Take a look into the world as I see it.
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Blog header made by my good friend ~*~Damiana Returned~*~
"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before."
---Edgar Allan Poe
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Traditional Gemini Traits
Adaptable and versatile
Communicative and witty
Intellectual and eloquent
Youthful and lively
On the dark side....
Nervous and tense
Superficial and inconsistent
Cunning and inquisitive
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Novelty and the unusual
Variety in life
Multiple projects all going at once
Feeling tied down
Being in a rut
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|My niece came home, just now. I think I have made up my mind on whether I want kids or not. I don't think I want kids. Not after what I have had to live through these past three and a half months. Maybe not all children act like this, but living with Jazlyn has pushed me over the edge. I just don't know about becoming a mommy anymore. Maybe it's just Jazlyn. My blood pressure goes sky-high whenever I am around her. I don't remember any of my sisters, besides Sheila acting like a total brat. I raised all three of them, remember. Molly was the easiest. She was a good baby. So, maybe I am not completely sour on the subject of mommy-hood. All I have to do is think of what it was like raising Molly and what a good kid she was.
In other news, I am getting over being sick and I am hacking all over the place. I was going to go to Melissa is fashionably late! 's son Ethan's birthday party, but I don't want to get him sick. I will just drop a present off after I get out of work on Friday. I feel bad, but I would feel worse if I got Ethan or Cameron sick.
|Well, I have stolen this from Gaby , who stole this from MaryLou .......because I am bored.
1. What is a difference between the last two people you kissed?
Well, one was an asshole, and the other guy was a good friend of mine.
2. Do you believe that there is always room in your heart for your first loves?
I don't know.
3. Where is the next place you will travel to?
Probably Canada. I have never been there, and it will be an easier place to get to, since I live in Michigan.
4. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
Because I was leaving.
5. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's underwear?
6. Have you cried today at all?
7. What were you doing at eight o'clock this morning?
8. When was the last time you cried?
Last week, when I looked at a picture of my dad holding my niece.
9. Do you say "sexy" a lot?
10. When was the last time you had a sleepover?
Probably when I was 13 years old.
11. Do you have any gay friends?
No. Not that I would deny friendship to anyone who was gay, as long as they didn't hit on me.
12. What is something you currently want?
A new lover.
13. When did you last throw up?
When I was living with the ex. He caused me to become bulimic.
14. Do you want to get married and have children one day?
Yeah. I have wanted that for over 10 years now.
15. Do you still think about your exes?
Once in a blue moon.
16. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
I was 16.
17. Missing question.
18. Ever made out in a pool?
Yes, in 2004 at Six Flags, in Arlington, Texas.
19. What is your current profile song?
What's a profile song?
20. Have you ever gambled in a casino?
Yes, when an old boyfriend and I were moving from Dallas, TX, to Tampa Bay, FL, we stayed that the Beau Rivage Hotel/Casino. We stayed up until 4am, playing the slot machines.
21. Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
I like having long hair. I'm am such a girl!
22. What is your favorite place you have traveled?
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
23. Do you like ice cream?
24. What is your favorite color?
Pink. But I like lots of colors. Except for Orange or Brown.
25. What was the last thing you bought?
A hamper at Target.
26. Where do you keep your money?
On my bank card.
27. What was the weather like today?
Sunny, but cold.
28. Where are your parents?
My dad is in heaven, and I don't have a mother.
29. What do you want for Christmas?
A perfect body!
30. Last vacation destination you went to?
Caledesi Island off the coast of Florida.
31. Do you want to cut your hair?
No. I hate having short hair.
32. Do you like to eat ice?
No, because I have sensitive teeth.
33. What is your favorite place to shop?
Amazon.com online, and I love shopping at Best Buy.
34. When do you go to sleep?
During the week I go to bed around 10:30 pm, and on the weekends, whenever I want.
35. Who was the last person of the opposite sex that you talked to?
36. Would you ever consider moving to another state to be with the one you love?
Not after all of the Hell I went through with the last bf.
37. Do you like sushi?
Oh yes! Yummy!
38. Do you lie?
Not typically. I would lie to an asshole though.
39. Do you have empty bottles of alcohol hidden somewhere?
40. Are you over the age of twenty-five?
41. Are you typically a jealous person?
42. Own bright colored underwear?
Yeah, lots of colors.
43. Who is the last person to text you?
44. What was the best movie you have seen in the past two weeks?
As in new movies? None.
45. Are you going to have a good night?
Huh? I can't predict stuff like that!
46. Do you have strange dreams?
47. When was the last time you did the dishes?
When I woke up this morning.
48. Do you trust all of your friends?
Presently, yes I do.
49. What are you listening to?
Nothing, I am watching Twister on dvd though, I guess that can qualify as listening.
50. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes. It's still mending from the last relationship.
|I was listening to the radio yesterday morning on my way to work. They say children who are spanked tend to grow up to be sexually permiscuous, and are into S&M such as spanking during sex. Okay, I was spanked as a child, a lot. I never became permiscuous, I have only had sex with one person, and I hate being spanked as an adult. It fucking hurts worse when you're an adult. Spanking is one of the stupidest and sickest acts that you can perform during foreplay or sex. I don't understand it and never will. Those doctors who came to this conclusion are morons.
|My contacts are driving me crazy. I don't know if it's from being sick, or if it's this rollercoaster weather that we've been having. Maybe it's a combination of both. My tear ducts are completely dried out. My left eye was tearing up a lot for some reason and then stopped. I am here at work and I am tempted to remove and pitch my contacts and put my glasses on. I don't have a lens case or multipurpose solution with me. I guess if this is going to be an ongoing problem, I will have to have that stuff handy in my purse. I tried rewetting drops numerous times already, and it isn't doing any good. I wear the disposable lenses, and they are the Acuvue Oasis with Hydraclear lenses. They are supposed to last for two weeks, and I just took these pair out a couple days ago. It isn't a big deal if I were to throw them away, because I have 3 more pairs before I run out anyway. I am not only trying to avoid wasting them, but I don't want to put my glasses on and have them fog up when I go out in the cold. What a dilemma. I am leaning more toward my own comfort than in suffering because I am starting to get a headache.
|I am hanging on my last thread of patience. My niece is driving me bonkers. This whole week has been nothing but Hell, and I wish both Sheila and Jazlyn would just go away. They are a thorn in my side. I can't have any quiet time to myself, because my niece won't go to bed at a normal time, and insists on pestering me and the cats all night up until the time I go to bed. I just want to be left alone. She should go to sleep when Sheila goes into her room. Jazlyn is not my responsibility, or my kid.........and boy am I glad. Being around Jazlyn is making me consider birth control as a strong possibility. I need to get my own tv and dvd player, so I can lock myself in my room. I am getting a new door knob with a locking mechanism to keep that demon-spawn out of my room while I am home. I hate it when she barges in on me. I need to get out of here, and soon!
|I had to watch Jazlyn lastnight while Sheila was out doing her Miller Lite promotions. It wasn't that bad because she was asleep, although she did wake up once, and came out into the livingroom and started to dink around, and I told her to go back to bed. She said, "No", and I yelled at her to go back to bed again, and this time she finally stayed in bed. Maybe Sheila doesn't enforce an early bedtime, but I do. I hope that this doesn't turn into an every night thing. I guess a couple girls quit, and my other sister Jill, who also does the Miller Lite promotions won't be able to do them anymore because she simply doesn't have the time to do them. I need me time and need to unwind and relax at night. I can't very well do that if I have to watch Jazlyn during all of my free time. I need personal time and privacy. I would go and retreat to my room, but Jazlyn would either follow me, or come and pester me anyway. She thinks she has to see the kitties all of the time. She still barges in on me when I am naked from taking a shower. I don't think that it's appropriate for children to see adults naked, not even their parents. We have our up and down times. But sometimes, it's down-right ridiculous. Sheila also started her job at the Bank yesterday, and I asked her how her first day of work went, and she said in a nasty tone, "How do you think it went? It went how any first day at work would go." Sheesh. Excuse me for being concerned about her life. If I hadn't asked her, she would've been pissed about that too. Damned if I do. Damned if I don't.
|A friend of mine on yahoo sent me something that put a smile on my face and even made me laugh.
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
|You know, I need to be more careful. On Saturday, I was taking my laundry down to the basement to get it washed. Keep in mind that I have to go down 4 flights of stairs to get down there. Well, I get to the second set of stairs, thinking that I had one more step to go. So I step down, and I fall instead. I land in the most weird position. I couldn't get in that position even if I tried really hard. My legs were twisted in different directions and so were my feet. My laundry basket was intact with the clothes and detergent, not one piece of clothing had been lost. I blame this incident on not getting adequate sleep two nights in a row, no thanks to my niece on Thursday night, and then my sister on Friday night. Losing two nights of sleep made me feel so delirious that I couldn't think straight for two days. It turns out that I had three more steps to go, not just one. I didn't feel the pain from the fall until the very next morning. I sprained my right knee and pulled muscles and ligaments in the left one, and my ankles are really sore. I didn't think falling down the stairs was funny at first, but then yesterday, I thought about it, and I just started to crack up. No one saw me fall down the stairs, which to me is a total blessing from the big guy upstairs. Thank God for small favors!
|Living with Sheila is total Hell. I can't stand living with her at all. She is always snippy and has an attitude problem. I agree with Molly about Sheila inheriting Belinda's mental conditions. Whatever she has, it's more than depression. My nerves are hanging on their last thread and I am about to break. I need to move out ASAP, or she needs to move out ASAP. This living arrangement isn't working. Then there is a situation where she won't tell me when we're out of dishwasher liquid or some other supply, it always take me finding out, after I have already been to the store. Why should I have to pay for everything in the first place? I have already did the calculations for living on my own, and with all of the bills, I will have over $800 in residual cash, so I will have more than enough to survive on my own. Grandpa found out about the fighting and missunderstood grandma when she told him. He thought Sheila and I were fighting. I set him straight and told him that it was Sheila and her boyfriend that were doing the fighting. I told him that I threatened Sheila with the police if she didn't knock off the chaos. I told him that this hasn't been the only time that Sheila has argued with someone between the hours of 12am-4am. Grandpa is pissed now because he thinks that she will get kicked out if she continues. I even said that the next time Sheila behaves that way, I will report her to management myself and I probably will call the police. I am tired of her shit. She completely disregards my feelings and needs. I need to sleep during that time frame that she comes home. If she needs to argue with someone, then she needs to take it outside or in her car where other people can't hear her trap flapping.
I have an update on the cat situation. They are now in my bedroom laying on the same bed, lol. They still give each other weird and nasty looks though. I am sure that will change too. Max acts like he's afraid of Jezebel, which I kind of find hilarious. Big strapping cat like him afraid of a petite little girl like her? Cats are so weird!
|NOT!!! Lastnight didn't end well. I am not taking the blame either. The fighting didn't end either, and I had to threaten Sheila that I was going to call the police. I know for a fact that she hit her boyfriend. I hurt a loud slap and a punch and I know that Rich didn't hit Sheila. He isn't that type. Now I know why Sheila's relationships don't last. She needs anger management classes. I think she has more than just depression, I think she has the same problem that Belinda has. Belinda is paranoid/schizophrenic and bipolar. Sheila acts exactly like she does. Then she called me a bitch and a psycho. With everything that I witnessed lastnight, I feel like I am reliving my days with Belinda and dad. All Belinda ever did was instigate fights with dad, at around the same times during the week. I am tired of everything. She threatened to move out and I hope she does. I can't live with a person like Belinda anymore. This all on Sheila and her inheriting Belinda's "Psycho Genes". I had a conversation with Molly today on yahoo messenger, and I told her exactly everything that went on lastnight. She said that the reason why she moved out at 15 is because Sheila would beat up on her and bully her around all of the time, especially whenever Molly would ask dad for help with anything. Sheila is a bully. She always has been a bully with me, Jill, and Molly. Molly said Sheila acts like Belinda, and that it's a shame that even one of us inherited mental illness. I think Sheila gets a thrill out of bullying, fighting and arguing with people. All I can say, is that I can't take this much longer. I refuse to relive all of the bullshit that I had to put up with when Belinda was in my life.
|Well, I brought home Jezebel today, and she warmed right up to me shortly after I brought her home. Max seems to have an interest in her, but Jezebel is a little......well catty toward him. The instructions say to keep them separate from each other for several days before introducing them. They are curious about each other, but Jezebel, will moan, growl, bat, and hiss at him. So, I am going to start all over with these two and do it the way that Kalamazoo Animal Rescue originally instructed in the first place. I hope that I haven't screwed things up. The papers said that it can take up to three months for two cats to be used to each other. I really hope that it doesn't take that long, but if it does, it's better late than never, right?
Now, you are probably wondering what I am doing up so late. Well, I will tell you. My sister wasn't supposed to come home until tomorrow. Well, I was getting set to go to bed, until Sheila comes home. She doesn't act as if anything is wrong. Then I hear her crying in her room. I never dare to ask her why, because she will get pissy with me if I ask her why she's crying, or she will tell me that it's none of my business. Well, then a few minutes later I hear her arguing with her boyfriend. Then, 15 minutes later I am in my room and the doorbell rings. It's Richie, and I figured. Who else would it be at this time of night. I let him in and I tell Sheila that her boyfriend is here. And she tells me to tell him to go away. Apparently, he got kicked out of Wild Bull for whatever reason. But, who cares? Sheila obviously does. There is a lot of screaming on her end. I can barely hear Rich. Sheila tends to be on the overly sensitive side, more sensitive than me, even. Sheila has the tendency to be a drama queen. This is among one of the many reasons why I want my own place. I hate being in the middle of my sisters dramas, all three of my sisters. I have my own problems to deal with. Calgon, take me away!
|Lastnight I was watching movies with my sister and niece. Sheila brings these cookies out. She told me that they were fat-free and sugar-free. I said, "Ewwww, why bother eating them?" Sheila said that she liked them. They turned out to be these Gerber Graduates cookies. My 2 year old niece handed me two of them, and I am thinking, "Why the Hell not?" So I try them and they are the most blandest things you could ever eat. No flavor whatsoever. I painfully eat both of them. Then my niece goes and hands me two more. Even though I think they're nasty, I can't say "no" when she's being polite and sweet. And how could I say "no" to this little cutie in the first place? Anyway, she accidently drops one of them on the floor, and says, "Oh, I sorry." Then picks it up off the floor, blows off the dust, then brushes it with her hands, then wipes the cookie on her sleeve. Then hands me the cookie, and says, "Here." I just burst out laughing, and told Sheila about it and she laughed and said she probably got that from Dan, because she saw him do that once when he had dropped food on the floor. I just couldn't contain myself, every time I think about it, I just get into the worst giggling fit that you wouldn't believe. Too cute, and too funny!
|Here is a photo album of me from infancy to adulthood. Some photos are down right cute, and others are just plain dorky! It's rateable, so if you could please!
Another big thank you to katherine76 for the pretty awardicon!
|Almost every person that I have told about the new kitty that I am getting, always makes some sort of gross remark like, "Don't be surprised if he (Max) tries to hump her." Or if I say something like I am getting Max a new friend so he will have someone to play with. They will say something like, "Oh, he will play alright." I am surrounded by perverts, I swear. That thought never crossed my mind when I had thought about getting another cat. It's one thing to think about people having sex, but to think about animals in that way is even sicker. Even my grandmother said something about it. Which to me is kind of creepy. They are animals, they are going to act on instinct and besides, they are both spayed and neutered. Sometimes that doesn't make a world of difference, but for the most part, the female would have to go into heat in order for max to want to do anything. I have talked to several pet owners that have one male and one female cat, and they never had any issues with one cat trying to "hump" the other. Maybe I am being a prude without a sense of humor, but good God people, get your minds out of the gutters, sickos!
|Well, I revised and expanded my dad's story. I hope that I can get some reviews on it soon. I am still adding to it. It's hard to remember everything at once, we're talking an entire lifetime of memories. And please read and review his photo album too. Oh yeah, and since these items have been out for quite a long time now and have gotten very few reviews, both now have Auto-Rewards !
A special thank you to my wonderful friend katherine76 for the lovely awardicons for both of my pieces! Thank you Kat!
|Every time I see a picture of dad, I start crying. I can't look at a picture of my dad without crying. I still can't believe that he's gone. It hurts not to have my dad around. Today it's been 4 months since he died. I keep thinking that one day I will wake up from this nightmare, and he will walk back into my life. But I know that will never happen. Instead of running off to another state, I should've stayed here and spent time with him. I feel so guilty and selfish for not being here. I never knew he was so lonely until after he was gone. I don't think I will ever heal from this pain. It feels like a dagger through my heart. Tragedies like this never make sense to me. I am feeling nauseous, I need to go lay down soon.
|I am a little nervous about bringing another cat into my life. I just hope that Max will get along with Jezebel. Max seems like a sweet-tempered and laid back kitty, and seems to have an interest in other cats. When I held Jezebel at Petsmart, she seemed to have the same sweet disposition as my cat. A little nervous, but probably because there were dogs walking around. She seemed to have the same general interest in other cats like my Max does. She was purring when I held her, and she seemed quite calm. Hopefully all goes well when I bring her home to test the waters, so to speak. I was told that she currently lives with other cats, and has been around children, so she is used to both. I am just wondering about Max. I pray that everything works out. If you haven't seen a picture of Jezebel, there's a picture of her in my last entry. The Kalamazoo Animal Shelter called me lastnight and did a short interview and asked me a few questions. Then they gave me the number of the foster parent of Jezebel, and I talked with her, and then she asked me to call the former owner of Jezebel. I had to talk to three different people, and I assured and reassured them that I would take good care of her and love her forever. I also promised that I would email them updated photos of her every so often too. I am really excited though.
|Here a couple of things I did for my dad. Despite everything, he was still a great man and deserved to be put upon a pedestel. Please rate and review both. Thanks!