Acme's (acme) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

2,953 Public Reviews Given

3,697 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.

I'm good at...

...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.

Favorite Genres

Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.

Least Favorite Genres

Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.

Favorite Item Types

Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic

Least Favorite Item Types

Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.

I will not review...

Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.

251

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#2990141

Review of I write...

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Simply delightful. This is the first of four reviews through the poetry raid, and while I saw your folders and they intrigued me, I had to start with one of my favourite forms there is: the villanelle

The thought of writing an essay in poetry form is highly original. Writing down the reason for why you write is always a good tool for any author, but for you to approach it in this manner made me warm to the poet in you.

Care over the form has been taken, and because you have said that the meter was not your foremost concern, I happily ignored it. The reason I say happily is that it gave me an opportunity to read the poem for its natural rhythm and it works well. In fact, the only place I stumbled a little was in the line where you omitted a word to best fit the poem's requirements:

Pray fingers fly where mouth is dumb.

I think 'voice is dumb' might have flowed a little smoother than 'mouth is dumb', but that is a personal preference, so please feel free to ignore it.

What are my favourite parts?
It has to be the form. I think you applied it wonderfully to this poem. The villanelle relies on a sort of cyclical theme; the repetition is necessary, but subtle changes to those lines' meaning are created by the poet's skill at using the space around them to change their setting. You do this well

What are my suggestions?
The only stanza that gave me pause was:

Phrases lacking ordered symmetry
re-sketched in pastel shades of plum.
I'll let my pencil speak for me.

Again, this could be my own imaginative inadequacy because I couldn't, for the life of me, see where the shades of plum fitted in, other than to adhere to the rhyme pattern. Please elucidate me if you can (but kindly!)

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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252

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#2989982

Review of My Horses

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.0)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Dear Elaine,

Thank you for taking time to stop by my portfolio and offer a review. I hope this reciprocal review is helpful to you.

I was drawn to this item because I used to keep horses... well, that's not really true: they were ponies. I'm only small, so they sure felt like horses to me!

This is a touching trip down memory lane and conveys why horses mean so much to you, as they were an integral part of spurring you on to recovery.

If you take a little time to proofread for punctuation, this will be a polished piece of writing. Here are some general suggestions that you can apply to any future edit:

Try not to over use exclamation marks. One is enough to end a sentence, and lend emphasis to your point. Using any more can actually lessen their impact.

Look for places where you open quotation marks but do not close them, and use a comma to introduce speech rather than a semicolon. Use a semicolon to join two independent clauses with a strong link. Like here:

Soon after that I found Ace, he's a bigger horse.

One of the things that struck me about your style of narration, is that you would be a good journal keeper, or blogger. WDC has a great blogging community, and as you have an Upgraded Account, you can access this site tool. Here's a guide to help you, should you consider doing so:

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#1395185 by Not Available.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

253

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#2989969

Review of Off Road

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hi Mike

Thank you for entering "Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

Your opening paragraph is strong. You set the scene, tone and pace well and use the prompt of 'Black Ice' to good effect. For such a small write, you packed a lot of story in. Your characters and plot were well devised and presented. I got goosebumps... and that's because of the nature of the ending, as well as the nature of the cold that you manage to get across in your narrative. I would have loved to have seen a little more. Perhaps, if you ever do expand it, you can build the tension in his struggle for survival outside the vehicle.

This was an enjoyable read and my only suggestion is to use the genre fields to their best advantage. Instead of 'contest entry' why not choose 'drama', 'tragedy', or 'environment'?

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

254

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#2989733

Review of Black Ice

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hi there Dan

Thanks for entering January's round of "Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

Who would have thought there would be a fictional character whose love of gems outshone my own?

This is a cracking story full of passion, power, and kick-ass action. I loved it. If I wasn't judging it for a contest I would be putting a ribbon of my own on it. Dan, your talent blows me away. Rarely do I get the chance to read a story I would pay good money in a book shop to read, but here it is. Please, please, please write a novel, so I can do just that. I know reviews are supposed to offer constructive criticism, but when something satisfies a reader so completely it's hard to remain impartial. I thought the action was well-paced and thoroughly engrossing; your protagonist was a beautifully rendered 3-D person of flesh and blood, and the backstory of your plot was just enough to make it seem authentic without having to deliver too much (I'm not sure a short story of under 2000 words could have done any more). Ace. I tried really hard to find something to make a suggestion on, and here it is:

Asshole!. Why couldn’t he be a Perv on his own time?

One pesky period gone awry.

Seriously, that's it.

Thanks so much for entertaining the socks off me.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

255

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#2989713

Review of Winter Wonderland

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hi there Tree Hugger

Thanks for entering January's round of "Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

I thought you used the prompts of new year and re-gifting well in this story. I felt cold reading the opening paragraph and thought the simple twist to this tale was a good one. A little time spent editing for punctuation use will polish this story.

Exclamation marks add emphasis, but used too often they detract from your story telling and are not as potent as you mean them to be. Replace most of them with periods in any re-edit. Where you have used a question mark and exclamation mark together, edit so there is only one chosen. There is also no need to add a period after ending a sentence with an exclamation mark.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

256

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#2986905

Review of The Witch's Diary Part VI

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
I love that there's no let up. This chapter is action, action, action. From leaving the house barefoot, to driving past wreckage while. Walking while talking, talking while walking, these characters are compelled to run with your plot. They have no choice, and neither do I as a reader. I tried slowing my reading pace, but the action is so hypnotising that I found myself reading greedily again. What's going to happen next? What will the others do when Melissa doesn't come for them? You have to write more, missus... please?

What are my favourite parts?
I love your descriptions of the wreckage. The similes worked really well and made me very aware of the powerful forces that were at work here: tinfoil and toothpicks out of great big chunks of engineering... ace

I also got goosebumps when her car wouldn't start, and neither would her phone. This was a good build up in tension and a mini respite from the breakneck pace before you chased me out of my skin again

What are my suggestions?
Only one nit-picky bit of a suggestion here:

When they approached the ruined house, all the creature's voices suddenly fell silent.

The word approached threw me. It seemed so pedestrian that I wondered if the others had suddenly appeared at the premises. How about something more dynamic and creaturish:

The creature's ungainly form dragged her back to the ruined house, before falling silent.

I know it's a bit of a pants example, but hopefully you know what I mean

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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257

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#2984238

Review of The Sound of Consequences

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

It's great to be back in your portfolio, and especially in celebration of your eligibility for the North Star award -- Good luck

Nicki, you never cease to amaze me with your ability to draw me into your characters and their environment. The opening scene, introducing Ricky, was wonderfully written. I loved the way you showed me his senses, his personality, his thoughts on spirituality, and the way he interacts with Wendy. You do all this with what seems like no effort at all, and give me a real taste of that subway station. Lovely!

I also enjoyed the glimpse of Ricky's past that you gave me in the flash back to hunting with his father. Not only did this give me a good insight into Ricky as a character, but I enjoyed how you took us back to it when Ricky was hiding in the apartment. Good foreshadowing of the dramatic ending in the earlier arrival at the apartment. No detail was wasted in this story. It made a good read

You may just want to check with a style guide for some possible punctuation issues, eg:

He wasn’t sure he even believed in God, but there was one thing he was certain of: His world was silent and there was nothing he or any god could do about it.

Because the colon isn't ending the sentence I don't think there's a need to capitalize after it.

As dialogue is just about as conversation as conversational grammar gets, you don't need to be too formal in its execution in speech. I suggest at looking at some of your semicolons and seeing if a period, or elongated dash would do the same job, to help convey your characters' speech.

Write on and take care!

258

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14 days may be credited.

#2983500

Review of A DREAM DENIED

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
Dear Sherri, finding this second page to your portfolio is like finding a treasure trove

Contest entries, essays, articles, short stories, poems... I felt like I had discovered a whole other authoress! It certainly has taught me the lesson of looking at how many pages a portfolio has.

This is the final review that you won at auction. Please allow me to express my thanks at your kind welcome into your port

I was drawn to your inspirational poetry folder because I have enjoyed delving into your spiritual side in the other poems that I have had the pleasure of reviewing. This one caught my attention due to its brief description: I think many readers will be able to relate to having loved and lost.

This poem has a honesty to it, and I thought it would be hard to find inspiration in something as sad as loosing, or not attaining, the love that so desperately craved. But, that inspiration comes from the continued hope and belief of the narrator, even after such bitter disappointments.

What are my favourite parts?
The well wrought content of the poem is one favourite aspect, but I also enjoyed the questioning nature of the narrator, the language choice, the melody of the words used, and the repetition of ideas to make your point, eg:

... dream was denied ...
... those dreams were denied ...
... A dream denied was what ...

It worked well, because for each denial, the narrator still forged on with renewed hope.

What are my suggestions?
I found that the poem flowed much better in those lines where an internal rhythm was created by the addition of end line rhyming couplets. This rhyme scheme was not used throughout, and it was in the places where it wasn't employed that I struggled a little with that rhythm.

Is it only just a fantasy that keeps me prodding on

Do you mean 'plodding' on?

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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259

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#2980187

Review of BUTTERFLY WINGS

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Another fantasy poem that uses strong imagery to evoke another world. Fairies are fascinating, and I like the comparative reference to butterflies in both the content and the illustrations. This adds recognition of the magic in nature. While your use of poetic language is once again solid (loved the gentle alliteration

), there was one thing that caught my attention:

I fly upon butterfly wings,
red rose petals are my bed.
This tiny fairy bears gifts
to a world in need of repair.

The fairy sprinkles...

The start of the poem with 'I' sets up first person narrative, but this is not reflected elsewhere in the poem, as you go on to deliver a third person point of view. In such a short poem, you may want to consider sticking to one POV throughout.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

260

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#2980181

Review of ENCHANTRESS

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Poetry is such an immediate gift to the senses. With that in mind, I think it very important to acknowledge that the way a poem is visually set out has an aesthetic impact on the reader. One of the joys of this poem are the two thematic illustrations that enhance the content of your poem, coupled with the use of pink text. This is fantasy that isn't afraid to submerge itself in the world of your creation. The tone was set and the pace was sprightly. Again, your word choices guided me into this fantasy world with ease. I think that was because this narrative poem took me into the heart of fantasy action from the opening line. I also liked the way that you brought the poem back to the night sky in the final lines. Good, strong imagery throughout.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

261

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#2980178

Review of NOTHING TO FEAR

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

The repetition of nothing to fear, soothes, comforts, and adds power to your poem's content. This moving poem touched me in the sombre tone of some of the lines, in particular:

The gates to Heaven are open to all who want entrance,
acceptance by our Maker and the Angels a given.
Here, no more tears are shed and no pain felt,

Your language is simple, and therein lies the beauty; this will speak to many readers.

Again, my only advice does not concern the poem itself, but your use of WDCs vast tools. Adding two more genre fields could increase the likelihood of this item's visibility on the site's search engine. Also, there is an old image link which appears to not be active anymore.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

262

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#2980173

Review of HE WATCHES

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Dear Sherri, I can't express how happy I am to have started reading you poetry with this beautiful, and inspirational, poem. In fact, I think that you should make the most of the two spare genre fields and add 'inspirational' and 'spiritual' to the existing choice of 'religious'. There is one image which needs to be removed, as that link appears to not work anymore, other than that there is not a thing I would change about the actual content of the poem itself. I love acrostic poetry, and the beauty of this poem is that it fits the required first letter scheme seamlessly. Simplicity is key here; the concepts are simple to comprehend, and yet take a lifetime to understand.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

263

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#2979493

Review of Give Up

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
Wow. Simple, but powerful -- a bit like the man himself. This moved me and your message is truly inspirational. You manage to say a lot in a relatively few words and your philosophy will no doubt appeal to many. My only suggestions for improvement is to look at your punctuation should you wish to edit at any point; there are some uses of semicolons that should be colons. Ellipses usually have a space in front of the symbol, after it, and between each dot.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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264

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#2979449

Review of What I Deserve!

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Oh, you have a new string to your bow; satire sure becomes you! With tongue firmly in cheek this funny poem paints a picture of rating and reviewing that many active members of the site will be able to relate to. In fact, I think I made an audible snort at the disclaimer at the bottom that served as an author's not

What are my favourite parts?
I started copying a couple of lines to highlight as excerpts but then another couple of lines would cause me to wince in laughter. So, I'm not highlighting anything, or else the whole poem would be here. What I'll do instead is say that anyone who wants a giggle should poke their head in this item and see if they recognise any personal experience that might be similar to this. I for one, am off to find an awardicon...

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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265

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#2979413

Review of Cool Dark Night

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This is the first of three poetry review gifted to you by your friend, runningwolf04

I love the way you use beautiful illustrations befitting your poems content. Such care in the visual display of a poem hints at the care you take in their content. I wasn't disappointed; this poem moves at a pace and with a tone that oozes passion, love and belonging. It felt intimate, but allowed the reader to share in that intimacy like a best friend over coffee. I got a real impression of the narrator's love of the other, and the effect that their presence had on them.

What are my favourite parts?

Soft lips, the man I love
Lips embrace, warmth I feel

Sweet yet wild, a flying dove
Taste of love, oh so real

I really enjoyed this penultimate stanza. Touch, taste, sight (through the imagery), you hit so many senses allowing me to connect to your meaning. The idea of a dove, a symbol of love, in a raw wild state was a potent one. The warmth echoes the opening couplets and title with the references to the cool of the night. Lovely!

What are my suggestions?
The only place in the poem that distracted me was an issue with repetitive word use:

So peaceful you are

You're mine to keep

Two 'you are's together made me falter as I read.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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266

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#2979377

Review of ALBATROSS--award winner

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hello, Khalish

Thank you for entering the maritime round of the History Contest. Colridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner was a poem that I was brought up with, living as we did amidst a naval community.

The 8-6-8-6 rhyme scheme is perfectly executed and the rhythm of the words flows evenly. I enjoyed the direction you took this in; a conversation between albatross and poet. It was an original take on the Colridge poem. I did enjoy this, and it afforded me a great excuse to re-visit an old favourite. I thank you for the inclusion of links which added some great resources for those wanting to explore this old classic further. The narrative voice was authentic and your words were well chosen and added a melody to your narrative.

I was a little confused by this:

No not a tear of remorse did
My death in his eye bring.
To him I was nothing more than
A wretched slimy thing."

I realise that you quote a later part of the poem in your example, but it looks as if the albatross is saying that the sailor viewed him as a wretched slimy thing and this is why he killed him. This detracts somewhat from the meaning of the original poem, where the sailor doesn't offer a reason for killing the bird. The stanza of that poem refers to slimy things to cover the conditions that arose upon the dead calm and blazing sun caused by the bird's death.

Like lead into the sea".

End line punctuation should be inside the quotation marks.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

267

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#2979294

Review of Oceania, my loveless

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hi Violet Rising

Thanks for entering the History Contest. Your brief description caught my attention immediately as I loved growing up with the adventurous tales of Sinbad. Your poem actually reminded me of the melody of old sailor songs! That took me right into the world you created here and immersed me in it. You have some wonderfully vivid imagery to go with your melodious word choices. I really liked this:

Oceania, my loveless
Such a lover with a sad eyes
Waves are shattered from pieces
Of red risen ink and ill seeding wails

Some of your punctuation choices distracted, rather than enhanced, me as I read, eg:

...ah? the goddess of the sea

Ah, the goddess of the sea?

There were also a couple of clarity issues with particular word choices:

And bowls all the vowels on her floor

Not sure what you meant by the inclusion of reference to vowels.

Yet none of these humor
Shall drawn a jeopardy smile
Nor an innocence of her name

Shall draw a jeopardy smile?

It is when the winds still comfort ones
As when the sea fades into an ocean
As when our heart leans back and flee

when the winds still comfort one
... when our hearts lean back and flee?

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

268

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#2979199

Review of The fine art of surrender

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Overall Impressions
Dear SWPoet

thank you for the opportunity to revisit this poem which examines The Journey of Muse and Man

I have cleared my previous rating and am returning the 150gps autoreward to avoid mischief with the system.

Wow! What a polish; your editing has revealed a real gem. The original idea is realised fully in this poem. Clarity of meaning shines out of the vivid, emotionally laden imagery that was already in place. The extended metaphor is coherent and enhances your meaning beautifully. There is almost a nod to the classical idea of the seven ages of man as you develop your theme along a life journey. Everything here works. The structure, the emphasis of the closing line, the general theme and content, and your focused attention to delving into the one idea and sticking with it. This is good poetry. I enjoyed experiencing it!

Write on and take care!

269

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#2978430

Review of The fine art of surrender

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Overall Impressions
This poem uses simile and metaphor to describe The Journey of Muse and Man. It only distracted me when you carried on the original simile of the muse being like a child and built it into an extended metaphor. It worked, but then, when I came to the third stanza, introducing the man, I wasn't sure where it was leading me. Metaphor's are great to extend, but work against your intent if you mix them; that's where some distraction can occur from what the poet wants to say, and how the reader interprets it. Eg:

The man becomes a lover
who yearns for the affections
of a skittish woman.

Taking the title of a journey between two pairs, I assume that this is the man's journey, following on from the Muse's (child's). It's unclear as to whether you now perceive that child to have become the skittish woman because you finish with:

Sometimes muses can be like this.

which leads me to read this as a mixed metaphor.

I did enjoy your use of language, and the vivid imagery that came through your descriptive scenes.

You may want to use the existing brief description as an author's note inside the main body of text and make the brief description relate to the content of your poem. Also, it's wise to use the three genre fields to attract readers who use the search engines. At the moment only the title gives any clue as to what this poem may be about.

Write on and take care!

270

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#2976519

Review of The Witch's Diary Part V

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

You built the suspense in your brief description of this Chapter

I was instantly absorbed back into your storytelling. I love the way the action and dialogue move the plot on so seamlessly. Every now and then you change the pace, allowing the reader to see behind your words and into your world. I have to share my favourite excerpt with you, because I think it's a really good example of good descriptive text, that shows not tells, and gives the reader little seeds of worry to mull on:

Bathed in the light of the afternoon sun, the house was not the spooky horror story mansion Melissa remembered. It was just a sad abandoned house surrounded by prairie grass and weeds. The scent of lilacs hung over the place, even though no living lilac bushes could be seen. All the trees and shrubs in the yard were bare, as if it were January instead of August.

Don't you just know that something is wrong with this place

?

Nathan's character develops really well in this chapter, even though the action surrounds Amanda more. You do a good job of developing him through his actions and reactions to events. One of the best ways you do this is showing his keenness for logic over sensationalism -- as shown in the brief conversation between him and Amanda:

"I never expected it to look so old," Amanda said as they walked toward the house. "It looks like it's been here for centuries, instead of only fifty years."

"Winters around here are pretty rough," Nathan said. "Abandoned places go downhill really fast."

You mentioned that you were unsure where to take this story, and I think I might have an idea for you to consider, and it all centres around this speech of Melissa's:

"Could a living body do that? I'm sorry little sister, but my life ended the night I picked up a gun and forced our family out of this house. I wish I could have had the chance to know you, but it's too late. It's too dangerous for you here. You have to leave."

She's tried to scare the family off before, basically by lying to them... what if she's still lying? What if she isn't dead, and her mystical abilities, which we know are very strong, mean that she can access a different plain of existence that the monster inhabits? Instead of trying to bring Rebbecca out of that world, the gang could venture into it. The place would be as big as your imagination could make it.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

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#2976405

Review of Desdemona

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I was drawn to this because I remember seeing the Women in Shakespeare contest. I have to say that while I am a fan of Shakespeare, Desdemona is not one of my favourite female characters. That fact alone made me want to read your poetic thoughts on this character

A good summation of trust and truth is included in the final stanzas.

What are my favourite parts?
I enjoyed the whole poem. Choosing comparative imagery of light vs dark to highlight Desdemona's personality traits against Othello's was a good poetic device, true to the play, and well expressed

What are my suggestions?
Stanzas three and four are questions and yet end with periods. I think if you are going to use punctuation you should employ a question mark for these.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2976400

Review of She that ever waits

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" and is one of three that you have won in "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I love Sherri's Coloring the World contest, so had to start my reviews in this folder.

The title is a good one, and one that your poem reflects in different ways in each stanza. Your pace dictated each verse be read at with a different emphasis. Choosing to use simile for the middle stanzas was an effective device.

What are my favourite parts?
I won't reproduce it all here, but I thoroughly enjoyed the final stanza. I thought you managed to sum up this person's spirituality well here, and used some delightful poetic language full of melody

What are my suggestions?
I did feel as if you wanted to break into some sort of form in parts of this Free Verse poem: the second stanza's rhyme pattern is obvious, and only the third verse broke the five line pattern. This came across as slightly indecisive, distracting me from your content a little.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2971584

Review of The Beatles

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I had been avoiding this, because my jury has always been out on The Beatles; I guess I missed it. However, there is no doubting the impact they had on you. This is a well composed tribute to a band which obviously meant more to you than simply liking the music. I get a real feel of how important that connection was for you: as if the music spoke to your soul. That's great, because now, as a poet, you get to emulate that by speaking direct to other people's souls

In fact, after reading this living history piece, I have decided to use living memory as a future prompt in the History Contest. You capture the spirit, the time, the little details of the band and your place in history with them. Wonderfully written piece. Definitely my favourite of yours

What are my favourite parts?
While the other cultural reference of the time a good, my favourite aspect of this poem has to how intense an experience discovering this band was to the narrator as a child:

Screen fills and drum base verifies
Beatles - a new variety. The
girls scream and pull their heads
like migraines. Grimacing,

I scream too through my first
fit of pure love and though my
face and unflipped hair weren't
filmed, I was heavily

involved.

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2971579

Review of The Bus

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
There are many people who have an interest in this particular era, and I'm sure that this will be a popular piece of poetry. It really does pay to advertise it to your possible audience, so take the time to edit and change the item type from 'other' to 'poem'.

I enjoyed the intimate tone your narrative created in this poem. You slowed the pace right down in your structure of stanzas and in your language choices, and that worked well to take me into the narrator's words. Little clever repetitions and links with imagery made this poem fat with ideas. I enjoyed reading it more than once . . . and had to! There is something cyclical in this poem's nature

I liked the two uses of 'pan'. One reminded me of the cooking implement, coming as it did after the grilled cheese, and the other alluded to scamming, although scamming with a Dyionsian edge was a little weird because I had trouble seeing how it related to revelry and inhibition in the context it was used. But then you gave us all the excess we needed in this freedom and I started reading the poem in a different way; seeing this poem as a whole with interchangeable references. It made reading it, and getting into the narrative mindset, hard work. But then, who ever said tapping into the poet's soul was easy?

It was a pleasure to question this poem, my response to it, my search for meaning behind your words. I can honestly say that it proved to be a treasure trove of ideas. Good writing.

What are my favourite parts?
I got a hint of parts of the decade that were not missed -- the reference to Ken Kersey and Jerry Garcia -- they made the personalised parts stand out more:

I need a myth.
This chosen myth I
missed through discordant
pulsings

Further rests in
Kesey's yard.

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2971555

Review of Boxes

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Hello again, Brenda

This is the first of three poetry reviews.

I wanted to start here this time because it has been awarded, and the brief description grabbed my attention. The melody of your word choices is good, although a couple of them did distract me as to your intended meaning. (This may well be the reviewer's fault and not the author's

.) Good use of alliteration too.

What are my favourite parts?

The ocean
holds the untenable
tight.

This line left a huge impact with me, as extended metaphor seemed to be realised fully here. I also liked it's pivotal placing in the center of the poem; it made the other words dip and rise around it, adding to the fishing imagery in the structure. The tone is somber remembrance, but by tying in such a personal thing as a hobby, you manage to create a real sense of grief in your narrative voice.

What are my suggestions?
I'm not the best with foreign languages, but I didn't really get the allusion to a jewel box here:

sits in the coffret of my brother's shed

Perhaps I'm being too literal minded, but I thought I ought to mention it as it did confuse me.

mourn not detailed movement of different lures,
line of geometry, gestalt
of memory

As gestalt looks at the whole basically being more than the sum of the parts, I thought the word choice a little peculiar in this situation, especially when you add the brief description about the difficulty of retaining true rounded memory. I checked the dictionary and tried to reconcile it with the adjective rather than the noun and still felt as if it didn't quite ring true with the rest of the narrative. Of course, word choice is entirely up to you, so please feel free to ignore if you think my reaction purely subjective

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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