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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

November 3, 2020 at 4:03am

#997537

The deep end times three

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: Write about a time when you were "thrown in the deep end." This can be taken literally or figuratively.

I got my CT scan results back, for those keeping up with that. I apparently have a TMJ dysfunction. The jaw joint is messed up from clenching my jaw all the time. Wonder why I do subconsciously do that? Could it be all the anxiety and stress? No way.

So anyway, I'm going to see a TMJ specialist to get a second opinion on treatment, but I'm probably going to have to wait until January because it's extremely expensive and with health insurance deductibles, it's better to do these things at the beginning of the year than at the very end of the year.

In the meantime, I'm going to get back on my anxiety meds to try to control that a little bit and get a nightguard to wear while I'm sleeping to stop some of the grinding/clenching hopefully. Kind of annoying because I was convinced they wouldn't find anything wrong in the test results based on what the pain specialist said when I met with him.

Alright, enough about that. Just wanted to update.

In other news... ugh, my anxiety is HORRIBLE. I'm holding so much tension in my shoulders. I don't want to watch the election results at all, but Kira is like, "We have to!" I'm sure I lack the self-control to stay away anyway.

Being thrown into the deep end. Well, in a pool this was never an issue for me. I'm not going the strongest swimmer but I managed to stay afloat.

I can think of 3 specific times where I was thrown into the metaphorical deep end:

1. Leaving my parents' house
I got kicked out at 16 and that was a pretty big 'sink or swim' situation. I also grew up in the middle of nowhere, so I didn't even have much in the way of street smarts to navigate life in the city. I fared okay at the end of the day. In those kinds of situations, I've found that you learn really quickly. You're kind of like living in a pinball machine though. You're simultaneously the ball bouncing off of everything and the person operating the plunger so that you don't die or whatever.

You just end up being very quick with things because you don't have any other choice. Also, I think almost everyone has the strength to do these things. When you have no other options, you really learn how capable and strong you can be.

2. Starting college
After dropping out of high school and taking a (7 year) gap year, I had no idea what to expect going into university. I had no idea if I even had the capacity to be a strong student, to study hard and not quit when it got difficult. I wasn't sure the entire first year. I was navigating all sorts of new situations with new people. I didn't really understand how to take notes or how to communicate in that type of environment.

I managed this situation by staying quiet and observing others. When someone told me what they'd done to study or let me look at their notes, I filed it away in my brain for future exams. My learning and studying style ended up being a mishmash of other people's styles. Then with time, I developed my own notetaking and studying skills that worked specifically for me.

3. Post-grad job
Most recently, I've been dumped in ice water with my first post-grad job. It's so much different than being given lectures and retaining that information in an organized way for exams. Every day is different. There are always one-off scenarios that you've never experienced before. Even after 10 months, I'm still rarely fully confident in what I'm doing. I still make mistakes. I encounter new problems that I need to figure out how to solve and there is nothing you can google or look up in a textbook that will help.

I'm handling this by owning up to my mistakes, leaning on my coworkers' historical company knowledge, and challenging myself to take on the things that scare me. If there are a handful of tasks that need to be completed by my team, I'll volunteer myself for whichever task that I'm least experienced in.

Sometimes you get thrown in the deep end; sometimes you throw yourself in the deep end. "Be afraid and do it anyway" as they say.

Stoic Thought of the Day: “A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.”-Seneca

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