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 |  A third blog? A good idea? A fresh start? A disaster? An omen? ...who knows anything? |
I nearly gave up on blogging and WDC. Then life threw another huge curveball and I felt like giving up on everything. But I'm Scarlett...I keep trying and hoping. I know not where this will go but I take it one day at a time.   |
Almost June and I have to question again where the time goes or who is pinching it. It's going to be a very busy month with quite a few musical performances to attend. I'm very fortunate to have seen many famous artists on stage including The Beatles several times. I have seen most of my favourite bands and solo singers and hope I will have time to add a few more. Tonight Rod Stewart will be on stage in Nottingham and I'm saddened I won't be there. He is the one artist I would love to see perform before I fall off my perch. It got me thinking what five things I'd love to achieve in what time I have left. I know it's a bit morbid, but immortality isn't an option yet as far as I know and we are constantly being reminded to make the most of our days. So apart from seeing Rod Stewart on stage here are four more things I should be able to achieve that I've never done before. Of course I'd like to win the Lottery, cruise round the world, meet Robbie Williams, buy my son a house and see a resolution to Brexit, but for once I have to be realistic.  Complete my book and see it in print one way or another. Visit Kimbolton in Bedfordshire where my Dad was stationed during the war. Successfully achieve my recommended weight. Sample every pub, restaurant and cafe in my home town. Nothing amazing or even shocking, but maybe not as easy as they sound. But I can try. Maybe you'd like to ponder on five things within your grasp you'd like to achieve. |
It's only taken around six weeks to shake off the worst of what is supposedly a simple virus. I could worry that my ability to fight them off is weak, but know of several others who have suffered similarly. I conclude we are being invaded by superbugs. In other news... After a few glorious days May has turned into the coldest, wettest and most miserable month. I keep hearing how much we need the rain, but am left wondering why we need so much when states like Arizona thrive quite happily on so little. When I had a cat flap installed for Dennis I opted for an ordinary one instead of the expensive type which only open when triggered by your cat's personal microchip. This was mainly due to the fact I have a very enclosed and private back yard where I had never seen another cat. I now have a ginger feline visitor most evenings that seems determined to invite itself in for a midnight feast. Cats are such crafty creatures. After a long search and being let down several times, I finally found a workman to paint my exterior window frames which were in dire need of treatment. He was a lovely bloke, but on inspection I reckon I might have been able to do a better job myself if I had the courage to climb ladders. Standards of workmanship seem to have dropped severely in present times, while the costs are extortionate. My son had a visit this week from a lady he met in Thailand. I think she was brave and admire the fact she was determined to make the effort to fly over here alone to see him. My first impression is she's a very level headed, humble, thoughtful and sweet natured lady, but feelings of deja vu are bound to kick in. Only time will tell. The price of carrots eludes me, but I suspect it will rise whatever the outcome of the farce of the U.K. and Brexit. |
VIRUS - an infective agent that typically consists of a nucleic acid molecule in a protein coat, is too small to be seen by light microscopy, and is able to multiply only within the living cells of a host. Apparently I have another one of these.  MEDICINE - a drug or other preparation for the treatment or prevention of disease. Apparently there are none available to treat a virus. CURE - a substance or treatment that cures a disease or condition Therefore there is no cure. Apologies for my lack of input on WDC and life in general, but unfortunately a mere virus can make you feel so ill and unable to function it's frighteningly difficult to cope with. Doctors can insist there is no effective treatment for a virus, but I for one believe it's about time they discovered something. Hoping to survive, but unsure how long recovery will take. |
Someone is pinching days again. Where did seventeen of them go without any blog entries? Must try harder. I think life seems more a like a surreal dream every day that passes and like dreams it's hard to recall them or make much sense of anything. It continues to throw curveballs and surprises however. I spent a couple of days at my sisters in order to visit a craft show in Birmingham. I came away with nothing, but enjoyed the experience and time spent with family. However, after ensuring a cat sitter would drop in to feed and deal with Dennis's needs I returned to quite a poorly cat. I spent a weekend visiting the vets for necessary treatments which was costly as well as causing a lot of anxiety. Although still not fully recovered I think he's on the mend. Better touch wood. This has made me worry about leaving Dennis for time away or holidays and I don't want to put him in a Cattery. I'm having problems finding a cat/house sitter for July when I'm supposed to be going to Brighton for five days with my sister. It's not reasonable to have to spend all my time at home because I have a cat, but I do feel I need the right person to care for him. Sadly, the sitter I had when I went to Tucson is fully booked so the search continues. Sis and I made a pact to lose a stone (fourteen pounds) before visiting Brighton, which seemed achievable at the time. The first week's efforts paid dividends, but being at my sister's place then having a few days out with friends has brought me back to where I started. Only three months to go so I'm hoping it can be done. Motivation isn't so easy these days and energy levels low so it's creep and go. I look at all the clothes I have I can no longer fit into and that should be enough incentive, but then I start questioning if I'll ever go anywhere to wear them as I suspect my days of travelling on ships and attending posh social occasions are over.  The grand monsters have not seen their mother in four months, but now the powers that be are attempting to set up short, supervised visits every alternative Saturday. It annoys me my son has to give up some of what little free time he has to drive to Derby where she still lives, but at the same time I would welcome a healthy relationship between her and the children. The first visit was last Saturday and though not quite a total disaster was poorly organised and left my son in an anxious state. On the strength of this I have agreed to accompany them on a holiday to Thailand in August. I must be mad. So again I'll be looking for a good cat carer, be bogged down with childminding no doubt, suffering another long haul flight, ferocious heat, unfamiliar food and overdrafts, but you never know I might have lost that weight and be able to wear some of those redundant clothes. I won't hold my breath however. |
I sometimes feel a bit useless as regards my family and guilty because I can't help out like my husband used to, mainly because I don't drive any more and I'm not much good at DIY jobs. I do as much childminding as I can and frequently climb ironing mountain at their home and I know I'll always be there for them whenever they need me. When my phone rings in the morning I tend to fear the worst and when it's my son I anticipate there's a problem. This morning it seems there was a dire emergency. Angel needed her eyebrows waxing.  Apparently she's been nagging him all week to make her an appointment and was in a strop because he'd failed to oblige. To be fair it's a bit much to expect a bloke to know anything at all about beauty treatments and I'd be a bit worried myself if he was in the know about eyebrow waxing and shaping. But you know what these young girls are like and as far as Angel was concerned it was his duty to arrange her an appointment. When he phoned me he confessed he hadn't a clue where to find an appropriate place or what to ask for. Nanna to the rescue. Within minutes I'd found a decent place in town on the internet and made her an appointment, thus saving him from a fortnight of sulking and apportioning blame. I always warned him what lay ahead when he had a teenage girl on his hands, but never anticipated he'd be dealing with it all on his own. Good to know I still have my uses even if they are only small matters. What happened to that cute little poppet who used to sit on my knee reading Spot books? Turn around indeed. |
| School holidays mean a lot of grandmonster sitting so there's little time left for writing or other activities. Today the subject of careers cropped up with possible choices discussed by the older two while Bobby remained quiet. ' What would you like to be when you grow up?' we prompted. He thought for a little while then announced, ' I just want to be a normal person.' I didn't like to tell him there's not much chance of that in our family. 'That's not a job though,' the others said. 'What would like to be when you grow up?' they repeated. Another long pause. 'I know,' he finally announced. 'I'd like to be Santa.' A good job I won't be around if he achieves this aim as it would go against the grain to have a bah humbugger in the family. |
| The Internet. Love it or hate it? Many moons ago when rumours were heard that the world wide web would enable us to communicate, chat, share and discover, I for one was suitably impressed and couldn’t wait for it to be launched. To be able to chat with relatives near and far, play games with people from all over the world, research on any subject and discover all the new delights the internet would offer was a mesmerising prospect. I even stated at the time it had the potential for world peace as people learned to respect and understand other cultures, lifestyles and opinions. I knew that was probably not going to happen, but it had possibilities and I wasn’t the only one to voice that opinion. On a personal level I can state categorically my internet experiences have been mainly positive and have enriched my life. Okay there’s been the occasional rude idiot opponent in a game, a few fraudulent attempts, some annoying posts from people I wouldn’t have expected and disappointment when online friends don’t respond or disappear completely. There’s even been some hassle on WDC at one stage, but ultimately the good far outweighs the bad and nothing has caused any major or lasting damage. Fast forward. Now I have lost count of how many social media sites there are and would be hard pushed to name them. I scan Facebook daily for news of relatives and friends and have yet to figure out the point and workings of Twitter, but that’s as much as I use social media. There’s a lot of talk and thoughts being expressed lately about the safety of these sites, particularly where children are concerned. There are reports of abuse, bullying, inappropriate photos and topics being readily available and it seems to me the dark side of the internet is dominating. This is where the differences between reality and the ether become painfully evident. Take age restrictions for one. If an underage person attempts to buy alcohol, cigarettes, drive a car or enter a nightclub they will be challenged and questioned and asked to provide identification as proof. On the Internet age restrictions are a joke. Sites may attempt to suggest a suitable age to join, but no proof is needed and anyone can join by entering a false date of birth and clicking a button. There is no one to check or challenge as far as I know. Similarly actions and inappropriate behaviour are much easier to get away with online. Assaults, abuse, deceit, lies, stalking and bullying would all result in some form of punishment in the real world. Online it seems anyone can do anything and without any laws or deterrents there are daily reports of the damage done by those who care not about others and have no conscience. Anyone caught committing a crime in the real world should receive a penalty and will have a record. They will not be able to reinvent themselves, block people or make their movements private as is possible online. It annoys and upsets me the way things seem to be heading on the internet. Admittedly we tend to only hear the bad side in the media and I believe there are still many positive things happening in the ether. But it’s obvious with so many social sites available the problems are escalating. Only last week our news was dominated by a 14 year old girl who had committed suicide and her parents lay the blame at the door of one site. Instagram. Parents and carers cannot be with and control the activities of their children 24 hours a day in reality, so why should they be expected to do that with the internet? I’m sure most parents try to advise and watch out for what their children are doing, but it’s impossible to do so all the time and too much interference leads to youngsters becoming secretive and deceptive. It’s about time these sites took some blame and control over things. I don’t profess to know how or what can be done, but surely there have to be better ways of securing sites than are observed at present. I know little about many of these sites and from what I have witnessed have no interest, but when my family become involved in abuse I have to question why people are allowed to do things online they would not get away with in reality. ‘Because they can,’ is the answer I suppose. My son’s estranged wife decided to screen shot his photo, then post it on Instagram with foul and serious allegations against him. It was easy for me to locate, her children to witness and totally inappropriate for anyone to post online. It took a complaint to Instagram before it was removed and later for her to have her account deleted. My son has an injunction against her which supposedly prevents her communicating with him by phone, text or on social media. Although her actions were not direct communication it necessitated a visit to the police, who agreed the posts were a breach of the injunction and confirmed they would visit her and give a warning. If she does it again she will be arrested and possibly imprisoned. But how can anyone check up on her online activity when she can join any site, under any name then make them private and block people? We have no idea what she does online or what she and any who are reading her posts are capable of. It doesn’t make feeling protected and secure very easy. We want to be left alone and not be worrying about what she is doing or checking up on her, but there are three innocent children involved here so it’s imperative they are protected. Our wish was that she would accept the end of their relationship, be amenable as regards child care and be part of their lives in the future. Instead we have a situation we can do little about and I too will blame these sloppy social media sites that allow people to post so much inappropriate stuff online. I don’t know what can be done about it, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious some legislation has to be put in place. I’d be interested in your thoughts. |
Much as I'm relieved the hype of Humbug and the New Year are over, I have to admit to feeling rather pensive and out of sorts as the first days of the new year have unfolded. January is generally a pretty depressing month with grey skies, unpleasant weather conditions and short daylight hours. I swear this year the hours of daylight are shorter than ever and the darkness deeper than usual, or maybe it's just my frame of mind. Yesterday was the third anniversary of my husband's passing. I try to tell myself it's just another day, there's nothing I can do to change anything apart from accept, but the mind cannot help reliving events which are still so real and raw. Today is twelve years since my son's bizarre marriage in Cambodia, but instead of celebrating an anniversary we now face an uncertain future as he strives to cope with being a single parent of three children. I never believed the marriage would have a happy ending, but the nightmare we have lived through for the past year could never have been predicted. What the future holds is an imponderable, but it's difficult to cast concerns aside or hold on to optimism. I have seen or spoken to very few people since the year began, though I do know I am blessed with good friends and though my family is now very small I am grateful for what I do have. I hope to spend a day with my sister later this week and we are in touch on a daily basis despite the distance between our homes. My son and the grand monsters are presently in Thailand enjoying a well deserved break. They keep in touch, but without them close by it emphasises how alone I am and how sad it is that family disputes have resulted in this situation. I try very hard to carry on and motivate myself to find a purpose. I belong to several groups in my new area, I meet up with friends old and new as much as possible and I try to go out somewhere every day. But lately I'm very aware of the fact that no matter what I do, where I go, who I am with or how much I enjoy things, there will always be something seen, heard or spoken that will stir a memory which causes a wave of emotion I cannot ignore. Whether they be bad or good memories there is never a day goes by when pain and heartache don't pay frequent visits and this is something I don't think can be altered or controlled. I guess it comes to us all as we age and have experienced trauma and loss many times. I think I've had more than my fair share in this life and I guess the fear of what will happen next lurks in the sidelines most of the time. I guess we have to accept life is far from perfect and never will be, but a few pleasant little surprises would be very welcome. It's hard work coping alone on many levels and it doesn't get any easier as time races by. I'm not keeping a diary, but I do try and write down five positives every day and its not too difficult on the whole. Everything is comparative and counting blessings an easy task, so I guess I just have to keep on doing that. But I still wish I was more concerned about the price of carrots than the meaning of life. |
| December 22nd - Visited shops for last minute purchases. Staff were busy clearing shelves of Humbug stuff ready to load them up for Boxing Day sales. December 23rd - Most of the day spent wrapping gifts for the grand monsters, packing them in boxes and tripping over the clultter. December 24th - Shopped for food at the supermarkets where queues of folk with obscenely loaded trolleys snaked out the doors due to the fact the shops would be closed for the next twelve hours. December 25th - The grand monsters took all of ten minutes to rip off all the wrapping paper on their gifts then overdosed on chocolate, resulting in little appetite for the dinner it had taken me all morning to cook in son's unfamiliar kitchen. At least it involved a few drinks and December 26th - A marathon clear up of boxes, wrapping paper, excessive packaging, pots & pans, leftovers and unidentifiable flotsam and jetsam. December 27th - Returned home and put away all the humbug clutter with a huge sigh of relief. December 28th - Son and the grand monsters set off to London for a flight to Thailand. I went shopping and witnessed the first display of Easter Eggs. As long as I live I will never understand what all this hype is about and will always be glad when it's done and dusted. Only New Year to go now. This time last year I was recovering from a lousy cold and worried about the future of my son's family. Deja Vu this year, so I make no resolutions or promises. I will just quietly hope and pray for a better time ahead with some peace and quiet included, but won't hold my breath. Wishing you all the best for 2019 whatever your hopes and dreams. |
| The bug clings on so my outings have been few and far between. However, Dennis's unfortunate incident has made it necessary to visit the vets several times. I have learned no amount of explanations, apologies, treats or cajoling will convince a cat it's for his own good. The mere sight of the cat carrier now brings on Houdini type behaviour accompanied by hisses and growls. The last visit is hopefully now over and I pray there'll be no more reasons to visit the vet or attempt to cram or fold a wriggling feline into the dreaded carrier in the near future. My son kindly offered to help out and drive me to the surgery on Saturday and after three attempts we managed to secure the patient in his carrier and zipped it up with a sigh of relief. However, before we left the house I discovered I had mislaid my specs. I confess to being blind as a bat without my glasses or contact lens, but after a thorough search I had to admit defeat and arrive at the vets with very blurred vision. When I was called into the surgery I unzipped the case and the first thing to fall out of it were my glasses. It seems during the struggle to contain the wriggling fur ball they must have dropped off into the carrier. Fortunately the vet had his back to me at the time so avoiding an explanation as to why I would bring a pair of spectacles in a carrier to the vets. My youngest grand monster Bobby who is now five suggested maybe Dennis wanted to borrow my glasses so he could see out of his carrier. After dragging Dennis out of the carrier the vet inspected his wounds, asked a few questions then declared him fit and well before cramming him back in the carrier. I then had to remind him I'd actually come for the necessary annual vaccinations so Dennis was dragged a second time from the safety of his carrier to suffer the necessary injections. By this time he was willing to to crawl back into the carrier without assistance. My input towards the Humbug Season is extremely low on the ground, but much as I won't be going overboard Dennis insisted on helping with a few decorations.  |
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) I try to dress according to the color of the day. Thursday is orange. Once I dress accordingly I only need to look at what I'm wearing to be reminded. 
