|Hello wikiemol I was invited to review your piece and offer my advice and I will do just that. Just from your descriptor in the invitation, this sounds like a series of stories I could enjoy in the long run. Know that as I type this part, I haven't read anything yet. But I'll be diving in now.
...brought with it a few things, a shimmering mist... Change that comma to a colon.
...feet heavy plodding on the side of the highway... I am not certain how you're trying to depict this ghost, but "feet heavy plodding" is a confusing descriptor of action. You could leave out "feet heavy" and it'd be okay.
Oreos are far too delicious for shame I like this line
How young is this ghost? She is described as being young and "toddles along", indicating childhood. At first I was okay with the sexual desire for the cookies, but after thinking this might be the ghost of a small child, I'm unsure of that.
...like thousands of long fingernails tapping on an empty bucket -- even with her sitting inside it was still empty I love what you're trying to convey here, but it could be cleaned up, and the long hyphen could be a period. ...like fingernails tapping an empty bucket. Even with her inside, it was empty.
They laid defeated on the mildew car floor... Change "laid" to "lay" and "mildew" to "mildewed".
...onto the traveller's crows feet face... Describing a whole face as crows feet doesn't sound good. You go onto to describe he's wrinkled in the same sentence. I would suggest working his crows feet in at that point and just say it's the "traveler's face". And traveler has one L.
...like when a fart wasn't exactly what you thought it was, which unfortunately was something he was a little too used to in his old age Is this something a ghost worries about?
At this point in the story, you have shifted character perspective. We were limited to what the young girl ghost could see, and now we're seeing exactly what the old ghost is thinking. Not knowing what's going to happen yet, I somewhat feel like we should still be within the young ghost's perspective. As a reader, I would relish the situation more if I had to guess whether or not he was going to steal her Oreos.
He had to keep her here, but he couldn't lie. Such a simple sentence that potentially carries a lot of heft: are ghosts incapable of telling lies in this world? If so, it'd be nice to set that up closer to the beginning. It would make us trust the old ghost, even if he's trying to spin the situation to his advantage.
There were certainly demons about ... was watching her (it was him). This entire sentence helps prove why, for the reader, it would be nice if he explained her specific lies to her after the fact, rather than spelling it all out for the reader. Personally, the second I read him say that someone was watching her, I ONLY thought he was talking about himself. Readers like to be treated like they're smart and can figure stuff out on their own. That way when it all turns sour, they can say, "I knew it!" and feel really good about their intuitions.
A car. College. Knowing that she's "young" but not too young to be in college this late in the game does make me feel better about her urges. But it might also have you change how her age descriptors are handled early on.
...that she simply had to trust, there was something divine about it. Is this her thought, or his, or is it the the "storyteller" that's actually telling this story around a campfire? I don't like him thinking that his own smile is "divine" when he only thought of himself as being "dashing" earlier. I'd think I was more comfortable thinking that SHE thought his smile was divine, but that does shift us back to her perspective once again.
He began to giggle, proud of his cleverness like a daycare child proud of a coloring book page... As a simile, I'm not sure what you're trying to convey here. His actions sound almost malevolent or even just selfish. I am distracted by comparing it to when a kid successfully colors a page in a book. He began to giggle, proud of his cleverness like a snake hissing over an egg it had stolen.
That is just a suggested alternative.
...the storm had travelled from the sky to her eyes... Is this a common expression. If so, I've never heard it. As such, it sounds out of place to someone like me.
...as he returned his gaze towards his front... Suggestion: ...as he turned his gaze forward...
And she realized that there were only a five things worth remembering. Take out "a" and, since you're about to starting listing items, end with a colon.
The old ghost thought. This realm is where the murderous greed of humanity goes. Something is wrong with punctuation here. I'm not sure what you want to do to fix it, but fix it.
I like the final summation about selfish deeds, especially how it relates to his silent hope about giving the Oreos back to Rei. I am confused about why she immediately turned back into Gremlin-form when she nearly caught up to the old man. Wouldn't her cursing and running after him in the first place trigger the transformation?
Near the end, you attempt to describe cars coming from and going to nowhere down the highway. Early in the story, you make it sound like she is travelling an abandoned highway and is thankful to find shelter inside the car (which turns out to be her car). And when she renames herself in mid thought, that seems like a passive throwaway thought that should take more center stage time.
Going out of your way to state that the relationship with Jordan was platonic is unnecessary. You mention that Jordan has a boyfriend and you could easily equate their friendship to being sister-like. Or leave it more ambiguous: a reader might appreciate a little mystery when it comes to Rei's life and loves. Ending that fourth thought with "Jordan was Rei's best friend, but Rei hadn't been Jordan's for a long time" feels perfect to me. And I know a lot of people can easily relate to it.
Overall, I feel like I nitpicked the heck out of this piece. The final message you're trying to convey does feel a little forced, especially since they both end up like Gremlins when she herself should probably be changing back partly since she shared the Oreos. Unless she shared them thinking it would change her. This is an idea we're not privy to, but we also have no reason to believe she'd think that far ahead about why she transforms since it's only happened once before.
In conclusion, I can see that, by the end of the piece, two separate perspectives might help get your point across, but I would hope for clearer shifts in the narrative. Physical breaks in the page can help (a line, ellipses, asterisks, etc.). Plus, when readers see your item, some may skim it to see how long it is. If they don't see any breaks, they may skip over it.
Just a little note: when you mentioned her memories, you brought up a city and then Jordan. A city that was a terrible place. Jordan. I know you immediately mention that the best friend was named Jordan, but my initial thought was that you were talking about the city of Jordan and then I overlooked the "best friend" item until it was mentioned later. That could just be me not paying attention, but I can see other readers (maybe) jumping to that conclusion, if only because they yearn to know where they stand in this world.
I don't know if any of this helps, but that's all I have for you. Please let me know if there are other items that are meant to be connected to this one and I'd be happy to look at them.
Take care, and keep writing!