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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brucef/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14
Review Requests: OFF
1,301 Public Reviews Given
2,367 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to read novels and biographies, so if I can review them at the same time, why not. My ratings are usually at the high end because I think if someone has taken the time and effort to write a large piece, it is an achievement. The review will give the opportunity to flag up typographic errors. I do not mark down ratings for these errors because they are easily fixed.
Favorite Item Types
Rhyming Verse. Novels and short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-rhyming poetry.
I will not review...
Erotica, Vampire and Wolf stories. Their stories are all very samey to me.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 10 11 12 13 -14- 15 16 17 18 19 ... Next
326
326
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another well-written and interesting part. At the moment I can't think where this is going, but that is a good thing. So I must read on.
Oh, don't bother," she said," /This sounds a bit abrupt and unfriendly.
That evening while she was brushing her beautiful hair, / I think this reads better without "beautiful" as we already have a good description.
327
327
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A good and interesting start to the story. It begins with a nice section of narrative to give us a good introduction to the story.
"(By the way, my name is Adele,)and " / I don't see the need for the brackets here.
""Chacun a sa place." (Each to his/her own place)." Personally I prefer "their" to "his/her", but I don't know how that translates from the French.
Written to a good standard and I look forward to more.
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328
Review of Monday  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I only really read and write rhyming poems so I am not able to give a fair comment on this as poetry and will leave that to those that are more adapt to non rhyming poetry reviews.
I can of course review it as a piece of writing and I can say that I really enjoyed the piece. It was entertaining and funny, and seems quite original. Well done, loved it.
329
329
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This chapter moves the story on nicely. If we thought that Tor was perhaps wicked or maybe bluffing, this chapter implies at the end that she is quite evil. I am expecting some action when she meets up with her brothers. I could find no faults or errors in this work and look forward to reading on.
330
330
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Some good revelations in this chapter. Eric has a few problems and I have to wonder why he goes through it all just to avoid an arranged marriage. Maybe the reason could be beefed up a bit (just a thought). Again the writing seems first class and I spotted no typos or errors. I look forward to the next chapter.
331
331
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
An interesting and well-written chapter. To me it seems faultless and the writing is to a very high standard. The story continues to hold my interest and there is a lot of action which is entertaining and moves forward at slow but enjoyable pace. A recommended read.
332
332
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A shortish chapter supplying the reader with information, which includes the realisation that he may not be well accepted in the giant's home. Although short, this is a well written and enjoyable chapter. I cannot find fault other than: "she was going to rip her brothers a new one" (I don't understand this phrase).
333
333
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is something different and is entertaining and held my interest throughout. I have no idea where the srory will take me, but that is a good point. I look forward to reading more of this.
I have no down points other than a few possible errors for you consideration which would be easily fixed if you agree: What where (were) you doing in the bushes?" / ridden many wild horse(s) into obedience. / you where (were) atop that stallion / Satisfied, she before pulled away and set him back in her palm. (???)/ "No! I do not wished (wish) to be reunited with them! /.
334
334
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I was not sure if this was a big woman and small men, or a giant and tiny men, but as the later chapters are marked as "fantasy" I assume the later. Either way, I look forward to how this develops. It is a well-written chapter and held my interest.
A couple of bits for consideration: blood-shed (no hyphen) / Afterward(s) she inspected /.
335
335
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I spent weeks researching my grandfather's war in 7th battalion Essex regiment and later found he was only in the 7th as a reserve after the war and was in fact in the 2nd during WW1. A couple of typo's in second but last paragraph: the family tee / not like that.Keep / for sure, Over 21 /. Other than that it is a well-written, interesting and informative article.
336
336
Review of Whitewater  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
A marvellous tale in sonnet style. The writing flows nicely and the rhyme is spot on. Reminds me of "Running Bear" though it is an original piece. The theme is evident and can be interpreted by the reader in the way intended, or it is an item that lets the mind wander.
Faultless and entertaining.
337
337
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
There are some errors with this and I have noted some here.
“Stay there(,)" / some quality father daughter times. (father-daughter) / Her 32 inch flat screen television (32-inch) / The sight of a man helping doing the chores (do the chores) / a black t shirt, (t-shirt) / "and you are." (And) / Mira’s checks went bright red. (cheeks) / "Its okay (it's) / He sat in the drivers seat (driver's) / She muled all these questions (mulled) / She used the pummis stone (pumice) / Like the time when she past her driving test (passed) / Alekz said lets go out (let's).
Only my preference, I prefer to write small numbers: two guys, four chairs.
"old work colleague had, had a boyfriend" This probably works just as well with one "had"
"She watched him for a while. Studying his outfit and his body." One sentence, perhaps.
Easy fixes, and then other reviewers may spot other bits, or you can have a go at check/editing yourself.
Don't worry too much if you think it is too much, the more you write the better you will become.
The story itself has potential and I followed it quite well. I would be quite happy to read more of this as it develops into the crime gangster story.
You have made a good effort with this first chapter. Well done.




338
338
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A perfect opening verse that flows wonderfully and gives the reader a good reason to continue.
And I am so glad that I did. This is a well thought out and nicely constructed rhyme that tell it's story well. A faultless piece and a work to be proud of.
339
339
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A strange but entertaining read. It is a bit like a nonsense story similar to what you get in the Alice In Wonderland stories. Because of this, there are some errors which may not actually be errors. "draped on top of a body" I first thought dropped, but maybe it is draped.
And "think you didn't you don't" Not an error, though at first, I thought it was, and maybe is."
It is a good piece though and I enjoyed reading it.
I look forward to more from you, especially well-written and refreshingly original work like this one.
Well done and welcome to WDC.
340
340
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good start to your story. Write what you know about, it is said, and as you are aiming for the teen market I assume it is where you are at. You need to do an edit because there are a few little faults regarding spacing and punctuation, but it is no big deal. Grammarly is a good editing tool and usually can be downloaded for free and it works fine on WDC. The story itself can go in many directions. It could just be a teen romance, or it could be that one of the characters is hiding a secret, if so you would need to decide if they are just pretending to be nice, or maybe they are in some kind of trouble, even going into fantasy they could be an alien. There are many routes in which you can take this. I found it to be interesting and quite readable.
Finally, if you select the little wheel to the top right of the page you can then select the edit. Scroll down and select advanced and then you can change paragraph spacing from single to double. This will make the text look more presentable as well as making it easier to read.
You have talent which is evident by the length of the piece and the way it holds the reader's interest. A bit of polishing and you be on the way to a good story.
I wish you good luck with this and welcome you to WDC.
341
341
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
An amazing piece of writing. Written to a high standard and maintaining action throughout but I had no trouble visualising what was happening. This is a journey into reading entertainment at its very best. A recommended read for this kind of story.
The only possible typo I spotted: "the steel hide was a sound knew well" Missing (he).
I am so glad to have read this.
342
342
Review of Dessert  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great visual image to make any sweet loving reader's mouth water. The line at the end puts a nice and believable twist to this short-short. Well done with this in the competition, and worthy of its second place. Yum! I'm off to the refrigerator.
343
343
Review of Talbata's Tavern  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The story takes us through the clientele of the Tavern. It is full of action and flows well throughout keeping up the interest for the reader. If you change the fantasy figures for humans, this reminds me of a public house I used to frequent in East London.
The only typo spotted:"An (A) customized oven" So it is almost a faultless piece and well worth a high rating. Well-written, entertaining, and interesting.
344
344
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Again written to a very high standard. The chapter is full of action as it moves forward towards its goal. Characters are well drawn for me and I had no trouble visualising the scenes. There were no noticeable errors, but I did not expect any. Faultless, interesting and entertaining.
345
345
for entry "Friday" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A great feel good ending to a refreshingly good read.
A few suggestions:
"as the teacher reentered the room," re-entered
"whispered back and forth amongst each other" between each other
"the chatterings of schoolmates over lunch hour." chatterings
It has been a pleasure to read this wonderful story. A recommended read for all ages, but especially for teen and young adult readers.
346
346
for entry "Thursday" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a spectacular piece of writing with great characterisation. There is a good lead into what I can only call an emotionally charged journey which you have wrote in such a way that it is easy to visualise what is going through the minds of the characters. You have managed to capture the emotion in a way that kept me engrossed in the action and I could not break away until the end. It has been a delight to read.
A couple of bits: The second paragraph is a repeat of the first paragraph.
“he read outloud in a shocked sort of voice,” “out loud” might be two words.
At (As) the aunt and nephew sat in silence in the middle of the room, Noah stood stiffly in the doorway, watching them. Te (He) turned away and began walking to the window,
Andy had suggested the karaoke car (bar), much like a child wanting an ice-cream
“refusing to give in to this for this intrinsic cowardice again.” ???
“a door with a cutout of an exotic spider” “cutout” may need a space or hyphen.

Given the length of this chapter, these possible errors are minimal and do not detract from the rating. I would give more than 5 for this if I could.
347
347
Review of Torture  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A sad but interesting short story. We can only imagine the hardships suffered back in those times. I look forward to more from you as your story is refreshingly different.
"upto 18 hours a day." I think this should be "up to" Other than that I spotted no errors.
Welcome to W.D.C. I hope you will enjoy your time on here.
348
348
for entry "Wednesday" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A good continuation to the story. Good characterisation and entertaining situations give this chapter a feel-good atmosphere, and as a bonus, perhaps love is in the air.
Possible typos: “Andy took a moment to (get) used to the idea” , “as Tarah continued to babble aways (away).” , “ Andy nodded briefly, them (then) left the sofa” , “hurt the oak tree it was bult (built) in.”
I look forward to reading more of this story.
349
349
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very good piece of writing. The dialogue is excellent, spiffing even. The storyline line flows and as well as moving the story on fills us with information about the vocations and the surroundings. The use of a narrator fits well in a period piece like this. I would say that this is of a professional standard and I spotted no errors. Very well done, and I look forward to continuing with this.
350
350
for entry "Tuesday" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A refreshingly good story about young people. I like the way all the characters interact. The writing is of a high standard which adds to the enjoyment of the read. I spotted no errors other than a few typos.
straigh(t)ening the bill of her cap with her free hand.
as if it was filled with bourbon instead of mink (milk).
"Am I a hero? Remove or add a speech mark"
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