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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brucef/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/16
Review Requests: OFF
1,311 Public Reviews Given
2,377 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to read novels and biographies, so if I can review them at the same time, why not. My ratings are usually at the high end because I think if someone has taken the time and effort to write a large piece, it is an achievement. The review will give the opportunity to flag up typographic errors. I do not mark down ratings for these errors because they are easily fixed.
Favorite Item Types
Rhyming Verse. Novels and short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-rhyming poetry.
I will not review...
Erotica, Vampire and Wolf stories. Their stories are all very samey to me.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 12 13 14 15 -16- 17 18 19 20 21 ... Next
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376
Review of Old Leafy Lane  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done with this lovely tribute to an old man continuing his journey through life without his wife and companion. It is a well constructed piece with a poignant yet wonderful theme and the well chosen words add to the reading experience. A well deserved winning place in the contest.
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377
Review of A Petulant Life  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A nice little well written short about, possibly, an old lady on her deathbed. I spotted no errors, but would not expect to in a short piece like this. Although it is short and to the point, I feel that you could make it longer and give the reader a bit more, but only if you chose to of course.
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378
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
An interesting piece. Although I don't usually care for coloured fonts, it works here because you cannot include the tags and the colours remove any confusion as to who is speaking. I think that this is a really good effort in the competition and I wish you luck with it. I spotted no typo's or errors. Welcome to WDC.
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379
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
There is a big gap between the title and Ch 1 and I nearly abandoned it because I thought it was empty. It does happen on here sometimes. So I would reduce the gap. I am assuming that this is a work of fiction, so I'll read on.
In the second paragraph I would swop age & and, to read "name age and all that".
In the Amy section eachother should be two words. In the Tim section infact should be two words.
"He never tells anyone and he's never told anyone." This is repetition, unless you have put it in for effect as a journal item.
I'm not sure "Mckdonalds" & "laundremat" are correct spelling.
I don't read diaries or journals usually, but as I thought this is fiction I saw it through, and am glad that I did. It was quite an entertaining read and you do have a talent which I'm sure will reward you. Good luck in your writing and welcome to W.D.C.
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380
Review of Dementia  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
An interesting read and perhaps an insight to something we all hope not to experience. However, living to 94 is quite an achievement and very few will reach that age. I found no faults in this well-written piece. I look forward to more from you. Welcome to W.D.C.
381
381
Review of A Pelican Crossed  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love this. My type of poem where you have taken the time to craft it and have it rhyme without any forced bits. Despite the narrator getting shot, it is lighthearted and and humorous. I liked the ending which was unexpected and funny. Well done with this.
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382
Review of Angels in Winter  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An extremely well written story. It kept my interest throughout both parts and I found no errors or typos. After reading the first part we know something is going to surprise us in the second part, but I would never have guessed how the storey unfolded. The way of the rescue was brilliant. An interesting and enjoyable read.
383
383
Review of Winter Wonderland  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I nice little short, very visual and enjoyable. It stands alone well, or can be made longer if you wanted. Just a couple of typo's that need dealing with: ( Come one, let's go outside!) and ( I shoes ok shove my arms into my coat sleeves).
Well done with this seasonal piece and welcome to W.D.C.
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384
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
The book has been written so the chapter reads well as part of it. If it were just a short story I would wonder what the first paragraphs has to do with the main part, but obviously it is part of the developing plot that carries on. The chapter itself is an enjoyable read as it is so well written. Reading through, it has good potential to keep the reader interested.
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385
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I do like this and think that you have a good start to your Christmas story project. It has potential and I assume that you have some kind of framework/synopsis to develop the tale. I would look forward to seeing how it develops, if you decide to post it on here.
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386
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
On the title page you have started the description in lower case instead of a capital: it's my first short story. This could put some people off.
If this were mine I would re-write the first sentence, unless it is to be a Shrek type story. Something like: In the richest Kingdom of Ambrosia lived a troubled princess.
In the second I would change it round to read something like: fine wine flowed in the rivers instead of water. "The theatres" might read better as the start of a new sentence.
Third paragraph maybe: "not even the king and queen".
You need to check for typographic errors (typos) such as hands in marriage -hand in marriage. There are some others you need to edit.
Later "He whispered his in her ears." Something missing?
Remember this is just my opinion and I hope is of some use.
The story itself is good and has a good flow and content. Indeed it could be used as a synopsis to write a much longer piece as it has a lot of potential. You do have a talent and for that reason I have given this a high rating. I wish you luck in your writing and welcome you to W.D.C.
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387
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A good short piece and well-written. A simple tale but one that keeps the interest of the reader due to the descriptive content which lets us have the feeling of actually visiting the shop. The ending does not reveal much, but certainly leaves the reader wondering how things will progress.
Well done with this and welcome to W.D.C.
388
388
Review of Me without you.  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A nice piece of writing and an enjoyable read. Should be sad perhaps, but it doesn't feel that way to me. A bit like the song"I will survive," I suppose. In fact, this could be put to music to create a good song. Well done with this and welcome to Writing.Com.
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389
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A well written short article which gives the reader a visual feeling as if they were there with the writer. Well worth a read for people who like reading nostalgia pieces, especially involving railways. A sort of blend of past and present and well worth the 4 and a stars.
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390
Review of The Journey  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A nice message and good words, but leaving that aside I look to the structure.
The first eight lines are very good and roll off very well making them a joy to read, then it all falls to pieces in the last six. This shows two styles of writing and both are good, but I don't think that they gel well together. If you make the whole poem flow through the same style as the first eight lines, I'm sure you will have a cracking little piece.
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391
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done with this. This is my kind of story and I could not find any fault with it, other than the text seemed get a bit small in the last few paragraphs. There is a lot of narrative, which I think is fine in this type of war/action story. I look forward to reading more of this.
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Review of Choices  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
An impressive piece of writing in content and construction. Visually runs nicely down the page and the bold font in this instance seems to be used correctly. Although I'm more drawn to rhyming verse, this piece could make me think again. It's top marks from me.
393
393
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Another good chapter with plenty going on. It retains the interest of the reader and has good potential for a longer story either novella or novel, especially given the high quality of the writing. The only thing I think needs working on is the damaged ankle, where not enough is shown of the pain and struggle to walk following a bad sprain.
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394
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is, in my opinion, is very good. I don't get to read a lot of first person stuff so this was enjoyable, especially seeing through the eyes of a thief. I could not spot any errors in this well written piece. I will look forward to the next part as I am eager to find out what happens next.
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395
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great little short made better because it is so well written. I spotted no errors in this and can make no suggestion as it stands well as it is. True or fiction makes no difference as this could be many places in many countries. The reader gets a nice visual feeling as if they were the walker. Well done with this.
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396
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good passage and very informative as it is. But for a back cover perhaps it could be shortened to grab the reader's, and potential buyer's attention.
This is just an opinion of course, and I have reduced the text below to give a different view. Which version will grab potential reader's attention? Of course it could be that yours is better.

"I work at a special ed school all my pals said that their families make the greatest barbeques ever. They would rather stop breathing than concede defeat.

I up and took off on a BBQ tour of the Midwest one day to prove them wrong. All along my path things happened: apple flavor here, spicy over there, wedgy fries, a car wreck, a blowtorch, Tommy, Bear, a lightning blast, baseball, and those naughty rotund guys; curveballs if you will. Then I organized a Ribfest at school.

I soon took to traveling again. What started out as something modest ballooned into something far beyond modest.

Who has the best barbeque? Where is the best barbeque? We've all gotten that urge to hop in the car and go. We all have an Uncle Joe who has the best sauce and the best ribs using secret ingredients. So come join me. It’s the journey more than the destination."
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397
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A good little tale that keeps the interest of the reader as most of us have perhaps had awkward or embarrassing moments during our youth.
It brought a smile to my face anyway and was well worth the read.
Not sure, but it might need a comma after:I still laugh when I recall my dad's words
It's top marks from me so good luck in the contest, if it's not passed.
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398
Review of Strip Tease  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The tantalising title attracts the reader to take a peek. We find a nice little short, with a surprise twist, giving a great end to the piece. A well-deserved winning entry and looks to be faultless. It's top marks from me as well. Welcome to WDC.
399
399
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
These three chapters again make for good reading. I have noticed, however, that there are a lot of missing commas, full stops, and a few missing speech marks. In chapter one I wonder why the red caps don't get Skylar while she is at home, although it does mention later that The Queen has forbidden any harm to her, it is puzzling earlier on and could do with an explanation.
Typo In chapter 1: "your late to her class again." Should be: you're or you are.
Typo's In chapter 3: "if anyone mistake it for a mansion." Should this be mistakes?
"That was not hat I had been expecting." Should be: what I had been expecting.
"He did just by me an expensive drink." buy me.
"Why thanks kel." Capital Kel.
Typo's in Chapter 4: First sentence is in bold, could be a run on from the chapter heading.
"front seat of Dan's jaguar. Capital Jaguar.
"so as not to waken Isabelle. Different spelling of sister's name.
"Are you alight Snowdrop?" Should this be all right snowdrop?
Okay, the story is moving along fine. The characters are great, and believable for the fantasy category. I believe that you are on a winner and this could develop very well. I like what you have done here and look forward to reading on with this fascinating and enjoyable story.
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400
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, you have the start of a great tale here, and if it continues in such an action packed manner your readers are sure to follow it through to completion. It is very well written in my opinion and I found no errors or typo's jumping out at me. I don't know why it is called a prologue and not chapter one, but that is just a personal preference. Would I want to read on? Oh yes.
Welcome to WDC.
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