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351 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest and respectful, and try to be as diplomatic as possible when I review a piece of writing. I use a template to cover most writing elements, as well as giving you my personal thoughts and feelings about it. I rate fair and equal to the review I give, but I only give a rating of 5 if the piece is perfect, in my opinion.
Favorite Genres
Mystery, adventure, paranormal, historical, disaster/survival, political, detective, young adult, animal, folklore, comedy, inspirational, nature, romance, and fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, psychological, gangster, western, steampunk
Favorite Item Types
Flash fiction, short stories, blogs, chapters of novels, and essays.
Least Favorite Item Types
Articles, non-fiction
I will not review...
Technological, erotica, gay/lesbian, whole novels or novellas all at one time.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review of Bandana Man  
Review by Dee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
STORY REVIEW


First Impression: Excellent story, but it felt unfinished. I was expecting...more. The last line ended the story without answering several questions.
Did he complete the transfer with Simon? Was Solomon Parkes a nut case, or was he for real? Did he get Maria back into Simon's life? How did he complete that task?
Many questions unanswered. This definitely needs a Chapter four. It has great possibilities if those questions are eventually answered.

This story made me laugh and it made me extremely curious. The idea of Simon getting a divorce or splitting with his wife wasn't unusual, but certainly, the idea of someone who claims to be able to read his thoughts and guarantees that he can get Maria back in his life, *is* unusual and absolutely interesting! The plot didn't progress too far, but for what you've written, it's very good.

The plot was well constructed and thought out. Simon reacted as anyone sane person would, so your main character was very believable. Solomon Parkes is a very unique character. I like how his own personality and appearance continued to change each time Simon saw him. It was pretty humorous too! I actually laughed in certain places. My person belief from your writing is that Parkes is a nut. But I would have liked to have known for sure, either way.

I would say the dialogue flowed well, and as expected from the characters. You painted a clear picture of Simon and Solomon in the readers mind, both through their speech and their appearance. What struck me funny is the obvious differences between the two men. One, who seems like o be a normal, hard working type in a typical life, intersecting with some guy who sounds like a NJ thug one minute, then like a person of wealth and breeding, the next. Very funny, indeed!

The time and place seemed to be a contemporary setting, from the supermarket to the office and their homes. Enough details to know where and when, but not so many that it can appeal to any reader living almost anywhere.

I like the idea of some fantasy aspect in the modern world, rather the same aspect I'm using in one of my novels.

Most memorable character, Solomon Parkes. I wouldn't change any of his characteristics.

Just a few punctuation markets missing, here and there. And a few run on sentences that just could use making them two or three sentences instead of one.

Final Thought: I can't wait to read more.

P.S. GP to encourage you to keep going with this!










*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
152
152
Review of All the rage  
Review by Dee
Rated: E | (3.5)
STORY REVIEW

First, I liked the story. It was indicative of today's youth, wanting so badly to fit in. You could really feel Alice's frustration through the entire piece. Good work on that.

I keep thinking she must be spoiled, but that was hard to figure out in Alice's case, since we never saw her relate in a home environment to know if she was spoiled all the time.

The reader even feels a bit sorry for her when she has to go to school without a cloak. You did a nice job conveying the emotions in play.

Your portrayal of this character was well done, especially the dialogue. The Valley girl style chatter suited Alice and her outlook. Jeana's dialogue came off as showing her to be spoiled and wealthy. Good job on the girls personality with limited details.

I can't say I have ever had an experience like this to drawn on, but I had friends who have. Your story reminded me of their tribulations in high school.

This was a light hearted story. And even though this type of story isn't my normal read, it was fun to spend a few minutes on this. I especially liked the ending. It was a warm and romantic moment that not only surprised me, but it even surprised Alice.

It was clear and obvious that the setting of the story was contemporary, and took place in a store and at school. Again, there was no confusion as to where it was taking place.

Overall, this story has a pleasant and positive feeling to it. I liked the fact that Robert noticed her even without the cloak. Nice.











*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
153
153
Review by Dee
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Pencil* Story Review


*CheckV* Your Genre

Mystery definitely fits this story, but I think it fits under suspense as well. It has a bit of mystery, suspense and crime! I love that smattering of all the elements. This is an excellent genre for many contests.

*CheckV* Your Setting & Theme

What I found really interesting (and unusual), is that your story could be located in any town, any state, or country for that matter. This is a real advantage, making the story appeal to people from a variety of places. Basically, everyone can relate to the place.

In my humble opinion, your theme has to be "Don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong!" or perhaps, "Don't listen in on other people's phone calls," as evidenced by the last line of your story. LOL! Very well done!

*CheckV* Your Plot/Storyline/Hook

The plot was well constructed. I mean, really very well constructed. The first thing was understanding exactly the type of person Edgar is, and you showed the reader who he was in one paragraph. Nice. Also as a reader, I not only felt as though I was with Edgar during his experiment as "Mike Hammer" (lol), but I actually felt *his* curiosity. And I too wanted to know about that blond!

By the way, not having the blond come down the stairs in the art gallery was a good choice. For a moment, I thought you were going to have her show up, but it made it much more suspenseful not seeing her at that time, not just for Edgar's sake. ;)

The hook I believe was when he saw the article about Cameron's untimely death in the newspaper, of course. This wasn't as surprising when it presented itself, (in the newspaper), but it works well.

*CheckV* Your Characters & Dialogue

The character of Edgar is clear and realistic. His nosy personality was displayed over and over, and that was also well done, because it worked well as far as making him a believable character in the story.

Like Edgar, I found Patricia Sanders personality, unexpected. I mean, I expected her to be the same type of woman filled with empathy, (as she "seemed" to have been) in the restaurant with Veronica. The minute she was not sympathetic (when speaking with Edgar), we knew something was "up." This character was also very interesting. She managed to come off like the perfect friend...at first.

And Veronica, well she was the typical broken hearted, but crazy, "other woman." I found her to be another excellent character, coming off as the innocent, injured party, without throwing suspicion on to herself, until much later.

Good dialogue. Nothing out of the ordinary here. However, even though it did not detract from the story at all, a bit of difference in their dialogue probably could make the characters even stronger. The strength of the characters here was primarily from the story, rather than their character attributes.

*CheckV* The Overall Feeling of The Story

This would have to be a feeling of curiosity and suspense. I was waiting for Edgar to get so far over his head he wouldn't be able to stay above water...and you put him in that exact position by the last paragraph! Touche!

*CheckV* Your Grammar & Punctuation

Grammar and punctuation looked right on throughout the entire piece.

*CheckV* The Most Memorable Part

Edgar seeing the barrel of the gun pointed at him at the hands of a crazy woman, was the most memorable part. He was shocked and frightened, and that made the most tense moment in the story.

*CheckV* The Least Memorable Part

The narrative about Edgar's first wife leaving him (perhaps because of the flash light purchase).

*CheckV* What Made Me: Laugh

And I know it *wasn't* funny, but something about this line:

"Then she went to Spain for a long vacation.
Edgar went to the morgue. Then to the cemetery, forever."


...made me laugh. Poor Edgar, I know. But it struck me funny. I just kept hearing Patricia's comment in my head, "nosy little bastard."

It was an excellent finish!

*CheckV* Food For Thought (Suggestions)

Suggestions? Hmm.... How about, write another one in this style!


                                       *Smile* Thank you for sharing your story!

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The Lost Legend - Chapter One  [13+]
A young British royal receives a plea for help from a 12th-century Knight captive in time.
by Dee
                   "Miraculous - Chapter One                    "Wishes Do Come True


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
154
154
Review by Dee
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was a very nice first effort. I enjoyed the read. And yes, the most important thing for a thriller to have is tension or anxiety, and your story definitely has that.

I think, just as some food for thought, there was one spot that could have been made even a bit stronger...the part where corn stalks would have covered the field. Perhaps elaborate a bit more about why it would have bothered him if the stalks were still there. Just a hint more tension.

One point on punctuation, when a character is thinking thoughts,but not speaking out loud it is acceptable to put their thoughts in italics.

Nice job. I look forward to reading more of your stories.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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