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 |  My purging and some other crap - can be funny, most times without trying :-) |
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♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Just to take the crap out of me and put it somewhere else for safekeeping. Gets heavy carrying it around. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** It's me, Summertime 2010. I'm pretty damn happy these days. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And yes.. this is my daughter, Devann Dev   . I am the luckiest Mom in the world. Can't get a new pic ... oh maybe I'll creep FB and steal one from there! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And our little slice of paradise. I still after 'four' years here can't believe how lucky I am. Come on over .. the door's always open ( heehee ) Thanks for stopping by. Cheers Check yourself, or I mean, it out
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| ok... two, but putting those thoughts aside for just a moment ...seems like when I get my mind on something (not that.. sheesh) I just go cuckoo until it gets done, or I move onto something else. So tonight, it's been allllllll about my book idea! I have been rewriting my proposal ... now it's up to 10 pages and maybe 13 if I decide to include resumes (which I am thinking not). I have talked to a gal who will do the photographs and illustrations (if needed) and the cover and another one who will do the final edit and proofing (yup even us editors, need an editor). And so far I have 6 people who I would want on the Project Team. I have been researching all night for grant money and crapola, there sure is a lot of money out there!! I certainly hope I can snag some, then this project is in the bag. I have even found some grants that might not work for this specific idea, but that the farm can use for other projects. Turns out there is this huge" British Columbia is turning 150 next year funding", so there is a crap load of money for folks who want to have a party for that... sounds like super fun to me!  I talked to a gal here who runs the little cafe at the marina and she used to live on the farm when she was little girl. I guess her parents rented one of the small cottages on the property. So I told her about my idea and she just went nuts. Turns out she has tons of pictures from when she lived there (probably 40 years ago at least) and then went on and on about Mrs SoandSo who lived there and this person and that. She will be a good one to connect with when this project gets going (notice that I did not say if ) So yah.. that is alllllll I have been thinking about (ok well except the other thing I ALWAYS think about), but the more and more I research and think and ponder and plan, the more I think this is one of my greater ideas. I see several different ways to get this project funded, all very feasible. I just need these farm dudes to buy-in and I'm all set for a great project and great money for the next year. Phewffff - won't my mama be happy that I'm off her bankroll!! Wahooooodeeeedoooo!! So still lots o' bouncing going on around here, sure hope I don't tip the house over! Okay.. back to researching, meeting is at 930am on Thursday, so more to do, more to do. Ohhhh and it turns out the gal who runs the cafe, is selling it to the marina and they are hiring new staff, so Devann is going to apply and if she gets it, it will be so fabulous - it will save me 40 minutes of driving her to and from work and the gas money AND she will be able to sleep in even longer before she has to crawl out of bed, and walk up the dock to work - wouldn't that be super great!!! The only problem is the chic taking the job application is the same one who likes to bust my chops all the time with those damn Darla pooping allegations ... so hopefully I wasn't toooo snotty with her last time  okay okay.. NOW I am back to work cheeeeeeerssssssss bugzy |
| You guys are awesome. My little blip yesterday was fixed right up with all your words of wisdom. I am thinking of putting you all on the payroll - best therapy I've ever had. So today, right back on track. I was super busy tonight working on a proposal. I am submitting an idea to Providence Farm http://providencefarm.bc.ca/ to write a book about their history as a fundraiser. Thanks to galinago for giving me a proposal template to get me started. Now 8 pages later, it's almost ready to go. I am really excited about this project and think it will a lot of fun and certainly go along way to keeping my debtors from skulking around. I sent in two queries for other article ideas I have and I finalized the proof for the float home article I wrote last month. I feel good and bouncy today ... yahooo!! So gotta go - I am watching crap dvd videos with Dev and had to take a quick break to say thanks to you all and I leave with this final visual compliments of our friend Eagle~The Cowboy's Wife heehee** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** cute eh? I know, I know.. but I couldn't help myself. Makes me want to dash out and make a roasted peter pepper pizza! Cheers! bugzy ps.. thanks *Barbara Maria* for this badge![Merit Badge in Cheerleading
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For all you do, not just for me, but for everyone you come in contact with...I love you lots!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Cheerleading-210.gif) sheesh I get cheered up from you all, and she gives ME a badge... what a silly gal!  |
| I have a feeling this entry will bring me some crap, but I decided I needed to get some of this out. So yah, I'm not censoring or writing this with any expectation of comments one way or another - this entry is just to help sort out my head. I think sometimes, too much idle time, is the culprit. Not that I should have idle time at all, my 'to-do' list is long and neglected, but lethargy took over this weekend, and I managed to get little done. Instead my brain started doing a dance late last night and it mostly continued today. I started to think again over my life and realized today that I am not feeling very trustful of myself. I start off relationships or ideas, or jobs or adventures with an over abundance of enthusiasm. I am a go-getter, I meet challenges head on, I am excited, passionate, dedicated and have the greatest of intentions. But inevitably things die off. Especially in the relationship arena. (I know this has been at the forefront of my mind lately - bare with me here) I start a relationship usually with some caution, not always... more so lately I guess as I am getting older. I open my mind and heart and usually quite quickly I am head over heels. I think about this person, I feel great amounts of passion, I am excited and hopefully and throw caution to the wind. I can't say I start relationships, thinking they are doomed, I have a lot of optimism - but always, without fail, these relationships that started off so great, end. Period. Obviously - or I wouldn't be writing this. So to start a new one - to feel all those familiar feelings, that spark my heart, make my passion flow and my joy burst open and my optimism erupt again - all feels lovely, wonderful and makes me truly happy deep inside. But.... and here it is... but. I am not sure, at this exact moment if I can trust myself and those feelings. I've had them before, and it didn't work out. I'm afraid I think, afraid that it won't work out again and that I will hurt again and that I will hurt the other person too... again. I think I worry for them, and their feelings and their vulnerability more than my own. It's not like I blogged a few days back about feeling responsibly - I get that now.. but I still worry for them and their heart and oh crap.... am I saying the same thing again???? Damn. I so want to believe and trust and know it will all be ok and good and this time will be different - but I think I may have lost faith in myself and ability to make decisions. I'm scared. I think ..., no... I know that I have learned a lot. I am really listening to myself and working hard to not repeat those patterns that have gotten me into trouble in the past. I really, really know I am much better at communicating than I have been. I know blogging and getting to know myself better over this last year has helped me immensely - but... I still have that mistrust. I am not sure how to deal with it. Trust is huge for me - I trust others easily, and it takes a long time to lose my trust in a person. I have thought about that a lot and I like that about myself. But yesterday I realized, I don't trust myself and that is upsetting. How do you regain something like that? I just don't know. When I lose trust in someone else, I know it's been almost impossible for me to get it back. I hope I can find my own easier. Thoughts? Thanks. bugz |
| Yup... relationship stuff. Seems to always be floating around me in one respect or another. I've had my share, as you all know, and I have been pretty damn upfront about my trials, tortures and tribulations. I have been thinking about this topic again- and still the basic concept of what works, seems to elude me. Relationships are such a primary focus in our lives I wonder why we didn't get more 'training' about this topic in school. Perhaps if we had spent less time on calculus and more time on relationship dynamics, we'd all be a little better off. I know I could have used a lot more help. I look back and reflect often about each one of my relationships and wonder what went wrong. Or did things go wrong? Hmmm I am thinking as I write this - always risky - but perhaps here in lies some wisdom for me. I look back on my relationships all as failures. I failed to keep them going for one reason or another. My last longer term one, (4 years) I stayed with about 3.5 years too long because I was bound and determined not to 'fail' again. I couldn't handle it (or so I thought) and kept telling myself, I could make it work if I tried hard enough. But perhaps if I can do a little shift and not chalk them up in a long list of failures, I might be able to enter into the 'next' one with a little less fear. Perhaps I set too high an expectation of myself, or rely on that list as a reason to keep saying - "stay away from me, my history is not good, I can't promise anything." A longer term relationship, up until now, has eluded me. But that does not make it impossible to have, does it? Just because it has not been a pattern for me, doesn't mean that it's not possible, does it? Perhaps for some strange reason (which does not make itself apparent just now) I was supposed to have this string of shorter term ones just to bring me here to this point. Perhaps it's time now, to stop being in the testing phase and be ready to start doing the real thing. I don't know. I know that I am way wiser than I was when I entered my last relationship. I am more honest now. More sure of who I am and what I have to give. I am not so sure on what I am looking for - that seems to be open ended really. I have no set list of qualities or body types or job requirements. I am just open to receiving gentleness, love, consideration, encouragement, support and peace. (oh and of course, mind-blowing sex)  I want to feel valued, important and a priority.I think that's not too much to ask for. I think it's possible, probable and has potential. Will see. Cheers bugz p.s. SouthernDiva 's link to pull a tarot card gave me this ditty...***You Are The Star*** You represent the ultimate in truth and purity. Insightful and illuminating, you provide guidance for others. You also demonstrate unselfish, unconditional love. You posses many spiritual gifts, including the ability to heal. Your fortune: Your future is looking brighter by the day. The near future will be a time of both hope and healing. Luck is about to come your way, perhaps the best luck you have ever seen. Life is about to get a lot easier and much better! Nice... sigh. All sounds lovely to me. |
I had fun being locked up to be totally honest. But thanks to Nikola~Ugh Summer!  I was sprung!! yahooooo... There were some definite benefits though: * Not having to worry about cooking * Having some amazingly fun ...ummm days * Great views (my captures had seriously nice tushies) * Lots of time to indulge my brain (among other things.. is there a theme here?) So my brain had a rest from lots of the usual mundaness, like activities required for bill paying. I had some heavy duty conversations, a lot of them with myself. One thing that I was thinking of, which might sound a bit odd - but here goes. I added another definition of myself to my already long list - that I seem to be some sort of catalyst for people. I am not sure it is something I want to be or set out to be, but as I look back on my life, there have been too many instances that I see that have happened for it to be a mere fluke. I meet people, whether a 'relationship' or just a colleagues or friends and somehow through our connection, major changes happen in their life. I have always been a mover and a shaker and somehow people who hang out with me, either through inspiration or some twisted need to keep up or perhaps they are just bored, do crazy things. I have had previous boyfriends change jobs, buy homes, step way out of their comfort zones, give up smoking, drinking, eating meat and even healing old relationships. A while ago I declared that I would NEVER allow anyone to change their life because of me. I felt too much responsibility or that somehow if that change did not end up being good or right for that person, that I would feel guilty or to blame. I still have a lot of fear around that, but all this time in 'jail' I did allow myself to have a slight brain shift - I decided that I will truly let go of those thoughts and allow the other person to make their own decisions and just support them the best way I know how. If they chose to make changes in their life, they are responsible for themselves and their choices - I am not God here, I am not forcing anyone to do anything and they have free will to do what they please. It takes some of the pressure off for me. So I am going to give this a shot and see what happens. It's honouring, I think, that people admire me and then want to make things different in their lives. So I am going to honour them and just support them in whatever decisions they make. Will be good I think. So aren't you glad I am back now, spewing nonsense?? Bet you'd rather hear more about the cute tushies I saw eh? Damn I wish I could have kept a camera! Be good all.. glad to be back, I've missed you and will be pulling up a chair in blogville and catching up!! cheers all around bugzy |
| shhhhh.. I bribed a hottie guard for a few minutes internet time in exchange for.. yah... well that so okay I am having way too much fun in here, but looks like I'm getting let out soon - Nikola~Ugh Summer! is the latest bidder for 50,000 gps,so does that mean Nicola is going to come up from under my couch finally? looking forward to be in the real cyber world again soon!! miss you all ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Umm yah. I am kinda liking it in jail here - It's co-ed and the guards are HOT!!! So, I am thinking of hanging in here for awhile and chilling... see you all in a few days!! Wahooooooo! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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| So today had a girlie beautification day with my stepmom. We have sort of hmmm.. a love/hate relationship I guess. Most days, she drives me cuckoo but I asked her last week if she wanted to hang out and have a spa day and she was all for that. We've done it before, but it's been a long time. I was way over due and thought it would be a good time for us to hang out. Devann is away camping with her school mates and I dropped off Darla at the groomers too to get all purdied up... I'd take a pic, but she is snoozing and I'm too lazy to get up to get the camera. So we hung out and got the works done, manicure, pedicure, waxing this and that. Gosh it felt so good just to zone out and be pampered. It was relaxing and indulgent and just lovely. I commented to the gal, how it had been so long since I had done anything like this and wondered why. I decided there should be a law mandating that we treat ourselves at least once a month or so. So I am looking at my bright pink toenails, which won't see the light of day without socks for months yet - but I know they are happy feet and the little pinkness makes me smile. I'm smiling all over today. I feel great, I'm happy, I am loving life beyond belief and so grateful for all I have. Including beyond a doubt all my fabulous friends on here. It makes me so sad to read blogs of those who I have gotten so close to. A few of you are hurting. But you know what makes me still feel good? That in this community here, there is so much support and love and lack of judgment, that I am so grateful that this safe space has been created. And even when I read a sad blog, I am happy that we all feel like we can share those rough times. Reading the comments that follow when someone is down, always warms my heart. Sigh.... thanks to you all for being there for me on my down days. Which are less and less lately. How blessed is that? Spreading lots of cheers bugz ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ps.. thanks for the fabulous name associations yesterday! Cracked me and my stepmom up all day today. I read them all to her and we had a great laugh... you guys are so cool! |
| Yuppers.. have a look at this cutie!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** heehee.. seeing whining does work - Anyea couldn't stand me complaining anymore about the lack of emoticons on here, so yahooooodeedo, she made me my very own, so I can spread the Nano cheer throughout blogville.... so look out folks, she will be bouncing around like cuckoo!For now, she's pooped out!! Busy day, doing this and that. But, I did want some help solving a mystery that resurfaced for me today. Mrs. Whatsit asked me how I got the nickname, Bugzy. And I had to tell her that I didn't know. I know I asked my Dad several times, and all he said was he didn't remember. That always made me sad, as I really wanted some exotic or fascinating explanation as to why that name appeared.But nope.. and my lack of creativity has never allowed me to come up with anything interesting. So folks... give it your best shot. I'd love to have a reason - even if perhaps it's not what my Dad had in mind - who can say it's not, since no one remembers anyway. And with that challenge put out there - I am off to zzzzzzz as I have to be up super cuckoo early to take Devann to a school field trip. Have a great day Cheerios bugzy Go Team Go!!! |
Pressure to be blue is off. Look  . Phewf. That was rough though, I had to force myself not to blog yesterday... it was hard. Now I wish I had, because tonight I am super pissy - there is something wrong with my keyboard!! The curser keeps jumping around and starts typing in different spots and then sometimes whole lines get erased. so this already has taken me like 10 minutes to type. I tried to get caught up in blogs tonight, and trust me if you got a note, it took along time to type grrrrrrrrrrrrr So I will make this super short and log out and let my puter rest tonight and hopefully it will be all happy tomorrow. I had nothing much to say anyway. I had a great weekend, nothing much new to report except to bitch about how yucky Dev's loft was - I cleaned it for over 2 hours tonight, including scrubbing the brand new carpet which is ruined from charcoal being mushed into it.... grrrrrrr Teenager's bedrooms should be set up like some sort of lego attachment that can just be dismantled and burned when they move out!! Ok that's enough.. Go nano people... I'll cheer more tomorrow when I can type more than two words at a time! cheeeers bugz |
| Well I was going to stop blogging on weekends (how am I doing so far?) however I think cheering our NaNomites is going to be a full time job. I am taking applications for fellow cheerers and so far, I have *Barbara Maria* and Wren We are in need of cheers and Wren, so brilliantly started us off with this little ditty.... Brain in gear. Fingers ready. Critical voice turned low. Words, come flowing. Muse, be steady, NaNoWriters, Go Go GO! Well that was certainly better than my brain could do at this hour, so folks... give us your blogville best.. come on I know you can do it rah rah rah! Oh and anyone who sighs up, automatically looks hot in one of those sex little cheerleading outfits.. no extra charge! Have a great nano weekend folks and oh.. heehee.. thanks ljkam for this badge. ...didn't suck up too much for that one did I? Am I that transparent? No really .. that was a super nice surprise thanks Lisa .. sending an extra rah rah you're way! (shhh dont tell)cheers (literally this time) bugz |
| You know, there's a part of me that is feeling left out and sad, not to be a part of the NaNo craziness! I so would have jumped right into that normally. It's hard for me to sit on the sidelines and not get involved in stuff like this. It was a very hard decision for me to pass. I feel like there's a secret little sorority and I am the nerdy gal, peaking in through the windows. But, it's the right decision for me this year. I have to focus on things that bring in money, so I can't afford the time right now. Maybe by next year, I'll have my shit together. But... having said that.. I have declared myself the Official NaNo Cheerleader - I need a cute little siggie but I suck at that stuff... so any takers???... Dev just passed me her secret stash of gps.. so I'm loaded again!! wahooo... she cracks me up, she said, "Oh gawed Mom, I have to give my paycheck , now I have to give you my gps... why do I have to do everything around here?" heehee.. but she passed them to me, I didn't even have to ask! Okay this next part will make you sick - so you might want to skip it !! I made Dev do her New Year's resolution list - she argued for a few mins, but then she got right into it.. I love that about her.. so I cant remember all five .. but lets see... 1 - get her grade 10 done by february so she can apply to college hmmmm crap - oh there was one about not being so controlling with her friends - she talked about that for awhile - it was interesting. and two others I cant remember but the last one.......... she wanted to spend more time with MOI... ahhhhhh, doesn't that make you go ahhhhhhhhhh Yah I know.. but sorry, had to share. I think she's been taken over by aliens - at 15 you're so NOT supposed to wanna hang with your mom! Ok I'll stop bragging about her - well for today anyway So yah, other than cheering on my Nano pals .. gawed some of you guys are gunna get sick of my cheeriness!!! I had a meet with the gal I hired to illustrate my kid's poetry book. She's so cool. I advertised online and got like 100 applications, some amazing stuff - but I hired her because she lives right down the road at the next marina in a float house.. I thought that was too cool to pass up. She's just starting out as an illustrator, but I think she's great. So now she's working on a few more pics and the cover.. here's one of her pics, I wanna attach more, but my port is busting at the seams. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** oh oh oh oh .. and I got this siggie today ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** jeez that gal Eagle~The Cowboy's Wife gotta luv her!okay off to edit some crap and then zzzz - busy, busy day tomorrow - gotta do stepmom time -sigh... penance for all the years I tortured her as a horrible stepchild Happy Second NaNo day... rah rah rah (do you feel the love? and see the hot cheerleading outfit and pompoms?) cheerios bugz |
| There has been a shift in the air lately. I think a few people have felt it. I had a great last few days and something inside me went... aaahhhuh! So I was going to skip today (as per Kay's suggestion) then the pressure is off for a blue month - but I wanted to declare today as really being like January 1st. I was thinking that November for some reason, is going to be like a restart, like a New Year two months early. January usually sucks for me. I hate making New Year's resolutions - I always break them right away. So the past few years I haven't even made any. So since today is my new technically proclaimed New Year.. here are my resolutions - a work in progress....ahem... 1 - I'm not making any resolutions There done.. that was easy!! Ok.. stop it bugzy.. trying again.... 1 - I am going to stay out of the fear zone. It sucks in there. It doesn't accomplish anything except make my stomach feel like I left it on the top floor of an skyscraper while I fell to the bottom of the elevator shaft... so I am giving that up. 2 - Sending my monkey mind on a holiday A looooong completely all inclusive paid one - you know with the 'all you can drink for free' option. I'm going to let it go get drunk and pass out somewhere. I am waaaay better off without it - makes me cuckoo. 3 - Stick to my dreams I have seen proof positive the last few days, and I am going to come back and reread these entries when I feel that damn self doubt trying to skulk around again. I am NOT going to apply for stupid ass jobs and then pray I don't get them anymore. It sends out mixed messages. It tells someone out there that I don't believe I can do it. The next time my stepmom cuts out a job ad for a bank, I am going to say No Thanks. So there! 4 -Toughen up my skin I read a great article today - about how NOT to get published. It was a tough read - and I have made several of the mistakes this dude talked about. He said you have the skin of a rhino to make in this business - so I am officially getting tough skin. Not sure how to do that - it might involve getting a tan or eating more animal products - I don't know exactly - but I am getting me some realllly hard and chewy stuff that no dumb ass publisher who rejects my novel for the "8th" time (yuppppp I am getting quite a damn fine collection of those beauties) is going to get me down - not even for 5 minutes. Nope! 5 - Have way more sex. This past year was ahem......emaciated ... I have a good feeling about this New Year for some reason...I think it's gunna be hot up here in the cold northwest soon actually! wahooooo.... So that's it.      HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!! Hope all your dreams and wishes come true and you all get lucky!! (even you scarlett!) Cheers!! bugzy |
| This is part of my first public blog entry April 19th “I think writing poems and stories is fine. I am happy that I have reconnected to that outlet. But I think this will be a helpful addition - as I feel confined by poetry sometimes and don't have the ambition to tell a good story as now I focus sooo much on grammar, verbs, punctuation, syntax and that hurts my head. So this blog will just be my purge - I feel I need more ways to get this crap out of me. I feel before these last few months, part of me was dying inside. The pain and sadness and regrets I felt were my very own private cancer cells, multiplying and consuming the good parts of me. My sister died of cancer, my other sister has it now, and my dad too was consumed by the evilness left to rot inside. I will not die that way. I am refinding my voice - it escapes me once in awhile, but I am determined to keep it this time. Writing has helped more than I ever realized. Every word that pours out, pours from my body and my soul and takes one more cancer cell with it. I feel it leaving me as I watch the words spill onto this screen.” I can’t believe it has been six and a half months since I started blogging. It feels like a part of me, something I have been doing my whole life, familiar and comforting and I cannot imagine my life before. I told someone today this has been the best therapy I have ever had – and trust me, I have had lots (I know, I'm not sure I got my money’s worth either!)  I had a blog topic all picked out – one I planned to write all month actually – but I'm not going to write about it. It's controversial and will take a lot of my energy and I don’t feel like being that today. I am too happy today. I have had an extraordinary day and I am just laying here warmed throughout my whole insides, (even my toes – ok I did turn on my bedroom heat.. shhhhh) but it's more than that. It’s a feeling that dreams to come true and the universe does reward action and what goes around really does come around. It was a stunning day, full of fall sunshine, autumn leaves, crisp clean air and the feeling of the changing of my life. I have great news on the work front. An chance of an editing gig started off my day with a big smile. It's going to be a lot of work, but it’s a project I know will ignite my soul, so a few details to iron out, but that was one piece of really good news today. Then I had an interview at http://www.providence.bc.ca/ I wrote them and said I have no idea what I will do there (they did not have a job posted) but I knew I would work there, so I went to chat to the head dude today. He did not have a firm idea on what I would do there either, but he had a couple of ideas. It was a great interview that was not an interview. I had nothing to lose. There was no job that I was dying to get, it was just my gut that told me, I was going to do something with these folks, and I was right. We chatted, he loves my diverse working background – that others might say is unstable I have a lot of transferable skills, and I can do a myriad of things for them. I said I’ll be your "go to girl" (oops Ski…. did I say that????) meaning I wanted to do special one off projects. I told him I am a starter not a sustainer. They are going to open a new store. I said crap, I can do that (I have NO clue how to start a store hahahaha) but I have started a zillion other things from scratch. I said I can get it all set up, hire everyone, organize it all, blahblahblah, but don’t ask me to run it for ten years, because that ain’t gunna happen! Turns out he’s a starter too – we’ll get a long fine. Also turns out that I met him a few weeks ago. He was moving his mother in law out of her float house and of course I chatted him up (ok he is super cute okay..sheesh… ) and married ok…. Anyway he didn’t remember haha, but I did. What a small world. Lucky I didn’t scream at him for taking up too much dock space with his crappy couch!! He used to live near me in Ontario, he homeschools his kids, he’s pretty passionate about the same stuff as I am, so yah… I can see us working together. He said he is going to think how to best use me (ok never mind) and is going to try and see where my writing will come in. I wrote him later and said I should write a book about the place. They’re coming up to 30 years and there is a lot of history there. That would be super fun. Or I may just be mucking out stables in the barn…. Yah never know. Oh and I live five minutes away from there!! But it’s going to be good. I feel good about it. So we’ll see what happens. Then… this one is a kicker – the textbook editing job, looks like it might happen after all. I feel like a bit of a smuck thinking the mean things about that gal …. I was being cynical and I was wrong. She wrote me today saying that she wanted to work with me. Her mother in law just passed away and she needed a couple of days to get sorted. She said she liked my feedback ( thank you guys for encouraging me to tell her what I really thought of her textbook – guess that worked!!) and liked my work. So wow… that will be an amazing gig… wow. So yah…I am all smiling down to my toes tonight. It’s more than getting more work – it’s about sticking to my dream dammit – against all odds, the naysayers, my own self doubt and my negative bank account. It’s about making dreams come true. What an phenomenal feeling. And Devann is away for two days and although I will miss her, I am looking forward to just some serious “me” time. She is super low maintenance, but still I have to nag, it’s my job, and feed her, it’s my job. So I have 2 days off work and that feels great. I have no plans – I have a ton of work. I am meeting with my illustrator tomorrow and get this damn poetry book done for once and for all. And a few things to finish up before I throw myself into new work. I am not going to say that I am going to cut down on my time in here, but that is a distinct possibility. I’ll still be here, don’t think you can get rid of me that easily. But I’ll be working more, which is a good thing. Somehow I feel this last day of October is the ending of something ( I am not sure even what yet) and the start of something new, exciting, luscious and full of passion and beauty. I don’t have a clue really, except …..it’s my life. Aren’t I lucky? Cheers and smiling bugzy |
| Seems like I am counting down for a few things lately, but this one is because it's my second to last blog entry for this month ... yahoo! It's a milestone I am okay not to repeat. It's been super fun, taxing, made my brain hurt and subjected you all, to a leeeetle too much nonsense. So next month I will give you all a reprieve here and there. Lots of random thoughts today. I did get an email from a local paper, and seems they are interested in my query to do a environmental column for them, which would be super fabulous... so fingers crossed on that one. I wrote the textbook gal today and gave her feedback on the chapter I edited. It was about Foster Parenting - which is such a huge topic, it gets me all riled up. I had to deal with CAS (Children's Aid Society) a couple of times when I ran my kid's camp - and it was not a pleasant experience. I came really close to applying to be a Foster Mom earlier this year, but it didn't seem to come together so I am not pressing it. My ex was a social worker for CAS for years and some of the stories, truly broke my heart. It's not a topic that I think can be just slid into a textbook as a one off piece and it just got me thinking. Then, super coincidentally tonight, I received an email from a young gal who is in the 'system.' She's on here, that's how we met about 8 or 9 months ago I guess. We wrote back and forth for quite awhile and her poems, really broke my heart. She shared way too much information with me, and it just put me in such an frustrated position, I didn't know what to do. I kept telling her she had to disclose this information to someone who could help her as there was nothing I could do. When I was working with children, I was obligated to report incidents of abuse or neglect and it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. And to listen to this young girl's story about the abuse and neglect and trauma she has suffered in the system just about set my heart on fire. I felt helpless and frustrated and angry. I guess my constant warnings to stop telling me and to tell others, finally pushed her away and I had not heard from her since May. Until today. She is still in the system. She ended up in the hospital for a long time as a result of abuse at her last 'family.' She says she is okay now and with a family that treats her all right. She is 14 and only in grade 7. She has major troubles and from what I see, has boundary issues and other challenges. She was sent to detention at school, because she refused to write an essay about her parents, as she knows nothing of them. It's all I can do, not to make her tell me her full name and address and fly down and get her and bring her home. I cannot describe the utter helplessness and sadness and pain I feel for this young child. She's a child. She's a gift of God and we as a society are letting her down. I am ashamed of us. I am ashamed of the system, of the laws, of society. How can this happen? I do not know. I am going to go up and hug Devann. I can hear her giggling up there - that is how a child should feel.and live... happy and giggly, not in fear and pain. I am going to tell her how much I love her, so she knows without a doubt how important she is and how much she is loved. That's the best I can do. Go hug a child today .... it's important. bugzy |
| *scrolls up to make sure* Yup okay it is.. good... so I can rant today then can't I?? damn otters... well there have been a few offers to take them off my hands... so ljkam and Nada expect a fed-ex delivery any day now.I don't even have that much to be pissy about really. I had a nice weekend. It was very subdued. Devann was "under the weather" but I had my suspicions about that. My guess is she didn't want to go to work, but I bettchya by Tuesday she'll be all good to go, as that is a pre halloween sleepover! The weather was so-so, I didn't let myself go canoeing (ok Grifter ?) as I had too much work to do. But I managed to piss away quite a few hours regardless. In hindsight I should have gone anyway... cause now I feel crappy about it. I just had to finish a few things and didn't feel I should allow myself that luxury, but like I said, I still crapped away a lot of time anyway. I had a reply to a job application and I was pretty pumped. I chatted to the gal for quite awhile and it looked good - editing some TESL textbooks, which I thought would be a snap. So she wanted a test chapter done - to which I said... fine (and my radar went up), then I found out later, she had another editor do another test chapter (not the same one as me.. second radar went up). Well I did it anyway, took a lot of time with it and sent it back to her with my price. I upped it a little bit, because I don't think she will hire me now. I think she probably has 10 editors doing test chapters then poof, she has her first textbook done for free. I could be just cynical these days... but I am not holding my breathe on this one.... which is a shame. Would have been a good chunk of money and fairly easy work... oh well.... I feel like a bit of an ass right now too - I saw my bestest long term galfriend on Skype tonight so we chatted - its been ages since we talked!! So we caught up and she sent me a whack of pics of her place. She is a really talented gal, and very smart. I admire her a lot. She built her house almost completely by herself and had now these past two summers worked on her garden. So her pictures she sent were really amazing - she built a pond and has the most gorgeous plants and deck etcetc. And so I sent her my pics as well. But jeeez if I didn't get all jealous of her garden, looking so amazing and mine looking... dismal. I was so happy with my little garden all summer, until I saw hers - then I got all stupid and jealous. What is that about me? Why do I do that? It's just so dumb. She of course, ranted about my place, and how beautiful it looked on the water and how peaceful and serene she said... which I know that... gawed, I love it here!! So why did I get like that? I don't know. I make myself nuts sometimes... Anyway. bring back the otters - their blogs were more entertaining for sure! blahblahblah bugzy p.s.I am behind on a couple of thank yous.... I got cute balloons from Eagle~The Cowboy's Wife and a merit badge ages ago from scarlett_o_h![Merit Badge in Variety
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Thank you yet again for a very original and entertaining contribution to The Blogville News, October 2007.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Variety-2500.gif) ...thank you guys really......very sweet. I am not going to attach anything.. I only have space for 3 more items on here... waaaa.... so I have to delete stuff and I dont wanna! pss...lets send lots of warm, loving thoughts to Eagle~The Cowboy's Wife and Debi Wharton .. both gals are going through a rough timewhich of course.. makes me feel like an even bigger ass for even whining for one minute ....*smack*.. there I did it for yah! all better now  |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Pulled an all nighter in fierce negotiations with those pesky, I mean persistent otters. I stopped at nothing to get them in line, I mean reach an agreement. but the final kicker was ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Those dudes liked my cookies!!!So they've agreed to let me teach them the backstroke and I've agreed that they have playpen rights to my canoe every other Wednesday from 4:30pm to 6:30pm daylight savings time. Phewf... It was tough folks, but it's all good now. We're back to our regular scheduled programming tonight. Cheers bugz |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Anyea here again folks. Things here at Bugzy's have gotten serious.... she simply MUST do something about her Otter Problem! Now I am on the Otter-Dom's MAILING List. How this happened, I have no way of knowing. Just today I received the above picture along with the speech given by His Eminent Whiskers Otto-B-Goode. Below is the speech he gave to a crowd of over 10,000 Otters! BUGZY - they passed laws against YOU! OH NO. * * * * * * It hardly needs me to say that Bugzy is a huge Canadian challenge. Bugzy is a particular challenge for Otters who must strive to protect individual liberties while at the same time ensuring collective Otter security. I hope to explain how Otter-dom has sought to achieve the right balance in enacting its domestic legislation on Bugzy. We must consider the most appropriate steps to protect our citizens from the threats posed by Bugzy. The primary responsibility for this in any modern democratic state falls on the government. It is their responsibility to protect the security of the Otter. The Otter government’s response to the threat of Bugzy will need to be on a number of different levels – new legislation perhaps, increased international co-operation, new methods of infiltrating human cells, new ideas as to how to combat the root causes of Bugzy. It is essential also that we have a robust capability of dealing with Bugzy both to detect and disrupt her. We have reorganized the prosecutors into a special counter Bugzy division to assist that process. Rights are not only one-way. And it is not only the rights of otters, which are important. The rights and liberties of other wild animal citizens are important too. Let us not forget that Bugzy, by her methods and aims, has the potential to negate all the individual wild animal rights, which we all hold so dear. First, in the Prevention of Bugzy Act 2007 our government took new powers to impose control orders. As with so much of the Otter-dom’s legislation on Bugzy, the 2007 Act is very controversial – it was only passed after all night sittings of Otterment in which the House passed the legislation back and forth with amendment and counterproposal before finally hitting on a compromise. We need to keep searching for those approaches, liaising with and drawing on the experience of other Otters facing the same challenge from across the world. Finding this balance is a difficult task. But giving up is not an option. * * * * * Seriously I think this will not stop until I am given chocolate chip cookies for bringing you all this news. Also saving her from having to actually BLOG! ....Anyea |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Anyea here...... with a special announcement....It seems the Otter World is kinda PO'd at Bugzy. Yup. I was cruisin' the Web looking for stuff for NaNo and saw that poster. Under it was an open letter to OtterDom from the Head Poop-Pa himself, Otter Preminger. The following was what I copied for her to read so that she was aware of the animosity she seems to have created in Canada's OtterDom. * * * * * My Dear Wet Fellow Otters, It has come to my attention that a human has come into our midst bearing malice and non-otter feelings. While we otter stay away from human types this may not be possible. It seems that she is considering opening a swim school for us and intends to teach us to dog paddle. There otter be a law against people like her! Our wisest of Otters, Otto B. Kilt, once told me that, "The more things change, the more they otter stay the same.", and I am here today to tell you all - he was right. We feel we have earned the right to do as our ancestors did - party until we poop. Is it so wrong to want such simple goals? I believe we otter ask ourselves a few things. Is this human otterly ridiculous? Who does she think she is? Otters are born to swim and every otter knows we only do the back stroke. Oh sure we slip and slide sometimes but only in fun. We otter stop this woman before she corrupts our lives. To help us resolve this overwhelming problem, we have sent Otto Capone to visit this "Buggie" person to see if he can make her an offer she cannot refuse. My dear wife SOOL wanted to go along with him to ensure no violence was done to this female human but I love my dear Screaming Otter of Love and will not easily sacrifice her to our cause. OTTERS BEWARE! If you see this human call 1+800+IMO-TTER or you otter visit our new Web Site at WWW.POOTS.com. We will get back to you with any updates. Otterly Humble, OP * * * * * It's not looking good - I think we should pray for her |
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