"Though lavished with gold and jewellery[,] she was sad," I think there should be another comma where indicated.
"She was always weeping ," you don't need a space between the word and the comma.
I like that you have rhyming couplets, however:
"The Prince ardently kept awaiting her,
Though there was no sign of approval from her." This isn't a rhyming couplet. It's just the same word repeated twice, and it sounds really funny when reading it with the rest of the poem.
Aside from these mistakes, you have great structure and diction. The flow is only thrown off by repeating "her" twice, but it great other than that. I hope I helped. Good job and keep writing.
This is written very well. However, you have no set structure that I see. Every stanza (I guess that's what you would call them) has a different amount of lines. But you do have great diction and flow for such a simple poem. The title is perfect, and this is very easy to read. Good job and keep writing.
This is written very well. I loved th rhyme scheme, and the picture too. I actually love the bright red apples clothed in goo. I get them everytime I'm at a fair or something. This is my new favorite piece! You have great structure, rhythm, flow and diction. Good job and keep writing.
He would found himself remembering snippets..." This is just a minor error really, but "found" should be "find." Unless you want to keep it "found," than you would need to take out the "would."
However, this is written very well. You have great diction, flow and structure. I love how you ended this piece. I really enjoyed reading it. Good job and keep writing.
This is written so well. There aren't any mistakes of any kind that I see. You have great flow, diction and structure. I loved how you closed out the poem. There is so much emotion throughout the piece, but in this line especially. This is such a sad poem. However, I really enjoyed it. Good job and keep writing.
This is written very well. There aren't any mistakes that I see. You have great rhythm, flow, structure and diction.
The very first stanza is my favorite part of this poem. You opened so well with this. You also have great detail when explaining what's going on in this poem. I enjoyed it. Good job and keep writing.
"If you've got your concept tight.
then you can take them, man." I think that you meant for your first period to be a comma. If it weren't the second line should start capitalized, but it wouldn't be a complete sentence.
"ever time for another attack." This is the very last line. I think you meant "even" not "ever?"
However, you have great structure and I like the rhyme scheme. Good job and keep writing.
Well, this is written very well. We can clearly see why this is called "Darkness." The title fits perfectly. You have great emotion, structure, flow and diction. This is more depressing than what I ususally like to read, but I liked it none the less. Thanks for sharing. Good job and keep writing.
"Just a little while longer, she thought to herself." I feel as if "Just a little while longer" should be either in quotations or italisized. It should be set aside from the rest, becasue she is pretty much talking to herself.
"Ash she watched..." I think you meant "as," not "ash?"
"She stood over her victim for a few moments[,] savoring the victory." I feel as if there should be a comma where indicated.
Other than what I have pointed out, really just a few minor details, this was written well. You have great structure, diction, and detail. I hope I helped, and I really enjoyed this piece. Good job and keep writing.
Well first I must comment on the structure. I think it's a little weird that all the stanzas have four lines, except for the first, that has five. Unless you were going for something different, than kudos to you. The title and the description are completely perfect for this pice. You have great rhythm, flow and diction. I enjoyed this! Good job and keep writing.
You structure is great, but I feel it could be made better with commas and periods thrown in there.
I love rhyming couplets, so this poem caught my attention right from the beginning.
You have great flow, diction, rhyme and rhythm.
Good job and keep writing.
I know that quite a few people believe that capitalizing the first letter of every line is what makes the poem. However, I think it would add to your structure if you didn't have the first letter capitalized after a comma. I love the rhyme scheme, except you mess it up in the third stanza. The words "been" and "thirteen" don't rhyme. This is written pretty well, except you have left out a few commas that you should have in here. Good job and keep writing.
The structure is great, but I feel it could be made better if you threw periods, commas and question marks in the appropriate spots. The language is pretty simple, but it fits the poem well. This is short, and very easy to read. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. Good job and keep writing.
"I sit here, unmoving,
Solitude is my friend[.]" I think there should be a period where indicated.
"I sway, I stumble
I do not care
For that veil has been lifted
I have seen the light
I have seen true beauty" I feel like there should be a few commas and periods thrown in her somewhere. I think it would help it flow a lot better.
However, this is written very well. You have great structure, flow, and diction. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thanks for sharing. Good job and keep writing.
This picture is completely adorable. The title & description are completely perfect for this piece.
You have great structure, I just feel like it would be better if you added in a few periods and commas. Also, it would help if the first letter of every line wasn't capitalized. This is written very well. It's short and easy to read. It's sweet and full of innocence. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing. Good job and keep writing.
I love the rhyme scheme. You have great rhythm, flow, structure, and diction. The title and description are perfect for this piece. This is short and easy to read. My very favorite line is: "I'll take the country[,] where life's simple." This is probably because I live in the country. However, I believe there should be a comma where indicated. I also believe there should be a comma where indicated in this sentence too: "Knowing no other[,] not wanting to meet." However, those were the only two errors that I saw. Unless it's just adding to the structure, then I'm sorry for pointing it out. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing. Good job and keep writing.
"As the sun rose up as it does every day.
Awoke now the Mockingbird so eager to play." I feel as if the first period should be a comma, and "awoke" shouldn't be capitalized. It just sounds like "as the sun rose up as it does every day." isn't a complete sentence. You have great structure, flow and diction. Good job and keep writing.
I feel like there should be a period where indicated:
"Death stared at me,
whilst I stared back[.]"
"its shoulders straight, head high,
yet its face, defeated[.]"
There should be a comma where indicated:
"majestic and grand[,]
a sight to behold."
"were a dichotomy so,
The door a happy mask..." The word "The" shouldn't be capitalized because it's not the start of the new sentence. It comes after a comma, not a period. This is something you do quite a bit, watch out for it. There are a few other times, that I haven't pointed out. This is actually filled with quote a few mistakes.
However, you have great structure, diction, and flow. The title should be something to do with death, clearly. Keep writing.
I don't think that the first letter of every line should be capitalized, since most of them come after commas, not periods. I'm a little confuses as to why the first two stanzas have commas after the first three lines, and the last one has periods. Then in the third stanza, there aren't any commas at all, and just a period at the very end. In the last stanza, the second to last line, there should be a comma after "decision."
However, I love the rhyme scheme. You have great diction and flow. This is short and easy to read. The title and description are perfect for this piece. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing.
First off, the title should be capitalized.
There should be a comma where indicated:
"Time stands still when I remember[,]
Those names and places from long ago."
You lack a lot of commas that should be there.
You have good structure, but the language is simple.
With stronger vocabulary, you get a deeper meaning.
However, good job. Keep writing.
I really see no set structure.
"Most nights it doesn't come here
But even when it doesn't I don't sleep" This doesn't make sense to do. Should the "doesn't" in the second line be "does?"
You language is very simple, but it fits the poem well.
Adding commas and periods in here would help the structure a lot. Also, if you had a set pattern for your stanzas. I guess the title suits this pretty well. Many people can relate.
"The continuous splatter of gunfire combined with the hammering of 50 caliber machine gun shells destroying the interior walls in this abandoned third floor office in downtown Beirut, was making it harder and harder to hear." I feel like this sentence has too much crammed into it. I know you want to keep the detail in there, but maybe it can be broken down into two separate sentences.
Other than what I pointed out above, this is written very well. You have great structure, sentence flow, and diction. Although, near the end this is sad, I loved this story. You kept me reading from beginning to end, and when I got to the last sentence, I wanted more. Good job and keep writing.
In the second stanza, I think that the first letter of the second and fourth lines shouldn't be capitalized. Since they follow a comma, and aren't the start of a new sentence. AlsI feel as if there should be a comma in the third line of the first paragraph. You write "My love is strong[,] honest, and true." I feel there should be a comma where indicated. Also with this sentence too, "It will always be strong[,] just for you."
Other than that, I adore the love I feel when reading this poem. It's a very sweet and simple poem with so much meaning behind it. I love the rhyme scheme, the rhythm, and the flow you have. Your language is simple, but it fits the poem very well. My favorite part of this poem was:
"My love is strong honest, and true.
It will always be strong just for you."
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this poem. Good job and keep writing.
Again, space out your paragraphs. After looking at your writing before it's revised, and after, it gives you much better structure.
Since you are personifying the alarm clock, and saying it screams, "BEEP BEEP BEEP" should probably be in quotation marks.
"The opossum’s grey fur changed to skin, the pinks nose turned into a human one, and the tail dissolved away." I think you can take the "s" off the end of "pink." Also, since you are mentioning the color of the opossums nose, I feel you should say something like, "...the pink nose changed back to it's normal tan, human one..." I feel like it would complete that sentence a lot better.
"...though he was all she had since her parents died…Zena shook her head." I think you only need one period where the three are.
"A few minutes later Zena found herself in Lorrie’s room. It looked like someone had thrown a pink bomb into Lorrie’s room." Saying "room" at the end of both sentences makes it sound funny. I think it would flow better if you changed the second sentence to: "It looked like someone threw a pink bomb in there."
" She jumped up onto the window seal and jumped out." This sentence also sounds funny. First, "seal" should be "sill." Second, I would suggest something like, "She jumped onto the window still, looked down, and jumped out." Or something along those lines. Having the word "jumped" so close just makes it sound funny.
"“I loved her. I really did[.]” There should be a period where indicated.
"Soon[,] she would have a cure and never again would she have to return to her human form again." There should also be a comma where indicated. Also, notice I changed the sentence a little. Taking a few smaller words out, and adding "return" in.
"“What are you doing?” a young boy around thirteen." I think you need to add either the word "questioned" or "asked" to the end of that sentence. Or else it doesn't make any sense.
"“Are you crazy?” she said confused." She asked, not said. However, it would sound funny if you said, "she asked confused." I suggest saying something like, "she asked in a confused manner."
"... No matter what,” Zane promised[.]" There should be a period where indicated.
"... using the crowbar to smash the window to get in." I think you can leave out the "to get in" in this sentence, because it's clear as to why he smashed the window.
This is such a good idea for a story. The description is great as well. I also love how you had the names Zena and Zane. Perfect for brother and sister. This is filled with such great emotion and action. Good job!