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Wednesday, May. 29, 2024

8:18am EDT

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

November 28, 2020 at 12:00am

#999251

Just a touch of delirium

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: What’s on the top of your mind right now that you need to tell someone about?

Thanks for the kitchen appliance gift advice on yesterday's entry. I have some research to do this weekend.

Also, sorry for not making my rounds on everyone else's entries from yesterday. I'm about to explain on this entry why I've been slightly MIA (although probably not noticeably so).

I ended up having a bad reaction to the medication I started earlier this month. I wasn't loving the side effects from the onset, but I was trying to push myself through them because I know that with any mental health medication, it takes several weeks for your body to adjust.

Within 24 hours of my first dose, I noticed that I was super tired and feeling a bit depressed. Nothing unmanageable though. Within a few days, I started having noticeable drops in my blood pressure every time I stood up. If I stood up to quickly, the room would spin and my vision would go black at the edges.

I casually mentioned it to my doc and he said, "Yeah, that's a known side effect. Just stand up slowly and drink plenty of water."

So on I continued for a few days, feeling exhausted, a bit dissociated and depressed, and standing up in slow motion. I thought everything was going fairly well, and I was actually feeling pretty upbeat on Tuesday. Then late Tuesday night/Wednesday morning hit.

My mood just spiraled wildly out of control. I felt extremely depressed, far more than in previous days. Despite being so tired all day, I was still barely sleeping at night, like just a couple hours every day. I don’t know how, but my good mood from the day plummeted to the point where I was almost getting suicidal. Kira kept trying to get me to go to the hospital to get checked out, but I was like there’s no way I’m going to the day before Thanksgiving. I knew I’d probably get put on a psych hold given my medical history and I have no interest in doing that.

So she sat with me while I paced around doing my counting, losing my mind kind of thing until my doctor’s office opened. She called my doctor and told him what was going on. He was on speakerphone and asked to talk to me too. He asked what was going on and I said I was starting to feel better by that point. He asked if I thought I needed crisis care and I told him no, I need to start work.

He just said not to take any more of them because he hasn’t realized they’d made me depressed in the first place. He gave me the whole spiel about how antidepressants affect your brain chemistry and everyone reacts differently to each med. He started talking about some other meds we can try, but he said we’ll want to wait a bit to allow my serotonin levels to balance out before we jumped into another medication that would alter levels of that neurotransmitter.

I told him I’m really not interested in trying another one any time soon given the fact that I’ve tried a bunch of them and my body and brain seem to reject them every time. He told Kira to just keep an eye on things and gave her the crisis hotline number in case we needed it.

I didn’t take the meds Wednesday night and felt so much better Thanksgiving day. I didn’t sleep well at all. In fact, I only slept 90 minutes and spent most of yesterday with my heart rate going crazy every time I tried to stand. I was probably dehydrated and exhausted. Not sure. But either way, mentally I felt so much better than the previous days. I didn’t feel depressed at all. We had a super chill day, just lying around watching movies and hanging out until they started cooking dinner.

Mostly though, I feel bad for scaring Kira and putting her in a position where she didn’t know what to do. Lauren kept telling her they should call 911 and have them come force me to go to the hospital, but that’s an absolute last resort for Kira. She knows one of my biggest fears is having a confrontation with the police while having a mental breakdown. I feel like they’d just end up shooting me, and because I’ve seen videos of them doing exactly that to mentally ill people, it’s not an unfounded fear.

But luckily she just hung with me through it, knowing that as long as I was just pacing around in one room I wasn’t really in immediate danger. But she did tell me that next time something like that happens I’ll have to go to the hospital whether I want to go or not. That kind of stuff makes me nervous because it’s like you can be fine one minute and in the hospital the next.

So yeah, that’s what’s on my mind. Blame Em for asking.

On the plus side, I’ve been off the meds for two days now and the cloud over me is staying lifted so far. I’m just feeling a little withdrawn still. Side effects are wild.

Stoic Thought of the Day: Only time can heal what reason cannot. -Seneca

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