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1,621 Public Reviews Given
1,644 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I think my style is pretty honest. Though I try to find the good in everything, I give accurate ratings that express my opinion of a piece. Whether good or bad, you hopefully will understand my ratings by the end of the review. I give ratings that reflect the quality of the writing with 3 stars meaning "average". I only give 5 stars for items that I genuinely love or items that are more about effort than quality (i.e. folders, contests, forums, blogs, etc).
I'm good at...
Finding the most concise way to rewrite, tweaking structure and format, locating plot holes. Poetry reviews are my specialty. Quality-focused rather than meaning-focused.
Favorite Genres
Free Verse, Scifi, Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Fantasy, Historical
Favorite Item Types
Anything with a short format suits me fine, as I adore short fiction (writing, reading, and reviewing). Book, static item... doesn't matter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Ummm.. Interactives & Campfires.
I will not review...
I generally don't do novel/script reviews unless I know the person. Short work is what I have time for and what I most enjoy.
Public Reviews
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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile* 15 years later... and you're still right here on WDC. Well, you have been here pretty recently anyway. That is pretty amazing. The only items you have are around 14 years old and haven't been touched since then. I figured that reviewing them now would probably be pretty pointless, but I wanted to give you a quick review to say happy 15th... so folder review it is!

Some things I Like:

I notice that two of the items in this folder (Chapter 2 and "Way back") are labeled as Fanfiction. That got me wondering what this was based on. I googled "Sam and Josie", and all it came up with was Never Been Kissed. Is that what they're based on? I've seen the movie quite a few times, but it never would have occurred to me!

At any rate, I assume that you are one of the site's many many interactives folks. I have quite a few friends here who are only interested in creating and participating in interactive stories. It is a pretty unique experience. Perhaps I should give it a real try sometime. I've never collaborated on fiction before. *Laugh*

Observations & Suggestions:

Obviously, people must really like your interactive chapters to suggest adding them to your portfolio. I'm glad they did anyway because it gives people something to review... an easy way for them to leave a "Hey, I was here!" message. *Wink* Happy anniversary!


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile* 15 years! That is just... craziness.

Some things I Like:

Anyway, I decided to give this item a peek because I tend to like parodies of classic poetry. I'm not a huge Dickinson fan, but I have read her complete works multiple times and knew that I would recognize them. I am perhaps not the complete ideal audience, but I'm probably pretty close.

Observations & Suggestions:

The first is actually lovely in its own right. I wouldn't call that one a parody so much because it's not really... funny? Not even like, "Oh, that's clever" smile-worthy funny.

The second is obviously the more recognizable of the two, thanks to keeping that first line intact. The cuteness of the second line belies the cleverness that comes after it. The lack of changes to the first line isn't thrilling, the second line is cute but doesn't flow well at all, and the last two lines are excellent.

I doubt that you'll bother revising poems this old, but either way, I figured I'd leave you a few thoughts. If you did feel like giving these another look sometime, I'd focus my efforts on the first two lines of that second poem. Happy anniversary! *Heart*

*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! Proton I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Favorite Aspects

I think that you have some nice variety in your word choice. I always appreciate the use of strong word choice... meditating, slumber, lampposts, etc. Good strong words.

Language / Word Choice

I got a bit bored with shadow dancing with the light of morning, lampposts, and moon. That opening line struck me as a bit stale on the first read. I've read similar lines before (and have probably written similar lines as well). Using generic sorts of ideas is forgivable in the middle of a poem... we all do it sometimes. Using it as the introduction for every stanza? Not so awesome.

The repetition of "Along the buildings" is sort of a poor choice too because it isn't used very well. People sleep "along" the buildings? What? huddled around the base on cardboard boxes? Dropping the "people" and using "the elder person" was a jarring and awkward change too. Repetition needs to be spot-on for me because I am very sensitive to repetition... this is not spot-on.

"Rushing to their jobs" / "the hordes rush on" -- this is needless repetition. We get it... people are rushing around. In the opening stanza, it is important to utilize your space well. To be entirely honest, I wasn't a fan of the opening stanza and didn't feel "hooked" at all until I mentally removed that "day after day" line.

The shadows danced with the morning light,
Along the buildings and the people below
Rushing to their jobs lest they be late.
Day after day the hordes rush on
Not wondering if, perhaps,
There is more.

The people are concerned about being late... but they do not wonder if there is more! That is a powerful statement. I love it. By the time I read through the cliched "day after day" and read again about the people rushing, I had forgotten how the last line ended. This works SO well that it's shocking: "lest they be late. Not wondering if, perhaps, there is more". In short, get the needless line out of there.

Flow / Rhythm

In case you need one more reason to ax that unneeded line from the first stanza: That full stop period on line three created an unexpected and rather unpleasant pause for me. I am very much a fan of visual poetry, and because of the slope of those lines, I expected a smooth flow from first to last. That did not happen, which is a shame.

Cutting the "day after day" line makes a visual break in the taper of that stanza... people will expect a pause there.

Effect

I think that this is a alright draft, but if you want it to be better than "decent", it seems like one of those pieces that will require you to "kill your darlings", as the saying goes. Those repeated stanza openings are dragging this poem down. They're not unique or fresh. The repetition is meant to progress (changing from one to the next in a meaningful way), but it fails at any true progression. It is always difficult to part with what you believe is important, but honestly... in this piece, the PEOPLE are important, not the shadows dancing with a light source along buildings.

My final advice here: Think about what purpose those lines serve, and then rewrite. Is the line meant to connect city life with nature? Write something less generic that will serve the same purpose and (personal preference) tell us once. The poem will get an instant facelift and hook readers with something truly unique. This one is worth the extra effort. It could be an excellent poem.


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

What Caught My Eye

I obviously read all of the contest entries regardless of title and description. *Wink* I have to say though that I would never have clicked on this poem because of the title. All caps looks unprofessional and made me think that the poem would be low quality, full of "LOL" and "............." and so forth. The two exclamation points seem to confirm the point. When writing, double prepositions are not used in a polished piece. The poem inside is much much better than the title would indicate. I'd suggest changing that title to "I Hate the Entirety".

Language / Word Choice

That repetition is really ineffective. By the time the first stanza was over, the words "I hate" had lost all meaning. The repetition itself is pretty painful ("I hate the I hate the I hate the I hate the I hate the I hate the I hate the" sounds awful), but it also causes the structure to stagnate. The lines are all self contained, one thought to a line. Boring. It begins to read sort of like a grocery list around the "I hate the way you blink your eyes, I hate the way that smile stretches, I hate the lovely moment" stanza. And honestly, can you hear how tedious these lines sound?

The shock here for me was that some of your word choice and phrasing is actually solid, despite the egregious repetition of a boring phrase. I was truly amazed. After you get through that obligatory "I hate the", you sometimes get a lovely and poetic phrase. I recommend cutting the filler repetition and letting what you're actually saying be the star here.

Effect

I would normally go through some very specific tips of fixing troublesome areas of flow, missed opportunities for imagery, and so forth. This piece is very long and the "I hate the" is so distracting that I just cannot do it. I'm very sensitive to repetition, I suppose. Good luck with your revisions!

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Review of Melting Snow  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, love! *Smile* I'm reviewing blogs for Aqua's merit badge birthday bash thing, and part of the challenge is to review one leader's blog for Blog City... yours, Charlie's, or Lyn's. I've already reviewed Charlie's blog and Lyn's blog. I thought that I had already reviewed yours as well, but I guess I didn't. I believe that it might have been your poetry blog rather than your regular blog. I seem to recall putting a purple awardicon next to a purple snowflake on some blog or other-- whose could it be but yours? *Wink*

Yup! I decided to peek through your trophy case (faster than digging through your port). I knew that I wasn't just going crazy. I reviewed "The Snowflake Chronicles" ! *Laugh*

Anyway, I have read a whole lot of your blog entries now because of 30 Day Blogging Challenge. I've only been in 30DBC for a few months (since the beginning of July), but I have gathered that you are one (if not the) most consistent blogger in the group. Your entries are always there, always on time, and of the same sort of quality.

I like your style. In part, I like it because it is the opposite of mine. Yours are thoughtful and concise. They read as though you thought about the topic, decided what you wanted to say about it, and then did that-- no more, no less. They are a pleasure to read. Mine are thoughtful but I just decided what route to take and then ramble on about it. No one could accuse me of being concise when blogging, that is for sure. *Wink*

That is about it. I like your blog because it is so unlike everyone else's... it is just... you. And you write for all of these groups on a consistent basis, which is amazing. And you have a very sweet way of reminiscing and writing stories from your life in a way that the reader feels... included. It's lovely. *Heart* I'll be back (and not just because you write for the same prompts as me).

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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Aaaaaw! *Heart* Thank you so much, love! I really appreciate the kind words. *Blush* I don't know about "the patience of a saint", but I sure try to do my best! There are so many new people joining WDC all the time, and not everyone learns at the same pace. I have had new people catch on very quickly and others who need a bit more help. I like helping people at their own pace.

You have come so far since you first joined! It is an amazing transformation, and you will continue learning how to do new things... and forgetting and relearning how to do some of the things you know right now too. *Facepalm* Believe me, I still have to look up stuff now and then-- "Where is that thing again?" or "What is the rule for X?" or "How do I make that link?". *Laugh* You always have someone to ask, newbie or not. Just give me a shout.

Funny that you mention River and Patrece ~ too. River was one of the newbies who I kept a close eye on and became a really good friend. Patrece was one of my newbie mentees as well and became one of my absolute favorite people on WDC. *Smile* It makes me very happy to know that newbies who received guidance are offering it to other people too. Who knows, love... one day, you might be helping a newbie figure out how WDC works. *Wink*

Anyway, thanks again! I very much appreciate your kind words. *Heart* You're such a sweet lady. I appreciate your friendship and hope you stick around WDC for a long, long time. *Smile*



*Bat1* This review is being given as part of the "Black Magic Birthday Review Bash" , presented by "The Dark Society"  *Bat2*


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Review of Never Tell a Lie  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, love! Just a quickie review I think. I'm reviewing children's stories for a challenge. This might be the first time I've ever reviewed a story you wrote...? Weird. *Laugh*

That opening line is a perfect hook. It introduces Mary and Bobby surprisingly well... a great example of concise writing (and you know how much I love that!). From that one short line, we know that Mary is a younger sister to Bobby, and it seems rather clear that Bobby is picking on her. Nicely done.

I had so many fights/conversations like this with my brother growing up. Both my older and younger brother in fact! Not super pleasant memories, but oh well. The topic and ending are both slightly dark. The girl's fear and feelings that her parents loved Bobby more are just... a little sad I guess. What age group were you shooting for here? The little girl is only 6, but I'm not entirely sure that I'd want my 6 year old to read it because it could be upsetting. Maybe.

I don't know. You've had more mommy experience than I have, so what do I know? You also know quite well that I love dark stuff. Kids in my stories routinely get tortured in one way or another, so by comparison, this still seems light to me. Very realistic. Anyway! No need for changes really. I like the piece. It's a nice flash. As a children's story, I'm not 100% sure. *Laugh*

This review is being given as part of the "Black Magic Birthday Review Bash" , presented by "The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I'm reviewing some children's stories and ran across yours. This is sort of a darling little story. It was such an easy read that it seemed to go by quickly, which is essential for a children's book. To keep a busy child's attention, you need lots of action, and you provided that. It was also told in a linear way. 'We did this. When we finished, we did that.' It works well.

I really like lots of the details in here too. For instance, "our shirts sagging full of strawberries". You can instantly envision that, and it would also make a nice illustration.

The only thing this needs really is a thorough revision for grammar and awkwardness. I can use the same for instance, actually: "our shirts sagging full" is awkward. "Our sagging shirts full of strawberries" is less awkward. It's these little things that will make the biggest difference. Clarity is super important in a story for children. The grammar is just some basics... missing commas and that sort of thing. Very fixable. Anyway, thanks for the nice read! I enjoyed it! *Smile*

This review is being given as part of the "Black Magic Birthday Review Bash" , presented by "The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey, love! I intended to come into your port and review a poem, since it has been a while, but then I saw that your poetry journal has less than 5 stars. I always think that's a shame for a book with so many entries, especially from someone who knows how to write poetry. I think that I might have done something similar the last time I came to your port all intent on reviewing a poem. I get side-tracked.

So how about this (which has always been the case, whether you knew it or not): I enjoy your poetry. It has a freshness, even in the most traditional of forms. You also use very deliberate word choice, which is always preferable in my opinion. If you ever want to run a poem by someone to see if things are working as intended or need a second set of eyes, all you have to do is ask. Who needs full reviews when you can just find out what you need when you need it? You know I wont just, ummm, "blow sunshine", as the saying goes.

That said, here is a quickie 5-star rating for your poetry journal. I read through the most recent (back through September 2014 because that is where they started looking familiar). Some nice stuff, solid exercises, and excellent phrasing, as always. Much love! *Heart*

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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I forgot all about this review! *Shock* I started it on the same day as the last one that I did for you, but then I had some phone calls to make and saved it. I only just now remembered it, so... just thought I'd explain why I'm writing another review when I haven't responded to your revisions yet. *Laugh* Anyway, here is the review:

Okay, so I decided to poke around in your port and see what else you were writing. It looks like you're more of a story writer than poet, is that right? I wouldn't have guessed that.

Favorite Aspects

Your rhymes are 100% effortless! I love love love your use of assonance rather than rhyme in the opening stanza (i.e. gaze/rain). It's not even a slant rhyme, but I adore it. I imagine that some people would dislike that because it throws of the rhyme scheme... I couldn't care less. It's a fabulous cheat. I love slant rhymes and assonance. Rhymey rhymes like fly/sky/lie/die are boring more often than not.

Language / Word Choice

"trashed up" made me stumble a little bit. I think it's just because that is a compoud adjective and should be hyphenated. If the sidewalks are "trashed up", then it should be "trashed-up sidewalks".

"I was feeling" is passive voice, but the flow is so smooth that it works very well here. As much as I'd like to see an active verb in there, I think the flow is too good to change.

Flow / Rhythm

This is one of your strong suits. Your sense of rhythm is solid. The difficulty for you will be keeping the flow intact when you edit a piece. That is a slightly different skill, but I'm sure that you'll master it in no time. A natural sense of rhythm is super helpful.

Imagery

This is the weakest aspect for me, quirky oddities aside. Dance is all about movement, but you only showed us the tiniest amount of imagery imaginable, considering the topic. Related but not "imagery": spacing. You could arrange your lines in such a way that they flow and move with a grace of their own, but then, I love spatial techniques in poetry-- I can't fault you for not doing that. I just thought I'd mention it because it would work well here.

Originality

I've never read a piece exactly like this, which is refreshing. I'd say the level of originality is good.

Technical / Grammar / Syntax

"There's an answer, dance espouses" -- this comma is unneeded and awkward. I had to read the line multiple times to figure out why it was there and what I was missing. As it turns out, I wasn't missing anything... it's just a stray comma. *Laugh* The confusion came in because I wondered if it was supposed to be "Beyond XYZ, there is an answer: Dance espouses", but that makes little sense as its own message... dance supports? Sorta works but not really. Anyway... no comma. It causes more trouble than it's worth.

Effect

I liked this one a whole lot on first read. It is still a very nice piece after giving it a few days (or a week or however long it has been *Wink*). That smooth flow is like butter. Gotta love that! I might as well respond to your revisions of the last poem here as well, though you might guess what I'll say: I like the word choice tweaks, but the flow isn't as smooth as it was before the edits. No big deal... just keep tweaking and smoothing. Half the fun of poetry is in the revisions-- just always always always save a draft, no matter how minor the tweaks seem to be.

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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello. *Smile* I'm one of the judges for the July 2015 round of "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"  and thought it would be nice to offer everyone some quick feedback on their entries.

What I enjoyed about your piece:

I think you did a pretty solid job with your characterization. For such a short story, I feel like I got to know the main characters pretty well.

The amount of dialogue you used pushed the story along really nicely.

Things that could use a little work:

There are some grammatical issues in this piece. I had to look no further than the first few words before I saw my first.

"King Grail waved with a smiling face to his subjects"

This is a dangling modifier. He waved a face? No. "With a smiling face" modifies "King Grail" not 'waved'. So it should be "With a smiling face, King Grail waved". The piece could use a thorough grammar edit, but I would strongly recommend fixing that opening line, even if you don't get around to editing the rest for a while. First impressions are your hook, after all.

On a side note, there is a fair amount of passive voice in this piece that would be very very easy to make active, which is more engaging for readers. "Flags were waving", for instance, could just as easily be "Flags waved".

Though I like using dialogue for characterization and to move the story along, it could have used a smidge more detail in the non-dialogue sections, but I greatly prefer too much dialogue to too much description any day! I can't complain too much about the lack of detail.

Overall effectiveness:

I think that this is a pretty good first draft. It could use some more detail, setting, varied sentence structure, and so forth.. just to make it read less like, well, a conversation broken here and there with story elements. With a bit more detail to make it a richer, fuller story and a thorough revision for grammar, I think this could be an excellent story. For the contest, I think it fits the prompt well too. Good luck!

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Review of Shark attack  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello. *Smile* I'm one of the judges for the July 2015 round of "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"  and thought it would be nice to offer everyone some quick feedback on their entries.

What I enjoyed about your piece:

I think that you took the music prompt in an interesting direction. I can definitely hear a wee bit of that iconic Jaws theme song in there. When I saw the first mention of sharks, I couldn't help but smile.

Things that could use a little work:

This story is definitely more of a telling than showing sort of presentation. I'm not a huge stickler for that "show don't tell rule" because there is a time and place for everything. However, a bit more show and less tell would have had a bigger impact on the reader. Andrew is in the water with a shark! That is a terrifying situation, but I didn't feel anything. I wasn't worried about him or scared or... anything at all. Part of that is definitely the aloofness of telling readers what is going on rather than showing it.

The other part of the reason is because I knew nothing about Andrew at all. There is no character development here. How old is he? Is he a pediatrician or a janitor? Is he married? Children? Is he a nice guy or a criminal? We know literally nothing about him.

The dolphin bit is pretty cute, but it seemed sort of out of the blue to me. Like, dude is being circled by sharks... my mind spun off in a dozen different potential story lines. None of them involved thanking a dolphin for saving his life and going back to the beach. It seemed anticlimactic and slightly odd to me. It wouldn't be out of place in a children's story.

Overall effectiveness:

I think that this is a good entry for the prompt but could use some more setup... more story. Who is this guy? Why should we care whether he lives or dies? If you could make the reader feel even an inkling of suspense, that would help as well. Just a bit more detail and something for readers to sink their teeth into would be nice.

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Review of Deadly Melody  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello. *Smile* I'm one of the judges for the July 2015 round of "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"  and thought it would be nice to offer everyone some quick feedback on their entries.

What I enjoyed about your piece:

There is a nice mix of dialogue and detail. The descriptions never became tedious and were well-placed, while the dialogue pulled the story along nicely.

Things that could use a little work:

The hook could have been much stronger. Relating this list of stuff back to the main character would have made a bigger impact than just saying "it was annoying and abnormal". For instance, saying something like, "As she scanned the crime scene, Agent Penny felt her annoyance grow. She had expected the usual sight of a taped off area with methodical specialists, and instead...". That sort of intro would draw a reader in and feel more like you're showing us what's happening instead of just stating it plainly.

The characters all seemed a bit cookie-cutter to me. Nothing really special about them... they seem like any character in a crime book or tv show.

Overall effectiveness:

I think that the story works for the genre and was a pretty enjoyable read. A bit more characterization would have made it more engaging, but I think you did quite well with it all the same. The pacing was quite nice. It seemed to go faster and faster until the climax, which is pretty ideal. All together, I think it's a fine entry. Good luck with the contest.

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Review of Disneyworld Days  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Just a quickie review so that I can rate your album. You guys are so incredibly adorable! Love the pictures at epcot.. super pretty and identifiable. The one in front of the castle is also a classic, I'd say. *Wink*

That picture in the shark's mouth? That's just awesome. Why pose with a princess if you can wave from inside a shark? *Laugh* Amazing photo op there.

The kids will definitely look back on this trip fondly, I bet. Especially the youngest. What little kid doesn't want to go to Disneyland? It looks like all of you had a pretty nice time to me. Yay for family vacations! Glad to have you back though (and I'm sure you're happy to be back as well).

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Review of CHILDREN STORIES  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day for the ummm... 4th time? *Smile*

The first thing that caught my eye about this folder is something that I also noticed in your other folders. You edit your work. Imagine that! It seems like most people write something and never revise it. Of course, that might not be entirely accurate since some people, including me, have many revisions off-site and never update the item on WDC. Still, it's nice to see someone making changes to their older stories. I should take a lesson on that.

Anyway, this is a pretty small folder compared to the others. It contains just 4 items, but it seems that people really love your children's stories. I have no idea where I ran across it, but I had read one of these before. When I saw the title, My Name Is Mud, I had to check and see if it was the story that came to mind. Of course, I know that it is a saying of sorts and that there is at least one children's book with that title, but as it turns out, indeed I had read it before today. Go figure.

If I have time, I think that I might just have one more review in me. I think that will leave you with a few more starless folders, but if you appreciate the reviews, perhaps I can do the others before the month is over. *Smile*

*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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Review of SHORT STORIES  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another review to wish you a happy WDC B-day! *Smile*

Wow... lots of awardicons in this one. I don't know what to read first! *Laugh* It's always interesting to look through other people's collections of stories, poems, articles, and so forth. I tend to write in the same few genres most of the time, so I'm always amazed when people flit from genre to genre. You have some similar genres here and there, but there are a good number of quirky ones too. Folklore? I've never written anything in that genre. Well, not since I was a child anyway.

Computer and Crime/Gangster is another set of genres that never appear in my portfolio. I can't say that I have any at all, as far as I recall. Amazing to see someone branching out into all sorts of different areas.

Okay... back to perusing your portfolio. Forgive the mini-port raid if it annoys you, love. I just think that everyone should have ratings on their rate-able folders. Most of mine only have ratings because one friend went through and reviewed all of them. So I'm just paying it forward I guess. *Wink*

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Review of POETRY  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day, again! *Smile*

So I hadn't really looked much the first time I was in your port, but you do have a bunch of folders with no ratings! It just looks... a bit bare without some stars, I guess. While I'm in the mood, I might as well do some others. I know that I rarely get reviews for entire folders and quite like them myself.

I'm a poetry person. I've been reading poetry every day since I was a child. So when I saw a poetry folder, I knew I had to give it a peek. You appear to write in form, and there are a number of different forms present here. It's a nice variety.

This is a nice little collection of pieces, and even at a glance, it appears that other people think so as well. There are lots of 4.5 and 5 star ratings in here. So have some stars for your folder, and I'll go see what others are looking a little naked. *Blush*

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Review of FLASH FICTION  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I decided to do some anniversary reviews because I realized a few months ago that I hadn't done any for over a year. *Facepalm* They're such happy reviews that I think making the effort to do them is a nice gesture. I tend to review item types that people don't often review, including folders.

It looks that the flash pieces in this folder have been reviewed quite a bit. 70 reviews for just two items? Whew! I am a sucker for flash fiction, so I did read through a few that caught my eye. I read Bare Hand because it was in the Arts genre, which isn't that common. I do adore the arts. I also checked out Just Another Day because of the high rating, the description, and the tragedy genre... they all combined to pique my interest. Both are very nice pieces. There is one other that I read but I can't remember which one. Ummm... the soldier piece.

Anyway, that's it really. I just thought that I'd leave you a quick review and rating for your folder. Each piece might not be a perfect masterpiece, but the effort is certainly deserving of 5 stars. *Smile* I might review another folder or two if I get a chance. Happy anniversary!

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Review of Let's Publish!  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I was peeking through the list of people with account anniversaries today and saw your name. I remember you from ages ago-- and the black case caught my eye. At any rate, I decided to dig through your port and saw this item.

I remember this group from when I first joined WDC. I thought it was one of the few really great writing-based groups, rather than the typical community-related or social groups here. It was sorely needed, in my opinion. For a long time, there was nothing like it, and I do believe that it was missed by many people.

About a year ago, Jay started a group that is similar. It was much needed for a long time and immediately reminded me of your group. "Level Up! " , in case you haven't seen it yet. I suppose if you wanted to put the gift points in this bank to good use, that might be a good place for them (just as an aside).

Anyway, I just wanted to wish you a happy anniversary and let you know that all you did for the community is still remembered. *Smile* This was a good idea then, and it is a good idea now.

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270
270
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey, Jeff! *Smile* I'm one of the judges for the July 2015 round of "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"  and thought it would be nice to offer everyone some quick feedback on their entries.


What Caught My Eye

I usually expect the opening lines of a story to draw me in. The first two lines are, well, boring. Very boring. You tell us that it's a coronation but don't show it until a few lines later. The second line is where I'd have stopped reading probably. It was a "beautiful day"-- you already told us that, so the description wasn't needed. The first real 'grab me' line was the description of the coronation. The 'bridezillas' comment placed it firmly in modern society rather than some time long past. From there, the hook is truly a hook.

I think the normalcy of the first few lines could have been a shocking sort of juxtaposition with the assassin too, by the way. It doesn't read that way though for me. Instead, the opening is hum-drum, and that's the same tone that snuck through the more interesting bits later. Sorry to focus on the hook, but hey... you want people to keep reading! *Wink*

Favorite Aspects

Honestly, my favorite aspect was the entire idea. I never would have thought to write a story about an assassin on the day she was to assassinate a politician. It was a nice surprise, and I found it pretty enjoyable.

Character(s)

I don't feel like I got to know The Ghost well enough for the ending to sound right. I mean, she's a mercenary. This is her job. People pay her for a job, and she does the job. But then, she just decided not to do the job for reasons that seemed... un-mercenary-like. It wasn't super convincing for some reason. Her assignment was to assassinate the kid... she failed that. So, "never failed an assignment" isn't exactly true anymore.

Consistency

I think there was a bit more "telling" than I'd like at times. I am not a huge advocate of "show don't tell". Just saying "her back was starting to ache", for instance, is sometimes better than an elaborate show of rubbing out a knot in her back or something. That said, there was still a smidge more than I like. For instance, the entire "She wasn't especially enthused" paragraph was telling, and since it was all background info, it seemed slightly tedious to read.

Style / Tone

I haven't read much of these types of stories, but from the little I have read, I think that the style, tone, and story-telling technique here is on point for that political-drama sort of story.

Effect

Overall, I think that the story has some strong moments but also has some room for improvement. I don't regret reading it by any means, but I'm still just... not entirely satisfied. I might consider setting it aside for a while and then revisiting it with fresh eyes. Good luck in the contest, love! *Smile*

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271
271
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I decided to do some anniversary reviews tonight, and I thought it would be interesting to venture into some portfolios of authors who I don't know. That's how I landed in your port, where I immediately saw the slam poetry folders. I was more drawn to the anti-slam for two reasons. First, bad poetry amuses me. Second, I just took part in a similar bad poetry challenge.

Personally, I found it difficult to write bad poetry at times, so I think it is something of a feat to have this much awful poetry all in one place. *Laugh* Well done. Or rather... terribly done! I didn't read all of them. I read maybe 5 or 6. Those were just bad. Mission accomplished!

I guess that's about it. I couldn't decide which individual poem to reviews, so I went with the entire folder. Happy anniversary, and thank you for the eye rolls and groans. It made my night! *Wink*

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272
Review of Monotetra  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi! *Smile* I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 69 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their monotetras!


Favorite Aspects

I love the message. The last stanza is snarky and sarcastic, which works well for a topical poem. It's sort of a sad joke. I think that the last line is probably the best in the entire piece.

Language / Word Choice

"In a moment he blows out their lights" is a phrase that seems pretty light for what is really going on. It's irreverent at a time when I think that serious would serve you better. Children just got murdered... phrases like "blow them away" and "snuff their lights out (which I believe is where you were going with this) are just not strong enough to carry the real impact of such a thing. The irreverence in the last stanza will be more effective if the second stanza is a bit more grave.

Technical / Grammar / Syntax

I knew immediately that the form isn't quite perfect here. A monotetra is called 'tetra' because it is supposed to be written in tetrameter. Starting with a soft syllables, you set it up for iambic, which falls apart in the first line. I was confused briefly, but by the third line, I knew that this piece was not written in meter at all.

I thought it was a shame that you ended with such weak rhymes. We/me/see/be/free/tree/apology/apostrophe... easiest rhyme in the English language. We/see/sea/free is very dull compared to sighs/hides/cries/dies and bright/delight/lights/spite. Even keeping the rhyme to end the piece with 'free', there are far more interesting word choices than we/see/sea.

The pattern in the first stanza (4 syllables-break-4 syllables. / 4 syllables-break-4 syllables) does not continue throughout. With a pattern that obvious, I'd say either continue it or change it in the intro.

Effect

I think this is a good draft, but it could be improved with some revision. As for the contest, you did pretty well with the form and the picture, though the absence of tetrameter was too bad. Good luck!

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273
Review of irritation  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (1.5)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I was actually on my way to view my reviews and clicked the wrong link by accident. Your item came up as a random review, and since I review almost only poetry and also review newbies all the time, I decided to stick around and read the poem. So really, your newness to WDC caught my eye. *Laugh*

Favorite Aspects

The flow in the middle section is spot on. I tend to like the mix of long and abrupt in free verse. It just works really well at times. It adds punch to the 'you don't' and 'you aren't' lines.

Language / Word Choice

This is written in 100% boring language. There is nothing to catch the eye or to really engage the reader. "This is the feeling I get when I hear your voice" is just a flat statement. There is nothing poetic about it, so it doesn't act as a hook.

The short lines-- please stop talking, you don't, you aren't-- could all work in a poem easily. Those are the 'message' lines. But the others need some work.

Flow / Rhythm

The middle sections (from "you think you know everything" to "you aren't") flows pretty well, but it seems accidental. There is not flow or discernible rhythm for the rest of the piece. Try reading it aloud and see what pattern your voice falls into-- right now, it's just a normal speech pattern (i.e. boring with no deliberate flow). If you can identify the pattern, maybe you can adjust it. That's the best advice I can give.

Imagery

There isn't any. None at all. This is actually a great way to get some interesting words into the piece and also to connect it to the reader. Say, "Your words spew through the speaker, heating the phone against my cheek / please stop talking". Imagery. People can picture you holding the phone to your ear, listening to someone yell... they can feel the warmth of a phone on their cheeks as well. Give us something to sink our teeth into.

Voice

It's hard to tell more beyond 'teen angst'. That's what I get from it.

Originality

This sounds like things that I've read many many many times (and said many times when I was young as well). The originality in a rant like this is in the details. There are no details here, so there isn't any originality either.

Technical / Grammar / Syntax

All I can say for this section is that punctuation would be very helpful. This piece is in complete sentences. Punctuate (and capitalize) it as complete sentences. It will make it easier to read. Punctuation cues the reader to where they should pause as well.

Effect

Right now, this is a bare-bones idea. It doesn't read as a poem at all to me. Poetry has rhythm, and this doesn't. It reads more like a transcript of a conversation you'd have with a friend. I think that it is a solid idea for a poem (irritation is an emotion that everyone can relate to), but it needs further revisions for sure. Good luck with it.

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274
Review of SONG OF DESPAIR  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

To be quite frank, the title sounded like the emo poetry that I wrote as a teen. I was up for a bit of nostalgia. Also, I read, review, and write mostly poetry, so I thought I would give it a read and review it if I had anything helpful to say about it.

Language / Word Choice

There is a difference between emotive language and melodrama. This poem is all melodrama. "Come engulf this hideous night", for instance, actually made me chuckle because it's so over the top. It isn't dramatic and feeling-- it's melodramatic to the point of silliness. You might want to watch that sort of exaggeration a little bit if people are supposed to feel anguish instead of smiling.

Flow / Rhythm

Your rhythm is good at times and way off at other times. This tends to happen when people are rhyming and twist lines to make the end rhymes work. This is not the only time it happens, but just as an example:

"Dews of heaven, I've been waiting for you to fall" is much too long for the flow here. Even if there is a syllable count here that is acceptable for the form, it completely loses the rhythm and flow of the lines (a time when understanding meter could be very helpful). The flow from the 2nd to 3rd line of the stanza is awkward, and from the 3rd to the 4th is almost painful. It could help just to tighten the phrasing a bit.

"Dews of heaven, I wait for you to fall" is much smoother for the flow and only changes the meaning slightly. "Heavenly dews" is also a possibility for tightening the line, though it isn't enough to fix the problem on its own.

This is just one example, as mentioned. If you cannot spot the awkward flow, I might set the poem aside for a few months and then give it another read aloud. If you stumble in your reading, it is almost guaranteed that other people will have problems with those areas.

Effect

Overall, I think the piece could use some work. It has some strong moments, and I appreciate some of the interesting word choice. In the end though, the flow was rough and the phrasing was predictable. As a rough draft, it's quite good, but it could use some polish for sure.


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Review of Night Predator  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I was perusing a very long list of items written by people who are new to the site, and I saw the low word count as I was hovering over each item. To me, a word count that low means poetry! I read, review, and write mostly poetry. From there, the description hooked me because I like to read about other people's writing processes. After reading the poem, the title is very cute and fitting, but it meant nothing to me before reading the piece and didn't strike me as special.

Favorite Aspects

I like the general idea here. The opening is stronger than the rest of the poem, in my opinion. It is concise and deceptively simple.

Language / Word Choice

Ending with -ing verbs on every line is... ill-advised. It doesn't sound of look very appealing. Those -ing line endings sound pretty silly, really. I would strongly recommend revising.

If you are adamant about keeping all of those tedious -ings, I would at least change the 'drowsing' in the first stanza. It seems sloppy to have it there. I do like the idea of a 'mind drowsing' with its 'door ajar'. That paints perfectly what you're trying to say. When nearly asleep, people are susceptible to creativity. This happens to me all the time... I settle into bed to go to sleep and suddenly, a poem starts swirling around in my mind. *Wink*

Again, I would consider leaving the first stanza alone and just... changing those ing ing ing ing ing ing ings.

"over catchy images" struck me as super weird. "Catchy" is something people instantly and strongly associate with sound. I love crossing the senses, but this is ineffective in that regard. Also, you use "catching" a few lines down. That repetition is not ideal either.

Effect

Forgive my focus on just word choice here, but I try to focus mostly on the areas that need the most work. In my opinion, the flow and imagery and so forth are not problematic. The word choice is really where I would focus my efforts. Good luck with future revisions!

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