A journey of self-improvement - or not. |
Sup? I'm Char. You may know me from timeless classics such as
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[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya They say jump and ya say "how high?" Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head |
"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: What is your favorite meal to make when you are really hungry? Yeah, I dunno, I can't. I don't know what's going on with me. I've just been spiraling out today. I'm assuming it's a combination of the fight yesterday, not sleeping much, and being in pain. I found myself just ruminating a lot this afternoon. It got worse and worse while I was working until I couldn't get any work done anymore. Then I started getting even more agitated because I wasn't being productive. All of that anger started turning inward and my thoughts started getting way off track, like I started thinking about things they didn't even happen this week. I started feeling really self-destructive and like I needed to self-harm so that I could try to get a grip on the spiral before it got too out of control. But I've been trying to cope in other ways so I tried journaling first. It didn't work though because as I was writing about how I was feeling, my emotions were spiraling even more out of control. I was having a few different conversations at the time and I started spinning out/shutting down on everyone. I could only think about self-harming. I have OCD and it feels similar to needing to do a compulsion. It's like you can't even distract yourself with something else. The need just builds up and the longer you put it off the more intense your anxiety and emotions get until you just buckle and give in. I've been trying to use an OCD technique which I learned in therapy. The basic idea is that you postpone doing a compulsion for as long as you can and then maybe someday you can postpone it indefinitely. I'm having mixed results. All of this was a long way to say that I didn't have dinner today and I'm slightly hungry now. I have a different perspective on hunger after not having food often in my teens. When I get "hungry" now it's more like eh, I could eat. It's not like really hungry because I already had both breakfast and lunch today. I like breakfast foods at night if I'm hungry, but not so much in the morning. I also eat a lot of Mediterranean food because it's the best. Stoic Thought of the Day: "There are moments here, only yours and mine, tiny dots on an endless timeline.” -La Dispute |