I still get lazy from time to time and don't do that... but at least I know I'm not doing it! This is an excellent article and I can see why Diane chose to use it for the Writer's Workshop!
Write on!
Although I'm not a poet and don't attempt to review the techincal aspect of poetry, I think this wasa great piece. As reader I can say that it flowed well and your ideas ran smoothly against each other. You have done an excellent job in pointing out the great scenes of winter as well as the cruelty. Thanks for the great read!
Write on!
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Great work with this dialogue-only piece!
Write on!
Your last stanza really brought back some magical memories for me that only Grandma's can make happen. Thanks for the great read!