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2,953 Public Reviews Given
3,697 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.
I'm good at...
...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.
Least Favorite Genres
Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.
Favorite Item Types
Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic
Least Favorite Item Types
Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.
I will not review...
Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.
Public Reviews
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Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I was attracted to this item by the genre fields and brief description. Again, your word choices are well done. The subtle change in, when despite the guard, to spite the guard added a change of tone to the narrative voice. It was a good place to change the pace of thought, and this line engineered that well.

What are my favourite parts?
It has to be the power of the last three lines. I expect them, or some other such sentiment, but still they pack a poetic punch. Good writing *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Years string along the line sitting sentry
and hero hard
assured of relief to widen the rift

These are the only lines where I stumbled because they can be read so many ways in the absence of punctuation. As you have chosen to use some punctuation in this poem, you might want to consider doing so here, for purposes of clarity.

There is no need for an extra period outside of the end line's quotation marks (the internal one ends the line for you).

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
In my own writing I tend to stick to form; I admire Free Verse, but have trouble writing it. You manage to use all the other tools available to the poet to make Free Verse really come alive. I don't know what I expected from this poem before I read, but was pleasantly surprised to find myself inside a moment, instead of reading a poem. I like the way you use imagery and metaphor to make this an action packed scene with very little narrative description. You engaged my sense with the use of sound, and the noise of your poem was reiterated by the final stanza.

What are my favourite parts?
Lovely alliteration and word choice. This poem was a real 'mouthful' of experience. I like a poem that lives in breath and this one was a pleasure to read aloud.

Word play, too, is one of this poems strengths. Words that could be homophones, but express different meaning that adds to the scene are used well. I particularly liked the seashore appropriate use of buoy *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
There are two periods in the piece, but neither seem to do anything specific. I don't think you need them in this stream of consciousness write that uses breaks between stanzas to give the reader pause.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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278
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I got mixed feelings from this poem, Brenda. There is a certain air of melancholy about it, even though things like the sun and artistic genius are pretty positive. I thought the marrying of fame with familiarity worked well in the second stanza and made the whole poem intimate. A bit like Thomas Hardy, you manage to turn nature into a character in its own right; a full portrait too, not just some happy orb.

What are my favourite parts?
The sadness of the history behind Van Gogh's life seeps through this poem, and it adds to the burden of the mother; a fact brought home by that final line. This is a poem that can't be taken on face value; there are so many different undercurrents pulling the reader beneath its surface. I'm glad I read this one first, but the other poems have a lot to live up to *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Only to make the most of your genre field choices and use all three. You may get more readers.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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279
279
Review by Acme
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
I love that you are my buddy. There are plenty of reasons for this, but that title means that I stop meaning to get around to visiting your port and actually visit I love it here, and this serialisation has really caught hold of my imagination (I'm actually starting to worry about you not writing fast enough to feed me more *Confused*).

This chapter continues the pace and adds to the plot's development, but it also gives us more information on the gifts inherent in Rebecca's family, and clues to what might lay ahead. I think this could easily have become an 'information dump' but you handled it like a pro: the dialogue is fresh and natural, and the reader learns along side the protagonist.

What are my favourite parts?
Amanda and Jim only nodded as if they saw wraiths in old houses every day.

"You saw her?" Amanda asked, sounding envious.

"Yes. You look so much like her."

One word: goosebumps.
As much as I admire you structural care in telling this story, I'm completely in awe of the way that you let trickles of anxiety build up, like this one. I have to force myself to read slower because my pulse does start to quicken -- ace!

What are my suggestions?
When direct quoting inside dialogue, still use speech marks but use the alternative version to the ones the rest of your dialogue is in:
" ... Daddy thought it was a mark of the devil, so I tried to hide it from him, but he knew. 'No witch is going to live in my house,' he said ... "


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review of Spiraling  
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Thanks for entering Pond Poetry. You used both the form and the image well and I enjoyed the way that you took the picture to a different perspective of your narrator being trapped, rather than offered an escape route. My only suggestion would be to change the brief description to reflect the poem and not the contest requirements.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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281
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Thanks for entering Pond Poetry *Smile* This poem fulfills the requirement of the Shadorma form and demonstrates a link with the picture prompt. Some people think that simplicity of meaning, means simplicity made. Not me. I think this simple poem is strong in its subject choice. It left an impact it has on me as a reader. There is such hope here, such promise ... and all through that door. Lovely poem, Robin, but I suggest you change your brief description to reflect the content of the poem and not the contest that you entered into *Thumbsup*

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Thanks for entering Pond Poetry *Smile* This poem fulfills the requirement of the Shadorma form and demonstrates a link with the picture prompt. Wow! I loved this poem. Life, from start to start, is a great brief description and you took this image to a place that I would not have automatically thought of. Language choice is good and your poem flows well. Be sure to thank the person who posted your link correctly for you.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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Review of Loneliness  
Review by Acme
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Thanks for entering Pond Poetry *Smile* This poem fulfills the requirement of the Shadorma form and demonstrates a link with the picture prompt. To say that you are unsure of your poetry skills surprises me as I enjoyed this poem. I think the staccato tone of your narrator's indecision regarding their life came across well. It was as if they were skirting around life, rather than death skirting around them. I think we've all been in places where a quick fix looks like a blissful option, but I just didn't feel any authenticity in that last line, not when weighed against the desperation of the other lines. That desperation seems more like someone who wants to live, not to romaniticise death.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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284
Review by Acme
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
The dialogue at the start of this chapter took me straight back into the story, whilst advancing plot and developing the characters. The siblings relationship really shines through here; it marks a good comparison to the dysfunctional relationships of Rebecca's family.

I like the frustrations/challenges that seem to beset your protagonist. They're not far-fetched; they're based on human awkwardness and frailties. You really have a handle on the cliff-hanger ending. If I was reading this story from a physical book, I'd be turning the page now and reading for 'five more minutes'.

What are my favourite parts?
Wonderful descriptions leap off the page. They add such colour to your narrative and give hints to the disposition of your characters. This is ace:
The door opened and a tiny grey-haired woman peered at them through trifocal lenses. Her face had wrinkles on wrinkles and her back was bowed like a shepherd's crook. One gnarled hand rested heavily on a wooden cane and the other on the doorknob.



What are my suggestions?
Picky little point, but look to where you can state tense directly instead of having to write more words like was:
A tall, thin woman with graying blonde hair [was coming came] down the stairs. "Who are these people?" she barked.


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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285
Review by Acme
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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It's great to be back in your portfolio, Shannon *Smile* Congratulations on being a Prize Catch in the Talent Pond *Thumbsup* Ooh, romance *Delight*! I'm pants at writing it because I'm so darn cynical of my character's motives. So, it was rather a pleasure to have such a realistically cynical character as Sarah to relate to. You brought a smile to my face and I thoroughly enjoyed this story.

I love the way that you inject subtle and gentle humour into this item. The opening conversation between Elise and Sarah was a good example of this; it also drew me into the story and want to know more about the characters.

Ugh! Someone better be dying I thought as I made my way back downstairs.
As thinking is sort of speaking, and you'd pop a comma at the end of speech before a dialogue tag that said 'I said', I suggest popping one in after 'dying'.
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Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Another harrowing and honest assessment of illness. This poem works well because of it's simplicity of form, while discussing a complex subject. For the most part it flowed well, but there were a couple of places where I stumbled over the rhythm.

You said I didn't have a problem;
you made me think so, too.
You said you wouldn't hurt me,
apparently that wasn't true.
There are a few places where the rhythm seemed to falter. In the last line here is one example. I hate offering poetic suggestions, because this is your crafted work, not mine, but how about something along the lines of, 'apparently not true', or something similar?

I don't want you to give up,
even though you stole my life from me.
Has a smoother rhythm if you remove the word 'even'.
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Review of Seeking A Valley  
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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This is a thoughtful, and harrowing look at the narrator's progression through illness, and happily, that progression back to health, too.

I found this a moving and dramatic piece. Nothing was romantacised here, and I felt drawn into their despair, and renewed hope. There is a contest currently running in the Drama forum. This dramatic piece might make a good entry. Search for it under the forums link and see if you think it meets the requirements of the contest.

I'd run to the locker room to change before anyone could see my grotesquely bloated figure.

and:
capsules into my palm, and
with renewed will,
~ spacing typos
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288
Review by Acme
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?

Hi arakun *Smile* I couldn't wait to read part II... so I didn't! Whereas the first entry in this serial was E rated, I felt a chill go through me as I looked at the 18+ rating on this second part. This got me ready for the diary's secrets. BTW, your brief descriptions are good; this one certainly whet my appetite *Thumbsup*

The spooky tone was rekindled straight away by the dog's reaction to the Diary. It's well documented in a number of ghostly tales that animals have a sixth sense for the paranormal, so my heckles rose with the dog's.

You give us enough information to explain the history of the story well, and I love the way you then bring it back to modern day action with Melissa's thoughts asking the same questions I had. The ending was satisfying because you set the next chapter up well, and I wanted to read on. I look forward to coming back to this story soon *Delight*

What are my favourite parts?
The goosebump moments in this story are very well expressed. I watched them rise on my arm in the glow of the computer screen, as I read about the diary opening itself and the pages rapidly moving.

I also liked the way that I was taught about this world of magic through reading the Diary along with Melissa; this is a great device, because Rebecca is sharing her knowledge as it comes to her, we are all united at the same point in the story. This intimacy is a good thing to cultivate, because it's one of the reasons a book becomes hard to put down; the author, characters, and reader, are all immersed in the plot.


What are my suggestions?
I did notice a lot of 'ly' words. While adverbs are helpful in getting a point across quickly, too many of them can deny the reader a chance to explore the detail of the scene/emotions being explores. Maybe you could edit this chapter, specifically looking for areas where they are used, and weigh up places where exploring the story in more detail might be more beneficial?

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review of One of Them  
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Star*Prodigy!*Star*

This review includes my open and honest thoughts as a Prodigy Judge. While it may not be a technical edit, I hope you find my comments helpful and encouraging.

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm


Thanks for entering the Prodigy contest *Smile* This tale follows the prompt well. You introduce the characters as believable; even taking time to flesh out satellite characters, such as the jock who takes too much food to start a food fight with. In fact, your characters are central to your writing; their dialogue jumps off the page. I think you have a natural talent for dialogue and might want to try your hand at another site contest:
FORUM
The Dialogue 500  (18+)
Dialogues of 500 words or less.
#941862 by W.D.Wilcox

There's something quite chilling about the idea of using youths in war; a fantasy horror fiction in your story, and a sad reality for the child soldiers of modern day conflicts elsewhere in the world. I thought that made your story all the more believable, as Danny shared his disbelief with such practices.

There are some places where you should re-edit:

shot spitballs at the nerds in Calculus; Nothing out of the ordinary.
No need to capitalise after a colon or a semicolon, as what follows belongs to the same sentence.

You sometimes allow us a glimpse into Danny's thoughts, and on these occasions you can use italics to show the reader the actual thought, eg:
“No sir.” Danny replied, forcing himself not to shout at him about his dwarfish stature or puffy red face. He retrieved his book and Mr. Wellman continued with his lecture as if nothing ever happened. Great start to 2009. It’s like I never left.


What was he thinking?! Everybody talking the same? That only happens in cheesy, poorly animated sci-fi flicks!
Don't use more than one punctuation mark to end a sentence, and do not use too many exclamation marks; it lessens their impact.

Sitting as a desk, focused on a piece of paper, was a short black woman with perfectly done up in a bun.
Edit for clarity; I have no idea what this sentence means.

*Star* If you would like to reward this review *Star*
please donate any gift points to:
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Review of Winter Break  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*Star*Prodigy!*Star*

This review includes my open and honest thoughts as a Prodigy Judge. While it may not be a technical edit, I hope you find my comments helpful and encouraging.

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm


Thank you for entering the Prodigy contest *Smile* Your item used the back to school prompt well. You set an eerie tone as Risa walked to school, which only intensified as her school day and return home progressed. Spooky stuff!

WDC writers tend to put a double space return between paragraphs and diaolgue. This is a good practice to get into the habit of, as many readers scroll down the screen and such breaks allow them to keep their place.

“five more minutes” she uttered almost silently
You still need to use punctuation inside speech. Capitalise your first words and use a comma after the last word if the following tag goes on to describe how something was said.

Ask anyone who is older than thirteen and they’ll tell you that their favourite time of the year is when winter sets in, snow falls heavily from the sky and it’s finally time for winter break.
Unless they are old, and then they won't like it. It's best to be a bit general about things outside of the author's control. For example, if you wrote, "Ask any student and most will tell you..." that would seem more believable to a reader of any age.

go back to reading yesterdays sports results...
... micro-chip in her mothers wrist and her
apostrophe s needed in yesterday's and mother's to signify belonging.

There are a number of places where the punctuation needs editing. Here is one example:
She sat down at the back of the room like she usually did and waited for someone to turn up, she refused to believe that everyone was skipping class and it wasn’t possible that school didn’t start again until tomorrow, she’d made a point of ringing the school the previous evening and asking about the possibility of the school not re-opening until the Tuesday.
When you try to use a comma to join two independent clauses it is called a 'comma splice'. Commas do not have the strength to do that job on their own. You should use a comma followed by a conjunction (and, but, or etc), or use an enhanced comma (a semicolon = ;).

Run a spell check over this piece:
The sky outside got continuingly darker


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Review of The New Rule  
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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*Star*Prodigy!*Star*

This review includes my open and honest thoughts as a Prodigy Judge. While it may not be a technical edit, I hope you find my comments helpful and encouraging.

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm


Thanks for entering the contest *Smile* You have used the prompt well, and do a good job of setting the scene and tone of this spooky write. Eliza's character was believable and the dialogue was authentic, but you should go over the item to check for missing speech punctuation. There are many examples of missing punctuation throughout, but here is one example:
“Shush Eliza!” Mr. Crow interrupted and looked out the window “or they’ll hear you”

“Who will?” Eliza wailed.

“The government”
“Shush, Eliza,” Mr. Crow interrupted and looked out the window. “or they’ll hear you!”

“Who will?” Eliza wailed.

“The government.”


She had been away in Italy with her parents for two weeks as a family holiday.
~ on a family holiday.

There weren’t even small groups of students basking in the warm sun like they usually do at this time of year.
~ did at this time of year.

In her first class she noted one thing. The teachers were still the same.
You should change the period after 'thing' for a colon

The scribbled, noted, scribbled, turned the page and scribbled some more.
~ they

Her next class, art was the same.
~ comma after 'art'.

Mrs. Junes wide eye glances
~ apostrophe needed in 'Mrs. June's'.

the government setup this new system.
~ set up.

“Whos in here?”
~ use an apostrophe in 'who's' to indicate a contraction of 'who is'.

She stop struggling and began to weep.
~ stopped.

y. When you get older and understand, your going to use it on your children for the same reasons.
~ 'you're' is the contracted version of 'you are'.

*Star* If you would like to reward this review *Star*
please donate any gift points to:
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Review of Ghosts  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (2.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions.

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond  (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooklyn



What are my overall impressions?
Hi, Meg *Smile* You requested a review in scroll and it is a pleasure to be able to review this sonnet. This playful poem builds the tension of possible horror, before the final rhyming couplet put my mind at ease and raised a smile.

What are my favourite parts?
I thought you did a good job of showing the narrator's building fear as each stanza progressed. The pay off at the end was well executed *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
While this poem is a good sonnet (14 lines) the lack of fixed syllabic scheme might put off some readers. The meter (rhythm of the stresses in the lines) was a little faltering in places and you might want to re-consider some of your word choices to better enhance clarity of meaning for your readers.

I sit and i sense a shiver down my spine
Good use of alliteration in this line, but you should capitalise the use of 'I' to reference the self. There are a number of places where you use lower case and they should all be changed to higher case.

The a-b-a-b rhyme is good in the first and third stanza, but threw me when you changed it to an a-b-b-a scheme in the second.

The pain and the strain to this it led
And now there is more of this such pain
While repetition is a good poetic tool, you should be wary of places where it could indicate the need for a wider vocabulary. I suggest you think of another word that 'pain' in the first line here. The second line does not make sense. I suggest you reword for clarity.

I see a big shaddow so i hurried
Tense shifts can throw readers: see, is present tense; hurried, is past. Stick to one tense to avoid distracting your reader.

Run a spell check over the poem as there are errors.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review of WE WERE REBELS  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
Thanks for your entry in the history contest. It's great to see two of my favourite subjects combined: Comedy & History. When I first looked at your piece I thought, Oh what a shame! It isn't narrative poetry, but it is rhyming poetic prose and I am happy to say, that is just as valid for this contest as stanzas made up of individual lines *Thumbsup* You highlighted the particular ear well, in this civil war piece. Even though the humour is there, you have also served history well and not detracted from the very serious side of this conflict. Good writing.

What are my favourite parts?
You caught my funny bone in the first stanza. You do punchline set up and delivery well, and this piece has such a strong narrative voice, that I could almost hear the narrator's accent in my ear!

What are my suggestions?
References to the acts of the soldiers and drinking mean that this should be re-rated to 13+

While the author's notes are fun and good humoured, I've got to mention the overuse of exclamation marks: don't! The lone exclamation mark denotes the exclamation, any more only serve lessen the impact.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
Thanks for entering the History Contest. This narrative poem is a good example of a detailed account of a well known historical event. Good use of the 7-6-7-6 syllabic scheme throughout.

What are my favourite parts?
I thought the refrain was well written and well placed throughout. It was a particularly melodious stanza and underlined the meaning in the other verses.

What are my suggestions?
Only he who is sinless
Should come and first stone throw”.
The full stop should be inside the quotation marks, because it is the end of the sentence in dialogue. I had to read these lines a few times to get the flow. My suggestion is to alter your word choice in the last line. Perhaps:
Only he who is sinless
Should cast the first stone throw.”


Went away…. one by one.
Three dots in an ellipsis. If you prefer American style, you should put spaces before, after and in between the dots. If you prefer English style, you should still include a space before and after, but not in between the dots.

Due to your strict adherence to the syllabic form, I did feel as if several of your lines were a little forced. Some stanzas read more smoothly than others.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review of Downhill  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions.

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond  (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooklyn



What are my overall impressions?
Thank you for entering Pond Poetry *Smile* This poem meets the requirements of the Fibonacci form and demonstrates a clear link with the picture prompt.

What are my favourite parts?
I loved the double meaning of the title! Nicely done. Your words really took me to the heart of the narrator's nostalgia for childhood, and their opportunity to relive it through grandchildren.

What are my suggestions?
I would have liked to see less wrap-a-round lines -- I found their continued use deprived me of a mental breath.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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296
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
Oh, this is smashing! I loved the whole structure and content of this poem. I had no idea where you were going to take this with the title, but certainly felt satisfied upon completing the poem. This is very powerfully written. It touches a subject close to my heart. I think your thoughtfulness and tender handling of it does justice to all parties whose lives are effected by organ donation.

What are my favourite parts?
Oh, it has to be the visual display of the poem. Two sides joining in one common celebration of life and the ultimate gift. Sometimes little words have a big impact, and I found myself moved by two little lines:
Recycled life
Of the highest degree.


What are my suggestions?
It really helps people locate your work if you use the three genre fields to indicate the subjects your poem reflects. So, take some time to fill these in.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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297
297
Review of Carousel to Hell  
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
Even without reading the poem, I thought your Title summed up the despair prompt well. However, I did read on and found that you managed to engage me with aspects of that emotion well in your poem.

What are my favourite parts?
It has to be your imagery. There were several strong images throughout, and I enjoyed the central theme of the extended fairground metaphor -- good vehicle.

Of particular note was the strong imagery of noble horse turned to nag, and the comparative imagery of my favourite stanza:
Sideshow mirrors reflect
wild eyed one
dimensional images
caught in freeze frame.
Face whiter than bone,
eyes bruised with lack of sleep.
I do not know me.
I am a stranger.
I think this works really well in the first third of your poem because you go from objective, somewhat abstract, ideas and then create intimacy with direct reference to your narrator. It works very well.

What are my suggestions?
Night ‘till noon.
As you've used the apostrophe to indicate the missing letter, you don't need the extra L on 'til as you are showing the contraction of "until"

Punctuation is a funny thing in poetry. Sometimes it pays to be black and white about its use at the end of lines. Either use it, or ignore it all together. Using it willy-nilly makes it look as if it is there more by accident than by design. Its odd use became more noticeable toward the end of the poem.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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298
298
Review of Rebirth  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
First, congratulations on your engagement *Smile* I wish you and your partner every happiness for the future.

Congratulations too on securing my Gift package in "Reviews with Honesty: Request a Review"  [E]. This is the first of 3 poetry reviews, and an appropriate Merit Badge will also be sent to you.

I was drawn to this poem because of the Title and brief description. It seems as if that ongoing process of evolution and revolution has taken on a new dimension due to current events. So, I found this poem to have a poignancy about it, even though it was written before your engagement.

What are my favourite parts?
Oh, I really enjoyed the penultimate stanza. I don't know anything about flowers, so these could be real or fantasy names, but whatever they were they worked. Lovely melodious sounding names and great internal rhythm drove this stanza at a powerful pace *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
This one verse felt a little distracting to read. I couldn't work out why at first, but then realised it might be because I jolted from present to past tense:
New scents waft
bringing innate joy to all
who inhale its perfume,
and the flower sparkled in the morning dew
or was it a tear
for what went into its making?
The imagery is still exquisite, so I think you only need to pick a tense and stick with it for it to work to its best advantage *Thumbsup*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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299
299
Review of Jingle Smells  
Review by Acme
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
Oh, what a delightful, and seasonal, parody of a caroling favourite! Fun stuff abounds, when Bill is around *Wink*

What are my favourite parts?
It's funny there's two meanings for
a horse that has the trots.
I love a bit of potty humour *Blush* Funny double meaning here *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Cause I know I'll never last
You need to put an apostrophe before cause to highlight the contraction of because, or else the word has a completely different meaning.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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300
300
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?
Not since the Muppet Show has cooking seemed so slap stick. Onomatopoeia works so well in this dialogue driven piece.

What are my favourite parts?
I love the Sweedish chef's accent *Delight* It really adds to the humour of the piece. You manage to make punchlines look so seamless, but the hard work at play speaks for itself *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
And here with me today is the world-renown, Swedish Chef.
renowned

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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