Take a look into the world as I see it.
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Blog header made by my good friend ~*~Damiana Returned~*~
"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before."
---Edgar Allan Poe
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Traditional Gemini Traits
Adaptable and versatile
Communicative and witty
Intellectual and eloquent
Youthful and lively
On the dark side....
Nervous and tense
Superficial and inconsistent
Cunning and inquisitive
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Novelty and the unusual
Variety in life
Multiple projects all going at once
Feeling tied down
Being in a rut
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|My niece, Jazlyn has gotten to the point where she purposely pees her pants. She has wet her pants 3 times today. I am glad that I don't have to watch her, lol. I would be frustrated. She just got a spanking for peeing her pants. I guess it's 3 strikes and you're out. Sheila told her that if she keeps it up, she will get punished every time until she starts using the potty again. I support that. Jazlyn has also gotten into the phase of biting, hitting, talking back to adults, and name calling. Is this how an almost three year old kid acts? If it is, then I am in for a scary ride when I have kids. Jazlyn is one of the reasons why I want to move out. CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!
| Has anyone seen that new Gas-Ex commercial? I saw it for the first time yesterday. The guy comes up to the lady and says "Your son, Rip is on line toot." I wasn't actually watching it, I was just casually listening to it, and when I heard it, I just fell over laughing. There are very few commercials that I actually find funny. Sometimes Geico gets some good ones in from time to time.
I hate the commercials for those Beggin Strips for dogs. I wonder what idiot came up with that idea for the commercials I mean. They should be shot, whoever they are. The same for those Bush's Baked Beans commercials. I just have to mute the tv for both of those commercials.
|For once, FOX used their pea-sized brains and moved HOUSE to a different time-slot and a different day of the week. I was in my glory lastnight being able to watch my favorite show, HOUSE, for the first time in several months. No thanks to American Idiot(Idol) and that stupid writers strike.
I seriously think that American Idol is ruining music. I would never buy any of the Idols cds. They sound like amateurs, not real musicians. With the exceptions of Bo Bice. He was the only real talent that I saw. I used to watch American Idol, but stopped watching it, when Bo lossed to that ditz who's name I can't think of right now. That's how important she was to me. Both Jerry and I vowed to never watch that show again. And we haven't. It's always the country singers that win. It just goes to show you that America has no taste in music what-so-ever. I hate anything that's country or western. The closest thing I will ever come to anything like that, would be southern rock/metal. I hate reality shows period. American Idol doesn't appeal to everyone like it should. What about a separate reality show for people like me who love hard rock/heavy metal/classic rock? Why must they always focus on that honky-tonk shit for? When I get married, country music will not be allowed at the reception at all. I just can't stand it. I always end up wanting to jump off of a bridge when I hear a country song. Country music makes me feel suicidal for some reason. I'm surprised that I survived the trip from Florida to Michigan when I had to ride in the van with my grandparents. LOL! American Idol sucks.
|Sometimes I wonder what the hell I am doing here. I mean seriously. I love life, but when you don't have a job or any money, you love it less. I have applied to several jobs, more like 100's of jobs and have heard nothing from those miserable jackasses! I am getting tired of this. Then I go on the job boards today and there wasn't anything yesterday or today. In these situations, sometimes I wonder if I am better off dead, because I am feeling very worthless right now.
|This has been a very uneventful day and evening. I was bored all day. Didn't hear one peep out of any of the companies that I applied to. I am at a huge loss as to what I should do. It stinks. I will keep trying. Hopefully something will turn up soon. I am getting nervous. I am worried that I won't get to do the things that I have been wanting to do. Like move far away from here. I hate it in Kalamazoo. Plus there aren't very attractive men in this area for me to date. All of the good looking guys are on the other side. I would never date anyone that already have kids either. I have had too much stress in my life and can't deal with someone else's kids. If they were my own flesh and blood, I could more than handle it.
|I get home, and I find out that my sister and that low-life loser ate the rest of my sausage that I fry up for breakfast and have every morning. They had no right to touch my food. I can eat off of $30 a week. But when assholes like my sister and her scummy friends come through here and eat my food, then I don't have enough to last me. Do you know what happens to theives in the Middle East if they are caught stealing? They get their hands chopped off. Something along the same thing will happen to them if I notice anymore food missing, only I will break their hands instead. I am tired of supporting my sister and everyone else that creeps into this apartment. From now on, I am not buying anymore toilet paper or water to share. I am going to keep it to myself. I will hide the toilet paper in my bedroom, and just take it with me whenever I have to use the bathroom. As for the water I will do the same thing. Then when Sheila is gone, I am going to put a few bottled waters in the freezer and drink them all while she's not here. I am tired of her walking all over me. I feel like I am being taken advantage of. Just like she took advantage of my dad when he was still alive. That's probably one of the reasons why he wasted away and died. She bled him dry. I need to get the fuck out of here. The cost of living would be a lot cheaper for me if I were living by myself and not supporting a bunch of moronic assholes. Sheila is a self-centered bitch, and Dan is a mooch!
|I am at my grandparents house right now. I had to get away from that insanity! Whenever my niece wakes up, I dread the rest of the day. She raises hell by screaming, terrorizing the cats, getting into shit. Just today, I was sitting at the computer and she runs into me causing my big toe to get jammed up against the desk, and nearly broke my big right toe. I yelped, and yelled at her, and she thought that it was funny that I was hurt. I still think that she's going to grow up a problem child. She sees Sheila with all of these different boyfriends, which makes me wonder how this looks to Jazlyn. My niece is at an impressionable age, and I am worried. Then to make things worse, Dan is still at the apartment, which drives me insane. I had to get out of there, which is why I am at my grandparents house right now. Hopefully, by the time I return home, he won't be there. I think all three of them are pigs. They don't flush the toilet, or clean up after themselves. They eat my food, and get into my things without asking. Dan hogs the tv in the livingroom. I need to find a job so I can get the hell out of there.
A word of advice:
DON'T EVER LIVE WITH A ROOMMATE, NO MATTER HOW COST EFFECTIVE IT IS. IT'S A MISERABLE WAY TO LIVE AND YOU WILL END UP KILLING YOURSELF ONE DAY! YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND A WAY TO GET BY ON YOUR OWN!!!!
|Well, I found an opening in the Detroit area at a printing company. It's further south than what I wanted to live, but I guess I could live a little further north, somewhere if I were to get the job. I would be perfect for this job, but it also depends on how much they are willing to pay me, in order to make it worth my while to relocate to that area. But it would be a job, and it would end my depression, lol. All I can do is hope. I looked in the Kalamazoo area just for the hell of it. Guess what? I found absolutely nothing. Big surprise! Kalamazoo is just one big gaping hole of depression. I hate it. People like Kalamazoo because the people are nice. Well, Kalamazoo isn't so likeable if you can't find a job. Nice people don't matter if a city is jobless. I don't really associate myself with that many people anyway, and it doesn't really bother me that much. With people, I can take them or leave them. I do well on my own. I am more of a family person anyway.
|I got a reply email from another job that I replied to. They said:
"Unfortunately clerk position isn't available anymore, but we can
suggest you well compensated part time job.
Read this short job description and email back if you are interested.
Independent Agent: As Moss Business Solutions Independent Agent you will
have the opportunity to enjoy a significant and outgoing income operating
in a rapidly expanding market place. Up to $3000 monthly earning
potential! Proven Business model. Flexible Working Hours. Full &
Part-time Opportunities. Training is Given. No Selling is Required. No
Investing is Required."
Yeah right! Another scam. I wish that yahoo would screen these companies better so when people apply for jobs, they won't wind up disappointed to find out that the job that they applied for never existed in the first place.
| Sheila's ex (niece's dad) showed up with his drunk ass at 3:30 am, ringing the doorbell excessively. I was so pissed to be woken up by something so stupid. I don't even know why he came here. I refused to answer the door. Instead I went into Sheila's room and woke her ass up to let him in. He's not my problem, he's hers. I need to get a job and get the fuck out of here. I am tired of Sheila's drama, and my screaming terrible niece.
|Here is a new sig that I purchased from Kiya. I don't actually have any tattoos. I came up with the phrase and wanted a girl with a badass image, lol. This is what I got. I think it's pretty cool though. The funny thing about this is that the girl is holding snare drum sticks, and I used to be a drummer, lol. I don't think Kiya knew that! I am a bit of a rebel. I don't like doing what other people do. I am not much of a team player, and usually go solo on a lot of things. I have been like that all my life. I am not a typical Christian, nor do I want to be. I don't feel that it's necessary for a church to have night services as well as morning services. I think that it's all a greater scheme to get more money out of people. I don't like the idea of other people knowing my business by being nosy about my life and what I do in my life. I don't like being controlled by a body of people, I get enough of that from the government. The bible even states that going to church doesn't get you to heaven. I already give to various charities when I have the money, that's including the Catholic/Episcopal Churches. I don't trust the new age churches. All you ever hear when you go to one of those churches is about the end of the world and the antichrist. Who wants to hear about the end of the world each time they go to church? Not me. I think it's depressing. I like my life on earth. I think church should focus more on the teachings of the old testament and early new testament. I think the ministers use the book of Revelation as a scare tactic. You don't get people to believe in Jesus, by scaring the crap out of people. If I wasn't already a Christian, that would be a major turn off for me. I like heavy metal music. I like sex. Who doesn't? I don't feel like having pre-marital sex will send me to Hell. I think that rule only applies to those who sleep around, hookers, and cheaters. I don't murder, steal, commit crimes, or hurt people. I am a sweet and giving person. Despite a lot of things, I am a well-rounded individual. Even though it may not sound like it. LOL.
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|The state of Florida is trying to ban those fake testicles on the backs of trucks because people find them offensive. I don't find them offensive, just stupid and obnoxious. When I was living in Florida, I saw those all of the time. Come to think of it, they are the only state that I have seen people sporting the fake bull testicles on their trucks. It must be a southern thing. Anyway, here's the article.
|I received an email from one of the places that I sent an application into. Well she told me that this job wouldn't benefit me because it's only a one month temporary thing, and that it wouldn't be a good idea to move to the Detroit because of that. Well, duh. I knew that it was temporary, I just wanted something so I could get my foot in the door over there, because then, it would be easier to get more interviews. Sheesh. I think people are dense sometimes. I have to get the ball rolling somehow, right? I have another suggestion, if it's a temporary job, then why not post the duration of the assignment? I knew that it was a temp job, but I figured that it was at least 3 months long. Apparently not.
|I still want to finish this blog before my birthday this year. I am getting tired of writing in it. I still have 200 entries more to go, 199 after this one is written. I figure with all that has happened last year, I need a new blog to represent the new/changing me. I just need to figure out a new name for the new blog. Technically I don't have to finish this blog out. A lot of people don't finish their old blogs before they start a new one. However, if I don't finish this blog, it will just bug me because I didn't finish it. If I don't finish a project it will drive me crazy, no matter what the project is.
|I have been feeling so wiped out these past two days. I am guessing that it's both a combination of allergies, and being depressed over not finding a job yet. I can't really do anything about either situation, but to keep pressing on and believe that I will find something soon. As for the allergies, I can't really do anything about those. Except maybe take allergy medicine, which I won't do, I can't afford even the OTC stuff. The muggy weather might have something to do with my mood too. I tried doing my daily walk yesterday and I could only do an hour and fifteen minutes, and not the full 2 hours. Everything just kept going in slow-motion. Maybe I am experiencing PMS really early this month. I even ovulated earlier than usual. My whole body chemistry is way off this month. Tired. Cranky. Emotional. Sounds like PMS to me. But without the breast pain so far. That will be next.
|I am getting sick and tired of all this shit! I have applied to over 50 jobs probably a lot more than that, maybe twice that amount, and haven't heard anything yet. Kalamzoo sucks major, because there's nothing to do, and I have emailed and applied to several jobs in the Detroit area, and none of those jackasses have contacted me. I blame everything on that ditzy bitch Jennifer Granholm, that has turned this state inside out. I feel like giving up. All I have done in the past month or so is applied to jobs and I hear nothing. I think I will give up, because I have no more fight or energy left in me. I am worn out and just want to cry myself to sleep. I am that depressed.
|I have started to buckle down more and apply to even more jobs, only this time, sending a cover letter explaining that if offered the job, that I would relocate to the metro Detroit area, as well as pay my own moving expenses. Hopefully that will work. There are plenty of Sales Rep jobs available that are willing to hire me. Maybe I should work for one of those until I can find something that I like, lol. I hate Kalamazoo more than any other city in this state. I guess that I shouldn't hate the state, but rather the government. Detroit seems to be the only city that has anything worth applying to. Retail stores won't hire me because I have too much experience. I don't want to work in retail and deal with the ugliness of the public. Target and Michaels were bad enough experiences to last me a lifetime. Besides they don't pay enough for a person to survive anyway. And I don't want to work so many different jobs that I don't have any time for myself. That's not a healthy way to live. I don't know how much more I can take not being employed. I am beyond frustrated with this whole fucking thing!
|I was just reading an article on Yahoo! "How to determine the sex of your baby by your diet." They claim that if a woman eats a diet high in sugar, she is more likely to conceive a boy, if a woman eats a diet that's lower in fat, she is more likely to conceive a girl. First of all, sex of the baby is never determined by a woman's diet. Secondly, it's the man's sperm that dertermines the sex of the baby, by either an 'X' (girl) chromosome, or a 'Y' (boy) chromosome. All of the female's eggs are marked with an 'X' chromosome. Of all the years of study, I don't think that has changed. A man's diet may determine the sex of a baby as to whether a girl or boy is conceived, but never the woman's. Nevertheless, it's always a coin-toss of what you will get. So I can't understand why they are debating this issue. It's stupid and a wasted article. I guess they have too much time on their hands. Who knows, maybe these morons didn't pay attention to biology while they were in school.
| *sigh* I had almost finished my blog entry, and the stupid mouse clicked on something else and I had re-do the whole entry! Son-of-a-Bitch!
As I was saying, Sometimes, I really hate my Uncle Tom. I mean, he is selfish, worthless, and pathetic. He doesn't take care of the important things that matter in life. I have never seen someone so lazy as Uncle Tom, except maybe my mother. I was in grandpa's office and the phone rings. I wasn't listening at first, but then I heard grandma all stressed out. I quickly figured out that it was worthless-pathetic-Uncle Tom. He was arguing and fighting with her because grandma wouldn't agree to buy him another car. I remember that they have bought him several cars in the past, too many to count. I got up and went down to the backroom to tell grandpa what was going on, how he was arguing and fighting with grandma. I said that he was being a jerk. Grandpa replied, "He is a jerk." LOL. It is true. Then I also pointed out how he doesn't have a job and he isn't even looking for a job. Grandpa also said that when he did have a car, he didn't work or even look for work, and even has sold his cars for money to buy drugs. Grandpa also added that he's a worthless leech. I wish that Uncle Tom would grow the fuck up. He will be 51 this August, and he hasn't done anything except make his life a total disaster.
|Grandma and I went to the monument place to pick out my dad's headstone. We picked out the ebony colored bevel stone, since grass and stuff would grow and cover it up if it were a flat monument. I chose to have dad's first, middle, and last name put on it, along with his full date of birth and death. I also chose the shamrock design since my dad always took pride in our Irish heritage. I think that he would be proud of that.
I finally responded to Jerry's email. The only way I would take him back is if he did a total 180 in his personality among a lot of other things. I know that he means well. I also know that he put up a front so I would leave. That was a stupid thing for him to do on his part. I don't need his crap. Besides, I am involved with someone else. For all I know, what I had with this guy might have been a one-night stand, even though he said otherwise after the deed was done and over with. LOL. Whatever happens, I will be fine with it. I don't ever sleep with a guy on the first date, so this was definately a first for me. I have to have fun once in awhile too. First dates can have exceptions, it just depends on the chemistry and how well two people get along and what they have in common.