The content is nice, but there are a LOT of mistakes. After "thoughts", you should put ";". You've got spelling mistakes all over. Please check them. Birds are IN the cage, not WITHIN. In the last paragraph, the first sentence seems quite jumbled up. "I swear, if you'd just take my hand. If we must travel down this road of mistakes and troubles, why should we EVER do it alone?" I think there might be something missing here. You missed out a space between "each" and "other" in the very next sentence. "We are fearing" should be "we fear". The I in the second last sentence should be capital. Otherwise, good work.
I read it, and it's great. But I never found out what happened to the girl. There was chaos and panic all of a sudden, yes, that's clear. But was the girl shot? Did she hit something? What happened. Please tell me if I missed it out. Otherwise, it's a really good piece of work.
Nice, but I din't understand the first four lines, maybe because it was like...a lot of words separated into sentences. Anyways, the last part was outstanding. I began to get it more clearly after that. Is this novel yours, if I may ask?????Keep up the good work!!!!!
Nice, but I just wanted to suggest that you change the colour of the script. It's too bright. You can make it just a little bit darker. The rest is cool
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/angel_fallen69/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 6:12am on Jun 17, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
