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 |   A blog to house my musings, curiosities, and fascinations. |
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When it came time for me to start blogging again, I found myself paralyzed. I was trapped by the belief that my blog had to be unique, that it had to have a defined theme, and that it had to be appealing to everyone. After some time scouring Google for advice, I realized that if all I did was worry and plan, I would spend forever worrying and planning and never get to writing. From that realization, I've decided to display my blog writing guidelines here for everyone to see, but especially for me to see when I come here to write. ~1~ Blog about what is appealing to YOU. Don't worry about anyone else. ~2~ Allow yourself to WRITE! Don't restrain yourself to one voice, one writing style, one genre, or one topic area. ~3~ Throw out the fear of maintaining a consistent theme. Blog about your passions, interests, fancies, inspirations, opinions, musings, curiosities, ramblings, and loves. ~4~ Explore, experiment, and have fun! So, this is my solution. A blog about anything and everything that sparks my interest.  The title is inspired by the quote at the bottom of this introduction. Everything you love, even for a short time, becomes part of you. Our experiences and perception of the world is colored by those things we love and have loved, whether those things are  or not. This blog will be a place to house those passions and curiosities. Please enjoy! "It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are." -Anonymous ![Merit Badge in Aloha
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Only the most selfless, dedicated person would come up with an idea like an Aloha MB. But then, from all those things you do on WDC and we know you're doing out in the world, it's what we should have known you'd do. You've always been working to make things better and help people, animals, and places. Maybe the badge should have your picture so everyone knows a real example of Aloha.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Aloha-2171989_14.gif) |
I'm 25! Woop! It's the start of a new decade and I'm excited to see what the years ahead will bring! Outside of WDC, I've started a daily personal journal. I hope to write just a page in that every day about whatever is on my mind minus the stress of trying to think of what I want to say. Freewriting, I guess you could call it. It'll be a simple experiment to see if I can keep it up. I've done two days so far and haven't failed yet!  First, a reminder for myself of what I wrote in December:
I also realized that I did not list the books I read last year in my "Decade Review" post from a few days ago. A la Jeff, the list of books I read in 2019 is in this little dropnote: 2019 Reading List ▼ And now, my goals for the first month of the new year! Read: For "The Monthly Reading Challenge"  , "Writing.Com Reading Challenge" and "Angel Product Reviews"  "If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating" by Alan Alda "Howl's Moving Castle" by Diana Wynne Jones "Pax" by Sara Pennypacker "Devotion: A Memoir (P.S.)" by Dani ShapiroEnter Contests: "The Contest Challenge"  "Rebel Poetry Contest" Continue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and "Anniversary Reviews" "30-Day Blogging Challenge" January prompting and judgingHappy New Year! -Emily  |
| Hey hey heyyy!!! There are only three days remaining in this decade. Let me say that again. There are only THREE days remaining in this DECADE! I mean ... what?!  I don't know quite what to say .. so much has happened since January 1st, 2010! I was 15 years old in 2010. I had not found WDC yet. I was still in high school for Pete's sake! Let's take a little walk down memory lane at some of the milestones over the past 10 years: June 12, 2011 (clearly nothing note-worthy happened in the first year of the decade if this is the first event I thought of...) I joined WDC! I was 16 and a half years old and thought I was such a prolific writer because I had written a story about a unicorn and a rat in an invisible kingdom in the back of my Gifted and Talented class instead of paying attention like I was supposed to be doing. Then I moved on to a novel about something I knew nothing about - a Secret Service agent in the White House. I taped two composition notebooks together and filled them both with purple-ink scrawl. When I finally got access to a computer, I laboriously transcribed my flawless story and threw it online for the world to see. The anonymity of WDC was kind of cool. I didn't have to be a child here. I could pretend I was the character in my story, a strong, confident, beautiful agent of the secret service sharing my real life story. Needless to say, I learned more than I bargained for. May 18, 2013 I graduated high school - there's a video of it online I think if you search hard enough. The whole graduating class performed a hula to thank our parents and teachers for supporting our journey, but there weren't enough boys in my class to go around so I was one of the girls without a partner who danced alone on the sidelines. September 4, 2014 After a tumultuous first year of college, I found my soulmate. This was the date we first saw each other in person, though I can't say I loved him at first sight. That came later. But we've been together ever since  June 2, 2016 While I was studying abroad in Australia, my man bought our house! It was in a horrific state when we bought it. The walls were caked in cigarette smoke from the previous owners and the carpet was basically one huge hairball. Luckily, I was diving on the Great Barrier Reef while my man cleaned the place up and made it a home for us. I officially moved in in July. Late 2016? Sometime after we bought the house, we adopted our first dog together! We took Roo the shih tzu in when my man's aunt could no longer care for her and she's been our little snuggle bug ever since.  May 21, 2017 I graduated college! Woop! The ceremony was outside and I was boiling in my black gown, but it was all worth it  A very special day, but even now, it seems so long ago!September 19, 2018 Since graduating college, I got my foot in the door of local government with an internship, but on September 19th, I was officially hired! My pay tripled from my internship to my real job, and for the first time, I felt stable. I was on the right track and doing a job I loved. I was also saving money finally, which made me able to contribute to the household and not feel so guilty that my man was holding us up financially. November 2018 I bought my first car! A black Jeep Cherokee 2019 Limited Her name's Rosie, and she's a beauty!May 2019 I finished my Environmental Education Certificate! A year long process involving online classes and several field trips, but worth it because it will help me in my career.May 18, 2019 We made another big decision and adopted another dog! Joy was from a local rescue - you can read more about her here: "A Happy Home" She was a handful at first and I wasn't sure she would be a good fit for our home. But then she and Roo started playing and chasing each other in the yard, and I knew she had to stay. Since we first brought her home as a foster, she's settled into our routine and is a cuddle bug just like Roo!October 1, 2019 My job went from 30 hours a week to 40 hours a week! Woohoo! This meant I was able to save even more money and have real vacation days!  Those dates sum up the important milestones I can think of at the moment. I'm excited to see what the next ten years will bring! Every month this past year, I kept up with posting my monthly writing accomplishments in this blog as well for the sole purpose than when it came time to write this post I'm writing now, I will have a timeline of what I wrote throughout the year and something to remind myself of what I can do when I put my mind to it Let's take a look:January 8th: "The Winning Color" , short story, 1407 words,  Grand Prize, 2019 Quill Awards NomineeJanuary 8th: "Grandmasters Through History" , non-fiction, 1233 wordsJanuary 17th: "Anxiety" , double acrostic, Winning EntryJanuary 21st: "Red Wing" , free verse, Winning EntryFebruary 7th: "Vestiges of Life" , free verseFebruary 9th: "Kona Coffee" , free verseFebruary 16th: "The Symptoms of Repression" , non-fiction, 1295 wordsFebruary 17th: "Follow Me to the Horizon" , free verse, Winning EntryMarch 5th: "Perspective" , haikuMarch 10th: "Enlightenment" , free verseMarch 10th: "The Age of Enlightenment" , non-fiction, 2182 wordsMarch 17th: "Winter Glass" , haikuMarch 19th: "The Raucous Song of Spring" , Lady's Slipper,  Honorable MentionMarch 28th: "Body Memory" , free verse, Winning Entry, 2019 Quill Awards NomineeMarch 29th: "Fleeting Moments" , haiku seriesApril 1st: "Callused Hands" , free verse, Winning Entry, 2019 Quill Awards NomineeApril 4th: "Mud." , free verse,  Third PlaceApril 9th: "He Was Too Young" , short story, 1998 wordsApril 27th: "The Golden Age" , short story series, unfinishedMay 12th: "Home Again" , free verse, Winning EntryMay 12th: "As Hard As Soft" , free verseMay 14th: "Sanguinaria canadensis" , free verseJune 7th: "The Cast" , haikuJune 20th, "Belonging" , non-fiction, 1633 wordsJune 20th: "In the sea, I leave a piece of me" , free verseJuly 4th: "All the Things You've Given Me" , free verse, Winning Entry, 2019 Quill Awards NomineeJuly 21st: "Over the Coral Jewels" , free verseAugust 25th: "How Often?" , free verse, Winning EntrySeptember 2nd: "Patches of Red - Rewrite" , free verse, Winning EntrySeptember 2nd: "Diptera's Prize" , short story, 432 words,  Second PlaceSeptember 5th: "Can't Stop The Feeling" , short story, 1917 wordsOctober 20th: "Fall in Focus" , Imayo, Honorable MentionOctober 26th: "A Happy Home" , short story, 999 wordsNovember 24th: "Attention Seeker" , flash fiction, 75 wordsDecember 27th: "Another Year Gone By" , MarianneDecember 28th: "Eulogy to the Place that Raised Me" , free verseNot bad I was definitely more productive at the start of the year, but still managed to write something every month.Alrighty! I think I've written long enough. I'll see you again in 2020! Here's to the next ten years!   Em |
Happy December! There is now officially one month left until my quarter century birthday! It seems this year went faster than the last. My job is hella busy, and winter is supposedly my slow season! My boyfriend and I are going to visit my parents and grandparents in Hawaii at the end of January, so I'm really looking forward to that I'm going to focus on getting things squared away at work before our trip, so I'll probably not be writing as much, but I'm looking forward to a cozy December and holiday season.  I only wrote one new thing in November. It was for the 75 word contest and dang! So hard to cram a whole story in 75 words! I wrote the first draft of this on my phone thinking I couldn't possibly have more than 100 or so words, but then got it on the computer and found out it was 375 words! Editing it down was hard, but good practice. You really have to trim it down to only the bare essentials necessary to tell the story, so there wasn't room for all of the description I usually like to add. Anyway, I haven't gotten any reviews for it yet, so I'd love to hear what you have to say. It's short and sweet after all!
I was also blessed to have received a sweet award on this piece, another short story I wrote a few months back:
Oh! And I completed my goal of reading 40 books this year thanks to the WDC Reading Challenge! Breaking the task into monthly chunks was really helpful and made the reading not seem so daunting. Oh, and the Libby app is a life-saver! It means I can be productive during my hour in the car every day Thank you Cubby~On the Road Again!🎵  for the recommendation last year! My goals for December are really trimmed down because I have a bunch of pesky end of year reporting that needs doing for my real world job. I am looking forward to the holiday festivities though! Holiday Stuffs! "Secret Santa - CLOSED" Enter Contests: "Rebel Poetry Contest" for "The Contest Challenge" "Verdant Poetry Contest" Continue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and "Anniversary Reviews" "30-Day Blogging Challenge" November judgingHave a great day! -Emily |
Holy cow, October went sooo fast! Here we are in November, and before you know it, it'll be December, and then 2020! In 2 months I'll turn 25, which is like ... a quarter century old!  Life's happening, dudes ... Here's to another month  I wrote a few things in October:
One of the items I wrote during the WDC Birthday Celebration was also recognized with a beautiful award. Thank you, Kit!
And now, my goals for November! Read: For "The Monthly Reading Challenge" , "Writing.Com Reading Challenge" and "Angel Product Reviews" "After the Flood" by Kassandra Montag Product Review: "After the Flood: A Novel" "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie Product Review: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" Book Three Product Review: {prEnter Contests: "The 75 Word Contest" for "The Contest Challenge" Continue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and "Anniversary Reviews" "30-Day Blogging Challenge" November prompting and judgingTake care! -Emily |
| Woohoo! It's October! It's the start of my favorite quarter of the year! I'll be playing Miss Emily Scissorhands for the month If you see more cool members playing dress up for Halloween, remember to recognize them here: "The Witch's Garden" In September, I wrote a few things:
I'm pretty pleased about getting those short stories out - I have a killer time getting my thoughts in order enough to complete one, let alone one as short as "Diptera's Prize" . I'm trying to work on getting better though And now, my goals for October! Read: For "The Monthly Reading Challenge" , "Writing.Com Reading Challenge" and "Angel Product Reviews" "Within Arm's Length" by Dan Emmett Product Review: "Within Arm's Length: A Secret Service Agent's Definitive Inside Account of Protecting the President" "Home Deus" by Yuval Noah Harari Product Review: "Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow" "White Fragility" by Robin DiAngelo Product Review: "White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism" "Wishtree" by Katherine Applegate Product Review: "Wishtree" Enter Contests: "Oriental Poetry Contest" for "The Contest Challenge" "SugarCube's Bi-Weekly Random Contest!!" "'SCREAMS!!!' HALLOWEEN CONTEST!" "SENIOR CENTER FORUM Mourning Countrymom" "Honoring the Dead" "Holiday Short Story Contest" Continue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" and "Anniversary Reviews" "30-Day Blogging Challenge" September JudgingTa-ta for now! -Emily |
Write a detailed description of how your significant other has made you a better person.  Write a detailed description of how your significant other has made you a worse person. So, I put the first half of this prompt for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" out into the world last night and immediately fell asleep, only to wake up to find it had been defiled altered via Elle  and the "JAFBG" . At first I laughed, and then I thought to myself… How could I not take on this challenge? I don’t talk very openly about my SO online, but there are several pieces in my portfolio and this blog about him and our relationship. (side note, one of those items just won a cool thing, so woop!) First, some background… Anyone who’s known me on here for a long time knows that I opened my account in 2011 when I was 16 years old. Oophta. That’s a tough age. I was in high school then. Met another member on here and, because WDC was basically my entire social life, he and I became close. I went to college, still considering myself in a relationship with this bro from across the country, and then my world split wide open. I wasn’t alone on a literal island anymore. I wanted freedom, and then the “relationship” revealed itself to be controlling. I won’t say that the relationship turned controlling, because of course it always had been, but I was just stupid and naïve. Shit went down, I rebelled, he threatened to reveal things about me to my grandparents, I cut him out but he flipped it as if he were the one separating himself from me who he said had suddenly become “destructive.” I was finishing my freshman year of college then. Summer that year was … bonkers. Self-destructive, chaotic, fragile, dangerous (there are items about that time in my port as well). That’s when I went MIA from WDC. For four years I was “away.” I say “away,” because I wasn’t really gone. I did check in. Every day. The newsfeed was always open in a tab on my phone and it was part of my morning ritual to check the WDC happenings. Anyway, life went on, I enjoyed being a rebel while it lasted, but then I was done. It was as if I remembered who the girl was that I had been before all this. Thinking about coming back to WDC left me with a bitter taste in my mouth because of the person I had found on here who had so radically changed my life. It felt too soon to go back in case something wrong about me still lingered there. So I stayed away through the rest of my undergraduate degree. It was probably a good idea too – I focused on my studies and set myself up for the career I am in now. During my rebellion when I began to realize I was hurting myself and wanted it to be all over, I found the man who is now my SO. He’s the one who pulled me out of that life and gave me stability and a place to retreat to when I wasn’t feeling like myself. It started with him bringing me Target bags filled with DayQuil, Ibuprofen, candy, and stuffed animals when I was sick. He took care of me, showing genuine concern rather than something self-serving and fake, and made me feel safe from myself. With him, I didn’t have to be as strong as I was pretending to be. I didn’t have to tough it out or prove how capable I was to anyone. We dated while I finished school and then I moved in with him. I was starting my new job about that time. We got a dog together. Only then did I start to feel safe and confident enough to come back to WDC, which I did in August of 2018 (just over a year ago). In that four year break, I had barely written anything creatively, so it came as a great surprise to me when I found how much my writing style had changed and improved. When I was young on this site, I believed I would always be a “novice” writer. Of course, there is still a TON more to learn, but now I feel happy to share my writing. I’m not embarrassed by it and I’ve had the experiences that lend themselves well to emotional writing. That’s what I’ve found I excel at. When an emotion begs to be written, that’s what I write about. Often, those emotions are tied to the worst and best times in my life so far. As I have grown as a person, my ability to capture emotions in writing has improved and I am now able to use my writing as an outlet, but I would not feel comfortable enough to do so if I wasn’t in the stable place I am now. I’ve learned how to release my emotions through my writing to keep myself sane and happy instead of letting everything build up inside to the point of breaking (or rebellion). Gee… this is such a long explanation and I haven’t even answered the prompts yet, so … let’s try to get to that. Also, everything you read above was originally written in one huge paragraph. I’m going back now to fix it  Okay … onwards!My SO has made me a better person by allowing me the space to be calm. He’s given me the stability I couldn’t build for myself. He’s kept my mind still when it would have raced without his guidance. His presence in me takes away stress and quiets my internal chaos. When I worry, he holds me and says it’s okay. He says that we will figure it out. He reminds me that I am capable and smart. He trusts my abilities when I do not. He builds my confidence in myself and assures me that my “end of the world” isn’t as bad as I think. He allows me to laugh my obnoxious laugh, smile with all my teeth, snort, burp, and fart without embarrassment. He makes me giggle just being around his humor. He knows how to make me happy, and if I’m happy, I can’t be the sad/destructive person I was before. He taught me the value of generosity and selflessness. He makes me eager to be the best person I can be, if not for myself, at least for him. I want him to be proud of me and therefore seek to be proud of myself. I am driven to succeed for the benefit of us rather than just me. He’s shown me what it means to be a good daughter. He reminds me to call my mom (because he calls his every day), and reminds me to take my grandparents to dinner while they are still around. He cares about my family and gets me out of my head enough to remind me to care about them too. I suppose I could go on and on in this way about my SO, but I don’t want to forget about the second prompt from Elle. Already, as I’m thinking of the ways I’m a worse person because of my SO, it feels silly to describe them after the floaty and joyful paragraphs preceding this one… but, I can’t go back now! Before meeting my boyfriend, I was very willing to see the best in people. Now, I’m more cynical in that I can easily imagine ways that people aren’t who they say they are. I tend to believe people will lie, cheat, and steal more often than I believe they will do the “right” thing. It takes me longer to trust people, but I believe this is partly due to my own experiences and growth rather than solely due to my SO’s influence, if that makes sense. I may have gotten this way with or without him, but he’s still seen more of the world than me and doesn’t hold back when sharing his opinions, biases, or stereotypes. The other way I believe I have changed for the worse because of my boyfriend is that I’ve become more isolated. By that I mean that I have few people I can call “friends” and never “go out” as someone else my age might. I dread get-togethers or other “parties,” unless I am with my boyfriend. If we are going together, that’s a whole different story. But now that I have him, I don’t have the desire to meet other people to hang out with as friends. His friendship is all the friendship I need. I want to be alone or I want to be with him. I think having friends might be nice, but I don’t want to put in the energy to make them if I already have the one I want. I know this is partly my introverted nature, and I’m cool with it, but I wonder sometimes how my life might be different if I had hobbies or friends outside of my relationship. That said, I’d be more at risk of getting into trouble, so maybe lacking friends is for the best. Whew … Well, that was a journey. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading! See ya! -Emily  |
| Help! I think I might want to change my username... Currently, it is “hawaiifoeva.” This was the first username I ever had on a kids social website called, Club Penguin (anyone remember the Puffles?) The name kind of stuck to me after that and I used it everywhere. Now, it’s been a year since my return from hiatus, and my username is feeling a little... childish. I like what it represents - a reminder of where I came from - but it’s getting a little stale. If I changed my username (that’s a big IF, this isn’t set in stone), I would want to change it to simply “emily.” Emily   doesn’t currently exist and I’m kinda eager to snatch it up. Also, a bit jealous of Elle who has such an iconic and memorable one word name. Like Beyoncé or Oprah.I’d love to hear anyone’s comments, thoughts, advice, but I’d be most interested to hear from those who have changed their username in the past. What was the biggest hassle? When is the best (or worst) time to do it? Hit me with your thoughts in the comments Thank-y thank-y!-Emily |
| Happy Birthday, WDC! I'm so loving all the activities - I gotta write this fast so I can go play some more Since my last entry, two more of my works were nominated for the 2019 Quill Awards  They are:
 In August, I wrote:
...aaaannd ... that's it  Not a very productive month.And now, my goals for September! Record some "Poetry Readings" (did 8 )Read: For "The Monthly Reading Challenge" , "Writing.Com Reading Challenge" and "Angel Product Reviews" "The Bees" by Laline Paull Product Review: "The Bees: A Novel" “Educated” by Tara Westover Product Review: "Educated: A Memoir" "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed Product Review: "Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail" Enter Contests: "The Taboo Words Contest" for "The Contest Challenge" "SugarCube's Bi-Weekly Random Contest!!" Birthday Festivities! "The Great WDC Lucky Bag Giftaway!-CLOSED" !!! "Pop-Poetry Contest" "Sing a Song Contest" "The Bard's Hall Contest" "Fabulous Fantasy Contest " "Angel-Witch Bingo! " "WDC Birthday Arcade" "What Have You Learned On Writing.Com?" Continue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "30-Day Blogging Challenge" September WDC Birthday activityI'm off to play more party games! -Emily |
What rites of passage have you experienced that you think everyone will experience at some point in their life? In other words, tell us about your notable experiences that are key to the human experience. From the "Mental Health Writers Alliance" This is a great prompt for this week. Talking about experiences is a bit nebulous, but forcing one's self to think about the key experiences vital to being human is a whole new challenge. Let me see if I can get a list going here:  Loving another being more than yourself.This is actually the second thing I thought of to add to the list, but I moved it above the first thing because this needs to happen before the second bullet can have the full effect. When I say "loving another being more than yourself," it is inclusive of all beings on Earth. I know a person is still a person even if they never love another human being (and the question asked for things "everyone" will experience), so a "being" in this case can include animals, plants, people or anything else outside of yourself. Loving another is vital to the human existence. We are designed to love and receive love. We crave connection and need love to develop appropriately. Care and compassion for another living creature is something everyone should experience. It manifests in many ways, but for me, love is when I care first about their needs over my own. The pain of losing a loved one.Now, having something/someone you love taken away from you is a fact of allowing yourself to love them in the first place and is thus inextricably intertwined with the first bullet. Fear of loss is not a reason to forbid yourself from loving another. Both emotions (love and loss) are necessary to the human existence. Feeling true sorrow is obviously painful, but reminds us of the fragility of life and why we should make the most of every moment we have. Being truly comfortable in your own skin.This is one I can only speculate at and refer to role models in my own life because I haven't reached this point yet. Being able to love your body, inside and outside, without worrying about what other people think of you, is a rite of passage that I hope everyone will experience at some point in their life. As I said, I'm not there yet, but I'm using my mother's experience as an example. She is unabashedly herself. When you meet her, she exudes fearlessness, honesty, joy, and safety. She is content with herself and her abilities. She embraces her flaws and leans on her strengths. She is not self-conscious. I know this because I've witnessed the change in her as I've grown older. She used to be down all the time and concerned about her body, hair, career, etc. Now, she loves herself first and foremost, and that allows her freedom to develop her passions without the need to impress anyone else. She's a woman I admire and hope one day to be the same figure for my own children. |
Have you ever felt like you're missing out in life? Describe a time when you missed an experience that you believe would have been rewarding. What can we do to make sure we're not missing out on important life experiences? From the "Mental Health Writers Alliance" Okay, Char. I have a sinking feeling that this prompt is going to get me upset in some way or ranting about a pent up emotion I’ve hidden from myself. I’m saying that right out of the gate because I haven’t blogged in a while and you’ve hit us right away with a killer prompt. Anyway … I’ve missed out on so many things in life, but most of those were a conscious choice I made. In high school and college, I willingly and purposefully isolated myself from my peers by always saying “no” to parties, study groups, walks down to the river, every school dance (including prom), and basically anything else you can think of. When there was a school function I simply couldn’t avoid, I would show my face for the absolute minimum amount of time just to prove I was there, and then peace out. I told myself this was all in service of my studies – I would be the damn best student in the class even if it killed me – but I’m certain there was plenty I missed out on. But truth be told, I’m not upset about missing those experiences at all. Let me explain. Don’t get me wrong, I tried fitting in. I tried going to those parties, getting dressed up for those dances, being the awkward lanky girl with the downcast eyes in the middle of the mosh pit. I tried. And I always left feeling worse than when I went in the first place. I know my comfort zone and I know the distinct situations that threaten that space. I learned, through trial and error, that those situations that are meant to be a fun time amongst friends are downright torture for me. I’m forced to put on a happy face and pretend to enjoy myself when all I would rather be doing is cuddled on the couch with a book or a bowl of popcorn watching some true crime show on Netflix. In those situations, all I can think about is how to graciously extricate myself so I can get back to doing something I truly enjoy. What it comes down to is this: I know what makes me happy. I don't miss out on things that make me happy. Things that other people classically fear missing out on are of no consequence to me, and thus do not make me sad when I miss them, usually on purpose. Now I know these to be the traits of a classic introvert. I recharge my batteries by being by myself rather than with other people. And I am totally at peace with this. I purposefully choose to "miss out" on experiences because I know they will bring me more discomfort than joy. So in that sense, I’m not missing out at all. In my life now, I am no longer in school, and so the scenarios described above no longer apply. My "friend" group is my co-workers and my home life consists of my dogs and bf. I suppose I fear missing out on classic life experiences such as getting married (low-key only, no celebration) and having kids, but those things are coming. I hate even saying it because it seems so wife-y and petty, but I do want those things one day and fear I'm somehow "losing time" by having to focus on my career and blah blah blah ... Maybe that's a topic for another entry What I would say to myself to ensure I don't miss out on things that are important to me in the near future is to stand up for your desires, voice your concerns and fears, and don't let your happiness take a backseat. |
| Hello, hello, hello! Gee golly, I'm pretty disappointed in myself for falling behind on ... pretty much everything here on WDC. All I can say is that work was hell and I barely kept up with prompting for the 30DBC, so this blog fell by the wayside. But they say it's best not to "dwell," so let's get caught up on everything right here and now and move on This blog post series each month was started as a way to help me remember what I did each month related to writing so at the end of the year, I could look back at my successes and be proud, I guess. So, not bragging, only selfish. And helpful since I'm so forgetful Anyway, last time I wrote was about May, so let's highlight some of the things that happened in June. June writings:
I also added stories to my collection for the "Musicology Anthology" , but got way behind and unfortunately, gave up  Maybe one day I'll come back and work on it some more, but I definitely took on too much trying to write that many short stories when I knew I would be busy and knew I am a novice at short stories. Anyway, here's the incomplete collection:
I am proud to say that two of my works were nominated for the 2019 Quill Awards They are:
I also think I neglected to mention two of my poems won 2018 Quills, which I'm very humbled by My grandparents think I'm some kind of prodigy now
 Okay, now on to July ... New writings in July:
This old piece was also given first place in a contest I had forgotten I entered back in November 2018:
I did keep up with my reading goals as well (thank goodness). I read: "Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants" (Very, very highly recommended)"The Silent Patient" (The first time in a long time that a book has made my jaw hang open)"On Writing: 10th Anniversary Edition: A Memoir of the Craft" (A pleasure learning from the master)And now, my goals for August! Read: For "The Monthly Reading Challenge" , "Writing.Com Reading Challenge" and "Angel Product Reviews" "Hidden Figures" by Margot Lee Shetterly Product Review: "Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race" "Less" by Andrew Sean Greer Product Review: "Less (Winner of the Pulitzer Prize): A Novel" "Being a Beast" by Charles Foster Product Review: "Being a Beast: Adventures Across the Species Divide" Enter Contests: "Open Expression: A Poetry Contest" for "The Contest Challenge" "Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest" "SugarCube's Bi-Weekly Random Contest!!" MHWA: "MHWA Mental Health Challenge" Week One Week Two Week Three Week FourContinue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "30-Day Blogging Challenge" judging for July Official Month and prep for September WDC Birthday activityOkay! Let's see how we go! -Emily |
I leave a piece of me in sweat and sea - a silent shiver promising s e r e n i t y In salt and sand I leave a piece of me _________ Written for: "SugarCube's Bi-Weekly Random Contest!!" Prompt: Write a poem that is exactly 32 syllables |
Oophta ... (it's a MN thing) ... May was rough. I had all good intentions of keeping on track with my commitments, yet somewhere in the second week, it all went downhill. I didn't manage to write a single review, and really fell short on my short story writing goal. Now I'm super behind in the Musicology Anthology thing, but I'll try my best to catch up. Outside of WDC, I did have a few noteworthy things happen though - First, I completed my Environmental Education Certificate Second, I adopted another dog. And third, I got a raise at my job  Hopefully the highs of those victories bleed into June, but since I'm already a week late in writing this entry, I'm not holding out too much hope.As I alluded to in the beginning, the first half or so of May was fairly productive writing wise. I wrote three poems linked below. One of them has zero views still, sooooooooo, have a look, will ya?
I struggled to keep up with my reading goals, but I managed to pull it out right at the end. I did also keep the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" running smoothly (I hope), and worked on a new method for getting more engagement in the Unofficial months. My goals this month are severely trimmed down again, even more so than last month to account for my drop in productivity. I need to focus on the most pressing writing priorities and maybe by completing those, I've get the motivation I need to get back to the long list of goals I had before.Review: 15 for "Anniversary Reviews" (It's my anni this month, so I should probably make an effort):Read: For "The Monthly Reading Challenge" , "Writing.Com Reading Challenge" and "Angel Product Reviews" "Sapiens" by Yuval Noah Harari Product Review: "Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind" "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch Product Review: "The Last Lecture" "Inheritance" by Dani Shapiro Product Review: "Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love" Enter Contests: "Haiku Hunt Contest" for "The Contest Challenge" Six short stories for "The Golden Age" Continue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "30-Day Blogging Challenge" prompting, admin, and judging (for last week of Unofficial Month)Come on, Em! Get it! -Emily |
Howdy! April man … it was a month. Spring weather was popping – snowstorms, rain storms, tanning in the hammock, all of it. GOT came back and I’m thrilled to say the least. I managed to write a mini poem every day in April, which I’m pretty pleased about. Not what I would consider NaPoWriMo quality, but I put a poetic observation on paper every day, which isn’t something I thought I’d be able to do. Of course, not every piece is print-worthy, but I expect to find at least a few gems when I go back through. That collection is right here:
Other successes include 22 reviews, 2 new poems, 1 short story (haven’t written a short story in a looong time), and 2 Quill wins for short free verse and long free verse That was a mega surprise  I also read five books and wrote reviews for them, and kept up with my "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" guardian duties and my sleep tracking over at the "Early to Bed, Early to Rise Challenge" . May is another official month at the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" so I’ll be posting the first prompt for that tonight.I guess the big writing project looking ahead is for the "Musicology Anthology" contest. I’ve committed to writing 14 short stories over the next three months, and I’ll be storing them all in the book linked below. I haven’t been very good at my storytelling in short formats in the past, so I’m glad for this opportunity to stretch my writing muscles and get in more consistent practice
Other April writings:
As for goals, there are a few important changes from previous months. I’ll still be reviewing, but other things are being cut, like Wodehouse (which is on hiatus), MHWA Challenges (which are on hiatus for May), and several contests because I’ve frankly not been too good about entering and I want to focus on the big project anyway. Review: 15 for "Anniversary Reviews" :15 for "Newbie Welcome Wagon" :12 for "SuperTower Review Room MB Rewards" :At least 5 for "Mental Health Writers Alliance" as part of May ChallengeRead: For "The Monthly Reading Challenge" , "Writing.Com Reading Challenge" and "Angel Product Reviews" “The Feather Thief” by Kirk Wallace Johnson Product Review: "The Feather Thief: Beauty, Obsession, and the Natural History Heist of the Century" "Brief Answers to the Big Questions" by Stephen Hawking Product Review: "Brief Answers to the Big Questions" "The Other End of the Leash" by Patricia McConnell Product Review: "The Other End of the Leash: Why We Do What We Do Around Dogs" Enter Contests: "The Contest Challenge" "SugarCube's Bi-Weekly Random Contest!!" Five short stories for "The Golden Age" Continue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Sleep and update "Early to Bed, Early to Rise Challenge" every morning "30-Day Blogging Challenge" prompting, admin, and judgingSee ya later! -Emily |
If your personality was an element type (earth, fire, water, air), which would it be and why? Would your elemental type change depending on the day or would you fit fairly neatly into one category? Has your element type changed throughout your life? From the "Mental Health Writers Alliance" Just for fun, here are the word associations I make when thinking about the four elements and how they relate to someone’s personality: Earth – solid, dependable, steadfast, loyal Fire – passionate, eager, volatile, witty Water – fluid, respectful, easygoing, gentle Air – ephemeral, free, joyful, simple My own personality and the way I live my life always falls somewhere in the Earth/Water realm. Maybe you could say my personality element is mud. My roots begin in Hawaii, and I do believe I was shaped by the easygoing lifestyle there, reflected in both the Earth and Water personalities. I like the feeling of being carefree and accepting of the twists and turns of my path through life. I value respect and honesty and consistency. I dislike change and can most often keep a level head in all situations. I am loyal to those I love and trust. I like to have firm ground to stand on and need to be prepared before doing something new. The disconnect for me between water and earth is that one is so mobile and one is so fixed. I think I see myself more fixed than mobile, but I work to embrace the fluidity of water as well, though it requires more conscious effort.A perfect example of this is in my work. I plan and coordinate workshops and other events where there are many moving parts and things need to go according to plan. I am in charge of making sure that happens. My earth side needs to feel in control, which often leads to stress and worry about whether something will go wrong. My water side reminds me to roll with the punches and trust my ability to navigate the challenges as they arise. Water reminds me that it is worthless to stress about things out of my control and reminds me to keep a healthy balance between structure and flexibility. Anyway, main takeaway: My personality is muddy. -Emily |
How does your diet affect your mental health? Do things like caffeine, fried foods, or high sugar snacks impact your mental health at all? What do you think the connection is between physical and mental health? From the "Mental Health Writers Alliance" I was thinking about this last night as a matter of fact. The thought came up because I’ve recently been feeling very lethargic and unmotivated. Even things I used to find fun are boring now and my work has been a struggle every day. My to-do list is getting longer and longer and I’m having a difficult time focusing on anything long enough to get it done. I used to never be this way. I used to have an even level of motivation throughout the day and be able to work on something, even something boring, for a long period of time. I was highly motivated to work on undesirable tasks, if only to get them out of the way. I was always one to do the things I dreaded the most first so that I didn’t have to stress about them any more once they were off my plate. That was a really satisfactory way to live and it was helpful to my mentality because I was able to preserve the regular mental breaks I needed so I wouldn’t get burned out. Now though, something has changed. I’ve been dwelling on hard tasks, but not working on them at all. It’s more than procrastination. I know I need to work on them, but I just don’t. And I think last night, I had an epiphany about why. Caffeine. I never used to drink coffee or any other type of energy drink. I drank water, and that was it. For some reason, I really couldn’t tell you why, I started drinking the leftover coffee in the pot that my bf makes in the morning. I think it has had a negative effect on my productivity. I’m jittery when I drink too much, and so lethargic as soon as 1pm rolls around that all I can think about it going home from work early. I long for days I have the privilege of working from home, but when those days come, I hardly work at all and convince myself I’ll make up the time later. I sleep way more than I used to and have a wretched time getting up in the morning. I used to consider myself a morning person able to be fresh and ready in the morning without needing much time to wake up. Now, I go to sleep early, wake up late, and still feel tired. With coffee, I can get a solid 4 hours of productive work in before I start to crash, and then I don’t want to drink more coffee since I know it will affect my sleep and make me more tired. This is all bringing up another thought in my mind about impulse control related to food. When there is food available that I want to eat, especially when the fear exists that if I don’t eat it right then, someone else will eat it, I will eat it even if I’m not hungry. When there is a piece of pizza left in the fridge in the morning, I will eat it for breakfast even when I don’t want to because I worry it will be gone by the time I do want to eat it. I believe this is what happened in my mind when I saw the leftover coffee in the pot. My bf used to make his coffee in the Keurig (only making as much as he needed), but with the pot, there was enough left over for me, and so I drank it! For no other reason than that I didn’t want it to be wasted and I didn’t want someone else to have it. It makes no sense why I feel this way about food. I always had food security as a child. The only potential reasoning I can see for my behavior is that I grew up with a younger sister who stole my food and a constantly dieting mom. As for other bad-for-you foods like fatty foods or fried foods, they do affect my mental health in that they make me feel bloated and upset with myself for eating them. Physically, they make my body feel heavy, which negatively affects my self-esteem. I know that when I feel good about my body, my mental self-image is more positive as well, so in that way, I do believe physical health and mental health are related. After writing this post, I’m going to try to focus more intentionally on my food intake again. I lost 30 pounds at the end of last year, but now my weight has plateaued and I’m feeling frustrated again. Maybe cutting the caffeine out will put me back on track. -Emily |
| Well, last month was a little busier for me, and I didn’t get the MHWA prompts done, but I’m not giving up! I’ll try again in April. Otherwise, I did continue writing and adding things to my portfolio. For tallies, I wrote 22 reviews, 5 poems, and 1 non-fiction essay. I also powered my way through 5 books and wrote reviews for them. Yesterday, I felt the urge to create an item to practice my observation skills and short poetry, so I made a pseudo nature journal as well where I hope to write something every day in April at least for NaPoWriMo, though I’m not putting a hard challenge on myself. I’d rather just see what happens and be conscious of seeing spring bloom this month and getting outside more Of course, I also kept up with my "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" guardian duties, "30-Day Blogging Challenge" prompting, and my sleep tracking over at the "Early to Bed, Early to Rise Challenge" – I may give myself another thing to track for April rather than wake ups as I think I have that pretty well mastered. Writings:
Goals this month are again similar, with a few modifications. I’m keeping the MHWA tasks listed so I can keep reminding myself to do them. This month will be better, I hope! Review: 15 for "Anniversary Reviews" :15 for "Newbie Welcome Wagon" :12 for "SuperTower Review Room MB Rewards" :Read: For "The Monthly Reading Challenge" , "Writing.Com Reading Challenge" and "Angel Product Reviews" "The Third Twin" by Ken Follett Product Review: "The Third Twin" “True Crime Addict” by James Renner Product Review: "True Crime Addict: How I Lost Myself in the Mysterious Disappearance of Maura Murray" "Brain on Fire" by Susannah Cahalan Product Review: "Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness" “Elevation” by Stephen King Product Review: "Elevation" "Calypso" by David Sedaris Product Review: "Calypso" Mental Health Writer’s Alliance Challenge: (do at least 20 Tasks) Task #1 Task #2 Task #3 Task #4 Task #5 Task #6 Task #7 Task #8 Task #9 Task #10 Task #11 Task #12 Task #13 Task #14 Task #15 Task #16 Task #17 Task #18 Task #19 Task #20 Task #21 Task #22 Task #23 Task #24 Task #25 Task #26 Task #27 Task #28 Task #29 Task #30NaPoWriMo: Write something every day in "Fleeting Moments" Enter Contests: "The Contest Challenge" April "a very Wodehouse challenge" Review two entries in "Kittiara's Writing Contest" Review one entry in "Intentionally Bad Story Contest" Send review credits to in-depth reviewers (3K+ characters) Enter a contest of your choice Describe a new challenge for "Kit's Quick, Simple, Silly Activities" "The Prompt Me Contest" "SugarCube's Bi-Weekly Random Contest!!" "Oriental Poetry Contest" "24 Syllables " "Tweet Me a Story" "The Daily Poem" Continue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Sleep and update "Early to Bed, Early to Rise Challenge" every morningTake care, Emily |
On a scale of 1-10, how patient are you? Do you have a preference for instant gratification? Is impatience or patience a family characteristic? What qualities would you like to develop to help you be more patient with yourself and others? From the "Mental Health Writers Alliance" As I was pondering how to tackle this prompt, I found there are certain aspects of my life where I am consistently patient, and other aspects where I am overwhelmingly not. I will rate each separately with 0 being the least patient, and 10 being the most patient. Patience with the Process When it comes to waiting for something completely out of my control, I will happily wait forever for it. A perfect example is purchasing something online. I know it is coming, and there is nothing I can do to speed up the mail, so I’ll wait and wait and wait for it, sometimes so long that I forget I’m waiting for something at all (the surprise of finding a gift to myself in the mail is always fun ). I’ve done my part, and whatever happens next is not my fault or my responsibility. If I never receive the package (it was lost), they’ll eventually send me an email asking me how I like my new item, and I’ll be reminded then that I never received it. I don’t know if this is a good or a bad trait, but it’s just the way I am. If worrying about it will do no good, why waste my time and brain power doing so? Rating: 10/10Patience with Promises One way I am not patient is when it comes to people and the promises they make. If someone tells me they’ll reply to my email before noon, I’ll get incredibly frustrated and annoyed if the email doesn’t come until afternoon. Or if someone promises they will be home by a certain time and are not, I don’t like waiting for them. This is probably a result of my own obsession with punctuality. I would never ever promise something I could not do, even something as mundane as sending an email at a certain time. I am particularly conscious of other people’s time, so I expect others to be the same way, but I find this is often not the case. Rating: 2/10 Patience with Driving Don’t even go there. The road rage is real. I hesitate to say I hate anything, but I will say I get the most annoyed while driving. That’s a whole other entry… Rating: 0/10 Patience with Myself This aspect of patience was interesting to think about. Many things I do happen slowly, but that’s more a result of procrastination than patience. Maybe a better example would be when I make a mistake, how patient am I with myself in correcting it? I think I am a harsh self-critic, so I find it hard to forgive myself when things go wrong as a result of my mistake. I should work to be more patient and give myself more room to learn and grow from mistakes rather than beating myself down over them. Rating: 4/10 |
Discuss some victories you’ve had this month, no matter how big or small. What are some goals you have going into March? From the "Mental Health Writers Alliance" What a perfect prompt! The last two months I’ve done a bit of a blog post about goals for the next month, and it has worked fairly well for me, so I might as well tie it in to this prompt and do it again! Victories, let’s see. February was a solid month for me, nothing too crazy stressful which was nice. I felt underproductive at work, but then a coworker I disliked got fired, so that was a breath of fresh air. Writing wise, I kept at it with 26 reviews, 3 new poems, and 1 new non-fiction essay. I also created two new fun games I’ve never done before on this site, even after all these years: 1 crossword and 1 word search. It was also my first time challenging myself to do the "MHWA Mental Health Challenge" tasks, and (after this entry) I’ll have done 20! Woohoo! I consider that an accomplishment From the task prompts, I wrote 6 blog posts which I am quite proud of and might work to expand in the future (especially the one about public speaking and the one that is currently secured behind a passcode about crimes committed by the mentally ill). I liked the feeling of blogging to prompts again. I get so stressed having to give the prompts for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" that I don’t like also writing for them The prompts for the "Mental Health Writers Alliance" though were really thought-provoking. I read 6 books and wrote reviews for them, kept up with my "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" guardian duties, and my sleep tracking over at the "Early to Bed, Early to Rise Challenge" as well.Writings:
Fun Stuff:
As for goals, pretty similar to last month. I’m going to try to get more MHWA tasks done and go a little easier on the contests: Review: 15 for "Anniversary Reviews" :12 for "SuperTower Review Room MB Rewards" :Read: For "The Monthly Reading Challenge" and "Writing.Com Reading Challenge" "The Nature Principle” by Richard Louv Product Review: "The Nature Principle: Reconnecting with Life in a Virtual Age" "The Universe in a Nutshell" by Stephen Hawking Product Review: "The Universe in a Nutshell" "The Fact of a Body" by Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich Product Review: "The Fact of a Body: A Murder and a Memoir" "Why is the Penis Shaped Like That?" by Jesse Bering Product Review: "Why Is the Penis Shaped Like That?: And Other Reflections on Being Human by Jesse Bering (2012-07-03)" "She has her Mother's Laugh" by Carl Zimmer Product Review: "She Has Her Mother's Laugh: The Powers, Perversions, and Potential of Heredity" Mental Health Writer’s Alliance Challenge: (do at least 20 Tasks) Task #1 Task #2 Task #3 Task #4 Task #5 Task #6 Task #7 Task #8 Task #9 Task #10 Task #11 Task #12 Task #13 Task #14 Task #15 Task #16 Task #17 Task #18 Task #19 Task #20 Task #21 Task #22 Task #23 Task #24 Task #25 Task #26 Task #27 Task #28 Task #29 Task #30 Task #31Enter Contests: "Verdant Poetry Contest" for "The Contest Challenge" "Rebel Poetry Contest" March "a very Wodehouse challenge" Research and write blog or static <1000 words about "The Age of Enlightenment." Select one figure from each of the following eras: Pre-Socratic, Medieval, Renaissance, Modern, and Contemporary. Give summaries (<500 words each) on their contributions to Enlightenment. Write a story (<1000 words) or poem (<21 lines) that deals with enlightenment of some kind. "The Prompt Me Contest" "SugarCube's Bi-Weekly Random Contest!!" "Oriental Poetry Contest" "Haiku Hunt Contest" Continue Regular Commitments: Normal review crediting for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Sleep and update "Early to Bed, Early to Rise Challenge" every morning General administration, prompting, and judging for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" See you in March! Take care, Emily |
An estimated 75% of people have glossophobia, which is a fear of public speaking. How comfortable are you speaking in public? Have you ever been in situations where you were forced to do public speaking? How did it go? From the "Mental Health Writers Alliance" Oooh, public speaking. If you had asked me this question just 3 or 4 years ago, I would have probably said it was my greatest fear. Now it ranks much lower on the fear scale, somewhere around nervous, but manageable. Let's see how I got here, shall we? I was totally a shy kid. In grade school, I was taller and heavier than everyone in my class, which made me feel absolutely colossal. There's a picture of me at age 10 or so lined up next to two of my classmates when we received our "Perfect Attendance" certificates and I am a full head and a half taller than the boy on my left, and two heads taller than the girl on my right. A giant. Obese, I thought, even at that young age. There was a time in physical education class where we lined up and had to weigh ourselves one at a time and then tell the teacher out loud what the scale read. I was in the 5th grade, I think, and I weighed more than every other girl by a long shot, more than every boy, and as much as what everyone considered the "fat kid." (Michael was his name. I remember because in my shame I felt the need to tease him: "Michael, Michael, motorcycle!" It is foolish and nonsensical, something I'm ashamed of looking back, but at that time, I needed to do anything that would direct attention away from my massive, white, whale body.) At the time, I could not understand this, but I was bigger than everyone in my class because I was Scandinavian. In Hawaii where I went to school, my classmates were Asian, Hawaiian, Portuguese, Filipino, and other pacific islander ethnicities. I was a different genetic make-up, which made me physically different from my classmates through no fault of my own. At that time, I did not understand this in the least, resulting in my thinking I was fat, fat, fat. On top of that, my eyesight was horrific so I wore thick glasses, and my teeth were a jumble, so I got braces early and wore them for nearly 4 years. My appearance screamed black sheep and did NOT fit in. All together, these insecurities with my appearance made speaking in public a nightmare. I wanted to sink into nothing, be nothing. I wanted to hide, and that feeling continues to persist to this day. I am overly aware of the space I take up and how to move so I don't accidentally knock into someone else or get in their personal space. But lest we get off-topic, let's get back to the topic of this post: public speaking. My insecurities as a kid contributed to my fear of being in front of other people. It was not just public speaking, but I was afraid of doing anything where other people would be watching me or where I would draw unnecessary attention to myself: playing sports, raising my hand in class, walking across the stage to accept an award, coughing in a public place, going to the bathroom when other people could hear me. This fear nestled deep in my subconscious, and it's been hard to shake. But I did start off this entry by saying that public speaking is something I'm not as afraid of now as I was in the past, so how did that happen? I still felt the fear of being the center of attention through most of college, but I think after I presented my final honors thesis in front of all the other Bio majors, it was the last hurdle and the time I finally let go of some of the fear I had held onto for so long. The way I said that might make you think my presentation was phenomenal, but the reality was that it was not. I had spent months and months preparing my presentation, my powerpoint, my speech, my outfit, but when I got to the podium to begin, all of my slides were fucked up (something to do with the moderator transferring them onto his computer from my flash drive). At that point, there was nothing I could do, so I gave the presentation I had practiced so long for, accompanied by the slides I knew looked horrible, and when it was over, everyone clapped just the same as they would have if everything was perfect, I received an A grade, and then it was over. In that moment, I recognized how pointless it was to harbor all that stress over presenting when things will go wrong anyway. That's something that has stuck with me ever since. I speak in public all the time now for work. Less formal presentations, but a lot of presenting in meetings, giving lessons for students, and staffing booths at events where I speak with the public. I still feel the nerves, but those are normal and natural and a strong motivator to do a good job. But I am no longer petrified of speaking in public or being the center of attention. This might also have to do with the fact that I have grown into my body and am more adult in carrying myself. Part of that too is realizing that everyone is more concerned with how they look than with how you look. I think the moral of the story is that public speaking is about having just the right dose of nerves to motivate your performance, mixed with the acknowledgement that no one, including yourself, is perfect. Mistakes happen, and that's okay - they're what make us human. |
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