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742 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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101
101
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was an awesome story! I don't know if it was true or not (for your sake, I really hope it wasn't!!), but it made for a great read. Even my dogs looked at me as though I had lost my mind while I read the wood-chopping episode. *Bigsmile* Thanks for the great read. Maybe, if the in-laws are coming for Christmas.... you should take them out? Thanks for the laughs!
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
102
102
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the change in the beginning of this chapter - the scene as well as the entire feel of the scene. In chapter 1 we feel impending doom. In this chapter, though, it starts out calm an serene, with everyone happy. We still know that something terribly could happen, but it doesn't seem to affect this scene in the beginning. Only after the chapter gets into full swing do we know the evil is present here as well. I like the way you handled this.

Again, this time your two main characters in the chapter have names that begin with the same letter - Stacy and Saphire - just thought I'd mention it. Like I said, I'm not sure if there's a reason behind it and, if so, forget I mentioned it. *Smile*

At one point, after Saphire realizes she does feel something evil, you have her walking toward the creature's hiding place - but you didn't tell us there was a creature yet. Maybe you could say something like, "She walked straight toward the source of the evil", or something to that affect? This would also set up a moment when the creature begins talking that Saphire might "freak out" a bit - or be surprised to find something where she felt evil (starting to believe or realize that she has some special powers - it seemed like she didn't know in the beginning of this chapter, which is why I mention it).

I like the description of the goblin, but I'd like to see more. You've done a great job with creating him as a grotesque being - but I'd like to see all of him before the story moves on: his movements, his overall body shape, etc. (just personal opinion, once again).

As Saphire decides she must fight the goblin, one line of dialogue struck me as odd. She starts, "I may not know what I am doing…". I don't think she'd admit that. If she is trying to put up her best defense against this creature, she wouldn't admit that to him. She might admit it as internal dialogue, however.

Again, this is personal opinion, but Arture seemed to give up too easily. He stated that he was to kill her if she would not come to his master, but as soon as he's hit by the fire ball, he gives up. It seems as though he will have to answer to his master for not bringing her in, so the altercation maybe should last a bit longer - to prove that he really tried. Just a thought.

The middle of the chapter introduces Doc, which ties this chapter, through a character we've heard about before, to the first chapter, which is great. Damien is also there, so we know that, although we are not sure (at the point Damien shows up) how this fits into the overall story, we know it does somehow, and we want to learn how. Nicely done!

When Doc is explaining why Saphire was never told of the powers she obviously possesses, it's a little confusing. I understand what he means, but I think it could be reworded a bit to make it more clear.

Again, there is a POV shift in this chapter - needed, though, because Saphire is unconscious for part of the chapter, but we go from Saphire's POV, to Stacy's, to Damien's. Maybe this particular part could be all Stacy's POV? It would keep it consistent throughout - although I think it works fairly well the way it is.

I liked the way Stacy explained the auras and the colors and the colors attributed to the characters we already know.

I was unsure why, when Saphire realized she'd have to go with Damien, why she "glared" at him. We didn't see her distrusting him or anything, really, so it seemed odd. Maybe showing her distrust a bit more earlier would help…?

Technical issues:
I did notice a lot of places where question marks were missing. I'm sure, though, that with a simple review of the chapter, you will see where they belong. I'm sure it was just an oversight.

Also, I wanted to point out the repeated use of the word "towards" - which isn't really a word. Even though we say that a lot in normal speaking, the word is actual "toward".

There were a few other punctuation errors that I noticed but, once again, I'm sure you'll catch those as you look through it again.


Overall, I think this is a solid chapter and does much to answer questions raised in the first chapter. It pulls the reader to the next chapter by keeping us wondering what role Saphire will play in all of this.

It seems to be a classic battle of good versus evil. I believe the characters are what make this story really work. I'm only through the second chapter, and already I am pulling for Damien and Saphire. You've done a great job with that, and I really look forward to reading more!

Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
103
103
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing this chapter for the Frontliners Novel Review Group. My ideas here are simply suggestions. If these things work for you, feel free to use them - if not, feel free to disregard them. *Smile*

This story begins with a solid hook. The reader immediately wonders what is going on that is so urgent that Alex needs to call Damien so early in the morning to have him come over.

We also learn that the "time of the prophecy is upon" them, but it isn't immediately explained - thus holding the reader's interest.

I also liked the way the characters were revealed to be what they were: a witch, a vampire, etc. It was revealed in a way that didn't hit the reader over the head with it. Nicely done.

I did notice a POV shift, though. The story starts out from Alex's POV, but then switches to Damien's later in the chapter, and then to Anita's at the end.

The chapter ends with what may be some foreshadowing. We learn that Anita is nearing the end of her life. We know that time is of the essence for Damien to find this woman and bring her back - not only so Andreas does not get to the woman first, but also so Anita has time to teach the woman.

The characters are starting to develop nicely, and seem realistic. I like the fact that they are portrayed almost human, although each of them has special powers. This next point may be more of a personal preference, but I noticed most of the character names start with an "A". The only reason I mention it is that I've been told that names sounding similar or starting with the same letter may confuse readers as far as who is who, etc. I can see that happening, so I thought I'd mention it. If, however, you've picked these names because they have special meanings (root words based in some language on, say, a personality trait, etc.), then it makes sense. Just a technical point I thought I'd point out.

Overall, this is a very good first chapter. As I said, the characters seem to be developing nicely, although the setting is not strongly described, it is believable, and the story line sounds very intriguing. I look forward to reading more!

Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
104
104
Review of Good Conversation  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
LOL! I loved the twist at the end of this story! I can honestly say that I didn't see it coming, and I laughed right along with Rob. Poor Jason - I'm assuming it will blow up in his face at some point - just as it will in Kyra's. That really leaves the reader with something to think about, which is great. I did notice a POV shift - from Kyra to Jason (and I only mention it because it has been mentioned to me in stories that I've written) - but, really, I think that is the best way for this particular story to be written. We need to get inside Kyra's head before we get inside Jason's head. I wasn't sure where this piece was going at the beginning, but the ending brought it all together for me. Truly a great read!
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
105
105
Review of Old Glory  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was an excellent story. It is easy to forget, at times, how lucky we really are, and what sacrifices others make on our behalf each and every day. This story is one that will make every reader stop and think. I especially liked the interaction between Garrett and the old man. That added another level to the story entirely. Thank you for sharing this wonderful read.
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
106
106
Review of Tell Not A Soul.  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was an intricate poem of feelings and thoughts of a person that will never see the light of day. I enjoyed reading this piece and thinking about the feelings that so many people never show to anyone, myself included. My favorite line was:
Years go rolling by, while feeling
clever inside for not telling one soul,
but the walls are caving in
as the truth unfolds.
It shows how holding these feelings and thoughts inside could destroy this person - and yet it continues. This was a very well written piece. Thank you for sharing.
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
107
107
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Awesome ending! I loved the twists and turns in this story. At first he just seemed like a normal, every day guy in love with a normal, every day girl. Then he seemed obsessed. I truly didn't expect what came next - or the ending. You brought the characters of Bill and Mrs. Reed to life very well. Overall, this was a great story!
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
108
108
Review of NOAH'S ARC  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this poem. I had no idea there was such a rainy season "Downunder". Your words made very vivid images in my mind. Also, I liked the fact that you pointed out the good in all the rain - the renewing and such. My favorite line was, "The weatherman has said that we'll soon see clear blue skies
and a panoramic view 'cross Heaven's park."
Thanks sharing this great poem.

Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
109
109
Review of Hank's Flower  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This piece was as good as it was brief. Awesome story! I loved the message of the story and the little girl's character felt real and whole - not necessarily an easy thing to do in so few words. My only suggestions for this piece would have to do with the beginning. Please remember that any suggestions I make are my opinion only. This is, of course, your story, so feel free to take what works for you and leave what doesn't.

Your opening does a good job of setting up the storm and possible impeding problems. While it does a good job with this, it seems to lack a bit of "punch" that it might otherwise have. I would definitely take out the word "Then" that starts the last two sentences of the first paragraph. They don't add anything to the story and take the reader's focus away from the storm itself. It's almost like being pulled out of the storm and then forced back in with each sentence.

You could actually start the story, "The weather change seemed sudden when all the color was sucked from the sky." I loved the second part of that sentence. It was a great visual image.

The only other sentence I felt read awkwardly was also in the first paragraph: "...the wind driven darkness that wasn't quite night..." Maybe a better way to phrase it would be something like, "the murky, wind-driven darkness..." ? Again, just my opinion and some small thoughts.

Overall, I loved this piece! You showed the girl, Janey-Jane, very well... and her father's love for her at the end came through very strong. His wishes seemed to be that of every loving parent, and that made the story for me.

Excellent work!
Congratulations on being the Works of the Week winner for the week of 7/27-8/1!
Write on!
Beckie
110
110
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thanks for entering your story in the Works of the Week contest!
I thought this was an excellent story. The beginning had a great hook - it pulled the reader into the story wanting to know more about what Teri was into. The characters involved seemed very real through their dialogue. Teri's "issues" came through loud and clear through her internal dialogue. Overall, I enjoyed this story a lot. It sent chills through me when she had to make the decision about how to "do her job". Good luck in the contest!
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
111
111
Review of You Ask Me  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was an amazing story. The love the main character felt for the girl, her friend, glowed throughout the piece. I could feel her regret at not knowing what was happening with her friend and the abuse she was suffering at the hands of her father - and other men. This was a heart-wrenching story of one person having to say goodbye, and of learning the signs too late. Very excellent piece!

Good luck in the Works of the Week Contest!
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
112
112
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
In this chapter the sisters decide to walk through the French Quarter to see Elizabeth, who just had a baby. I wondered what sort of adventures (or possibly tragedies) would befall the girls this time.

Your choice of words painted a very clear picture of the sights and sounds around the girls. The interaction between the three of them was also great. It helped develop the characters better in my mind, and helped me to see them all as an individual.

I liked the part of the scene where the old woman told Crystal her fortune - it gave the chapter and ominous and foreboding feel. There is obviously something bad coming Crystal's way - no matter which way she chooses. This was very well done.

In the last half of the chapter it is obvious that Crystal, while enjoying the company of her family, is still preoccupied by the woman's words - and perhaps the man she thought she saw in the tower of the church. The plot itself does not seem to move much here, but this chapter seems to do a great job of setting up the rest of the novel and building tension.

Overall, I think this is a very solid chapter. The fortune told pulls me on to the next chapter.

Write on!

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
113
113
Review of October  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is an incredible story. It is so emotional and so telling, and yet very private at the same time. I think anyone who has lost someone has at least one small regret, or would look back at a relationship - any relationship (family, friends, etc) - and wonder if there were not more precious minutes they could have spent caring for that person rather than themselves. If being inconvenienced by the person they no longer have in spending that time, would have been time better spent.

This is a story that will really make a reader stop and think about what is truly important in life. Thank you so much for sharing this!
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
114
114
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like the way you set the scene at the ball. I can really see it's grandiose flair.

This chapter also shows more of Crystal and her second-guessing of her engagement to Charles. She also foreshadows something about Charles - the fact that she's seen something cruel in him. The story quickly turns to the two sisters going to "spy" on another sister - but the impression is still left in the mind of the reader that Charles may not be all he is thought to be.

I really enjoyed the description of the meal. It was very elaborate and I felt like I was there, seeing and smelling the entire affair. Very well done.

The story really seems to be heating up with the appearance of they mysterious stranger yet again. This chapter lures the reader on to the next with questions about the stranger, if Crystal will ever find him - if she will even look for him - and what will happen in regards to her impending wedding.

I'm definitely looking forward to reading more of this novel!
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
115
115
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved this poem based on a story I've known from childhood! I am not a poet, so I don't normally comment on the technical aspects of poetry. I like the fact that you laid out those apsects for a layman like myself. I also like your muse... what could be a calm and peaceful setting for many, may be something completely different for others. *Smile* Unlike my feelings as a child, I somehow now am pulling for the troll! Thanks for the great read!
Write on!

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
116
116
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This chapter does a lot to set up the characters that are coming into the resort. It explains them in a way that does not seem too intrusive. They are explained through "Viv's" eyes and her recollections from the file she obviously has gone over. It also shows her power as she projects into the minds of all of these guests. It also shows the power of the mated pair. It did leave me to wonder why she had attempted to protect Tommy up until this point - if perhaps he is more than just an employee - and how he will factor into the rest of the book and the lives of these guests.

Overall another excellent chapter. I look forward to reading more about these interesting characters.
Write on!
Beckie

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
117
117
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Vampire Vacation Chapter 2

This chapter begins with continued banter between husband and wife - the interaction developing the two characters even more.

The chapter leads one to believe that perhaps Iona knows more than she is saying - or perhaps her demeanor had solely to do with her decision to take this next step - but it puts a question in the reader's mind nonetheless.

The rest of the chapter turns away from the dead body and more to the arrivals of the day and the groups already staying with Rafe and Viv. It smoothly introduces the background of the guests as well as more information about vampires themselves as the characters of this story.

This chapter provided a lot of details and much backstory, which adds to the reader's understanding of what may happen in the rest of the book.

Overall, another excellent chapter. I would definitely read on.
Write on!
Beckie


Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
118
118
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Vampire Vacation Chapter 1 Review:

The opening is very good. It draws the reader in and makes him/her wonder what is going on in the story. You show the scene vividly.

One thing that confused me (and it's very minor and it could just be me) was that in EP 18, the MC walked over the body and shut the door behind her - making it sound like she left the room. But then she's still in the room as she projects the man's face to her husband.

I like the way you intertwined the things a reader needs to know about your vampire characters with the story itself. It didn't seem like too much author intrusion with the way you handled it. Well done.

You characters come through very well - the husband and wife team. I enjoyed the banter between the two of them. It really brought out their personalities.

The chapter ended with many questions about what has happened here, pulling the reader to the next chapter.

Overall, I really enjoyed the opening chapter of this book. It definitely makes me want to read on!
Write on!
Beckie
Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
119
119
Rated: E | (4.5)
LOL! What a great interaction between the MC and a cockroach. What I enjoyed most about this piece (besides yoru obvious sense of humor - which is awesome!) is that most people would not think to talk to a cockroach. Then again, if they would be the only living things to survive a nuclear holocaust.... maybe we should have some more questions for them *Bigsmile* Thanks for the great read!
Write on!
Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
120
120
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awesome story! I laughed all the way through! I could really see all of the characters, although there was not much in the way of exacting descriptions of most of them. I think that's what really added to this story, at least for me. Each neighbor in the series of phone calls could be "anyone" in my life or the life of other readers. I could see the trailer park and the old man who, obviously, did not belong there. Living in a small, small town almost all my life, I found this whole thing very amusing (it's really like that all over town here - hence the reason I live 15 miles out of town in a very rural area! *Smile* ). Thanks for the great read!
Write on!
Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
121
121
Review of Lessons  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The last stanza of this poem made me sit back silently for some time before starting this review. It's a question everyone who has lost a parent, grandparent, mentor, friend has asked at one point or another I think. I felt the same way when my grandmother died - I think all of her 13 grandchildren did. We always thought she had all of the answers. In death, I believe she did get them all. Even now, when one of us has a problem, another will ask, "Okay, what do you think Gran would say?" Life is learning, as hard as that may be sometimes. This one really hit home for me. Thanks for allowing others to read this. I'm so glad I stopped by your port.
Write on!
Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
122
122
Rated: E | (5.0)
AWWW! What an excellent ending!! I think you are very correct in saying that this is a great poem for children - but also for adults. I believe this piece has a message for everyone. Children can be so blatantly cruel when picking on or teasing other kids... while it seems less common in adulthood, when present it is there but manifests itself much more subtly. Another great read! I would recommend this poem to anyone needing a little lift. Everyone should be lucky enough to have an "old man in the toy shop"!
Write on!
Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
123
123
Review of Devotion to Duty  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a very moving piece. Once again, you have brought to light something that most would rather not think about. Your words painted vivid pictures - of both scenes. This is a tribute to those who do their duty, regardless of the costs. In daily life, it seems "so far away" and seems to be "someone else" - until it isn't anymore. This is, quite simply, an excellent and thought-provoking read. Thank you for sharing!
Write on!
Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
124
124
Review of The Interview  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What an excellent piece! Reading this I sat, as you did, in awe of the ignorance of so many of the people in the class. Could they have really thought this was a simple summer camp? That's amazing to me. This piece truly shows the importance of teaching the past. I suppose there is a certain amount of "forgetting" due to feeling so incredibly uncomfortable about the fact that humans are capable of such atrosities as that. This was a really great read. Thank you so much for sharing!
Write on!
Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
125
125
Review of Exiled  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked this piece, written from the perspective of a wedding ring. It is a emotional tale of a marriage gone bad. But, although the tone near the end is sad, the last line, " I live with the persistent hope that one day she will lift the lid of my prison and find me once again, shining with the promise of a million happily ever afters." is a great one and adds some element of hope, no matter how unrealistic it may be (or not *Smile* ). Great story. Thanks for sharing!
Write on!

Sig gifted to me by Pat from Showering Acts of Joy. Thanks, Pat!
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