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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brucef/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/17
Review Requests: OFF
1,311 Public Reviews Given
2,377 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to read novels and biographies, so if I can review them at the same time, why not. My ratings are usually at the high end because I think if someone has taken the time and effort to write a large piece, it is an achievement. The review will give the opportunity to flag up typographic errors. I do not mark down ratings for these errors because they are easily fixed.
Favorite Item Types
Rhyming Verse. Novels and short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-rhyming poetry.
I will not review...
Erotica, Vampire and Wolf stories. Their stories are all very samey to me.
Public Reviews
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401
401
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
The story continues and keeps up my interest with the interaction of the characters. I like the way this is going and look forward to the final part. Possible typo': "He endeavored to really concentrated hard," Spotted no other typo's or errors in this well-written piece
402
402
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Brilliant. This is a first class piece of writing in my opinion. It kept my interest throughout, and I noticed no typo's or errors.
This section of the story comes in two parts. The first part in the classroom was a cracking read as I could relate to the situation very well. then the second part in the fantasy land followed to give the reader another treat. I highly recommend this to any reader who likes a good clean and entertaining read. Stars: I'd give it ten out of five if I could. I will be reading on.
403
403
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A charming little short.
"Tansy's daily of chores," Is the "of" a typo?
"Though Tansy's family were not titled, her father, Sir Thomas," This seems a bit confusing. If her family is not titled, why is her father called Sir Thomas? It may be correct usage, but threw me a bit.
On the whole I found the story to be interesting, well-written, and an enjoyable read. The ending was a surprise whilst remaining credible. I felt a bit sorry for Tansy, but the way you have portrayed her, I am sure she would have moved on.
404
404
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Firstly, I think that you should put the title in capitals because it would make the piece look more professional.
A good point is that the larger font which you have used makes the story a lot easier to read.
"As a child ha had his gift suppressed" Typo should be: he had.
"he ceased the opportunity" Should this be "seized" ?
I found it a bit confusing that you gave the date when the family was torn apart, listing the family, then said that the mother had been committed to a mental hospital three years earlier.
As for the content of the piece: I found it to be very interesting and has the potential to be extended into a longer story or even a novella/novel. Looking forward there could be a part with the raven's adventures as well as how the girl reacts when she retains her human form.
As a reader, I would be interested in reading more and rate it on its potential.
405
405
Review of Ella and the Moon  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I did not find this confusing. It is a well written and descriptive piece, seeming to have been crafted with a lot of thought making it an enjoyable and interesting read. However, I found the last two sentences a bit silly and think that you should consider changing them to keep them in line with the high quality of the piece.
406
406
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Mystery begins to enter the reader's minds as gangsters make themselves known and we discover Walter's links to the FBI. As a reader I wonder about "Big Curly", but we may have to wait until Walter finds the information for us.
As usual, a good and interesting read.

Possible typos:
( every play that would let me take a crack at. ) that they would ?
( Everything’s start to cook for me in the past year or so ) ?
407
407
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
You start this chapter with a brilliant and highly enjoyable paragraph about Bobby singing Mack the Knife. Again It was as if I were in the club. Even later when the place was near empty, I could still feel the atmosphere of the place. The friendship with Winchell is starting and I look forward to seeing it develop.
Another well written chapter with no errors spotted.
Will I read on? You bet!
408
408
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
The thing that I like about this story is the way I get an insight into a part of the world (New York) where I have never been. Although fictionalised, the characters are well drawn and I can relate to them. I really get the feeling of being amongst them in the club.
Superb writing. I noticed no errors.
409
409
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I came across this and thought I'd take a look, being of the age to remember Bobby Darin. A fictionalised story you say, but we assume it is based on some facts.
I started to read and knew that I was going to enjoy the ride. The writing seems to be of a very high standard and the story line held my interest.
I spotted no errors except a suspect typo. In the Bill Bailey chapter I think there should be an " a " between " between Darin ". Apologies If I have missed any other typos, being so engrossed in the story.
An excellent read, and I look forward to more.
410
410
Review of Mousie  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
If this were my poem, which of course it is not, I would join the lines: "I found a mouse one morning when I stepped into a boot." This of course is just a preference of mine, and with some of my work that has been reviewed, the reviewer said that I should cut the lines in half. I suppose it is a matter of personal preference. There again, if this is mainly for children, perhaps the shorter lines would be more suitable. Oh well, forget all that then. LOL.

I loved your poem; it has good rhyme, flows well and has a great storyline. I am sure that a lot of children would love it.
Well done with this. I spotted no errors and look forward to more of your creations.
411
411
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Another good chapter in a story which has a lot of potential. I look forward to more.

There are some great descriptive lines here. My favourite: All that he could hear was the tune of the music and the flames crisply chewing on the wood.

(Amon quietly slipped from his grandson, ) Should it be Amon's nephew?
(what about the time provoked those roosters ) we provoked ?
(when you tried taking those food offering for the forest spirits ) Perhaps: offerings ?
(Their heads were meters away ) Should this be inches ?
( "Taking our time, are we?" ) Maybe this is done for effect, but I found it a frustrating end of chapter as we don't know who is saying this, so the visualisation of the scene ends.
412
412
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good, interesting chapter, though it seems a bit short.
I liked the bit about the phone call. Quite credible and also credible that she forgot to mention it. Obviously there will be repercussions.

She kicks the covers off in their twin room. I hope she has a nightie on or she could be embarrassed in the morning, or has she done it on purpose it to tease Toby?

(Shut in the car for an hour in silence ) I think you would be better saying jeep. The image of a car driving though the jungle doesn't sit well. I am not sure if jeep needs a capital.
413
413
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Some intensive training going on, and some interest between Bran and Alvini. Will they get more close as the story unfolds? Maybe, maybe not.
An enjoyable chapter, I especially liked the trials, where the strange occurrence happened. Could this be related to the behaviour of the tiger, I wonder?

( of the voice and saw boy. ) Perhaps: saw a boy.
"You could do it!" Marcus from the crowds cheered. This may be correct, but sounds awkward.

Review corrected, oops!
414
414
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Some intensive training going on, and some interest between Bran and Alvini. Will they get more close as the story unfolds? Maybe, maybe not.
An enjoyable chapter, I especially liked the trials, where the strange occurrence happened. Could this be related to the behaviour of the tiger, I wonder?

( I wonder if he will of the voice and saw boy. ) Perhaps: saw a boy.
"You could do it!" Marcus from the crowds cheered. This may be correct, but sounds awkward.
415
415
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The story is developing well and is an interesting read. The two friends sit well together, and it has the possible added romance with the girl.
I am eager to see where this story leads. Well done and welcome to WDC.

You have two Hiram's in the second paragraph.
(after both hand launched twenty swings.) both had
(Lying on the grass, Bran ) You have ( Bran ) eight times in as many lines. Perhaps replace a few with ( he ) ?
("I'm surprised you weren't with at the river, ) With who?
( but nothing could he would say could properly describe ) extra word ?
("Not try, Bran corrected. ) Missing speech mark closure.
416
416
Review of Guardian Fall  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A good start to a fantasy story. The characters are good and their names are readable and believable. Often in fantasies we have to deal with names which are difficult to read or even silly.

I think a good story leaves the reader with questions at the end of the chapters. This has that element as we wonder at a few things; especially, what is it that made the tiger act that way?

The action with the lion was a very good part to the chapter and the whole chapter made a good read.
I look forward to reading on.

Possible typos:
until they had reached village.
"Those one who aren't able to catch
417
417
Review of The Last Day  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great little insight into your thoughts about leaving school.
I was pleased when I left school at fifteen, because it meant I could start work and get substantially more than the pocket money from my parents, plus pay my way in the household.
I love to read pieces like this where there is no gloom and doom. I noticed no errors.
Well done, and welcome to WDC.
418
418
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
We have moved to recent times and get introduced to a man who we consider to be the main character. Everything flows well and seems credible, giving an enjoyable read. You have the makings of a good and interesting story with this.

( leaning against the door jab as she watches Daniel ) Should this be door jamb ?
Also, after this paragraph there is a scene change without warning or explanation, which puts the reader off a bit.
419
419
Review of Flight to Freedom  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A well written, exciting and enjoyable read. I especially like the description as the aircraft was hit and leading to the pilot bailing out. I am glad that I came across this today. Recommended read.
(Pretty easy actually, unless he run into the Gestapo ) Typo: should "he" be "we"?
420
420
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A good piece of writing, which is open to interpretation by the reader. I had a couple of stabba-in-the-back mates. Very good friends of mine in fact, who both moved in on my attractive girl friends. Long time ago though.
Well done with this, I could find no faults. Welcome to WDC.
421
421
Review of The Holding Place  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is the first novel I have read where I felt a lot of the story moves forward whilst looking back. I found it a bit off-putting at first, but when I got into the story it worked very well and provided me with a very good and entertaining read. I am pleased to be able to give this novel five stars.
422
422
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter Sixteen" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A good revelation in this chapter regarding John and I look forward to the further interaction that this will bring. There is also a renewed interest with Blaine and the writing girl, and of course I am still intrigued as to what the details are about the mother. Another good chapter.
(He casts his eyes he his feet ) to his feet, or, down to his feet
(before me as I recognize the man standing before me ) Should the first "before me" be there?
(these new emotions of forcing me to my knees. ) are forcing
(a part of my life that I kept so well hidden from me.) from him. ?
423
423
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter Fifteen" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A brilliant chapter full of intrigue for the reader. We seem to have a new secondary character and the possible spectre of a mysterious woman. This chapter shows the skill of the writer where the reader has plenty of things planted in the mind that need to be continued or concluded. The chapter has a good hook at the end, but a chapter of this quality does not need a hook, the whole chapter is a hook. Brilliant.
(Like a windowing shattering the memory) window shattering
(She kicks out her unrestrained at them) missing word
(The sudden tension between them in palpable.) Should this be is palpable. ?
424
424
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter Fourteen" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a good piece of writing and if anyone were to read this without previous chapters it would be a good read. And that is how I have rated it. However, having read the previous chapters I see it differently. Apart from a few paragraphs at the beginning and the end, I feel as if this could be deleted without having any effect on the story. Even though this is thoughts of Michael it reads like a long narrative with little interaction and a lot of it seems to be repeating information that we already know.
On a more positive note, you have a good story running here and I am sure that others may not agree with my comments on this chapter.
(the second story window of our old Victorian that she loved ) Should there be a word after Victorian.
425
425
Review of The Holding Place  
for entry "Chapter Thirteen" 
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It is noticeable to the reader how Michael is developing an attraction towards Reggie and I now assume she has a bigger part to play in the story. I still find Michaels behaviour four years after his loss, a bit strange. At least he is making progress at last. Another good piece of descriptive writing, but with a weaker hook than some of the other chapters.
(I want her to know her story as much as I want to tell her mine.) Should this be: I want her to tell her story ?
(I was the once driving,) one driving
(How are telling these strangers who know absolutely nothing about me any different than me or my family whom I have failed to be honest with for the past for years?) I think this sentence needs re-writing.
(The doctors and nurses must know that we are not crazy but them within the confines of these walls will doubt drive us to it.) Is 'them' correct, referring to the staff, or should it be 'then'? Should 'will doubt' be 'will no doubt?
(There has been no retribution on my part towards them and my heart sinks over it.) I don't see how his heart sinks because he has shown no retribution to them.
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