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Blog started in Jan 2005: 1st entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins |
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It Hurts When I Stop Talking Sometime in Fall of 1998, when a visit from Dad was infrequent, and primarily at the mercy of his 88 Toyota making the 50 mile journey, I was being treated to lunch. The restaurant was my choice, I think. Sisley Italian Kitchen at the Town Center mall was somewhere my dad had not yet tried, so that was my pick. Either I was being treated to the luxury of lunch and adult conversation without my husband and 5 year old son in tow, or that's just how the moment has lodged in my memory. The more I think about it, they probably were there, but enjoying the Italian food too much to bother interrupting. Daddy and his lady friend at the time, Anne, came up together and made a day of it with me and the family. We were eating together and talking about some of my scripts, stories, coverages, poems and other creative attempts that really were not seeing the light of day. I think I'd just finished a group reading of The Artist's Way and was in a terribly frenetic mood over my writing. I think I'd just given them an entire rundown on a speculative Star Trek script. My Dad asked me point blank, “Why don’t you write it?? Anne agreed. It sure sounded like I wanted to write it. Why wasn't I writing seriously? It's what I'd set out to do when earning my college degree in Broadcasting many years earlier. Heck, I should, I agreed non-verbally. “I will.” But, I didn’t. Blogs can be wild, unpredictable storehouses of moments, tangents, creative dervishes, if you will. I'm getting a firmer handle on my creative cycle. My mental compost heap (which is a catch phrase from Natalie Goldman or Julia Cameron - I can't think which, right now) finally seems to be allowing a fairly regular seepage of by-products. That may be a gross analogy, but I give myself credit to categorize my work in raw terms. It proves that I'm not so much the procrastinating perfectionist that I once was. Still, I always seem to need prompts and motivation. Being a self-starter is the next step. My attempt to keep up in the Write in Every Genre Contest at the beginning of the year seemed like a perfect point to launch the blog. |
| Remarkable. I fully believe that some deliberate time spent reconnecting and honoring your authentic feelings and the feelings of others works miracles. A weekend (The schedule and activities in someone else's capable hands) really is enough time to confront fears and relight passion for dreams. Forgive me if clear English grammar fails in my notations here. My freshly flowed feelings do not often easily translate to readers. Take it as allegory or literal explaination...in this case, my description is as I want it. So enjoy it as you can. I will treasure moments, this day's moments, in the fractured whole that maybe only I understand. What the quest was, and what it became was in either case syncronous and unexpected. Its place is marked by where I have taken in rich beauty and careful, but abundant nourishment in the company of sisters. When is only important in how we danced in sacred circle or slept to the beat of music and women talking late into the night. Expressing and listening is feeling -- Learning compassion for the wounds of sisters and brothers, who might be looking into your eyes and reflecting the pain of Qui Gon or the Fisher King? Because of this open sharing, I have passed through a real doorway into the archetypical mountain fortress in which the Holy Grail is guarded by Mary and other incarnations of the feminine Cosmos upon the altar. At that altar, the reverend mother has reminded me of my charge. And on this day, I have been married to the Beloved within myself. |
| I have stopped talking (here in this blog), but that doesn't necessarily mean I am hurting myself. I have steered much of my creative energy into a few new ventures. Obviously, it's all taking up time I did not seem to have in the first place. If you find yourself here, and wonder what I have been spending my time doing, you'll have to do your own detective work around the site and in my own portfolio for clues. I'm done writing this entry. Follow Walkinbird When the final light is extinguished – Recognize the next available Source in the darkness ** Image ID #897589 Unavailable **  ** Image ID #924786 Unavailable ** |
| I've been too busy lately, working the night away, sleeping the days away, and catching up on my husband's blog to keep updating my own. He swears I'm the better writter, but I'm here to tell you that he's got writing talent that I just want to squeeze out of him to put on display for others. I can't easily bottle it, but if you find time, and do not mind going off-site, his blog is on an eye-pleasing page he designed himself. Find it at http://blog.halikar.net (Yes, he is geek enough to own his own sites, both .net and .com for his "handle.") His entries are always thoughtful and intelligent. As things wear on, I expect his sense of humor will slip in an appearence now and again. Then his offerings to the blogging world will ring true to our chosen title for his blog, "Halikar's Monoblog." For once, beyond the confines of the imaginary boundaries of a gaming community, there's expression from my beloved that speaks on a global scale. Technology certainly is wonderful if it can allow that for him. The more people that surf through and pause for a little time in his domain, and I hope leave comments, or at least leave with an altered perspective...then, "hooray!" He's reached beyond boundaries I ever anticipated from more than 20 years ago. |
I'm certainly not as busy as I felt last year when I ran an auction on the WDC site last January. That is part of why I am not doing the "Tolkien Tea"  auction again. Instead, I still have hightlighted J.R.R. Tolkien, but in a gallery format for people to just stop by and see.
However, since it is not inspiring much enthusiasm, I suddenly have the notion to generate a similar gallery (w/forum) every month - and make it a contest. People can then be inticed to submit their own homages to favorite authors born in each month. (I will change the above item, "Great Writers' Winter Edition" to become the contest site for February beginning on January 16th) |
| 3 January 1892 - 2 September 1973 Tolkien used his professorial knowledge of languages to create amazing depth to a realm he called Middle Earth. Issac Asimov was born in Russia, 2 Jan 1920; His name is and shall forever be linked to Science Fiction (and Science Fact!) Unfortunately he passed from our sight in 1992. May I be forgiven for not having the foresight to honor him upon the anniversary date of his birth. I must do something later on in the month so he is more than a footnote. |
| 6 Jan. 1878 - 22 July 1967 My favorite - probably the most widely known line from a Sandburg poem, Fog: "The fog comes on little cat feet." |
| This morning I will sit in meditation for the cause of world-wide peace. My voice will be silent, but I will be in active community with fellow church members and like-minds across the globe at 4am PST. This coincides with the Grenwich Mean Time observance globally. Last year I felt a strong connection to the Tsunami-affected people half-way across the world from me. I prayed for the wholeness of families, the acceptance of the grace that sometimes translates simply into letting go, and the restoration and resurrection of nature to support the people again. In truth, I am still praying for those things. If the observance of this has taught me anything over the several years in which I've taken part, it is accomplishing a rarity. This hour is a dedicated time when I think beyond myself, beyond boundaries, yet come back to the realization that the peace needed in the world must first be cultivated and maintained in myself diligently on all other days, and with all the people I touch. My I work to truly achieve this goal above others. What better person can I be than to be a Peacemaker? |
Ok, so one of my group members in
LAYER ONE -- Name: Jill -- Birth Day: May 17 -- Birthplace: California -- Current Location: El Monte, CA -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hair Color: Auburn Brown -- Height: 5'5" -- Righty or Lefty: Righty -- Zodiac Sign: Taurus LAYER TWO -- Your Heritage: German/American, Scot-Irish and Native American - they're all in there from one time or another -- The shoes you wore today: green canvas that look like a cross between deck shoes and golf shoes -- Your weakness: sugar -- Your fears: house fire -- Your perfect pizza: Chicago style -- Goal you'd like to achieve: Writing regularly (fiction or non-fiction) and earning money doing it. LAYER THREE -- Your thoughts first waking up: Why are two dogs always sleeping here? -- Your best physical feature: my hair -- Your bedtime: 11am; when I have to be up in the daytime it more like 1am LAYER FOUR -- Pepsi or Coke: Coke -- McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's -- Single or group dates: Doesn't apply to me anymore -- Adidas or Nike: Nike -- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton -- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate -- Cappuccino or coffee: coffee LAYER FIVE -- Smoke: No -- Cuss: sometimes I can't help it -- Sing: practicing with the radio -- Take a shower everyday: Not generally. -- Do you think you've been or are in love: all the time -- Want to go to college: Have a BA; would love to get a Masters -- Like high school: It was memorable -- Want to get married: Too late -- Believe in yourself: Yes -- Think you're attractive: when I spend enough time treating myself -- Think you're a health freak: learning -- Get along with your parents: My mom is fabulous, and my dad can be surprising. -- Like thunderstorms: Not alone -- Play an instrument: Violin and accordian...when I was in 3rd grade LAYER SIX: In the past month.. -- Drank alcohol: No -- Smoked: No -- Done a drug: No -- Gone to the mall?: Sadly, no. -- Eaten an entire box of Oreo's: No. -- Eaten sushi: Yes -- Been on stage: No. It's been years. -- Gone skating: No -- Made homemade cookies: Yes -- Gone skinny dipping: No -- Dyed your hair: No -- Stolen anything: no LAYER SEVEN -- Age you hoping to be married: I think I picked a good age - 20 -- Numbers and Names of Children: Boy and Girl. I do not give out their names. -- Describe your dream wedding: Handled completely by someone else and paid for completely by someone else! -- How do you want to die: quietly. -- Where you want to go to college: Antioch U. in L.A. LAYER EIGHT: In a guy/girl.. -- Best eye color: freakishly Blue -- Short or long hair: long -- Height: Tall is different. -- Best articles of clothing: nothing  LAYER NINE -- Number of drugs taken illegally: None -- Number of people I could trust with my life: I think quite a few - people seem drawn to look over me. -- Number of CDs that I own: Maybe 50 total -- Number of piercings: 1 in each ear only -- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: 6 or 7 -- Number of scars on my body: Surgical and accidental; 6 or 7. -- Number of things in my past that I regret: None. Why hold on to the past? NUMBER OF 1: Piercings? 2 2: Tattoos? 0 3: Height? 65" 4: Shoe size? 8 5: Hair color? natural (what does this have to do with "number of" 6: Siblings? One sister FAVORITE... 1: Food? Steak, rice noodles or pasta 2: Thing to do? Most things with my hands! 3: Thing to talk About? Current events, TV shows, movies 4: Sports? will watch Bowl games or hockey, not much else 5: Drinks? Coca-cola, hot chocolate, milk 6: Clothes? Stretchy pants, sweaters 7: Holiday? Christmas. This year was a roller coaster ride, though. HAVE YOU... 1: Ever cried over a girl? Yes. When my daughter and I can't see eye to eye 2: Ever cried over a boy? Too many times. 3: Ever lied to someone? Yes 4: Ever been in a fist fight? No 5: Ever been arrested? No NUMBER... 1: Of times I have been in love? Everyday with something. 2: Of times I have had my heart broken? I've cried, but never felt truly broken 3: Of hearts I have broken? Maybe one or two. 4: Of girls I have kissed? None sensually 5: Of girls I've slept with? Whole dorm floor worth 6: Of boys I've slept with? Don't sleep with boys - You could end up with a bad case of Chicken pox or Cooties! 8: Of drugs taken illegally? None 9: Of friends: There's plenty of souls out there 10: Of people I consider my enemies? Anyone who makes me fearful rather than clear-minded. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE... 1: Pretty? Most days. 2: Funny? Hillarious. 3: Hot? Red hot - but I may be on the verge of hot flashes. 4: Friendly? Yes, usually. 5: Amusing? I'm pretty dry, but I try. 6: Ugly? The way I move can be a turn on or freak you out - it all depends on what you see. Luckily my husband has unique vision. 7: Caring? Over the top 8: Sweet? Been described that way. 9: Dorky? More than anything. DESCRIBE YOUR... 1: Wallet? Looks like it was made from a pair of denim Toughskins 2: Hairbrush? Fat, flat, lavender. 3: Toothbrush? Oral-B 4: Jewelry worn daily? Wedding ring and other ring 5: Pillow cover? Green, blue, red, white plaid. 6: Blanket? A teal and pink quilt made about 20 years ago 7. Sunglasses? clip-on 8: Underwear? Hanes for Her. Solid colors. All could use replacing soon. 9: CD in stereo right now? None 10: Tattoos? None 11: Piercings? Often grown over. 12: What you are wearing now? A dark green sweater pulled over a white frilly blouse and plum colored stretch pants 14: In my head? Almost nothing - this task is very mind-emptying 15: Wishing? It didn't hurt to sit so long 16: After this? Seduce my husband away from his computer terminal. 17: Person you wish you could see right now? I don't know - I'd want them to be awake and happy to see me. That's not likely at this moment. 18: Is next to you right now? Husband. 19: Your mood? Brightly optimistic 20: The last thing you ate? A chocolate Santa 21: Something that you are deadly afraid of? Deathly afraid of? Nothing I know of. Potatoe Bugs creep me out BIG time - ever since I stepped on one in my own dark hallway while barefoot -Eek 22: Do you like candles? I can meditate on them. 23: Do you like the taste of blood? Neither the sight nor taste is offensive to me 24: Do you believe in love? With My Whole Being 25: Do you believe in soul mates? Yes!! 26: Do you believe in Heaven? Not like most do 27: Do you believe in God? Yes, the One. 28: What do you want done with your hair when it falls out? I donate it anyway when it's long enough. If someone will have it, it's theirs. 29: If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? A ferret 30: What color are the walls in your room? Dirty white 31: Can you eat with chopsticks? Yes! 32: What's your favorite coin? New nickel 33: What are some of your favorite candies? Smarties, Reese's Big Cup, Hershey Treasures 34: What's something that you wish people would understand? To keep their pessimism to themselves! 35: What's something you wish you could understand better? Memory loss 36: What is something that you really wish was still around? Christopher Reeve LAST PERSON WHO.... 1: Slept in your bed? Husband (and the dogs) 2: Saw you cry? Husband or my daughter 3: Made you cry? A coworker 4: Spent the night at your house? My best friend's son on a sleepover with my kids. 5: You shared a drink with? My son 6: You went to the movies with? My whole family 7: You went to the mall with? My whole family 8: Yelled at you? Same coworker 9: Came round your house and ate coo coo pops? Probably the same boy that sleptover with my kids. LAST THING YOU... 1.Bought: potato chips 2.Ate and drank: watered down Coke, chocolate Santa and leftover Christmas dinner 3.Watched on TV: Really watched? Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Holiday Wishes EITHER / OR... 1.Achiever or slacker: Achiever. 2.Beer or cider: cider 3.Cats or dogs: Dogs. 4.Your place or mine: Yours. 5.Pen or pencil: Pen. 6.Gloves or mittens: Gloves. 7.Food or candy: Food. 8.Cassette or CD: CD 9.Coke or Pepsi: Coke. 10.Beach or water park: Beach WHO DO YOU WANT TO... 1.Kill: May I never. 2.Hear from: David B. 3.Look like: Me at 120 lbs 4.Be like: Me earning $30,000 more than my best salary 5.Avoid: Killjoys and Crazymakers LAST PERSON YOU... AND WHEN? 1.Touched: Tilted my head against my Husband's belly 10 minutes ago 2.Talked to: Husband 12 minutes ago 3.Hugged: Husband (It was my anniversary) 4.Instant messaged: Blech- see no purpose to it. 6.Who broke your heart: NA WHERE DO YOU... 1.Eat: At my computer 2.Dance: Wherever there's great music 3.Cry: In my head. 4.Wish you were: Superhero school. HAVE YOU EVER... 1.Dated one of your best friends? Does my best friend's boyfriend count? We got married. 2.Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Easily. 3.Drank alcohol? Sure. Not into doing it at every social occasion though. 4.Done drugs:? No 5.Broken the law: Whose law? Ceasar's? Plenty of times. 6.Ran away from home: Think I planned it out once, but I liked my bedroom too much. 7.Broken a bone: Probably my pinkie toe 8.Cheated on a test: maybe minorly 9.Skinny-dipped: no 10.played truth or dare: yes 11.Flashed someone: Not just someone 12.Mooned someone: No 13.Kissed someone you didn't know: No 14.Been on a talk/game show: One early Sunday morning local news/talk show 15.Been in a fight: Plenty of verbal ones 16.Ridden in a fire truck: No 17.Been on a plane: Several times 18.Come close to dying: Not sure; scary freeway driving a few times 19.Cheated on a boy/girlfriend: No 20.Gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride: Can't do it 21.Eaten a worm: Chocolate coat it and I might 22.Swam in the ocean: The beauty of being a native Californian. The best time was in Hawaii when i was 11 WHAT IS... 1.Your bedroom like? a storage closet with homey touches 2.Your favorite thing for breakfast? Eggs Benedict 3.Your favorite thing for lunch? soup and a sandwich 4.Your favorite thing for dinner? Spaghetti 5.Your favorite Restauraunt? Bob's Big Boy ARE YOU... 1.Good At Sports? No 2.Good At water-skiing? No way 3.A Good Singer?: Yes 6.A good Actor/Actress?: Yes 8.A Good Dancer? In my own mind 9.Shy? More often than I like. 10.Outgoing?: More often than my husband likes or understands *winks* |
| The kids' report cards come home today. We have discussed with the first grade teacher the hurdles our little one still has in reading independently. It is quite surprising the level of achievement that's being demanded. Not that I do not want that, but it certainly isn't easy to accomplish. |
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