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Writings about death, relationships, feelings, and time |
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Expressing my feelings about death, the death of family members and friends, life and life's impacts. I hope to write poems about coping with death, life, family and friends, and getting the best out of life. Every emotion and every thought comes from living. I hope to live through my writings. Hoping to reach out and meet others where they are in hopes that any one of the poems will bring solace on some level. |
| My Relationship with Foxy Grey (The Cat that Thinks He’s a Dog) Many folks think of relationships as being between a man and a woman, but believe it or not, relationships can be between many things, you and your pets, you and your family members, you and a friend, you and your community, etc. Today, I am focusing on relationships between me and my cat. I came to this writing very gently. The Song Mistress posted yesterday about her relationship between her and her two boys (Ed and Ben). It got me thinking about my relationship with my cat, Foxy Grey. Foxy is a Russian Blue. He was born in 2002. As a young cat he was oh so full of himself. He walked around the house with his tail up in the air, bright-eyed and bushy tailed. He was in to everything. I purchased an automatic pooper pan that he was supposed to use. Good luck with that. Instead he would stand by the door and meow at the top of his lungs to go outside. When he was finished and ready to come back in, he would actually knock on the door. He learned the neighborhood, and who came in and out of my house. Foxy was (is) so intelligent that he would walk the grandchildren to the bus stop every single day, sit with them until they got on the bus, and then return home, knock on the door so that he could come in. Promptly at 3:00pm, he would knock on the door, go to the bus stop and wait for the kids to get off and walk them home. At first we thought it was just a fluke, but then it became his routine, and even the neighbors would talk about the cat walking the grands to the bus stop and picking them up in the afternoon. AMAZING. Later we learned that was not his only trick. Foxy Grey decided that he owned the yard. As such, he decided that he and he alone had free range to roam in it. Nothing was off limits when it came to protecting his yard. Other cats were chased away. The coons and possums had to run about when he was not outside. However, the birds were safe. I have no clue as to why, but they were. Foxy would sit and look at them, watch them do bird things, and return to the house. By the way, Foxy Grey is a rescue cat. I rescued him one day before he was to be euthanized. By chance, I went to the pet story after attending a celebration for Leonard Pits who had just won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary. Entering Petco, I had no idea that I would become the proud owner of a cat. I am allergic to cats and dogs! However, on approaching the pet section, this cat followed me back and forth in his cage. The worker said that cat has not moved for days. I laughed and said he is moving now. I played with him for a minute, and walked away. He started meowing, and got louder and louder the further I went. I returned and he quieted down. The worker was amazed, and quite frankly so was I. I left again, and the same thing happened. So, we went a step further, I went inside the closed area, and she let the cat out. Immediately, he came over and jumped on my lap and started purring. My heart was stolen. I decided that I really did not want a cat, but I'd consider it. I left and went home. The next day the cat continued to taunt me. I could not get him off of my mind. Around noon, I went back to the pet story, praying that they had not put "my" cat to sleep. Thank God they had not. He must have heard me entering the store, and he started pacing and meowing and I knew, I would be taking him home, allergy shots and all. That day, Foxy (a free cat) cost me $550 for a carrying case, shots, name tag, electric pooper pan, food, brush, toys, immunization, insurance, and registration. I also had to find him a vet. Over the years, Foxy Grey has attracted, and gotten the attention of most of my neighbors. He has converted cat haters into friends. My son, in particular hates cats, but he would kill for Foxy Grey. When he comes over Foxy follows him around until he sits down and lets him jump up in his lap. The grands come to visit Foxy Grey. Neighbors will call to see how Foxy is doing, and when they come to visit, they will sit, pet, and talk with him as if he was human. It is the funniest thing. Needless to say, Foxy and I have a very special relationship. He rarely jumps up in my lap. He is not all cuddly with me, he is with everyone else, but he follows me around. He sleeps in my room. He knocks on my door when he can't get in. He stalks me when I am not in sight. He goes with me to the bathroom. He sits and watches me eat, and some how, he always knows when I am not feeling well. I love my cat! He is something else. He is getting old, and does not move as gracefully as he did when he was young. His fur is just as thick, but he sometimes forget to hold his tail up when he walks. He has changed his diet. Someone has introduced him to table food and can cat food. In the early days, he would only eat Cat Delight. Now, he throws his head up and walks away when I put that in his bowl. However, when he hears the can of Fancy Feast pop open, he almost jumps up and down with anticipation. Who knew that his taste would change? Now, I have those big old buckets of Cat Delight to take back to the store. LOL The Song Mistress got me thinking. What am I going to do when my Foxy Grey is no longer with me? He has been my constant companion for almost twelve years. He sits with me, sleeps with me, walks with me, and just plain ole stays with me. He is part of my family. He has a place in my life. What will I do when Foxy Grey is no more? Something to think about, but for now he is sitting right here waiting on me to move. Long life to Foxy Grey.  |
| Relationships That Fail Failed Relationships Read a few pieces by one of the authors on WDC, and it got me to thinking about failed relationships. Just reading her entry re Scared out of My House, gave me goose bumps. How do people who fall in love, get married, and decide to live together wake up one day and find that they are no longer willing to continue the relationship? Do they fall out of love? Do they just want to move on? Was the partner abusive? Were they ever really in love? Questions, questions, and more questions. Here is my take on my own episode of a failed relation. I met and fell in love with my ex-husband in college. The sun rose and set in him. I loved him from the day I first laid eyes on him. We walked in the rain. Kissed under the stars. Made promises to love each other forever, but to move on, if we ever stopped feeling that way, but then, that would never happen because we were so much in love. Fast forward. We got married, had four beautiful children, and purchased our first home. Two years later while the children and I were visiting his mother, he moved out. Lock, stock, and barrel! GONE! When we returned home, the house felt different. Almost like it was empty. I started checking rooms, and sure enough all of his stuff was gone. He didn't even leave a note with a forwarding address. I was devastated. Life stopped. I was lost. Couldn't think, and yet I lived. I was still madly in love with him, but he had moved on. Today. I am still single (a divorcee), and our children are all grown up, married, and with children (some with grandchildren). His Mother has since died. He has never remarried, but has lots of female friends, and he periodically tells the children that the greatest mistake he ever made was leaving home. Sounds good, now that the children are all grown, and doesn't need him. Sounds even better now that we are both old and settled in our ways. But what was the root cause for the separation, the end of our relationship? I puzzled about that often, but I have yet to come up with a good answer. I believe in my heart of hearts that I was a good mother, a great lover, an exceptional cook, a partner in our finances, and a pretty good listener. Lord knows I was a looker and a major catch by most definitions. I was also high maintenance. I needed attention, and always wanted his attention, but he had a wondering eye, and he continued his education while I worked. Bad combination. He was still being around people that were moving on, and I was around babies who needed diaper changes, help with homework, clean clothes to wear, and breakfast, lunch and dinner, snacks and dessert. I did not have time to compete with his mind. Then he left. I found the time to go back to school and eventually got two masters, certification in management, enhanced computer skills, elected to the City Council, and still managed to raise the children and take care of my Mother. I ask myself, would I have accomplished those things, if he had stayed? I also wonder why he has never remarried. I am also still a divorcee, and a lonely one at that, but for the most part, I am a very happy one. I, now, share my life with sixteen grandchildren, and a great grandson whom I adore. I am also told that a great grand-daughter is on the way. I am Mayor of my City, and my residents seem to be pleased with my accomplishments and the direction in which the City is going. I am retired from working, and for the most part, I am alright with that, but thinking that I miss the daily interaction with the working world. Recently, (the last two years), I have started writing on WDC (I have always written to express feelings, but never to share with others). This has been and continue to be an adventure, and it takes up quite a bit of my time. I am even thinking about writing a book, just not sure on what I will be writing. Looking back, my failed relationships was not all bad. It pushed me in a new direction or to a path I might not otherwise have traveled. |
| Death of Two Brothers --2014 My best friend in elementary school married my best first cousin. We had promised over the years that we would marry each other's brothers, but that was not to be. My brother married someone from Florida, and I married a man from North Carolina. However, she did marry my first cousin. Since first grade, we have been friends. We communicate over the phone from time-to-time, but it only takes a moment for us to start talking like we had not been apart ever. Today, the reason for this post is that she buried one brother last week and today another brother died. She comes from a large poor family, but a close knit and loving family. Over the years she has suffered many losses including the loss of her favorite brother who served in the military and served our Country well. In January, I moaned and groaned about the loss of my brother, Jimmy. I am and have been lost without him for days, but today, I stepped into my friend Ruby's shoes, and knew that I would nor know what to do with such great loss so close together. She has not had time to grief the loss of the first brother and today, she has to face the loss of another one. What do you say to her? What can you say to her? How do you even try to relate to her grief? I sit here and ponder these questions because I feel so helpless. I cannot feel her pain, but oh I do relate to her pain. |
| Sitting here thinking about the good life and/or the American dream, and wondering what this means to others. Here is what it means to me -- an unachievable expectation! At least in the way we have been taught. The good life and/or the American dream for most mean that you are going to achieve everything you want. You are going to get married to the perfect mate; buy the perfect house; live in the perfect neighborhood; have the perfect children; have money in the bank (or stock market); have the most successful career; travel the world; mix and mingle with the best; and even your s_ _ t don't stink. No wonder so many of us are so unhappy and still chasing rainbows. No wonder so many of us are working two, three and four jobs just to make ends meet. No wonder so many of us are seeing counselors and anyone else that might give us an edge. I am stopping by to tell you that there is a good life that can be lived in America and abroad. Here's what it consist of, at least from my point of few. First accept that everything is NOT for everybody. What is for you is for you and NO ONE can take it from you. God knows your needs and will supply them abundantly. Second, reorganize your values and your self-worth. Instead of you first, God second, and other last, consider God first, others second, and self last! How we think determines how we will operate and respond to actions in our lives. Third, be the first to offer help, you will be surprised at how many others will join you, and remember, many hands make light work. Rarely will there not be an opportunity to help. All of us at some point in our lives need help, and when it comes we should know how to receive it, and not take advantage of it. Four, do not rush to judgment of others or yourself. None of us are perfect. We are all wrapped in sin and shaped in iniquity. No one sin is any worse than the next even though we try to classify them. That little white lie is just as bad and does just as much harm as that big fat lie. Five, do your best in every endeavor, not just what will get you by or what others think. If you have been given five talents (skills) use them all in overdrive. That is why they were given. If you have been given only one skill, maximize it. Combine it with someone else's, but no matter what use it, and use it to the glory of God. He is the giver. Six, be lenient, be merciful. None is perfect. We all have imperfections and make mistakes. FORGIVE and forgive again and again and again. Sometimes it take longer for others to get the message that is being taught. You know that! Look how long God has been working with you. Finally, know that the good life is the life you have, and you and you alone determine how good it is. Television, the movies,the movie stars, nor Hollywood sets the standards for your life. In fact being a democrat, republican, independent, tea party, or other makes you who you are. They are simply labels that we use to hide behind. There is no such thing as being politically correct. Either you are correct or you are wrong. Let's not split hairs. Treat everyone the WAY YOU WISH TO BE TREATED, and I guarantee that you will be correct. Remember even in the good life and/or the American dream no one has control over their destinies but God. Let Him use you to his glory, and you will be living the good life EVEN in America! Have a wonderful day, and may it be filled with the good life (even if there are a few thorns, pits, or seeds). |
| Relationships can be very tiring, very trying, and very time consuming. It does not matter whether or not the relationship is between husband and wife, mother and daughter, father and son, best friends or lovers. Each relationship requires the parties to work together in some fashion; to give and take; to compromise; to share secrets that holds them together. After years of being in these relationships, either or both parties may become weary, agitated or otherwise stressed by the relationship. Here are some thoughts on maintaining the relationship even when the going gets tough: 1. Remember the basic rule -- Charity (love) begins at home. If you do not love yourself, why do you think someone else will. Take care of your inner body, mind, soul and health. 2. Be open and honest -- Say what you mean. Never lie, not even a white lie, if you want to gain and build trust. 3. Make time to be with the person -- We are all busy and striving to achieve our individual goals. That's natural, but to do so at the risk of not spending time with the person with whom you are in a relationship is to say that everything else is more important than the relationship regardless if you think they should understand. Old adage: Actions speak louder than words 4. No one gives 100% all of the time -- It would be nice if they did because you would always be working with 200%, but that is almost never the case. Frequently you will both bring 50% to the table, but that, too, will be rare. A good relationship may mean a 60/40 split, and both of you may move between the 60/40 spread on any given day. More often than not the percentage will vary depending on the circumstances. Be tolerant. Be patient. Be understanding. Be clear about how your relationship works. 5. Listen. Listen. Listen. -- Even when you think you know the answer(s), it is a good practice to listen to the other person. A new insight or perspective may be gained just by listening. We all want to be heard and valued, but most of all in a relationship, we want our partner to listen to us. No one else may ever listen to us, but our partner must and will! 6. Trust. -- Trust without fear of disappointment, judgment, or expectation of something in return. It is not a negotiation. It is not a game. It is a way of showing another human being how much they are appreciated and valued. |
| Why Care? Why care when you know that there will be pain for you later? You put your heart out on your sleeve to tell the world that you have feelings. Things do not bring you the happiness that you deserve. Life seems to offer you such terrible blows and yet you care. Why care when you see the way that people react to your kindness. Over and over again you provide the love and care that is needed. Spiritual support does not always meet your deepest needs. God seems to have deserted you, but you still care. Why care when everything seems to have gone politically correct. Giving and giving and giving some more is what you do. Broken, defeated and desolate most day you walk alone. Friends and family seem to have gone on home, why care. You still care because you know that your walk is not in vain. Caring has given you love, hope and the life for which you longed. Putting your feelings out there is just part of who you are. Why care? Because you can and that is who YOU ARE! |
| This piece may be totally out of sync with the rest of the pieces here, but it was my view of the world today. How beautiful God's world is today! As I went to get my eye procedure done this morning, I thought what a wonderful and beautiful world God has given me. Though my sight is dimming, and things are not quite as crystal clear, I still see all of the beauty that God has provided. I thought, in the spring we get the buds on the trees. In the summer we get the beautiful shades of green on all of the trees. In the fall, we get all of the dazzling colors of reds, browns, golds, and yellows, AND then comes winter and the trees in our area go bare, at least until God cloth them in pure white snow! WOW! What an amazing and wonderful sight when the trees, the ground, the houses, the cars, and everything else outside takes on a coat of white. Thank you Lord for having the best paint brush and best paints on earth! |
| I guess one of the rings we do not count on when we are young is getting old. If we did we might all decide to try something different. Getting old has come to mean a lot of things to me, but the most hurtful is death and the loss of love ones (family and friends). At this very moment, there are several family members and friends that are visibly struggling to stay alive. My cousin in Georgia; my sister-in-law in North Carolina; one of my best friends in Maryland, and that is just the tip of the ice burg. When you are young you fight to keep your teeth. Whiteners, brightens, and frequent visits to the dentist. We believe that we are invincible. We take chances and risks. We know everything, No stopping us, and no time for rest or practicing good healthy habits. We will try any thing. We do not see age creeping us on us. We just wake up one day and learn or accept that we are not young any more. Our hair starts thinning. We lose our teeth. Bunions start hurting and special shoes are required. Our health becomes an issue. the retirement saving we had starts dwindling and used for everything but retirement. Those big baby blues or browns or blacks start changing and even your heart start becoming a concern. Old age creeps on without even mumbling a single warning. It is a surprise. Who knew! The hiccup, however, is not that all of this happens to you alone. It also happens to everyone around you that survives death. Suddenly you receive your membership card to old age, your medicare card. Some of us need it, and some of us do not, but all of us cross an invisible barrier that separates us from the young. Our separation from the young signals the loss of friends, love ones, and even enemies. We start looking at the time we have left on earth. Something in our psychic registers our limited time left, and we are now wide awake to all of the possibilities that we have left. We want to spend more time with our children, if we have any. Traveling becomes a new hobby. Writing becomes a passion. Somehow we want to leave a little bit about us behind. Life becomes our most precious asset. We cling to it with a passion. We will spend our lat dime preserving our health and our quality of life, whatever it is, and for as long as we can. Reality of old age is that the young becomes the old, and the old becomes those that were replaced by the young, The completion of a cycle that starts at birth. |
| Sometimes we think we have a situation under control only to learn that we are mentally struggling with it over and over again. We think that we are over the feelings that stressed us, and then we find that deep down inside their are still some emotional issues that have not been dealt with by us. The mind is unsettled about the issues because we have learned the art of burring our feelings, at least until someone comes along and unearth them all over again. Death is like that too. It makes us come far-to-face with our own mortality. We are no longer invincible. We are in fact very vulnerable and threatened by our own mortality. Why my Mother? Why not hers or his or even theirs? We wonder around in a daze for days, weeks, months, and even years pretending to cope with this most painful loss. Crying comes easy. Anger even easier. Real laughter and joy eludes you. In fact, you are barely surviving. The outer you says everything is alright while the inner you knows that everything is out of control. Emotional turmoil is real! |
| Life is not all ups 2014 has not been all ups, but I would be lying if I said that it has been all downs. I have shared a wonderful vacation in Vegas with two good friends, and spent quality time with my three daughters. Yet, my writing today will focus on the downs. I am in North Carolina with my youngest daughter. She had a complete melt down over the past two weeks. She spent five day in a psychiatric ward where it was determined that she was not a threat to herself or others, but in need of rest and a stress free life. Stress free life. Unbelievable. How does one have a stress free life? She has two jobs, a new living arrangement, five children (four of them at home with her and under the age of fourteen (14), a new relationship, a car that needs repairs, and now an uncertain future with her mental health. She is strapped for money, and a husband from whom she is seeking a divorce and is afraid of because of past experiences. Stress free! How? Her strew has resulted in stress for the entire family. Her sisters and I have put our lives on hold while we try to sort through hers and keep her and the children in place. We are in a holding position as we strive to understand what happened; determine what is needed; provide full care to the children; and still maintain some sibilance of our own lives that seem to be spiraling out of control. Earlier this year, we went to Florida to gain control over my brother's last will and testament. We thought that we were at an all time low. Not knowing that two months later, we would be fighting to keep my youngest daughter.s life together. Yet, here we are "four women and a baby (without the body), and with four more babies in North Carolina. Strapped for money, and in charge. WOW! Downs are trumping today. No let up from trials and tribulations. Relationships are crucial. Family is all you have, and when you are the mother, you circle the troops and make sure that family members are all right. That has been my role now for years, and I don't know how to let go even though the children keep telling me that I must. LOL How do I when no matter what, I am the first call that they make when trouble strikes. |
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My condolences.
K.
. I feel your pain. My Jim will be gone two years on July 19th. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times it feels like a hundred years ago. Almost immediately after Jim passed I quit eating meat...don't ask me why, I don't know. The human brain is so complicated. I think maybe it was something else for me to focus on, new recipes, new ways to get protein, something I thought I was doing that was good for me. I continue to be vegetarian and somehow it has helped sustain me. God bless... 