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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brucef/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/18
Review Requests: OFF
1,311 Public Reviews Given
2,377 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to read novels and biographies, so if I can review them at the same time, why not. My ratings are usually at the high end because I think if someone has taken the time and effort to write a large piece, it is an achievement. The review will give the opportunity to flag up typographic errors. I do not mark down ratings for these errors because they are easily fixed.
Favorite Item Types
Rhyming Verse. Novels and short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-rhyming poetry.
I will not review...
Erotica, Vampire and Wolf stories. Their stories are all very samey to me.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter 11" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Abigail's mother turns up in the story again and it intrigues me as to what has occurred between them. Claire's condition puts something else in the mix and the story becomes more complex. It is all getting very interesting, and Michael has at last admitted to himself that he is: "like the lowest sort of scum on Earth."
(Something deep in my told kept telling me ) Missing word?
(and my failed screamed much louder.) Missing word?
(making a few noted on my vitals. ) notes?
(“What is?” Clair,) Claire
(I have been in a coma for the past for months) four months
427
427
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter 10" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
So he survives the suicide attempt. Can this man do anything right? I expected to see him left in eternal damnation as Abigail drifted off the heaven. Unless of course her secret past will cause her to join him.
I'm interested to see how he explains his actions, if he does.
(in his eyes in the past for years ) past four years
(before giving replacing it with a weak smile) extra word/s
428
428
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter 9" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The chapter starts with me wondering what is going on as I wonder if I've missed something. But it is no bad thing and all is revealed a few paragraphs later making it a good start to the chapter. There are a few mysteries and I continue to wonder what is Abigail's secret, if she has one. Again, a great hook at the chapter ending prompting the reader to read on.

(She sneers at my and lets out a little snicker ) sneers at me
(A starburst of white-hot pain explodes as my face as Casey ) in/on my face
(dressed in a white terrycloth woman, ) ?
429
429
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter 8" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
There is the thought of what her secret is about her mother and we wait to find the answer.
A good hook at the end of the chapter, must read on.
Just when we think Michael could not get more despicable, he makes his daughter an orphan. I am not sure if it is written for that effect, or if it is just my opinion, and others may have sympathy for him.

(Every time gets within an arm’s reach of her) Every time he gets
(His mind made is made up,) made x 2
430
430
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter 7" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I feel this could be edited down and become part of the previous chapter. The story seems, to me, to be grinding to a halt with very little happening in the real time of the story. This is well written and has good potential, but if nothing much happens to take the reader forward, they could lose interest. The way Michael is behaving, I don't see many having sympathy or interest in him.

The following don't seem to read right:
She wants to know how Norah is doing and how she is coping with being gone.
went on an unplanned road trip will on remain believable for so long.
Claire unaware of her actions, she slipped a small piece of paper into my sister’s purse
Her friends are very important to them
431
431
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter 6" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Another Michael chapter. I try to feel sympathy for this character, but I cannot. I think he is obnoxious and someone needs to give him a good shake at the very least. Nevertheless, a good interesting chapter.
favors but avoiding the inevitable.) by avoiding
(smile up at my with those green eyes ) up at me
( might even discussed it with ) even have
(She longs to tell me daughter ) my daughter
432
432
Review of Blackpool  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I take it that you don't work for the English tourist board. Having been to Blackpool at intervals over the years I can say that you describe the place very well. This once truly great family holiday resort has been allowed to decline into the place it is today. A sort of Brit' version of Benidorm without the sun, but with gangs of drunken yobs and girls practising indecent exposure, or decent exposure depending on your the point of view. A very well written piece on a resort in decline. Still a good place to spend Christmas though, if you pick the right hotel, and keep off the streets at night. Welcome to WDC.
433
433
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter Five" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Casey and the old man took their lives, which is a sin so that explains why they are in some kind of limbo. But why is Abigail held there? Blaine seems to leave the place when he likes, and we wonder does he torment her on purpose? Questions tempt us to read on.

(A squeal of delights sounds of from the woman,) sounds off
(There is love for the people for remembers but not much else.) people he
(He looks past me at longingly to the end of the street') should 'at' be deleted?
434
434
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter Four" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
An interesting and well written chapter again. But we are now on chapter four and it seems to be all tales from the past. Apart from the accident and the party there is nothing moving the story forward. As a reader I feel the need for something to happen in the main thread.
(I stand at the driveway of the small home I grew up.) Grew up in?
435
435
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter Three" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Michael comes across as a selfish wimp. An unlikable character who only seems to have consideration for himself. It appears from the prologue that he was driving the car. So it is possible that the accident was fully or partly his fault; yet he shows no guilt or remorse. I feel he does not deserve to keep his daughter if he has no interest in her. If she reminds him of his wife, that should be a delight to him. It's not like she died giving birth and he somehow blames the child.

( wits end with my daughter’s. ) Should this be daughter?
( Claire made promise two years) made me promise
436
436
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter Two" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I read Casey's story with interest, but wonder why it is here. Is it just a story within a story, showing how things work in this world of spirits? Or is the character to have more impact on the main thread later on? Whatever happens, I'm sure that the story will continue to fascinate the reader.

Possible typo's?
There is a mixture of willows and oaks about the grounds and cast a gloom shadow against the fading evening sun.
But with every boxed she packed away I felt her heart break.
She does not want me to tell me the truth.
437
437
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Prologue" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A new twist on a familiar theme. This is very well done and the writing seems of high quality. The description of Abigail's demise was descriptive and holds the readers interest well. I think most people would want to read on to see what this is about.
Beware of prologue. Some people poo poo prologues. I am not one of them and think they are okay in a novel, but you may get some comments from others. However, I don't see why this is not chapter one, maybe I'll see when I move on.
These could be typo's or differences of opinion.
(Fire, more immense) Immense, twice in the paragraph: should one or both be intense?
(Through the fog a hand gently close over my own) closes/closed
(I fell madly in love with in only the way ) Should in be him?
(The unfamiliar emotion flanking my core increase ten-fold.) Emotions or Increases/d.
438
438
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ain't it funny how you just come across things here. There I was rambling about and out pops the worm. You give a good impression of his life with this jolly and comical poem. It is a well-crafted rhyme and cannot be faulted by me. Well worth five out of five.
439
439
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Watch the buts. Some people put a comma before but, but some don't. I do because I think it is correct. Really I suppose it is up to the writer.

(glare of a couple strategically placed) a couple of
(yelling of directions, and calls instruction) and calls of
(couldn't see passed the headlights,) Should this be: past?
(to scrub them much at a later on.) missing word?
(even more so then sleeping in a jeep) than sleeping

I can see this developing into a good action adventure story, with perhaps a bit of romance. I look forward to any future additions.
440
440
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great second part to the story. The reader can only speculate how the story proceeds from here, but given what we have already taken it we anticipate a lot of action ahead. Looking forward to the next part.
Was going to mention:( By dinnertime, most pairs ) but you got there first and removed it. Everything seems brilliant now me duck.
441
441
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have been avoiding this because somehow I thought it was about a yacht race. When I clicked on it, I found I was wrong. Right away I knew it was one for me and it lived up to my new expectation. I enjoyed the storyline very much and look forward to reading on. Very well written except for a few typo's; listed. Apologies for any that are not.
(Exhausted, uneasy, sweaty, and) Should this be italics?
(gotten) got. Written in British English.
(You're welcome to come with." ) Missing word?
(His questioned fell on deaf ears.) question
(she would Toby off of the conversation.)Missing word?
(dealings and wages.) Is wages the right word here?
442
442
Review of Bad-ger  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think this is a well written and entertaining short. It is great to come across original fantasy tales.
I hope it is fantasy anyway; there are lots of badgers around here.
I could not find any fault in the writing or the storyline.
Thanks for a good read.
443
443
Review of The beast  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great, well crafted and entertaining ballad. I like the way you left the end open so we could see it to our own conclusion.
I know how it ended to me, but I always go for the happy ending.
My best bit:
Long sharp teeth
Keen eyes dancing with glee
I saw the beast
And the beast saw me

Welcome to WDC, and if you write any more items like this, I'll be sure to re-visit.
You'll get this twice because I keep forgetting to tick the review button. Ooops!
444
444
Review of Annie  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I was smiling all through this piece, and I must congratulate you. I am sure it is easy to make genuine mistakes, but harder to make them deliberate and still make the story credible (almost) and entertaining for the reader. A very worthy contest winner.
445
445
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A good and interesting read.
It applies to me I suppose as I start to get old myself, but while we retain the faculties to continue with our creative writing, we can in part remain forever young.
I think that there is a typo in the last paragraph: (and rise to arise).
446
446
Review of Limericks Mark V  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
There's something I really must say
Again you have brightened my day
Before I leave the house
I'll just play with the mouse
Sending five stars and gp's you way.

But something that I have to do
To make this a public review
Is increase the low figure
By making this bigger
And send happy greetings to you.
447
447
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A superb piece of writing. It is quite clear what you are saying here, and it has the extra advantage of being very well-written. You are certainly one to watch.
I once walked into a card shop on mother's day and looked through the cards, noting the inflated prices on the back. As I was walking out the assistant told me there were some more cards, but I told her that they were all overpriced. She implied that I thought my mother was not worth a few pounds. I replied that I would rather spend four times as much on something my mother would cherish, than spend a few pound on a mass produced card. And yes, the smile on my mother's face (and mine) when I called round to give her the flowers was more important than the flowers themselves.
This is supposed to be a review of your work though isn't it? But my review is that your piece had made me reflect on something in my own life, and that has to be worth the five stars.
448
448
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well what can I say. A very enjoyable read and something to make me laugh. Could see it coming from your hint early on: "Watch out Fatty, you'll fall off the wall." but that did nothing to spoil things. His obsession about being fried brought a smile. Well done, I'm glad I came across this.
449
449
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
An excellent few passages, made more so because as writers we can all probably relate to the content and picture ourselves in Mathew's place. I am sure that the content of the piece and the quality of the writer would prompt the reader to read on if this were not just a sample. I enjoyed the read and can offer no criticism.
450
450
Review of No Storm Warning  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
An emotional storm suddenly hits you life. Whether I'm right or wrong that's how I see it, hopefully I'm right. Even though a bit poignant, this is one of those pieces where you feel glad to have discovered it, and read it. I have no criticism of this well-written piece.
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