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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

November 15, 2020 at 12:02am

#998385

I want to be good.

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: What does “a good life” mean to you?

Ya know, I don't think I really have the answer to this.

I was in group therapy one time and the session leader posed the question: If you had no mental health struggles, no past traumas, how would your life be?

One of the guys answered first. Really smart and well-spoken guy. He said that he thinks he'd get further in his career faster if not for his mental health issues because when he falls into a depressive episode, he's not productive at work. He feels like he's missed out on promotions and other opportunities because his work output and attitude are inconsistent.

The session leader turns to me then and asks, "What about you, Charlie?"

I didn't know the answer then, and I don't know the answer now. What would my life be like if all of my experiences weren't mine? Anything I could say would be an exercise in creativity.

I was trying to earn brownie points at this time in therapy, so I tried to answer anyway. "Well, I wouldn't have panic attacks. I would sleep better... I wouldn't have compulsions."

Another group member interrupted me and said, "But, Charlie, all you're doing is using a lot of words to say that you wouldn't have mental health issues if you didn't have mental health issues."

The group leader stepped in and said, "That's right. In this scenario, we've already established that you don't have mental health issues, no compulsions, no panic attacks. The question is how would your life look in that scenario?"

When I saw this prompt, that group discussion immediately jumped to mind. You don't get to have a good life. You get to have the life that you're handed, and you do your best with it, but that doesn't make it a good life.

I don't care about a good life.

I care about being a good person.

Because that I can control. And I'm not even in the ballpark of perfect, but I've designated a few rules for myself that align with my idea of being a "good" person.

I stand up for people who can't stand up for themselves.
I have always stuck my neck out for the underdog. I used to get in fights in school because I couldn't stand to see someone being bullied. I would always stand up and throw myself into the middle of it because I would rather get hurt myself than to watch another person get hurt.

To this day, I stand up for people regularly. When people are gossiping about someone at the office, I jump in and say things like, "Hey, we have no idea what's going on in their personal life. We shouldn't be judging each other so harshly."

Even on the internet when I see hatred or negativity toward people, I jump in. Is it an exercise in futility? Yes. But if even one person who is hurt by that hatred sees that someone has their back and feels a little better for half of a second, it's worth it to me.

I allow myself to be sensitive and empathetic, even when it makes me look and feel weak.
I can't even begin to estimate the amount of times I've been called a pussy or a faggot in my life because I'm being sensitive or empathetic. Toxic masculinity is so deeply ingrained in our society.

I remember specific incidents in school where a group of people would start picking on someone and then one of them would say, "Oh, we better stop or nancy boy over here is gonna start crying" in reference to me.

Clearly, it hasn't stopped me from being in tune with my emotions.

I try to do no harm.
One of the reasons why something like getting in a fight or having a friend ghost me upsets me so much is because I try so hard to not hurt people, physically or emotionally. I don't want to be someone who hurts people.

I have a theory that, at the very least, you should just leave people alone. If you disagree with their lifestyle, their choices, their religion, whatever... just leave them alone. I live by the idea that it isn't my place to control other people.

And so I follow that. The bare minimum I can do is leave someone alone, and anything I do beyond that should be positive and helpful- not harmful.

There are days I can't stand myself. But generally speaking, I just self-reflect often, apologize as needed, and accept people and things as they come. Is it a good life?

I don't know that it's important to me either way. If I behave as a good person, my life can have good value, regardless of how I personally feel on any given day.

Stoic Thought of the Day: “All cruelty springs from weakness.” -Seneca

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