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Wednesday, May. 29, 2024

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

November 13, 2020 at 12:01am

#998248

Spin the wheel of emotion

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: Write about a disagreement you had with someone. What happened? Was the conflict resolved?

Ha, wasn't this prompt just handpicked for me... Where was this a few days ago?

Honestly, I have a tremendously difficult time getting along with people consistently. I'm at the point where I understand that I'm the common denominator, but I still don't fully understand what I'm doing wrong. Pretty much all of my interpersonal relationships are messed up. Like, we'll get along super well and talk constantly and then suddenly we're fighting and both super emotional.

The only people this doesn't happen with are people that aren't very emotional at all. We still fight but it's not explosive or anything. I think it's probably because having borderline personality disorder makes me feel emotions way too intensely. So I'm very reactive when someone upsets me. It's so hard for me to just sit with those emotions and not act on them.

Most recently (yes, even more recently than the fight), I woke up this morning with a text from one of my friends saying, "Don't talk to me." That's it. Just don't talk to me. No explanation, nothing. We haven't talked since earlier this week and the last conversation didn't end poorly as far as I knew.

And by the way, I should pause here to say that this person is also a WDC member who's rarely here, but just in case they do read this just to say... please respond to my shit so I can fix whatever's wrong. I swear I'll listen and not act crazy. And also

.

But anyway, my point is even when I'm trying to not have disagreements, I just have them. I know normal people could get that message and just kind of let it go or give the person space. I have so much difficulty doing that. I hate being abandoned and I'm just like please communicate with me and let me answer for myself. I don't even care if someone is pissed off at me, but I need the chance to like plead my case.

My typical method of resolving conflict doesn't work though. Depending on my mood, I can go one of two ways when I'm dealing with conflict. I'm either very submissive, quick to apologize even if I don't think I did anything wrong, basically just "what do you need to hear to stop being angry at me?" Alternatively, if I'm in a different mood, I can just suddenly snap and get super emotional- whether that's rage or crying or something else.

The reason it doesn't work is because if I do the first one, people don't think I'm sincere. They can tell I'm just saying what I'm supposed to say, like going through the motions. The second way doesn't work because I'm not thinking rationally at that point and even if the other person tries to calm me down it's basically too late.

I've done a lot to try to gain better control of my emotions. One of my therapists introduced me to a feelings chart

like this so that I could better identify and express what I'm feeling. You start at the center of the wheel and pick your primary emotion, then you go to the second level and pick another feeling you're having so that you can go to the final level and say what's really happening.

For example, if you're angry you start there, then the next level you might say that you're angry + irritable so your actual emotion = annoyed or aggravated. I use it for things like, "I feel sad + ashamed, so what I'm actually feeling is guilt." Or, "I feel surprised + confused, so I'm feeling disillusioned."

It's not perfect, but it does come in handy sometimes. I've definitely had arguments where I'm like, I'm so angry... I mean, I'm just disgusted... "I'm REVOLTED."

And the other person is probably like "?????"

Of course, this doesn't help me control my emotions. It just helps me identify what's actually happening in my brain so that I can try to explain it to someone else.

I've also done dialectical behavior therapy which is meant to help regulate your emotions. I've done it both in individual therapy and group therapy. Um, therapy hasn't ever worked for me. I hate to say that because I try to advocate for mental health treatments, but it's just never reached its intended purpose for me. Likely because my emotions and thought patterns are so disturbed that I can't give it the chance it needs to work. I just tell half truths because I don't want to dig into stuff or talk about it.

My conflicts rarely get actually resolved. I do the whole rollercoaster thing so we just go back to loving each other without really coming to any kind of resolution except, "I love you and I'm done fighting for now." Then there's a blissful honeymoon period followed by another fallout. It's as healthy as it sounds.

One thing I can add is that I've had a lot of political disagreements in recent years. Some things that people say make me feel *looks at emotion wheel* mortified and hostile. I’m constantly reminding myself that I care about the person and their politics shouldn’t completely cloud that. It gets truly difficult depending on what they’re saying or doing. For years I was fairly successful at taking the person for all of who they are and not letting that get in the way. It was like religion to me. We don’t have to agree. We can all do our own thing.

The pandemic has made it so much more difficult. I had a coworker tell me last week, “See! I told you covid would disappear after the election!” I told them I don’t understand what they’re saying; our covid numbers are a nightmare. I’m genuinely *looks at emotions wheel* perplexed by these types of conversations. I don’t even have the will to have disagreements about these topics anymore. They broke my brain. Now I just feel *looks at feelings wheel* powerless.

I can’t wait for things to go back to “normal” if they ever can. Then the only disagreements I’ll have to worry about are the personal ones I have regularly with every single person I care about. What a relief that will be.

Stoic Thought of the Day: "If my fear has kept me here, only my fear can set me free.” -La Dispute

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