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 |  I write, therefore I am |
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I write, therefore I am. I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough. PLUGS:
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| Well I have finished Family Matters and posted it in the contest forum for Writing.com Idol. There is something about the story that keeps pulling me back to it. I think there is a lot more to say there about Aaron and Alison. Even as I typed the last line "...we have to run." I was like "Hey, wait a minute. You're running? But I thought this was the end." It seems that their story is not done. I'll just have to return and write some more. Come and See as you walk by As you are now, so once was I As I am now, soon you will be, Welcome death, and follow me. My uncle taught me that poem when I was very young and I have always remembered it. However, it is a kind of creepy thing to teach a kid. Still it is because of my uncle that I have taken on this darker style with my writing. I don't write horror per se, but my stories tend to have a darker slant to them. At least I got the story out for the Writing.com Idol contest, because I am truly and totally sucking at the 15 for 15 contest. My entries have been dismal. But I am determined to finish. Just seven more days to go. Oh, joy. quote; Ohh, you asked me why I saved you. I tried to carry you off, and the next day, you gave me water, and a little pity. Quasimodo (Charles Laughton) - The Hunchback of Notre Dame |
Ok, I hate to bug everyone again, but I have finished the story Family Matters for the Writing.com Idol contest. It is due in the morning. I just need to know if there is anything major that I need to correct. There is some violence, so be prepared. Did I go to far with the violence or not far enough? I tried to handle the "matter" of the story as genlty as possible, but still let you knwo what was going on. All opinions needed and appreciated. Thanks.
Oy, I have been so neglectful. I forgot to tell everyone how the date went last night. Silly me. I think everything went relatively well. We had a nice dinner and a new deli restaurant that just opened. I think it was perfect, not to intimate and not too crowded. After we ate the wanted to do see Hostel. Which was fine with me for a few reasons. 1. I love horror movies, and b. who doesn’t want to take a lovely lady to a scary movie. Free cuddles. lol. After the movie we went to another late night restaurant and had some pie and coffee. We talked for a little bit and I got home around midnight. We even closed the night out with a nice little good night kiss. I had a very nice time and she was funny and cute. Hopefully we will be able to do so again. She told me to call her up tomorrow afternoon, If I wanted to. Anywho, peace. quote; Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount. Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) - When Harry Met Sally |
| Thanks to everyone who read what little has been written so far for Family Matters. I got to a certain point and I felt like I had rushed things a bit too much and wanted other opinions. I only have two days to finish the story and it is fighting me. I don't know if I can finish it in two days. I think it wants to be longer than I am planning. Thanks for the information and opinions that everyone shared. Now to go and finish it. Jeez. As for the contest itself, round two is we had to write a story inspired by the title from one of a list of TV shows. I toyed with the idea of a crime family for family matters, then the story of Aaron and Alison popped in my head. I recieved a review of 1.5 for one of my movie reviews because they said it was too short and I misspelled two words. whoohoo!!! quote; You gotta promise to God that if you ever destroy me you'll bury me here in the rose garden. Fenton Meiks (Matt O'Leary) - Frailty |
Hello erryone. Could you all do me a quick favor and read the beginning of my story for the Writing.com Idol Competition and let me know what you think. I have until SUnday to enter the story and I just now got some inspiration, but I am not sure about the begining. This is just the begining of the story there is more to be written.
Thanks |
After reading PlannerDan   entry in his BLOG today I noticed that my BLOG is gaining on 3000 views. So I thought this would be a good time for reflection or something.I've gone back and read some of my entries and in honor of Scarlett my list of the five things that I like best so far. 1. Has to be my entry titles. Some of them are really good. 2. The movie quotes. I love movies and some of my quotes match what I am talking about for that entry. 3. The honesty. I am more honest and open in my entries than I am anywhere else. 4. Eloquence. There are some lines and paragraphs that are written with such eloquence that I cannot believe they are mine. 5. The Audience. It seems that I have the best people commenting on my entries. Rereading some entries I am surprised at the way I seem to put my feelings out on my sleeve. I am amazed in some entries with how much honesty I have put out there. In certain entries it is almost as if someone else has written them and not I. They come across with an eloquent prose-like rhythm. I wish I could write like that always. If I ever did. My heart goes out to Flower and I want to send her a big ol bear hug. My respect goes out to CC for taking such good care of his family even if he has to suffer a bit to do so. My prayers go to both of them and I hope that their year is filled with health and recovery. PDanny said in his entry that by going back and reading entries in your BLOG you can get a feel for the person you are. I think that that is indeed true. If you are honest in your entries the real you will shine through. Now I will tell you and it will not be a surprise to some, but I am a big softy. I am the proverbial teddy bear in the gruff exterior. I hate more than anything to see or read of someone in pain. That is why Flower's and CC's entries today struck such a cord in me today that I don't think I left a comment in either BLOG because what would I say that would some up how their entries affected me today. Their are times when I wish that I was the richest man in the world. Now you may think that money doesn't fix everything and you may be right, but it sure does help. I wish I was rich so I could give money to those that need it. Money so I could give to those that are important to me so that they would have a better life or a more comfortable life. I wish I had the money so I could help some people stay home more to be closer with their families. I wish I had money to help people get the best medical care to help them continue to live with whatever illness they might have. I wish I could take away everyone's pain and illness. It seems that I have drifted away from what I started talking about, but now I am too tired to continue. Just know that you are all in my thoughts. All of you. quote; Now we all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular, even though the herd may go, "that's b - - a - - d." Robert Frost said, "Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." John Keating (Robin Williams) - The Dead Poets Society |
| Our very own concrete_angel was promoted to preferred author today and about time. Drop by and tell her CONGRATS. |
| Excuse me for I think I will be rambling tonight. Often I have wondered what will our future hold with some of the teenagers I see day in and day out. Take today for instance. There was a group of kids in the store today looking through a book on sexual positions. There were giggling and carring on. I asked them if they were over eighteen. They said no so I told them to put the books up. One of the guys starts cussing me out. I told him to leave the store and he cussed me the entire way out of the store. On the way out the store he brushed me with his shoulder and gave ma a little shove. Let me tell you it took all I had not to pick that little snot up and show him what shoving is all about. All I could hear is the Security Guard that I used to be yelling, "He shoved you, that's assault. Use any force necessary to take him down, short of unnecessary force." See I ain't always a nice guy, there is a bear not far below the surface. After he was gone his friends apologized for his attitude and they said that they didn't know what was wrong with him. I wish I could put here some of the things he said and some of the things he suggested, but this is a family establishment, or some such. SusanL mentioned in her last entry the differences men and women have about the attitudes of sex. She talked of how men assumed that women had the same sex drive as they did, when men think of sex more than women do. It was a very interesting entry and now I will give my two cents worth. Okay sit down everyone, cause this is going to be good. The main difference is most men are visual in nature. The jiggle of swells and the suppleness of valleys is enough to get us going. Just a simple brush of skin and flaash of that what is normally covered is enough, usually. Women aren't as visual they are more emotional. They are not as excited by bulges as they are by folded clothes, washed dishes, or cooked finner. Okay I have made my stupid statement for the year. You can all tell me I am retarded now. lol. I continue to write crap for Leger's 15 for 15 contest, however I was one of the winner's for yesterdays Prompt. I think everyone else's entry somehow got missed, because mine was crap. lol. Today I was thinking it might be fun to start a book club on the site. Not a normal book club where we read East of Eden and Cry, Beloved Country, not an Opera rip-off, but something like a mystery/thriller book club. Something where each month one person in the group suggests a book for everyone else to read. Then again, do I have the time for such an endeavour? Does anyone else? Just an idea. So I think it is time for sleep. I have rambled on enough for tonight. quote; I was just thinking that of all the trails in this life there is one that matters most. It is the trail of a true human being. I think you are on this trail and it is good to see. Kicking Bird (Graham Greene) - Dances With Wolves |
| I seemed to hav emisplaced my "voice". I have entered Legerdemain's 15 for 15 again, but this time I am having to make myself write something and the results are less than good. I have all of these ideas running through my brain, yet I cannot get them to paper. So it's more of a poorly crafted writer's dam than a writer's block. Go figure. quote; You are disturbing the peaceful mood I'm in. You are destroying the frame of mind I'm in. You are disturbing my peaceful frame of mind George Stark (Timothy Hutton) - The Dark Half |
| There is an old saying that it is always darkest before the dawn. Can you see and feel the darkness all around. It is thick and moving, as if it were a real breathing entity. But, look what light through yon window breaks. In the distance, if you were to look really hard. I mean really strain your eyes to see there is the faintest hint of light. Watch it, for I think it is growing bigger. A BLOG entry in three parts. Part One- I awakened this morning to a new dawn. It's not the first day of the rest of my life because that is so cliche. Still, I opened my eyes and I felt renewed. I expected to awaken feeling depressed and achy. That is not what I felt at all. I felt a sense of, almost, relief. I felt as if a part of the past was pushed away. Now I will not sit here and tell you that I didn't feel as if something was gone. Just as I will not tell you that I will never return to where I was. I know that would be impossible for me to say. I love the Lady Dee and I hope in my heart of heart that oneday she will be able to accept that love and love in return. Still, if tomorrow should never come I can't sit back and not live today for fear of another day coming. I think that made sense. Part Two- Every night I sit here and I read through all of my favorite BLOGgers and a few new ones. Every night I am amazed at what I read. It amazes me at what other people have to say. They speak of the world around them, of other countries, and the seem to come across with great intellegence. Then I look at my own entries, which ussual have me whining or going on about some drivel or another. I wonder if I will ever be able to write entries that seem to carry such importance as most of the people listed on the left of your screen right now. I read Invinoverita's BLOG and she writes with such a haunting beauty that I get lost in her words. Joshua Tree, who speaks so truthfully about her beliefs concerning religion and her daily life. Shattered ANgel who always seems wiser than her years would lead you to believe. Tor who always has some well written story of the past, present, or just something to make you think when you least expect it. Forever and Veedoubleu who have taught me more about two countries that I will probably never visit than I ever learned in school. Of course there are many many others who I read everyday and I always look forward to hearing what advice they have to pass on to me (SusanL, Highwind, Flower, MrsTor, Wind Beneath my Wings) And of course CC, Philthy and SkyIsFalling who never cease to make me laugh. Then I look at my own entries and they seem to pale in comparison to the wisdom that seems to pour from everyone else's BLOG. That includes the people whom I failed to mention. But my god, If I talked about what everyone who's BLOG I regularly read meant to me we would be here all night, and I am kind of tired. Part Three- It is always darkest before the dawn, but if you wait long enough the dawn will break and the darkness will retreat. Sure it will return, but so will the dawn. That is what makes it worth it. So I am at work today and a lady comes into the store and she looks very familiar to me. She comes up to the register and I ask her name. She says that her name is Monica. I said to her, we went to school together. She says Oh, my God, I haven't seen you in seventeen years. So we talked for awhile and caught up with eachother a bit. In school she was one of the smart/athletic girls while I was really an Island unto myself. I was really part of no "click" yet accepted by them all. Anyway just as she was leaving I was told to go to lunch. So we walked outside as she was leaving and I was going to the new deli that opened in the mall for lunch. Sidenote; they make the most awesome Rueben. Ok stop distracting me with food. She said that she would like to join me if it was okay so we could talk some more. We talked and I felt like I was in high school again. Telling stories about such and such marrying such and such, this guy divorced his wife, these people are in jail, this guy died (sadly one of our friend from school Chris overdosed after years of battling drug addiction). At the end of lunch when I was going back to work, she asked me out. I was stunned. It was like something out of a bad comedy. You know wiggling a finger in my ear as if to clean it out to hear better and going excuse me? Well we have plans for dinner and a movie this Friday. I am still kind of shocked. Now before you start to yell at me telling me to go slow and not jump into anything, I already know all that. The point is someone actually asked me out. God, I sound like such a little girl. lol. Anyway it's just dinner and a movie and conversation with a familiar face. But before there can be an end, there has to be a beginning. So who knows. This has been a BLOG in three parts. Sweet Dreams. quote; (don't really have anything to do with what I BLOGged about but anywho) Now, I'd like to remind you all that we're recording live, so you can't say "hell" or "shit" or anything like that! Johnny Cash (Joaquin Pheonix) - Walk The Line (Winner Golden Globe- Best Picture Musical/Comedy, Best Actor Musical/Comedy and Best Actress Musical/Comedy) |
| I'm tired and I just want to sleep the world away. I am always the nice guy. Everyone knows where nice guys finish, last. Of all the girls I have dated I don't think I broke up with any of them. I am always the dumpee, not the dumper. I don't know if that is a good thing, or a niave thing. I tend to think that it is more of a niave thing. I don't see that there are problems until I am sitting in the dark alone. Sometimes I wish that I did not "feel" the way I do. Sometimes I wish that I was not as sensative as I am. Sometimes I wish I was still the little ignorant child, unaware of the unfairness and cruelty of the heart and the world. When my parents seperated when I was twelve I had no one to turn to for help, but myself. That just isn't right. I think that I am still so hungry for the love that I missed then that I put up with things that most people wouldn't. Love. What is love? Do you know? Can you put it into words? A willingness to die for your child, is love. A desire to stand beside someone else no matter what happens in their life, is love. Is the overwhelming need to push someone away who cares for you love? Is that love or self torture? The Lady Dee says that it is love, I don't know, but I don't think so. As I was getting off of work today she was standing there as beautiful as a dream. As beautiful as a nightmare. She smiled as I walked toward her. I'm always the nice guy. Always. The nice. Guy. She reached up to hug me and kiss me hello. I stiffened, did not hug her back and turned my face away. Every fiber of my heart screamed to kissed her, ached to hold her, cried to close my eyes and inhale the smell of her. My mind, my mind refused. She froze and let go of me. I asked her what she was doing here? She said that she thought alot about me, her, us last night and she had to come see me. I asked her why? She said that she loved me. Always. The nice. Guy. I told her that she was lying to herself. She blanched and stepped back. I told her, you don't love me, you love the thought of me. You love the thought of there being someone who's shoulder you can cry on. Just because your husband gave away someone that I would give my soul for, does not mean that I will accept being with you when you are not in love with me. I refuse to live in a one sided, cold relationship again. When you've grown up and decided to be an adult and decide what you want, or who you want in your life come find me. Until then I beg of you leave me alone, my heart can't take it. It was as if I had punched her in the center of her being. For a moment she froze as if what she heard was not true. Then the tears started and she said that she loved me. She reached out for me and I grabbed her hands and told her to stop. Your not ready to love me and I really wonder if you ever were. I left her then and my heart ached to go back to her. I closed my eyes against the tears and walked on, not looking back. Always. The nice. Guy. Finishes. Last. I'm done. It's over. I can't do it anymore. I love her more than I can put in words. I don't have a fine enough grasp of the language to do it justice. quote; "Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I'm been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later." Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) - Say Anything... |
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I took a look and it seems interesting.