*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/axilea/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/15
Review Requests: OFF
2,017 Public Reviews Given
2,497 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 11 12 13 14 -15- 16 17 18 19 20 ... Next
351
351
Review of Unrequited  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

Interesting poem, heartfelt. Its short lines convey bits of feelings and messages that are simple and need to be heard.

- The idea of no owning the one you are secretly in love with is very strong.
And repeated. "own you", "don't belong to me"

These are good repetitions.

- I also understand that you're saying that what counts for you is to see her happy, with or without you. So "happiness" is another important word.

Although I understand its repetition, I think that it loses its effect when you use it six times in the last three stanzas. I wish you could give another word, one that also explains your itdea of "happy".

Overall, it's a good effort to get your message across.

Best regards,

Axilea
352
352
Review of Faith  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

I came across this insightful piece of writing, an original philosophical tale.

Your message comes across and the piece speaks through metaphors that are easy to understand.

If you don't mind my comments, I think that there are a few inconsitencies here and there.
This sentence is ambigiguous:
"There was nothing both times,
but if you had gone,
you would gotten both"


do you mean
-there was nothing in the package?
-there was nothing in the mailbox?
-there was no reaction to the news?

I'm sure this part could be made clearer.

I also think that all the line breaks are not necessary in a piece of prose like this one, but that's up to you.

The end is excellent, I like the simple revelation that consists of one word.

Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
Axilea
353
353
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Vibha!

I am visiting your port, reading some of your poetry. This one has a good title, intriguing. The reader wants to know what kind of battles you are describing.

Actually, you don't say much about them and the curios reader, like myself *Blush* is left to wonder. This is more of a general reflection to take stock of life's ups and downs that have made you what you are today - as you repeat at the end of each stanza.

I like this as a whole. It sounds mature and, although it is a personal item, anyone can relate to it.

If I had something to suggest, I would say:

- Add something more personal and precise. Something that makes this a poem about you. It can be done by using a few words in the poem that are sligtly more defined than "bad", "easy" or "liked". It would make this lovely poem more striking.

- This is just a minor complaint. As you have this closing line of each stanza that comes as a leitmotif, I think that using the word "today" once more, to open the final stanza, could be avoided.

These are just my suggestions, I hope you don't mind them.

I have enjoyed reading this poem about life and growth.

Best regards,

Axilea
354
354
Review of Wind and Ice  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello!

This is a good poem for its short content and the way it is constructed.

I think that the form could be easily improved.

- I would begin by getting rid of repetitions "my memory", "the memory", "my memories". A little too much in such a short piece.

- the other thing I would avoid when re-editing, is the use of "but". It is also used three times and it doesn't allow you to experiment with a diiferent structure that would convey the same ideas, but could put things in a different order.

It is a simple poem, but the focus on the importance of memory and faith is made clear.

I hope you don't mind my comments; feel free if you have any questions.

Regards,

Axilea
355
355
Review of Winter Graves  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Rick,

I read some of your poetry tonight and the quiet feeling in this one somehow soothed me. Although there is sadness and death in a cemetery, there is also beauty and calm.

This is very descriptive in the beginning. You then deliver a message to the reader. I'm always surprised when I see your long sentences that form a whole stanza. Personally, I would cut some of them, also for the sake of your readers... I would lose my breath to read out stanza six! LoL.

But it might be a simple question of adequate training. Hmm...

Anyway, this is a nice poem and a good way to share your reflection on this subject.

Best regards,

Axilea
356
356
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Old feelings? New feelings? Same story? New story? The reader is left to ponder.

Meanwhile, the story is good, the extended metaphor and its different aspects work wonderfully.

Maybe you could space it up a little, this really looks as thick as a beard!

Who thought growing a beard and being in a relationship (or marriage) had a lot in common in a man's life? Well, I did. Thanks for confirming.

Great read.

Best regards,
Axilea
357
357
Review of for Rita Dove  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

This item was waiting to be rated in your port, so I decided to r&r it.

I really appreciate the work of Rita Dove and was curious to see how you handled the subject.

The beginning is very striking. Your description, in just a few words, of what your mother's kitchen looked like, is incredibly vivid. I like the comparison with a "1950's doctor's office" (I think you wrote "doctors").

The great imagery is there throughout the poem, always with great precision.

I thought that the last four lines were not as strong as the rest of the poem, something feels slightly forced there, but it's just my impression.

Overall, a very good poem indeed.

Best regards,

Axilea

358
358
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi!

This item brings together the images of frost, wind and winter landscapes together with sounds that become music that surrounds the reader.

It's short and to the point, with some good alliterations. Very vivid descriptions.

I have really enjoyed this small poem.

Sincerely,

Axilea
359
359
Review of Manic  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi!

This is a very intense piece that leaves a lasting image in the reader's mind.

I like the way you imply things without using too many details, but just the ones you feel necessary.

Your poem speaks to the senses. I like some word combinations:
"hazy hungover mornings "
"sticky hotel sheets"
"simultaneous manic spell"

Interesting work.

Best regards,
Axilea
360
360
Review of Losses  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Vicki,

I was wandering through your port, and decided to spend some time there. Just wanted to discover your poetry and read some of the numerous items in your folders.

There are so many that I liked. The way your thoughts flow freely and mix with images, speaking to both the reader's mind and senses is really wonderful.

Some of your poems are more abstract, oblique. This one is more straightforward, carried by the commitment behind your words.

In this poem, just as in the other works that I've read, I have enjoyed following the progression from one thought to another.

I'll be reading more.

Axilea
361
361
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

It's a great idea to share this true story with us. It's something I had never heard of and you did make it sound very funny. The solutions you found show that you are... a creative person. *Bigsmile*

Thank you for the pleasant read and good luck in the contest.

Axilea

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
362
362
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello John!

This poem is very inspired and, as it is often the case, one can feel your love for the beauty of nature. This particular poem has a very romantic feel, probably due to the imagery and slower rhythm.

I would have chosen a different color for this time of day. Something more purple, plum. That's just my personal vision!

I wish you good luck with the contest!

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
363
363
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

This item was a great pleasure to read! I really enjoyed every bit of it, hmm, delicious.

I was really surprised at first, when I opened your item. But the surprise was surely a good one. This piece is original, well written and witty.

Thanks for sharing and good luck!

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
364
364
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Meg,

This poem kept me interested until the end because I could clearly feel the honest and straightforward approach.

You chose to "tell" more than you "show". Maybe you could have talked to the reader through some imagery too. But your poem conveys its message clearly and effectively as it is.

Good luck!

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
365
365
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Rebecca,

This is another of your beautiful pieces of writing. I love the construction, the way you organized your thoughts. I found it very interesting to follow the path.

You describe a vision of love and a character who is a skeptic or very cynical. I like your personal point of view, the way it's developed towards the end with the final image of the "wounded little boy".

I also think that the title sounds very appropriate, it fits your choice of vocabulary very well.

Good luck!

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
366
366
Review of JACOB'S LADDER  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

This is a poem that I understood and felt. It is wonderfully expressed, although I'm not a fan of poetry that rhymes. Still, there is a lot of freedom in the form and flow that makes it very pleasant to read.

I love the extended metaphor you used. The encouragement that a child needs, the combination of freedom and guidance that are essential to build his or her self-confidence are clear in this poem. They certainly could do without an adult's anxiety and doubts.

Good luck!

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
367
367
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello!

Such a difficult time in a woman's life. Being the mother of a teen can be very painful indeed.

The emotion you put in your words is very strong. Personally, but that is just my opinion, I would no use the emoticon in the middle of the poem. The words are clear enough. Good ending and declaration of war, although the capital letters are not really needed in "still".

Good luck in the contest.

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
368
368
Review of This is My Hope  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

I don't usually enjoy poetry that rhymes, but... there are exceptions! *Bigsmile*

Your poem "shows" everything you imagine to reader, one image after the other. It is impossible not to see what you see. All of it flows perfectly.

The content is very personal and political at the same time. The ending makes the reader aware of this. Beautiful and strong conclusion.

Good luck in the contest.

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
369
369
Review of THE LEGACY  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Tosca,

I read this item with great interest and without stopping. I really think you did a great job with it. It's one of the rare five-star ratings, as far as I'm concerned. I don't know about the millions, but you've earned my esteem.

The fluidity and great sense of timing in your writing are remarkable. You are a great story-teller indeed.

Good luck in the contest,
Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
370
370
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello!

For an item this short, this is very intense. It really feels like a dream, not just because you say so in your introduction, but because the narration gives that particular feeling.

There is a personal voice and style in this short story that I enjoyed.

Good luck in the contest.

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

371
371
Review of Timid Eyes  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

This is a wonderful item. Of course, the poem stands for itself, but the introduction and sketch add to the overall picture.

The poem is touching with simplicity. The descriptions and ideas are clear and tangible. I read it with great pleasure and followed the path that your poem takes.

Good luck!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Axilea
{Image:}
372
372
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

I was busy reviewing for a contest when I decided to take a break and saw the sentence on your billboard. It really made me think. And it really made me laugh!. If it's a quote, could you tell me who uttered those amazing words? *Bigsmile*

I had a look at this folder. The pictures and your words on "unique roots" and "citizenship of the world" really moved me. Probably because they also describe the way I feel.

Best regards,
Axilea
373
373
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

This is a poem with an interesting point of view on growing old. There is wisdom and a good sense of humour in it.

You chose a simple and straightforward form and style to convey your thoughts. Nice ending, my favorite part.

Good luck!

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
374
374
Review of Were I a poet  
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello!

I had already read this poem some time ago. I even thought I had reviewed it.

It's sweet and evocative, light and pleasant. I like it. The imagery could be a little more original, but I guess you wanted this item to be short and simple.

Nice choice of color and font.

Good luck!
Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
375
375
Review by AXiLeA
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

An interesting piece where emotion is only revealed by action. The realistic handling of the story made me wonder the intent behind this short story. Maybe because war is absurd, in my opinion and the death of young people something that is philosophically unacceptable for me.

Of course, the story itself is worth reading for those of us who would like to know more on two subjects: war and death.

You chose to go into every detail, every move, attitude, expression and dialogue. It's all part of your personal style and you show good writing skills.

I wish you good luck with the contest.

Axilea
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
728 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 30 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/axilea/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/15