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2024. Going anywhere inside my little world. |
| Come on the adventures of a little mouse as she writes about her opinions and her life. |
| Again, David went to Eds so I didn't go to Clubhouse. I may have to change my day to Thursday or give up on going. I just wanted to go on Tuesdays because that is the day of the big house meeting for the week. I pointed out the flower bulbs I bought last fall to Bill. He said that most of them probably were not viable any more but they would try planting them anyhow. All I could think of was the fact that I still owe PCH for them. Ah well. Despite today being a beautiful day weather wise, I still hurt and spent most of the day laying around sleeping. I did get part of one of my vision boards done. I still have a ways to go on it and have the one for my magick to do. One of the exercises to do in my book on self care is to write your name in the center of a piece of paper then write words around it that describe you; accepting both positive and negative things. Coming up with the words wasn't t he problem..... I could only put "K" for the name. If I put my full real name all I could believe and write was negative words. I've come to a conclusion. I don't know who I am any more. There is no one name that describes all of me. I have a pen name of Kristin Claire. I have a witch name of Khola Mousethyme. I have a dark side who calls herself Kara. There's a completely depressed side called Kila. There are male aspects called Kurt and Keith..... there are more that don't really have names yet or names that have been forgotten....... I don't know. I feel like in ways I am losing myself. I feel as though I am slipping back in the deep recesses of depression. Sometimes I don't know what keeps me going and not trying to hurt myself. The only reason I can think of is that too many people would care. But should that matter when I don't care????? Yeah, this entry has taken a strange turn. You have now entered into..... the mouse trail zone....... |
| Eclipse - Went outside to look at it today and all I noticed was it got a little dark and gloomy. I'm never where I can get a descent look at something like this. Ever tried to see a meteor shower within the city limits? Ha. You can barely see stars at all let alone meteors. The closest I ever got to seeing Astrological events was in Astronomy Class in High School. Our school was blessed to have a Planetarium. It was a great thing back in the day before you could look up stuff on YouTube and Google. I still think it was more awesome than anything I've ever experienced..... Ending Wars - I hate war. I see no sense in it. We were built in to having wars with games like King of the Mountain when we were young. That's all a war comes down to. It's one group (country, government, society, etc.) trying to prove that they are the strongest one in the play yard. It is a childish pursuit. I'm sorry if you don't feel the way I do. I don't subscribe to political propoganda and hot air. I think if we stopped trying to define ourselves as individuals together in separate groups there would be a lot less things to fight about. And now I will get off my soap box...... prompt: best excuse for being late - the honest one. I think if you were late because you didn't want to go in the first place you should admit it. At least you made it anyhow. That's the thing, you are there. okay, so you are late. You made the effort to be there despite whatever it was that made you late. Good for you. Laid around watching movies all day today. I just didn't feel good and now I feel even worse because I didn't get anything done. No Sally today; she had to go to a training. Tomorrow I want to go to Clubhouse for the house meeting. I'm not going to leave too very early to get there but I will go for lunch. Didn't do anything with the vision boards. I just can't seem to make a definite decision on anything. There are ideas, I can see it being done, but there's no decisions on how to get from point A to point B. I'm just afraid I am going to do it and then end up hating it. It also takes me back to "this is my permanent home and this room is going to be all that I am going to have to myself to put things for the rest of my life." I was thinking today about getting my own small fridgerator for my room. I was playing the "If I got rid of this and moved this there than I could put it there" game. I really need it because it isn't fair to Terry that I am keeping my medicine in her fridge. Besides, I could keep some could munchies and drinks in my room (not that I like them cold but hey why not?) Oh well. I'm tired and I still have to see if I can accomplish something before I go to sleep. |
| I'm thinking of cutting my hair off as it is always in my mouth and eyes unless I keep it tied up in a pony tail. This is the longest my hair has ever been in my life and I've always wanted long straight hair (I used to have kinky curly hair until I ruined it using relaxers and dyes). IDon't get me wrong, I love my hair being this long and I can't wait for it to get longer. It just frusstrates me sometimes because I used to have all these ideas of what I would do with it if I had long hair but my hair is not long enough to do most of them, yet. I got a Temu delivery today (On a Sunday!!!) I got three PJ sets (okay so Terry confiscated one) a new journal (though I can't get myself to write in any of the ones I have because I don't want to ruin them) and a diamond painting that I am going to do for David.....(that I am tempted to ready for beginning saying I can't get to my other ones and I've been somewhat bored0. I went to the Dollar store today and bought poster boards and colored index cards to build a vision board (or two). Now as I am with my journals I am afraid to get started for fear of ruining it. Yes after my recent entry I am still striving for perfection in some sort or other..... Stuff I want to put on my Vision Board: YMCA Silver Sneakers, Yoga, Tai-chi, scheduled writing times, going to clubhouse, scheduled time for my spirituality, reading for pleasure, writing snail mail..... I know that is a lot but I am sure at least some of it will fit into my schedule which currently has NOTHING on it. Well, not completely nothing. There is Monday mornings with Sally, Wednesday afternoon Wire Wrapping Group, and Friday afternoon Crochet group. Other than that everything like writing, napping, reading my writing and magic books, coloring, and other nondescript busy work is sprinkled in like seasonings.... There is no appointment with Sally tomorrow as she is gone to a training. I'm hoping to go to Clubhouse on Tuesday and make that a regular thing. If I can't find something productive to do there though I am going to find something I can take with me and dedicate that time to. that's all I can think of for now |
| Perfection for me is an unachievable state. Thus, imperfection is what I accept from and am content with coming from myself. Things are constantly showing their beauty in their imperfections. I am an imperfect drawer. It does not take away from the joy I get from drawing. I write to the best of my ability. To others it may be imperfect, but to me it is quite satisfactory. It is early in the day to be blogging but I can list what I hope to do and then later let you know if I accomplished the tasks. I hope to work on "Invitation to Death"  today, if to do nothing else than to rewrite the beginning. I may redo my character sketches as well. I also have an idea of one of my main characters running into more of my antagonists. I guess that this project fits in with the imperfection theme of this entry as I have 5 main characters and plan on telling the story from each of their POVs at some point or another........ Should be interesting.Okay so that is it for now. Working on TLC is a big enough task for one day....... I got a wonderful postcard of animal prints from Schnujo is Late to Lannister. I really need to get to sending some letters out now that I do have stamps..... Got my package of yarn from Temu...know the measurements/weight of what you are getting before you purchase. Oh well. The bag I got is nice which saves face for Temu. Been working on TLC. Scratched a few notes and rewrote part of the Prelude. Now I don't know if I'm even going to use it. We'll decide when the time comes. if it ever does. |
| Well it did snow today. Didin't stick but at times it did look like a white out. Between that and the fact that my hands hurt and I could barely walk I decided to not go to Crochet Group today. Besides I am waiting for new yarn and a yarn bag to come in from Temu. I didn't do well on my weekly or monthly goals. The goals to post and check in at Dragon Vale have fallen by the wayside. Still haven't touched "Invitation to Death" even though I chose it for CampNaNo this month. IF I rewrite a chapter does that count if I drop the original writing? I really need to rewrite the beginning...... Still nothing from Steve. I've given up and I am going on with my so-called life. If we run into each other, great. If we don't, it wasn't meant to be is all...... Laid around watching movies on the DVD today. The first one was good. Secret Window about a writer that goes crazy......it's a little hard to follow.....I'll have to watch it again...... Then I watched GhostRider but it seemed like a bootleg version. I think I may have just been thinking of other installments. How many are there anyhow? OH well. Dinner is almost ready....... gotta go. |
| Sometimes it does snow in April where I live. I used to believe it was a good argument against global warming. We also used to make jokes about we weren't going to color the eggs to hide them in the snow. It didn't snow on Easter this year. I hope that we are done with the snow and the temperatures are going to start to rise. April showers would be alright. I'm hoping that the bulbs and seeds that I bought last year are going to be planted soon. I want to work in the garden and know the difference between the flowers and weeds. Some weeds are quite pretty though. White or green? That is the question. Which are we going to have this month? Still nothing from Steve. I'm thinking that is pretty much lost for now. I still think about him several times a day. Of course, I did that before we had run into each other. I keep getting this thought of stalking his apartment complex; that he is going to be upset when we do get back together because he thinks I know where he lives.....I have only a vague idea. Went to clubhouse today. Was bored out of my mind. A lot of people welcomed me back which was nice. Not as much has changed as they made it out to be. No matter. I am going to try to start going back on Tuesdays for the house meeting. Hopefully that will work out. Tomorrow is crochet. I'm not going to head out early like I did for Wire Wrapping GRoup on Wednesday. I was semu-bored out of my mind that day as well. I think I'm going to put some coloring in my bag. I need to switch to a bigger bag. I'm getting all sticky from the sucker I am working on. It's a blowpop. The seems have gotten sharp so I'm starting to scratch up my gums. I keep trying to get the stick out..... If I think of something I'll write more later...... Merry Meet and Blessed Be then Merry Meet again!  |
| Took off at 11:00 am to go to Wire Wrapping group which wasn't until 2:30 pm. I just had to get out of here and get some air and space.... I had called Neurology and they hadn't gotten the referral yet. I called the Clinic and talked to Sarah and she said she would make sure it got done tomorrow. I'm assuming my xrays didn't show anything or they would have called me by now... I still hurt on a constant basis and my back seems to be getting worse than my hip and knee nnow. Sat in The Galley reading my books and highlighting as well as scratching some notes in my Self-Care Journal. Overheard a conversation that they should have an outside party coming in and making lunches again in about a month. That would be awesome as long as they keep the prices down..... Saw Cathy briefly passing in the hall. I saw Jacob down the hall and waved. I went upstairs too soon and the receptionist made me wait in their area for a good 20 minutes. Note to self: Don't ever go to a group so early again. Wire Wrapping Group was good. We had a small class so it was easy for Keith to help everyone in turn. Even though he did most of my work today, I think I could have done it. I tried to put my touches in on it when he was helping others. I am going back next week. My scalp is itching like nobody's business. I was looking at hair products on my phone to order with my HealthyHabits card. It seems like the list of what I can buy with it is getting smaller by the month. I had to use my debit card to buy vitamins and they almost charged my debit for the fish food. Not good. I guess things are different. I don't know. I just know that I am hot and tired and need to relax...... |
| I got cut off at the pass for going to clubhouse. Just after I finished my blog entry David came and asked me if I could stay home so that he could go to Uncle Eds. I couldn't say no.... well I could of... but there would of been a lot of bad feelings that I easily avoided by saying yes. My yarn didn't come in but some other things did.....The only thing that seemed good was the USB lighters .... though I don't remember ordering two different ones but I could have......and I got a dragonfly figure to put on my shrine.... I like them and from what I remember they are lucky.....I'll have to look them up.... So far I'm doing good on my goals.... I'm doing some posting and this is my second blog entry...... I still have to add to my port...... but....... I joined NaNoWriMo Camp this month and locked in to adding 30,000 words to "Invitation to Death" . It sounded easy at first but as of tonight I am about 2,000 words behind what I hoped I'd be doing. I'm going to try to write something for it after I get done here.I did what I could at Dragon Vale and if I don't get the xp for what I am doing then sobeit. Life will go on, just maybe not for my dragons. |
| How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. That is going to be my saying for this month..... I joined in on Habit Heroes again. I made goals to make weekly goals... Check in at Dragon Vale every day......Do my blog every day.... Keep up with The Cave as best as I can..... and to add either an entry to a novel or a static item to my port this month...... I made weekly goals along the same lines. To check in with Habit Heroes every day...... Check in at Dragon Vale.... and to write my blog..... I'm hoping that checking in with Dragon Vale every day will help me grow my dragons.... I keep getting this "they're going to be eggs forever so why should I even try" attitude. but every little bit gets me one centimeter closer...... I am so tired and I promised Sally today that I would go to clubhouse tomorrow. I really do need to go. She also wants me to research more about Silver Sneakers at the YMCA. I just feel like I can't make commitments to a lot of things away from the house. Not with Terry being in the shape she is in..... Of course, I don't know if I am going to continue with Wire Wrapping group. I brought wire home to practice and watched a YouTube video on how to do it. I tried. It was a disaster..... I also want to get started on a project for crochet but I don't like the yarn I have so I'm trying to wait until my new yarn comes in from Temu. (I can hear you booing the quality of things bought thru Temu but I reserve my right to hope). I am just trying to do things for me..... It seems like when I start being made happy by outside forces something happens...... I still haven't heard from Steve.... I have come to the conclusion that I won't until we run into each other again. It's heartbreaking but there's really nothing else I can do short of stalking his apartment complex... and I'm not even sure what apartment he is in. So there's the emotional pain..... I stayed away from the physical pain because I'm tired of discussing it...... And the mental pain is coming back..... I'm getting depressed again even though I promised myself I wouldn't..... All I can do is try to keep busy and hope fate smiles on me again...... Forget it!!!! There are too many requirements to checking in at Dragon Vale to get points!!! They can stay damn eggs!!!! |
| April Fool's Day used to be a day of mischief for my cousins as they would pull wonderful tricks on each other...... I made sure to never be at their house nor have one of them at our house for that day......If it passed like just another day for my family than that was good for us..... Steve's phone must be out....II haven't heard from him yesterday or today... It's going to suck if he gets a new number and can't recoup his contacts off his old phone. We will have no way to contact each other until we run into each other again..... I'm trying not to think negatively about it or feel extremely bad. It just happened ...... I've just been reading my books. I want to start doing some of the things in The Witch's Book of Self Care but I'm not really listening to its advice. I don't want to really do it until i can do it exactly right....which they say right in the book you only have to do what is right for you and nothing is ever perfect...... I don't know. Maybe I'll do some things tomorrow...... I have five things I am doing almost every day on WdC: Habit Heroes, Weekly Goals, Dragon Vale, The Cave, and my Blog. Sometimes they give me a headache because I really don't want to do it, and some of them I just don't keep up with like I should. My physical pain and constant tired feeling is keeping me from doing a lot of things. Terry suggested I clean up the craft room. I told her exactly how I felt about that. I said if I was to do it everything that didn't belong in there would go flying out the back door..... I really don't see a lot that does belong in there so I imagine the driveway would become quite messy if I was to do it...... At least I am getting a lot of reading done.......I just don't think I am going to sign up for as many things on here next month. I have a lot more stuff offline that needs my atteention and is taking up chunks of my time...... . Merry Meet and Blessed Be then Merry Meet again!  |
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Love it! I hope "Kristy Parkers" is revived and publishes very soon!
It's probably cheaper to just buy regular stamps and use a piece of paper and envelope to send the stuff instead of buying a postcard. 
