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1,621 Public Reviews Given
1,644 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I think my style is pretty honest. Though I try to find the good in everything, I give accurate ratings that express my opinion of a piece. Whether good or bad, you hopefully will understand my ratings by the end of the review. I give ratings that reflect the quality of the writing with 3 stars meaning "average". I only give 5 stars for items that I genuinely love or items that are more about effort than quality (i.e. folders, contests, forums, blogs, etc).
I'm good at...
Finding the most concise way to rewrite, tweaking structure and format, locating plot holes. Poetry reviews are my specialty. Quality-focused rather than meaning-focused.
Favorite Genres
Free Verse, Scifi, Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Fantasy, Historical
Favorite Item Types
Anything with a short format suits me fine, as I adore short fiction (writing, reading, and reviewing). Book, static item... doesn't matter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Ummm.. Interactives & Campfires.
I will not review...
I generally don't do novel/script reviews unless I know the person. Short work is what I have time for and what I most enjoy.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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What Caught My Eye

Hey, love! You were on the review list for a Game of Thrones battle, and I chose to review you specifically. I figured that I would review your blog, since it's the only thing in your port that I know for sure I have read. Not the entire thing, obviously... but some of it. *Wink* We also have lots of mutual friends, but we don't know each other well. I just figured... why not poke around your port and give you a review?

But then I saw this folder and clicked on it immediately. It has no ratings, so I can remedy that... but I also remember this challenge. I tried (and failed) this challenge over and over again. I'm not much of a form poet. A free verse sort of girl, I guess? So you clearly have done much better than me... more than once. Making a book for them is a nice touch too. I have a book that was originally for this challenge and is now just.. micropoetry of any type.

Thoughts

I have looked through quite a few of these now, and something does stand out to me... you seem to really like those -ING words. *Shock* Like... so many.... so so many. I'm generally of the opinion that most are unnecessary when it comes to poetry. Take "Clouds" for instance.

"solar buffering" - that is amusing because of the technological definition of 'buffering'. It's just an interesting hook.

"soft auras fringe vision" - this is an example of -ING endings as filler. See how perfectly fine that is without the -ING? And it frees up a syllable to do something else.

"gently tethering" - Tethering what? See... this is a case where the use of -ING implies something to come... and nothing comes. "Gently tether(s) us/all" or something would work much much better.

So this is what I mean... they just aren't always a good choice. The first use was, and the others weren't. Just one example, but I'm sure there are others. Sometime, you might want to go through the collection looking for those.

Oh, and folders always deserve 5-stars from me... just for the effort. There is lots of effort here. *Heart*


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127
127
Review of Tweets  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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What Caught My Eye

Alright, love! I haven't reviewed you for a little while, and your name was on the battle list for Game of Thrones... so I chose you. I know you have lots of horror in your port... good enough reason for me. That is what I intended to review. But then... I saw "Tweets" and figured it was Sal's contest. She's one of my besties on WDC. Figured I'd come check out your micro fiction.

Thoughts

Well... the first thing that I'd like to point out is... a book would be convenient for these. I know for sure that the contest accepts book entries now rather than just static items. So... you can make one book, and then add up to... oh, 750 or so with an upgraded membership? It's faster and easier to use a book item, and for pieces this short? Well... very nice and convenient all around.

I did read all of the pieces in here (hey... they're super super short, right?).

"Saying Goodbye" - Wow... this story literally says it all without the last line. Amazingly concise.

"Short Trip" - Very cute twist ending there.

"Game of Throne" - Appropriate title this month (and rather clever in general). Gross... but clever. *Wink*

And that's about it! I have reviewed all of your folders when you first joined... I've also reviewed at least 3-4 of your stories now too. So You know... always a pleasure. *Laugh* Haven't seen you around much lately, so hope all is well!


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128
128
Review of Sci/Fi  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, love! Long time no speak! *Heart* Seems like it has been ages and ages since I poked through your port. I'm working on a review battle for Game of Thrones right now, and your name was on the list... I chose you because I just wanted to see how you were doing. *Wink*

I actually intended to review some of your writing here. I like scifi/horror and whatnot, but once I got to the folder, I couldn't decide which one to read/review. So... I figured that I might as well review the entire folder.

For me, folders always deserve 5 stars unless they're empty and have no title and are just... weird. *Laugh* They are all about the effort rather than the quality of the items inside. So I thought that was a pretty cheerful way to drop by and say hello. No?

There is quite a bit of work in here. Series and novels seem to be your sweet spot in general. I envy your ability to do that.

A few notes here:

1. Your rating for the folder is really E. Folder ratings aren't based on the items housed in the folder but on the title/description/body of the folder item itself.

2. Book items are the opposite. The rating must be high enough to cover every story/chapter/entry in the book. From the image alone, I assume that "Humanities Future Histories" is NOT an E-rated book. It depicts war. Violence is never ever E rated. From the first paragraph, that was confirmed. This is not an E-rated book. At a glance, I'd say 13+ or higher. "We send countless children to their deaths" - That statement alone makes the entire book item 13+.

I'll give you a few days to change this yourself. Once a mod changes it, the change is locked and you may need to adjust it higher for future entries... so I'll give you some time. *Wink*


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Review of Zombie Acitvists  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window. *Flowerw*


Ooooooh... bad poetry folder! *Smirk2* I have a book of these myself, though writing them as a zombie is pretty well genius in my opinion. Love the entire idea there. And it makes perfect sense for bad poems.

I intended to read a few and then review the folder as a whole, but you know... I got sucked into this one and decided that it truly deserved that one star (since it is at 1.5 right now). This one caught my eye because it's the first one, but I clicked on it because I love love love the idea of a zombie activist! *Laugh* That is just... amazing. It's the type of idea that I'd love to play with, either in a story or a poem. I might have to try that (and if I do, I'll tag you in it... since it was your idea really). Ah, inspiration comes in the weirdest places.

This is a pretty awful little piece. It amused me. The last line and the "They held protests signs / so they could eat better brains" bit... so ludicrously out there. I dig it. It is definitely possible for things to be so bad they're good, and I love that sort of thing. This is like the Troma of poetry.

And if you don't know what Troma is... you're in for a treat. Look up Troma movies... you wont be sorry. They go beyond 'so bad they're good' and sail straight to 'so bad they're utter perfection'.

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130
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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window. *Flowerw*


Alright, so now you've got me digging through cNotes. *Laugh* I checked out the animated shop too. I'm not much into animation, but they're cute. These ones though... I like them for the same reason that I liked the "blank card" shop. They're general. Getting overly specific can be pretty difficult to match with whatever you're sending it for.

I also enjoy art, and there are lots of different types of art going on in here. It isn't cohesive all together, but it is a nice variety, which can be helpful too. If you just wander into a cNote shop and don't like the style, you'll wander right back out of there. Here, there is likely something for everyone.

My favorite of these is the cheesecake. It's so very random. *Rolling* "You're Fantastic"... about both the recipient AND the cheesecake? I could actually see myself sending this as a bit of snark if I had to send a cNote to someone I don't know at all or am not a fan of because I would secretly know that the message is about the cheesecake. *Smirk*

Anyway, another fine cNote shop! No idea how many you have, but several more than I do... clearly.


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Review of Any Time C-Notes  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window. *Flowerw*


Hi! *Smile* I'm poking through your port for Min's review thing. I saw the "blank for all occasions" bit of the description and decided to give the shop a look. Sometimes, I hate looking for an appropriate cNote shop. And there are tons of them that have general images but say "Thank you!" or "Congratulations" as a subject... which basically ruins the functionality of that basic 'pretty' image.

Just a simple daisy image with "For You"? Sold. I added your cNote shop to my favorites so that I wont have to look around forever next time I need to send one. I'm super into "all purpose".

Of course, I could make my own cNote shop. I only have one... and mine is full of flowers and nature photography as well. I took all the photos myself, wrote free verse snippets on each one related to creativity, and saved them all as sort of... inspiration for a friend whose muse abandoned them or something? In theory anyway. Really, it was just a fun, creative project for me. *Laugh*

And anyway, now that I've found yours, I don't need to do it myself. *Wink* I also appreciate that you're not overcharging for them. Not that I can't afford 1500gp for a cNote... but it's the principle of the thing.



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Review of Drawings  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, love! *Smile* I was just looking for some newbie items to review that wouldn't require tons of reading (since I've given over 20 reviews today... lots of reading). So, I looked through the newest folders. This one just happened to be on the list.

You can't get less reading than images, right? *Laugh* Honestly, I think this is a really cool idea. I've never made an illustration for anything I've written. Of course, I also rarely write fiction... I'm a poetry person. Still though... I love the idea.

I thought about digging out my paints and charcoals to create artwork based on my poetry actually... just a few months ago. I think you've rekindled that idea for me. So I just wanted to say thank you with some purple stars for your port. I just reviewed a folder earlier that had been sitting in the guy's port for TWELVE years with no ratings or reviews. It's rare. Might as well do it when I think of it. *Wink*

I did look at the maps too. Very cool. Part of your process, or is it for one of those world builder competitions around here? I know that's sometimes a requirement for those types of things.



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133
Review of Short Stories  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Rolling* Well, I can see where your muse prefers to take you. 41 poems... and 2 hidden stories? That's one heck of a divide! *Ha*

I'm much the same way though. I have hundreds of poems in my port... I have I don't even know how many poetry folders, and also a poetry blog with hundreds of poems. And my story folder is like... 15 maybe? We write what we write.

Regardless, the folder is in your main port, and for the sake of completion, it ought to have a bit of color. So here is 5-stars for the effort of writing these two stories. Who knows, maybe you'll write a few more sometime? *Wink*

Happy anniversary!

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Review of Nature: God's Art  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy anniversary! *Smile* Big number 12 is it? A nice long while. I saw you in the list and knew that I hadn't reviewed you before. So... I decided to come peruse. For anniversaries, I like to review odd item types that rarely get attention... especially folders. Why? This folder is an excellent example of why... it was made in 2004 and has never been rated. No one thinks to do it.

Besides, look at the volume of work in here! 41 poems? That is a whole lot of effort that is easily deserving of 5-stars. So... here's the rating it deserves. As a collection, it is quite impressive!


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135
135
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I meant to stop raiding your port after the last review, but I gave it one more look to make sure everything was rated... and I noticed that this folder has 4-stars. Personally, I always think a folder deserves 5-stars unless it's empty... because it's about the effort not the quality of all the writing inside it.

I don't understand the rating here. The average rating of the stories inside it is higher than the rating on the folder? Foolish. I'll assume a newbie swung by and rated it low because they didn't understand "where the story is" or something. It happens to me all the time. *Wink*

And I guess this review might help bounce it back up a bit.



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136
136
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh! And another starless folder! Why not rate this one too? Then you'll have a full set of flashy purple... look all sleek and whatnot. *Wink*

Alaska... there are lots of poems and stories buried in the snow up there, I'm sure. Maine has similarly inspired many poems for me. Something about outdoorsy areas... practical people... hard work and fresh air and all of that. Even if you're not the one working, it's just in the atmosphere or something.

Anyway, I am positive that I have read some of these. It's quite a collection... definitely deserving of 5 stars for the effort. I, for one, miss giving you up for those long Alaska trips, but it's wonderful to have a place to get away and recharge the old batteries. *Heart* Especially if it is inspiring for you.


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Review of Philosophy 101  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I decided that I have to do one more anniversary review. You know... I like to give people happy-fun reviews rather than helpful critiques for their anniversaries. Seems weird to "gift" someone a 3 star review or something.

Anyway, I saw that your philosophy folder has no ratings, so I might as well do that, right? I actually love philosophy in general. I write about it and talk about it from time to time. It was the only "frivolous" class that I ever decided to take all through college... I enjoy it that much.

Besides that, I actually quite enjoy your philosophical tidbits. They make me smile, more often than not. The practicality of them. I actually have a few Geoff-isms jotted down in my private quote book on here, where I keep inspirational/amusing keepsakes. I don't doubt that there are some real gems in here. *Heart*



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138
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Geoff! *Heart* I figured that I might as well review this book too, since I'm working on some anniversary reviews anyway. You know... I clearly have read enough in here to feel more than comfortable reviewing it.

This is just one of those books that make me happy. This is sort of... your own "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. You know? Everyone should really have a place to jot things down... save some drafts... type up some nonsense... vent it out. You know. Just to be themselves and whatnot.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say. If someone looks through this book and can't find anything of interest, they might just have a stick hidden in a narrow space. My two cents. *Wink*


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139
Review of For Puppy Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi, love! *Wink* Just trying to get some stuff done. For "The Challenge" Open in new Window., I need to review an item in the Animal genre (*Facepalm*), and I have a bunch more newbie reviews to do this month. So... two birds, one stone. Or maybe... three birds, one stone (since I also get to review a friend... always a bonus).

Oh, and unrelated but before it's lost in the depths of my inbox... that donation thing you asked about? *Right* "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.


What Caught My Eye

Honestly? It's short, in the animal genre, and written by you... who I knew was a newbie. That's like for checkcheckcheckchecks right there.

Favorite Aspects

It's cute... I like the personification. I like the conflict. It works as far as the story itself goes. That alone is a feat for a 100 word story. The writing itself though... that could use some love.

Grammar / Syntax

"of what was waiting" - "of what awaited"

This means the same thing and saves you a word, and when you have 100 words, you might as well make them all count. I'd change "arose" to "rose" too, by the way. "Arose" is even more archaic... and very "Twas the Night Before Christmas". *Wink*

"But she could see through the blood that wasn't true." - the blood wasn't true? That's what it says. "But through the blood, she could see..."

In general, there is a whole lot of passive verbs going on in here... was/is and the like. Boring. Even "knew" (used twice) is a dull choice. Where's the action? There's only one action verb in here that is a physical and exciting type of word. This is where poetry helps... word choice. Even stories are really about word choice when you come down to it. Using action will also force you to show us what's happening rather than just telling us. Most of this is telling not showing.

Effect

I somehow doubt that you're interested in revising this piece. I have some oddities like this tucked away from my newbie days too... and then never get edited. But at any rate... you're doing me a favor just by getting this animal review off my plate. *Laugh*


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Review of The Jester Poems  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Alright... one more review before I make myself useful and get something done out in that big non-computerized world. This caught my eye because it is in your highlighted items. I have a few series of poems myself that are linked by a concept or location, but having an entire set about a character... interesting. I also just read a narrative poem and did a 4k character review for it an hour or so ago... so I wanted to see how yours differed. *Wink*

Interesting stuff. I have read a few of your poems before, but I don't recall ever reading more than one in a sitting. I read a few of these. The titles that really jumped out at me were "The Jester Created" and "The Jester's Lie". I also read "The Jester", since I wanted to get the broadest view of who the character really is.

Overall, seems like an interesting project. And yes, I keep saying "interesting", but that's because I have no better word for it. I didn't read the entire collection... the pieces I read didn't move me, but they were engaging in their way. It's all just... "of interest". *Wink* Anyway, the effort of creating an entire collection like this deserves 5 stars in my book, and you know that I like to give 5-star happy reviews for anniversaries. *Laugh*

Cheers, love! Hope you had a great one!


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC Anniversary, Jim! *Heart* What kind of monster would I be if I didn't review the keeper of "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window. during his anniversary month? Okay, so that's a whole lot of "anniversary". *Laugh* I'm also working on "The Challenge" Open in new Window. right now and needed to comment/review a few 2015 Quill nominees for Best Blog. Yours is one of the only ones that I've never reviewed or commented on or... read. I honestly don't recall ever coming here before. I'm a prompt blogger myself. Writing about my day-to-day life is just... doesn't flow for me.

For both reasons, your blogging style is quite refreshing for me. You write a real journal, and you write pretty consistently from the look of it. Just... here and there when you have a new adventure. Your travels are quite interesting. I wish my father-in-law would do this... he is out of the country more than he is stateside. It would be excellent to see.

Anyway, I also appreciate the added "If you ever come here, check out this place" comments and reviews... and the pictures are great! *Heart* I can see why you were nominated.


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142
142
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Nbnelson2 Author Icon! Congratulations on being chosen for the Newbies Academy Showcase this month. *Thumbsup*

What Caught My Eye

I review newbies every month anyway (lots and lots of them) and figured that you and the other Showcase members might as well get reviews. I was super pleased when I landed in your portfolio and discovered nothing but poetry. I feel right at home here. *Wink*

This one caught my eye mostly because I enjoy reading science fiction and whatnot, so space imagery makes me happy. I figured this might have some.

Favorite Aspects

The middles two lines are the strongest:

Move unseen stars
In hidden galaxies

The line breaks are very predictable, but the flow is tight and the metaphor is clear.

Language / Word Choice

"Thoughts rushing out from me" is not a great hook. "Out from" is a double preposition (which tends to sound conversational, and this poem is not written in conversational tone)... but it is also an awkward phrase in general. It is harder to say "out from" than "out of".

Also, "rushing" does nothing to hook me, whereas "rush" is very engaging.

"Thoughts rush from me" - that is the ideal opening statement. Cut the bulk and let the words sing. It might require a minor tweak later in the structure, but it is worth it to hook your audience. I nearly closed the piece.

Imagery

The aspen trees struck me as a strange choice. Is there some relation between that image and the rest of the piece?

Technical / Grammar / Syntax

This isn't punctuated properly, and since it is currently a one-sentence poem, why wouldn't you punctuate it? Seems sort of... glaringly absent. The capitalized lines are also an archaic sort of choice for a full-sentence poem. Generally, poetry today written in complete sentences use sentence-case. At least, I can't even remember the last time I saw a professional piece that did this.

Effect

Overall, I like the message. The flow is tight. The rhyme of 'trees/galaxies' is ill-advised (either end-rhyme throughout or don't... using it willy-nilly reads like a mistake), but some different line breaks would help there... and also make the poem a bit more dynamic. Basically, there are some oddities, but this is a really nice first draft. Lots to work with here. Good luck with future revisions, love! *Heart*


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Review of 40_Flash Fiction  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, flyfishercacher Author Icon! Congrats on being chosen for the Newbies Academy Showcase this month! *Smile*

I review newbies all the time (15 or more every month), and I thought that I might as well shoot off a review to each of you that are in the showcase this month. *Thumbsup* When I got to your portfolio, I intended to review some actual writing. I mean, that is generally what people review, right? But then I saw your star-less folder here.

Folders are just one of those item types that rarely get reviewed. I've seen folders that are like 10 years old and have never been reviewed... so they just sit there looking naked. I like to review them for anniversaries and birthdays... happy occasions. It's sort of a fluffy-happy thing to do. My philosophy is that folders deserve 5-stars because they're about the effort. You've only been here for a few months, and this folder already has 7 items in it. That is effort deserving of some purple stars.

It looks like people are enjoying your flash fiction too. Your lowest rating is 3.5, which is above average. And they have improved from the earliest to the latest too, so perhaps the reviews are helping you write better... that's the goal! *Heart*

Nice variety as well. It's nice to see new people utilizing the genre listings... it will definitely help more people find your work. I think "Contest Entry" is sort of a throw-away one, since people probably don't search for it often (I know I don't), but the others are well-chosen from the look of the stories. I might have to come back and give that ghost story a read. 5 reviews... 5 star rating... ghosts. Sounds good to me. Not sure about that inspirational bit, but you caught my attention.

Okay, so that's it really. A long rambling review that really amounts to this: Keep up the good work, and here's 5 stars for your folder to make it look pretty. *Wink* I'm sure that I'll be back sooner or later. I do adore flash fiction!

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, MelanKoliK Ben Author Icon! Congrats on being in the Newbies Academy Showcase this month. *Thumbsup*


What Caught My Eye

Well, this is not the first time I've been in your portfolio (clearly, I gave you an awardicon for your port!), but I believe it is the first time I've ever given you a review. Generally, I look through portfolios hoping for poetry. Generally, I review very little aside from poetry, and because I've been a freelance writer for years, reading/editing/talking about nonfiction articles feels like work. *Laugh*

So... I looked through your port and found the one that had the least work-like feel. Which, ironically, is about jobs. *Wink* Cute idea for an item, really.

Favorite Aspects

Beyond the fact that the item exists and is inherently entertaining? *Ha* Well, I suppose that my favorites are:

Cinema Public Liaison Officer
Educational Enhancement Coordinator

Both are over-the-top and ridiculous. What teacher's do is just an "enhancement"? I imagine that some teachers might even find that offensive, since parents don't always teach their children anything at home these days (or so I've heard several friends complain). *Wink* Fancy titles... they're sort of like euphemisms... a good idea in theory, but in reality, pretty stupid and unnecessary. Let's all just complicate language as much as possible... Okay? Thanks! *Facepalm*

Technical

To be honest, I still haven't figured out why that gap exists between the first and second word of each title. For some of them, the word seems to just indicate the trade and not be part of the title itself while others require the first word to make sense as a title. Example:

Not needed: "Professional          Flooring Specialist" - You can't be a professional specialist. That's just... weird. It's like saying "I'm a chef restaurant owner"... the second implies the first (generally) and the second is BETTER. It is better to be a specialist (implies a high level of expertise and experience) than a professional (implies some lesser amount of training and/or skill).

Needed: "Front          Line Customer Support Facilitator" - Not only is "Front" needed for the title to make sense, you need the following word. In fact, "Front-Line" would be hyphenated if grammatically correct.

And... these things have been driving me nuts. The only reason I even noticed? That huge gap between the first and second words. There is no reason for it, and I found it super distracting (obviously... it made me question these rather than just having fun with the list). If you just want to make it look less like a wall of text, I'd suggest this formatting:

{b}Unaffiliated Communications Decoding Specialist:{/b}
{indent}Freelance translator
{b}Logistical Navigation Technology Facilitator:{/b}
{indent}Dispatcher
{b}Executive Apprentice:{/b}
{indent}Secretary

Which will look like this:

Unaffiliated Communications Decoding Specialist:
         Freelance translator
Logistical Navigation Technology Facilitator:
         Dispatcher
Executive Apprentice:
         Secretary

Effect

Overall, I was amused by the list... and also frustrated by the list because I kept trying to figure out why the space was there. *Facepalm* I guess I'm just... easily distracted.


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Review of Epiphany at Dawn  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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What Caught My Eye

Back for one more review for that "Fantasy and Science Fiction Society" Open in new Window. challenge! And... back to poetry. You write lots of it... I review lots of it. No sense straying too far from the old comfort zone, right? *Laugh*

To be honest here, what caught my eye was the word list: blush, blossom, blew, blaze, black, bled, blue, blistering.

That is a horrific prompt. There is over-the-top alliteration, and then there is THAT. Honestly, I don't think I could have done it without annoying myself.

Favorite Aspects

My favorite aspect... you used that insane alliteration without making me want to shoot myself. *Laugh* Seriously, you spread them out pretty well and used them in interesting enough ways to not be tedious. That is an amazing feat, really. There is still one too many in the first stanza (for my taste), but it's alright.

Language / Word Choice

"blush of dawn" / "winds of dawn blew" - This seemed very repetitive to me, and not in a good or helpful way. It also called attention to those "bl-" words.

I also appreciate the use of "interstellar" and "intergalactic" here, as they are used in ways that work for their meanings. Seems like some people just think they are synonyms for "space" or "galaxy" or "universe"... they're not.

Flow / Rhythm

I stumbled hard over that second to last line. I'd probably rebreak those lines a bit to improve the flow. My suggestion (though you don't have to take it):

which penetrates even the black
void of intergalactic space
with its blistering beauty.

"black" isn't really needed there.

Imagery

I love that second stanza. That is probably my favorite bit of imagery. Great use of that "blue" required word as well.

Originality

I think that some of your phrases are very original and creative while others are a bit stagnant and predictable. A few cliche/uninteresting phrases:

winds of dawn
radiant splendor
across the battle field
darkness surrounds and / embraces

All of these sounded like... par for the course. They're fitting and suitable, but they're the most obvious choices. There might be opportunities to create something fresh and interesting in there.

Effect

Overall, I think this is a decent draft. I feel like it might as well be one of my own first drafts because the mix is just like mine. You have a few cool lines... and one stellar (no pun intended) stanza. The rest could be scrapped or reworked. That is about how my rough drafts usually turn out too. Sometimes I rework them... other times I just strip the good parts and write something new. Regardless of what you do with the rest, that second stanza gets 5-stars from me.

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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Hi, Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon! I'm working on a challenge for "Fantasy and Science Fiction Society" Open in new Window. and have to review a few group members. I've reviewed your poetry before and know that the quality is pretty high, so I decided to check your port. I don't think that I've ever actually read one of your stories? I might as well give one a shot.


What Caught My Eye

Really, the title is what caught my attention first. It sounds creepy. When I saw the horror/death genres, that was enough for me to click on it.

Favorite Aspects

I think it's clear that you write poetry, even in your prose. I would say that it is true for more of my stories too. It's the uniqueness of phrasing. I enjoyed that.

Intro & Ending

I like to talk about the ending and intro if I have something to say. They determine if a reader will continue reading and leave satisfied, respectively... so they're important. I thought that the story was fun here, but I wasn't entirely satisfied with the ending. I think part of that is the "heard it before" last line.

"A shiver ran up her spine as she descended into the grave."

That is pretty generic. Even in this story, you use others:

"sending [icicles] up Vera's spine" - first line
"Shivering in fear"

So, by the final use... it feels a bit tired. Use that poetic squint of yours to leave people with a quirky and memorable note. I am positive that you can do that.

Style / Tone

There was a bit more telling than showing in here. Your descriptions are nice, but they didn't drag me into the story. For instance, the third and fourth stanzas are almost entirely 'telling'. I'm not a huge fan of the "show don't tell" rule because there is a time and place for telling. Here, you might want to mix it up a bit more.

Grammar / Syntax

"sending ice cycles up Vera's spine" - should this not be "icicles"? I stumbled over that pretty hard... and since it's in the very first sentence, it might be a good idea to give that a look.

"This night" - The entire first paragraph is in past tense, as is the second. "This" indicates the present. The phrase isn't really necessary, but if you want to keep it, the "this" should be changed to "that".

Effect

Overall, I think this is an alright draft of a story. It could use a little TLC sometime if you feel like it, but it's serviceable. I know that I rarely seem to return to edit these types of contest entries, but you know... it might be worth another look.



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147
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Review of Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, Ben Author Icon! *Smile* Looks like you've settled into the site nicely... finding your way around quite well from the look of things. I saw your folder question in Tech Support (I'm a mod... so I look in there frequently just to see if everyone has been assisted). Why not swing by and see what you've done to your port since I was last here?

You reviewed one of my poems, so I intended to review one of yours in return. And I could do that... but I am not your intended audience for sure. Spiritual and religious... I'm neither of those things. *Ha* And besides, you have had lots of reviews on them already. They appear to be very VERY well-received as well!

So anyway, I figured that since I was here, I might as well review your poetry folder. It makes your port look more complete to have stars on everything, and folders often sit unreviewed for years (I review folders now and then that have gone unreviewed for over 10 years!). So... I think it's a nice thing to do, if not the most helpful. *Laugh*

I have a feeling that you'll be filling your port up in no time at all. You're off to a really good start on this folder. Poetry... a novel... multiple short stories. I suppose that next, you'll end up making another folder for the short stories, hmm?

I also wonder if maybe you will end up with a more diverse set of poetry types and genres after a while. It might widen your reader base, but you know... writers write what comes to them. All is looking good. Keep doing what you're doing because you seem to be doing fine! *Thumbsup*

I might as well review the one other item in your port with no rating too. *Wink*

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
You already know what I think of this contest, right? *Laugh* I sort of spelled it out the other day in my newsfeed post. I hope that you got some entries and support out of that. If not, no matter! Give it some time. You're new and the contest is new. It will take off in its own time.



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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, and here are all of your own personal fables, hmmm? I'll have to come back here and look through them sometime. It's such a cute idea. Aside from one fable that I had to write in school once, I've never really attempted it. Maybe one day.

Looks like people like them at any rate! Look at all those stars!



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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!

I just wanted to give you a few quick folder reviews. If no one comes along and reviews folders, they tend to sit starless for a very long time. *Wink*

Two drafts so far... not bad really. I'm sure it will fill up in no time! *Heart*



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