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Take a look into the world as I see it. |
Size: 700 Entries
Created: February 7th, 2007 at 11:14pm
Modified: June 22nd, 2008 at 4:27pm
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Blog header made by my good friend ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ 
"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before."
---Edgar Allan Poe
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Traditional Gemini Traits
Adaptable and versatile
Communicative and witty
Intellectual and eloquent
Youthful and lively
On the dark side....
Nervous and tense
Superficial and inconsistent
Cunning and inquisitive
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January 19, 2008 at 7:13pm
January 19, 2008 at 7:13pm
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Sheila went out lastnight, and came home around 2am. Apparently Dan (the drug-dealing-addict-alcholic-deadbeat dad) got out of jail yesterday. Too bad they couldn't keep in there indefinately. Sheila came home drunk lastnight, and she always seems to get into an argument with someone over the phone when she's like that. This time she was talking to Dan. He was drunk lastnight, which doesn't surprise me one bit. This is the very thing that could wind him back in jail, because as part of his probation, he is not supposed to even touch a drop of alcohol. He has to go in for regular breathalizer tests to make sure he is following the agreement. She was on the phone with him for at least 2-3 hours. I learned some new things while overhearing that conversation. It turns out he started to sell and do drugs when Sheila got pregnant. He is trying to blame her for his screw-ups.  I also heard Sheila break down and cry, which really broke my heart and also pissed me off. I heard some other things too, but don't care to go into it. I saw Sheila this morning and gave her a big hug, and told her that Dan is no longer welcome in our apartment. She just said that he's an asshole. I think 'asshole' is too nice of a word for that dirtbag. I would like to beat the tar out of him. |
January 16, 2008 at 5:10pm
January 16, 2008 at 5:10pm
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Jazlyn is getting on my nerves like she tends to do. She won't leave my cat alone. She's always chasing him and trying to pick him up, and roars at him. Max doesn't like her because of this. If she would keep her distance from him and leave him in peace, maybe he wouldn't be so afraid of her. Yesterday, Max had enough and finally bit and scratched her. Heh. Serves her right, but she still won't leave him alone. I don't feel the slightest of sympathy for my niece. She needs to learn to leave him alone, and give him some breathing room. I am not going to get rid of him to save her from getting scratched or bitten. It's her fault for being an obnoxious brat. Sheila and I have tried to make her stop pestering the cat, but she doesn't listen. Sheila told me that she was a little bitch in the store lastnight too. I still think it's because she doesn't have a father figure around. The dipshit is supposed to get out of jail next week. I really hope she doesn't take him back.  That would be the stupidest thing that she could do. The guy she is with right now is 100 times better than he is, by far. |
January 15, 2008 at 10:13pm
January 15, 2008 at 10:13pm
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| It's been a very uneventful day for me. I finally bought a comforter and mattress protector, plus another pillow for my bed. I went to Frederick's of Hollywood today because I reserved a couple of bras. I went shopping for other things too. I can't get out of Crossroads Mall without shopping at a couple or more stores. When I got home, I checked my online banking and I found that I was double charged by Frederick's. I had to call the bank and dispute the extra one. They put more money back in my bank account than what I had leftover, and told me that it will take up to 10 business for the investigation to be completed. Oh well. *sigh* |
January 14, 2008 at 9:43am
January 14, 2008 at 9:43am
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| I am tired of people accusing me of victimizing myself because of my mother. Every time someone reads my biography about my life with my biological mother, they slam me. They tell me that my biological mother may have gone through something traumatic, and that's the reason why she has acted and behaved the way she has. They don't know what they are talking about. People suggest that my biological mother was sexually assaulted and molested and that's why she acts the way she does or they simply tell me that I am pathetic. I am not pathetic. The people who tell me I'm pathetic, are assholes and they can go straight to Hell. My biological mother was not sexually abused or assaulted. She is just a crazy lunatic that will never have recognition as my mother, and she will never have my love, because she could never show me the same. I am tired of people standing up for that bitch. They talk as if she's the victim. I blame her as part of the reason why my dad is dead. She doesn't deserve sympathy. She's a worthless piece of crap. The only people that will ever understand what I am going through and feeling, is my family, because they were witnesses to everything my mother had done to me and my late father. God knows that I have given that woman hundreds of chances to make things right between us, and she always screwed it up. I have given up on her a long time ago. She's not worth my time and energy. I am going to foucus on me and my needs for a change. I write these biographies to show people what I have survived through. I don't write them to gain pity from people. Anyone who thinks that, can piss off and jump off of a cliff for all I care. I write these stories for self-healing and to help others that may be going through the same thing. |
January 9, 2008 at 10:08pm
January 9, 2008 at 10:08pm
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I hate the way PMS makes me feel. It makes me feel miserable.  I have been so tired and emotional lately. My anger boils to the point where I feel like I am going to explode and lash out at people. Maybe it's lack of male contact or something. I haven't had any contact like that for 8 months now. I can live without it. The usual moron would say that it's because I am still hung up on Jerry. Let me get something straight with everyone on here or anyone else that reads my blog. I hate Jerry, he is the worst person that I have ever met in my lifetime. I have no desire to go back with him, and never will. He is a loser, and a scumbag. I have moved on with my life and I am happy for a change. |
January 8, 2008 at 8:31pm
January 8, 2008 at 8:31pm
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| I hate living in a building that has a bunch of old farts. All the rights of young people get taken away to cater to these people that have one foot already in the grave. I was playing my cd player that has a mixture of music on it, and one song came on particularily loud and I turned it down......when I was in the middle of doing this, my doorbell rings, and there is this old fucking fart standing at my door, and I am thinking, Oh great, here we go." He starts off by saying that my music is too loud. Well duh, that's why I turned it down in the first place. I had it down to a reasonable level too. Then the stupid old quack goes on and on about how loud music that penetrates through walls can lead to hearing loss. A simple, "Could you please keep the music down a tad lower than you had it?" Would've been enough for me. I didn't need a science lesson. Sheesh. That's how old people are..........very.....very.....very anal. |
January 7, 2008 at 9:57pm
January 7, 2008 at 9:57pm
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| I really hate my niece sometimes. Okay, maybe I don't hate her, she just drives me nuts. She's a spoiled rotten brat who does nothing but throw herself on the floor and wails like a dying donkey if she can't have what she wants. When Sheila even goes out for a few minutes, Jazlyn starts crying because she thinks it's going to bring Sheila upstairs from the laundry room that much sooner. It drives me fricken insane at times. Sheila hates it too, lol. I know it's not all Sheila's fault. My niece needs a father figure in her life, not necessarily the biological one either. He can go away forever for all I care, with his boozing, drug-dealing-doing self. Sheila has a great boyfriend now, and I really approve of him. He treats her and Jazlyn great. I hope this relationship sticks. Sheila and Jazlyn both need a great man in their life. I really hope Sheila doesn't let Dan touch her when he gets out of jail. She was even thinking of taking him back until he was thrown back in jail again. She would have to be desparate to want that sleaze back. |
January 4, 2008 at 10:53pm
January 4, 2008 at 10:53pm
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| I was heading back to work from the cafeteria at the hospital and I slipped and fell. Everyone saw it and came rushing to my aide. Normally I would be embarrassed, but I was in more pain than I was embarrassed. The pain out-weighed everything else. I was crying in excruciating pain. I ended up going down to the ER. The good news is that nothing's broken, the bad news is that I am in terrible pain, and have to wear an immobilizer on my left leg. My knee is screwed up pretty bad because I landed straight on the knee cap (patella), it's swollen, and the pain is getting worse. I may break down and go to the pharmacy tomorrow to fill both of those perscriptions. I am getting a bed tomorrow. I wish I had one now, because getting up off the floor in the morning is going to be very difficult and painful. |
January 3, 2008 at 8:35pm
January 3, 2008 at 8:35pm
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I just got back from getting my hair cut and my eyebrows waxed. I feel so much better now! Ahhhhh!  I really need a Calgon bath, lol. I don't know how much more I can take living with Sheila. I told her that I got my hair cut and my eyebrows done, and she's like, "Why don't you do your own?" I told her it was because I don't know how and I don't have the patience or the pain tolerance to go through tweezing them one by one. Then she told me that I was wasting my money. Look who's talking. This is the same girl that blows $6 on those frappuccino drinks at the store. It's like WTF? You only get 4 of those little things in a case. And she has the nerve to tell me i'm wasting my money? She is posessive and self-centered. It's like I am not allowed to buy groceries and put them in the fridge, or in the cupboard. She acts like she owns the whole place, and that I have no rights whatsoever. It's like the only place that I can have any of my stuff is in my room. I told grandma that I can't put up with this much longer, and she understands. Getting grandpa to understand that, is like trying to get a dog to stop barking. He says that Sheila and I need eachother......not really. I would be much happier living on my own for awhile. Sheila's friends come over and leech off of my internet, and I can't use it whenever I want. I am thinking of canceling my cable service with Charter because I have been out for over 2 weeks now. I have called them over a week ago and they claim that there's a huge outage in Michigan and to call back when it comes back on and they will credit my account. I tried calling them lastnight and was on hold for over 15 minutes, I gave up and hung up. I think I am just going to cancel the cable and just keep the phone service and internet. What's the point in having something if I can't use or watch it? I am beyond frustrated with everything that's going on. On the bright side, we are moving back to our building in downtown......thank God! LOL. Getting to work will be easier and shorter now. It will only take me 10 minutes to get to work as opposed to 20 minutes to get to the other facility. So this makes me very happy. |
January 2, 2008 at 9:13pm
January 2, 2008 at 9:13pm
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| I got sick over New Years Day and couldn't go out. I seem to get worse before I get better and that sucks. Why can't it just start with severe symptoms and then get better? Seems backwards to me. Work is going great. I got my first check a couple days ago. I will probably get a bed this weekend. I can't wait. I am tired of sleeping on the floor. I have reviews to fulfill this weekend. That's when I will have the most time to get things done. |
January 1, 2008 at 11:25pm
January 1, 2008 at 11:25pm
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This has been a very unproductive day. Well, I shouldn't say that because I went to the store again, and got more much needed things. I also rearranged my dresser and dvd rack. I haven't taken down the Christmas tree yet, I am saving that for tomorrow after work. I haven't gotten a bed yet, but it will probably this weekend. My sinuses were worse when I woke up this morning and I had to pick up some orange juice and klennex. I am also using homeopathic throat spray which helps too.
I am really disappointed in Sheila. She doesn't take care of my niece the way she should. She doesn't spend quality time with her, and seems to care more about her social life and what/which guy she should use/spend the night with next. I see her self-destructing at some point in the near future. Last week she was in the hospital for fainting/passing out. She's out of control and needs to start taking charge of her life. I can't do anything about this and she doesn't listen to anyone's advice, so what's the point. She will find out the hard way one of these days. I don't want to be living with her when this happens. |
December 31, 2007 at 11:38pm
December 31, 2007 at 11:38pm
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| I am glad that 2007 is coming to an end. What a crappy year. My dad dying was probably the worst of it all. I really do miss him. I have great plans for 2008. Joining my sisters gym is number one on my list, and having a more positive outlook on life. I hope 2008 brings everyone lots of joy! |
December 30, 2007 at 11:02pm
December 30, 2007 at 11:02pm
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| The year is winding down. Thank God. I hope 2008 is a damn better one than 2007. I have been through enough to last me several lifetimes. Sheila is gone until Tuesday......yay! I won't have to listen to her complain. I guess that's a good thing, lol. She's been telling people that I am eating all of her food. Bullshit. It's more like the other way around. She drinks all of my water, milk, and juice. Then she will eat my regular food too. I don't know where she gets off on talking shit about me behind my back. I found this information out from my grandmother. Sheila is such a jerk. Grandpa was telling me today that Sheila and I need each other and that we should remain living with each other.....heh.....yeah right. I need to move out and be independent, and regain my privacy and peace and quiet. My Charter cable is out on account of the winter storm we had two weeks ago. I called them last week and they told me that there is a huge outage in Michigan. Great. I guess I won't get to watch the ball drop tomorrow night. Another thing, there is no guarantee that I will get paid tomorrow. It may or may not end up in my bank account, and it may or may not be at the office for me to pick up. It would be pretty crappy to have worked for 3 weeks and not get paid for it until the middle of next month. |
December 25, 2007 at 10:15pm
December 25, 2007 at 10:15pm
December 20, 2007 at 10:28pm
December 20, 2007 at 10:28pm
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| Well, I am feeling a little like crap. I really hope that I am not getting sick. That would blow big time for Christmas to be sick. I found out my niece has been sick with the flu. I hope that isn't the reason why I am not feeling well. My sister Molly came home for vacation from U of M. I am so happy and thrilled to see her. This is going to be a very sad Christmas without dad. We need to make the best of the holiday season. We have each other and our grandparents and the rest of our family. |
December 18, 2007 at 8:16am
December 18, 2007 at 8:16am
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| I have the right mind to kick Sheila's ass. I found out a couple weeks ago that she has been secretly smoking. She even tells my 2 yr old niece when she's going to go out and smoke a cigarette. I even feel dirty saying that word. She will tell Jazlyn that "Mommy has to go out and smoke a ciggy." Trying to make it sound cute or something. I think she's a bad mother for smoking. In my opinion, it's child abuse. I come out to the living room and find a cigarette butt on the computer desk. What a fucking slob! She doesn't smoke in the apartment or anything. I think she's a bitch for even smoking in close range of the apartment. You can smell it on her. I have been sick because she's been smoking. I have to blow my nose all of the time, and I've been coughing. Another thing that pisses me off is that she is expects me to spend the money that grandpa gives me for my own personal groceries on garbage bags, when I already bought toilet paper and paper towel. She needs to pitch in and buy something for a change, other than cigarettes and frappuccinos. I also hate how she has her friends over all hours of the night and how they are loud and obnoxious when I am trying to sleep. One advantage that I have over her, is that she will look a lot older than me, simply because she smokes and she goes and char-broils herself at the tanners. I need to move out of here. I hope by the end of February that I can be moved out. I can't live with someone like her. |
December 17, 2007 at 9:47pm
December 17, 2007 at 9:47pm
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| I have been down in the dumps since yesterday. I went over to my grandparent's house yesterday to borrow money because I don't get paid until the 31st of the month. I was talking to grandma and she broke down crying over my dad again. It's been a rough couple of months for her and the rest of the family, more so for her and grandpa. It pains me to see grandma hurting the way she is. It's like a knife through the heart to see her crying. She's upset with my sisters for not helping my dad around the house, knowing how much pain he was in......I can't blame her for that, because I have the same feelings. Grandma has been tempted to blurt out and tell my sisters off. I told her to do it, it will make her feel better. I am almost tempted to say something to them as well. I have been angry at them since the day I saw the house in the condition that it is/was in. I am disappointed in my sisters. I hate the way he was treated by them. They lived at his house, ate his food, and took his money, but yet they never returned the favor by helping him out by cleaning the house, or simply spending time with him because he was lonely. He only wanted someone to talk to. I also blame my mother. I feel that most of the damage was caused by her. She abused him, and always accused him of infidelity. He was also the cause of his own downfall because he didn't take better care of himself. The reality of my father's death is just now starting to hit me. I broke down crying when I was on my way to the store. I thought about how I will never experience the pure joy and pleasure of having my dad walk me down the aisle when I get married, or how I will never give him the gift of grandchildren, and never being able to hug and kiss him, and how I will never see him again. There will always be a hole in my heart. Nothing will ever fill that void. I will always feel a sense of emptiness because my dad is no longer here. |
December 16, 2007 at 8:06pm
December 16, 2007 at 8:06pm
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I just have to laugh at some of the things my cat does. He will run back and forth aimlessly through the apartment, or he will jump into the bathtub and act all psycho. Today I went into my room and he had scattered a big box of packing peanuts all over my room. A total mess, but it was funny at the same time. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the mess in my room. When I yelled his name he got this scared look on his face and ran from me. He knew why too, because he had that guilty look on his face, lol.  If I didn't have my cat, I would've gone insane already. |
December 16, 2007 at 9:10am
December 16, 2007 at 9:10am
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The snow continues to fall. It can stop any time now.  I can't even open the balcony door, because there's a big snow drift blocking it. Driving in it will be super fun tomorrow. Especially since I have to drive further than usual, because they assigned me to a hospital already. I am thrilled to be working for this company though. I get Christmas Eve and Christmas off, and I get paid for them already. Plus I am already covered for health insurance! Yay! Things have calmed down here. Sheila and I made up lastnight before she left. Her friends picked her up to go out lastnight, which makes me more relieved that she doesn't have to drive in it. Who knows when she'll be home tonight. I told her that I love her and to be safe. I wish we didn't have so many differences between us. I am seriously thinking of getting another place within the same complex. Siblings should not live with eachother. It doesn't work. I could probably live easier with Jill or Molly, but not Sheila. I have been wanting to live by myself so badly. Maybe I will get a chance to do that soon. I love Sheila, but she and I come from two totally different worlds, and our personalities clash. I am not going to move out until I have the essentials, like a bed, television, and a few other things, plus having some money saved up. Another thing is......the refrigerator barely fits my food in it. Between 2.5 people living here, the refrigerator isn't big enough. Sheila has her food, and I have my food. The same goes for our other stuff too. I don't have a lot of stuff, so it really doesn't bother me that much. I am sure something will work out. |
December 15, 2007 at 4:34pm
December 15, 2007 at 4:34pm
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| Sheila and I had another tiff. I hate it when we fight. I am taking the blame this time. It was sort of my fault because I brought up how she was raising my niece. Me and my big mouth. I get bitchy and always have a big mouth when it get towards that time of the month. I appologized to her, even though she never appologizes to me. At least I admit when I have been wrong. Yep. I think that it's time for me to move out, the sooner the better. My period is late too, which I find strange, and my breasts didn't start hurting until yesterday. Now I have that all too familiar iron deficiency that I get. I started my period on the 15th of last month, and today is the 15th, I hate my body. |
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Talking
My grandma has been having a hard time with it too. I even caught her crying at the family party lastnight. All three of my sisters came over lastnight and we hung out. Jill even brought her boyfriend over. I met him for the first time yesterday. He seems very nice. I had two Mojito drinks lastnight and they made me throw up. I don't know why. Maybe it set wrong in my stomache? The alcohol content isn't that much in those. Jill bought them from the store. So it's not like I went out to the bar where the alcohol content is much more in two drinks and got drunk. How can you get drunk off of two bottles of Mojito? Sheila told me that had happened to her when she had a couple of Mojitos. Maybe it's something in the drink itself. I came out of the bathroom, and Jill's boyfriend asked where I had disappeared to, and I told him that I had thrown up. 
He asked if I was drunk and I told him, "Probably." LOL. Sheila was like, "How does that happen? You only had two." Beats me. I haven't had anything to drink since my father's funeral. I received some great things for Christmas. Sheila bought me Disney's Cinderella, and two cat mugs. Molly gave me a F.Y.E. gift card. Jill bought me some bath stuff and a gift card to Panera, and grandma bought me clothes, which I needed anyway. 
Other than missing my dad, I had a great Christmas. 
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