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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

November 17, 2020 at 12:01am

#998545

No room for control issues in 2020.

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: In your entry today, plan yourself the perfect day. Who would you see? Where would you go? What would you do? How do you spoil yourself?

So, I was supposed to start a new mental health medication like 10 days ago, but I didn't. My thought process at the time was that I wasn't sleeping well and I didn't want to add new med side effects to the mix until I balanced out my sleep schedule.

All good, except I didn't say that. ^^ Instead, I said I started them right away like the doctor instructed. A few times since then Kira has asked how the meds are going or commented that I seem to be tolerating them well. She said that because I typically get really sick when I take a new med that messes with my brain chemistry. Like, laying in bed, not eating, dizzy, nauseous, headaches... Kind of like a mild stomach flu. And sometimes it lasts for like 2 or 3 weeks.

Every time she's mentioned it, I'm like, Oh shit, that's right, I'm supposed to be taking those. She reminded me over the weekend to not forget my meds and I was like, "Oh right, thanks" then I just took one out of the bottle and pretended to take it. As I put the cap back on the bottle, I just slipped the pill back in.

Anyway, Kira got a call from my doctor today and he said he wanted to check in on my meds to see how it's going. She was like, "Oh yeah, he seems to be doing really well on them." Then she put the doctor on speaker phone and I was like, "Uh, yeah, all good so far."

The point of me saying all this is that I'm afraid to start taking the medication now. First, I'm afraid that I'm going to get caught lying about it and they're going to be pissed at me. But also I'm afraid that if I suddenly fall ill now they're going to make me get a COVID test since stomach issues and headaches can be a sign of the virus.

And I don't want to do any of that. The reason it's hard to just say, "Oh, I didn't start taking it yet" is that I have an extensive history of not taking my medication as directed. Like, to the extent that at one point she was keeping all of my medication on her and watching me take them/checking to make sure I actually swallowed them. Ya know, like they do in the hospital.

I don't want her to think I lied about it because it's a seriously contentious issue with us. But, in my defense, the reason I lied about it is because they were so adamant that I start taking the medication immediately. I tried to say I'd start them later the next week or something because I didn't feel well, but the doctor was like, "No, you go ahead and start tonight."

So, I dunno, if anyone has any advice there I'm all ears.

Okay, moving on. I'm sad because back in September we had a prompt about what we would do if we could do anything for 24 hours and then reverse it: "Invalid Entry"

Now it's the middle of November and my answer is pretty much the same. I would visit my family and friends who I haven't seen since March. I have young nieces and nephews, one who I've never even held or anything, and the others who have totally forgotten who I am because they're like 2 and under. Eight months is a really long time to not see someone when you're 2 years old.

It's hard too because the rest of my family are still seeing each other. I just know that they're all going to get sick with all the family events they do together. They asked me if I'd drive over to go to Thanksgiving dinner next week. I was like bro, no...

On my perfect day, this virus doesn't exist. I'd like to have my nieces and nephews visit the city where I live so we could go to the aquarium. I think they'd dig it. My perfect day would be like wake up, go to a breakfast diner because I've not had restaurant food since March. Then go with my family to the aquarium and maybe the children's museum.

Then after lunch, all of my family leaves and goes back to their state.

Because then I'm getting ready to go to a show with Kira and all my friends. I haven't been to a concert in so long because I was in my senior year of university last year and I had to take summer classes too. There was so little free time. I think I only went to a handful of small shows and NO festivals.

After the show, we'd go bar hopping and get completely plastered, as is tradition. The night would bleed into the morning as those nights tend to do. I won't think about the next day because the hangover isn't part of my perfect day.

If anything, this virus has taught me that the quote I have at the end of this entry is so true. All year we've had to manage something that was completely out of our personal control. We've had to manage people who aren't as careful as us, people who refuse to take basic precautions. We've had to come to terms with the fact that we can't control those people. We can't control the virus. The only thing that's actually in our control is our own actions.

It has been really difficult, especially for those of us who are highly emotional and quick to anger. I very rarely go out anywhere, but when I do it's really hard for me to not start a fight with people who aren't wearing masks or are wearing them around their chin. I just keep reminding myself that I don't want to be exchanging bodily fluids with the person.

I think all of us have demonstrated next level patience this year with everything that has happened. And we've all probably had many moments in our head like, Let it go. You can't control that person. Just handle things that are within your control.

It helps sometimes.

Stoic Thought of the Day: "We should always be asking ourselves - is this something that is, or is not, in my control?" -Epictetus

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