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373 Public Reviews Given
408 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, respectful, and diplomatic when I review a piece of writing. I use a template and I give you my personal thoughts and feelings about it. I rate fair and equal to the review I give, but I only give a rating of 5 if the piece is perfect, in my opinion.
Favorite Genres
Mystery, adventure, paranormal, historical, disaster/survival, political, detective, young adult, animal, folklore, comedy, inspirational, nature, romance, and fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, psychological, gangster, western, steampunk
Favorite Item Types
Flash fiction, short stories, blogs, chapters of novels, and essays.
Least Favorite Item Types
Articles, non-fiction
I will not review...
Technological, erotica, gay/lesbian, whole novels or novellas all at one time.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- 5 6 7 ... Next
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Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A shared image

Hi Pebbles. I'm reviewing your story, "The Aroma of Coffee."

*StarfishR* STORY ELEMENTS *StarfishR*

Title/Description & Genre

Let's face it, you'll attract people to this story just by the title alone, not to mention the amazingly vivid description line that accompanies it! The title is so descriptive, it doesn't even need a description line! You didn't put this into any particular genre, but I would say it could easily fall into several categories such as, Literary, fiction, realistic, or even women's.

Plot/Setting & Structure

This seems to have a soft plot. It has a beginning, middle and end to it, but it's almost a vigenette. The story, while very exotic and engaging with it's references to religion, rosary beads, sins, and especially the pleasures of the night, peaks my interest, the title and descriptions in the story tell me its about the morning nuances and the delight of waking to the "aroma of coffee." You showed me the pleasure of waking to the smell of the beans wafting through the window, while taking in alll the sights, sounds and smells of that summer's morn, rather than only about waking to coffee. And that's what really made this story, to me. All the visual and olfactory pleasures being experienced by Delia, rather than only the coffee. It's the combination that makes this a heavenly piece to read and experience, not to mention bringing back my own memories of a similar experience, in Monaco! There's something about coffee, the charm of a mediteranian village on a mountain, and being in Italy, that makes a story top notch in my book!

Character/POV & Dialogue

Delia is a refreshing character. She's a little demure, yet confident, and she's a creature of routine while a little devilish, in the face of her religion, which she obviously nurtures, despite her indulgences. You've told the story through her POV of course, which is why as a reader, I didn't just read the words, I saw the village out her window as though I was standing next to Delia, and I could smell the aromas as well. It was a pleasing read because the story came alive on the page! I remembered all the fantastic sights, sounds and smells of my last trip to the Med. Amazing!

Tone/Flow/Pacing & Description

The tone of your story felt comfortable and relaxing, like a summer day. Your descriptive writing is eloquent, and did more than simply make me feel like I was there waking up to the aroma of java, it made me think I was remembering a memory of it. It flowed beautifully, and the pace was exactly what it should be, like it says in a song, "easy like a Sunday morning." Truly, you have a gift for descriptive writing. Many people do, but I don't always "feel" the way I did when I read your piece. The only thing I couldn't figure out is if Delia was a nun, if she just worked with Maria, or if she worked at the Monastery. I didn't get a clear picture of what Delia actually is or does for a living. Perhaps adding another sentence about it, or expanding on the one about Maria not making excuses for her again could clear that up.

Punctuation/Grammar & Spelling

You had a couple of minor punctuation and grammar issues, but nothing that can't be found with another edit or grammar check. I did notice a few passive verbs, ex: was broken, was made, be ignored, which can be easily changed to active.

*StarfishR* FINAL THOUGHTS *StarfishR*

Overall, this is a lovely story with a lot of feeling and emotion to it. Although it is written in narrative, the expressiveness of Delia's thoughts come across well, although I think it could really benefit from one or two inner thoughts to add some intimacy to the writing. Captivating writing all the way to the end!

Invalid Photo #1049507


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Review of Independence Day  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A shared image

Hello R. Eduardo. I'm reviewing your short story, "Independence Day."

*StarfishR* STORY ELEMENTS *StarfishR*

Title/Description & Genre

The title you chose suits this story perfectly, and the description line peaked my interest. Both made me want to know what the mom would be freeing her daughter from, and how the she would do it. I always find it more satisfying when the title and description doesn't give away the whole story from the beginning. Most people have read the family/drama genre before, so they can easily relate to some aspect in any family story, even if the main premise doesn't apply to them. You did a good job of portraying domestic abuse in this piece.

Character/POV & Dialogue

The first thing I noticed about your main character, the daughter, is that you didn't name her. I thought it a bit unusual that you didn't name her or the father, but you did name the mother. While it wasn't necessary to name the daughter to enjoy the story, it still would have been nice to know her it. I enjoyed reading your story as she confronted her father. I disliked him right from the first word out of his mouth, and of course, that's the reaction you'd want, since this is a tale of abuse. Very good job keeping the POV from the daughter's perspective. You kept it all the way through the story, even after her mother arrived. You didn't head hop at all, which is great work, considering you had three characters all conversing. Good job. And speaking of conversing, the dialogue really popped. It was realistic, and the characters sounded like every day people. Plus, the dialogue told the story, along with the action. It was a good mix, with more dialogue than description. It didn't bore, it was interesting, and it intensified the situation. With every ssentence the daughter shot back at her father, I was ready for the strap to come out. And each of your characters had their own voice and mannerisms also.

It seemed a bit strange that the daughter would say something like "Momma, Father, stop fighting. Our family is back together again. We should celebrate this, I can make us a nice dinner." She has been abused by her father, and she looks forard to getting away from him, so it sounded a bit too happy go-lucky in that one sentence, and the one following it, where she says, "God, can you guys stop! This should be a happy day. Momma has been freed from jail. We're all together. Let's just be happy." A few minutes later she and Sunny are talking about burning him.

Tone/Flow & Pacing

At the start of the story, the tone felt depressing. I wouldn't call it dark, but it was intense. Once the mother showed up, the tone began to change. It felt darker at that point, especially when the discussion of burning the father came up. This has a good flow to it. There were no gaps, and it wasn't choppy at all. Each paragraph moved into the next one with ease. The flow made the readability factor high, and it had a comfortable pace throughout. It was just slightly slower at first, but again, once Sunny showed up, it picked up, although not by much.

Punctuation/Grammar & Spelling

I didn't notice any issues with your use of punctuation and grammar, and your spelling is spot on. I think you did a fine job with the editing.

*StarfishR* FINAL THOUGHTS *StarfishR*

Overall, this is a well written story. It held my attention, and I wanted to see what was going to happen to her and to her father. I was waiting for him to get what was coming to him. I especially liked how the mother took the blame, or at least took care of the situation with the police so her daughter could go back to her foster parents. Sunny showed her love for her daughter in that moment. Nice way to convey that idea.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Invalid Photo #1049507


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Review by Dee
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading your article about reviewing. I rated it a five because you verbalized exactly how I try to review, and my own thoughts about how I do it. As I read this, it felt like I was literally listening to myself. I've always said that even when I do not enjoy a particular genre, I can review it on its own merits and writing techniques. Everyone can benefit from reading this, but it would be especially helpful to newbies who are apprehensive about reviewing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic activity, Bubblegum! Here's my fill in the blank story:

Once upon a time there was a horse named Joey, who lived on a Thoroughbred farm.

Everyday, Joey grew sadder and sadder as he watched the Thoroughbreds racing on their track. He was just a pleasure riding horse, he thought, no one even notices me here.

One day, his owner threw a birthday party for their daughter and her friends, and Joey was the life of the party. He rode the kids around, played games with them, and made them laugh and smile. They loved him and threw their arms around his neck. "We love you, Joey," They said. "The other horses never let us ride them, or play with us. They're stuck up, and you're so much fun to have around!"

Because of that, Joey no longer felt sad. He would take his riders past the snooty Thoroughbreds, with his head held high.

Until finally, his owner saw that Joey was actually faster than his Thoroughbreds, and offered Joey the chance to race, but Joey realized being a pleasure horse was a pleasure after all.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Invalid Photo #1047538

Hi Breach! Thank you for requesting a review. I'm Dee, as you know, and a member of the WDC Power Reviewers.


*StarP* STORY ELEMENTS *StarP*


Genre/Title 10/10 Points

The decision to list this as a fantasy for your genre of choice, was perfect. There is no mistaking the fact that it has all the elements of a fantasy tale. I could also see you listing your second choice of genre as a War story, perhaps. Although, since I have not read Chapters 1-8, and you asked me to review Chapter 9, I am assuming this also incorporates war, or the possibility of war into the story, from what I've read so far.

The title is interesting. It would seem that it also encompasses the idea of this chapter as they work to make sure their camp isn't breached while they rest. If the title has some other significant meaning, I, unfortunately, didn't grasp it. I believe that not having read the earlier chapters will make many of the things that happen in the story, unclear to me.

Setting/Theme/POV 10/10

The setting of your fantasy world speaks of several villages and towns, as well as the "wooded road" Tyollis and his company are traveling on. You have created your setting adding many details that makes it a vivid, and realistic place in my mind. With one chapter being read, it's difficult for me to know what the Theme of your story actually is, as opposed to what I might think it is. Honestly, I haven't got a clue from just this chapter. I will, for the benefit of the doubt, assume your theme is being nurtured throughout the story.

I liked that you used the Third Person Limited POV for this tale. It makes it a more rounded story. This is one of my two favorite POVs. And you stayed in Tyollis' head, keeping the story from his perspective, with no head hopping that I noticed.

Plot/Story/Hook 10/10

Again, I must reiterate that you having asked me to review only Chapter 9, makes it very difficult for me to see if the plot and your opening hook has been incorporated into your writing. I have to assume it has been, because the story is really very interesting, and the writing is well done. So I will also rate this according to my perception of this one chapter. The plot for the chapter itself was exceptionally well designed, as you set Tyollis up for Branston's betrayal and escape. To me, the hook for the chapter would be when Branston and Tyollis discussed the stone fish-pendant saldacrosse and that Branston's father was a Wizard or a Breach Warden. That pulled me into the story much farther than the beginning.

Characters & Dialogue 9/10

Your characters, mainly Tyollis and Branston are fleshed out, well-rounded characters. I found them to be unique, with their own voice, speech patterns, and language. They were not cardboard characters in any way! These two characters jumped off the page at me, even in Chapter 9, where I had not read about them in an earlier chapter. They were real to me, in the sense that they felt like actual people, in a real world. Your use of mannerisms was excellent. Very good work with characterization.

Descriptive Writing/Flow & Pacing 10/10

Your use of descriptive writing is really very good! I enjoyed reading this because of the details. The story came alive, and you did little, if any, telling, showing me this imaginative world you've created. I liked that I didn't read much in the way of info dump, and that you used a lot of dialogue around your well-chosen details. One thing I especially liked about your writing was that many of the descriptions and dialogue was short and snappy, no long monologues or long paragraphs. With this type of story, I would have lost interest with excessively long writing for either of those.

The flow and pacing of this story is the elephant in the room. The flow was always handled well. It read easy, no choppy sentences, no difficut or awkard transitions, but the pacing often slowed down and speeded up. Sometimes it felt a bit draggy in places. But do not let that bother you, it was an excellent story regardless. Remember, I'm the one who normally doesn't read this style of fantasy story, so this element of pacing could simply be my preference, when in fact, there's nothing wrong with the way you've written it. I'd get a second opinion about the pacing. Don't rely on my comment only. *Smile*

The Overall Feeling of The Story 10/10

The overall feeling of this story is tension. I felt an amazing amount of tension and even some controlled fear throughout the chapter. It also felt dark, as many fantasy tales often do when they involve wizards, war, territory, and other medieval issues of the day. I don't normally read this type of fantasy story. I tend to gravitate more to the lighter, mystical types of stories (even when they include warring elements or stories like GOT), however *your* story kept my attention and, more importantly, it kept my interest! Again, good job.

Grammar & Punctuation 9/10

Primarily, you did a wonderful job with the grammar and punctuation. I saw very little in the way of errors or misuse of grammar, although there were one or two items that could easily be caught with another quick check--nothing major, just tweeks to make it perfect. I was impressed. For as long as your chapter was, you did a commendable job.

The Most Memorable Part 10/10

This is a no-brainer for me. The most memorable part was when Branston grabbed back the stone fish penchant saldacrosse and disappeared! Almost like magic! Like his father would have used, perhaps? Or maybe he did use the magic to escape. Either way, it was an excellent scene.

*StarP* FINAL COMMENTS *StarP*

Once again, let me just say how much I enjoyed reading this chapter. Honestly though, if you ask someone to review it, I would ask them to either review the whole novel, or at least start with chapter one. I was missing so much information from not having read the first eight chapters, that my review might have been somewhat different if I had. I believe I could have offered more in the way of reactions that could give you more feedback, or I might have had more helpful suggestions.

Good work with this chapter.

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Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Hi Pat! I'm here in your port today reviewing your prose piece, "The Old Iron Bunk Bed."

HOW I FOUND YOU

I found you when I visited the Newbies Academy Showcase List. Congratulations on being a Showcase Member for May!

MY THOUGHTS

This piece made quite an impression on me. I was glued to every word, while imagining such a enjoyable place. You have these wonderful memories that just glide off the page as you describe them. I loved the fact that it wasn't just a camp, it was a Christian camp, with not only good, clean fun and activities for all, but a place that provides kinship between campers who have a love of God. And I found your description of it to be a place that provides values and principles for kids and people of all ages to benefit from.

Your descriptions truly evoked specific images in my mind. I especially loved this line. "My favorite place is not a stream where the water laughs and giggles as it dances over the stones in its way." What an amazing picture you painted with this, not to mention other statements that came alive for me as I read them!

Another aspect of this prose I enjoyed was how you combined the beauty of nature and the love of God, and how they were the foundations that built a lifetime of friendship. Truly inspiring and warm memories. It's no wonder you can recall all the emotions you felt as you wrote about it. How could anyone forget a place that made them feel the way you describe? I certainly could not.

The joy, the magic, the special feelings and bonds were conveyed in a way that I believe I understand exactly how you felt. This is a delightful read! I actually read this twice, because I felt as though I was there by the way you wrote it. That's a tool for the Writer's Toolbox, for sure!

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Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


Hello A* Wandering *Faith! I'm visiting your port today to review your story, "Spooky Spectral."

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

You really got my attention with this Title! I was looking through all your items and stopped to read this as soon as I saw it! It's an excellent and pointed title for this tale.

This Plot made a really great read. I loved how Melissa goaded Amy with the tale of the spectral dog. Actually, it was sort of funny too. But you saved the best for last with the information the newspaper revealed. I don't want to ruin the surprise for anyone who might read it.

Your Characters were presented in such a way that I felt like I knew them both. Between showing me their personalities, and the way that they interacted with each other, made them real to me. They both have very different and unique voices, and play well off each other.

The Dialogue was wonderful! It was snappy, realistic, and showed me how they felt about each other. They clearly don't care for each other.

Overall, your story kept me on the edge of my seat right along with Amy. This is a fun read with good Flow and Pacing. It has an easy readability to it.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

The only suggestion I would make is in the Punctuation/Grammar area. Each character's dialogue should be on A separate line.

Good job with this tale!

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Review of Dear Sweetheart  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers

Hi Meduf. I'm reviewing your story, "Dear Sweetheart" today!

*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

I usually save my personal comments for the end of a review, but I've got to say that this was a *perfect*, heartwarming, 5-star story! Every word, every sentence, every memory created the intense feelings of love and devotion from Alex. For a short piece of fiction, this was a powerful piece of writing! I so wanted his partner to wake up and express their love in return for Alex's devotion. I read till the last word, wondering all the while.

The beauty of this story is in the memories, and how Alex remembers every detail and every feeling from those memories. You really outdid yourself with this, meduf, conveying those thoughts with passion, as well as showing how Alex feels about the bonds of marriage!

I can offer no suggestions. In fact, I can't even offer a useful comment because it is well-written in my opinion. I thoroughly enjoyed the read.

Thank you for sharing this with us!

Invalid Photo #1045954


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Devoured  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


Hi Char. I'm reviewing your story, "Devoured" today!

*StarY* STORY ELEMENTS *StarY*

First, I saw this was a contest entry, but you didn't categorize it. I would say this falls under the "psychological" Genre and could even combine with horror. This is an interesting combination, for sure!

The Title and Description caught my eye when I searched your entries for a story to review. I was certain it was going to be a horror story, but the description told me it would be much more than a simple scary tale, and it didn't disappoint!

I enjoyed reading this story from Kate's POV. This story really got to me, because I believed Kate...at the beginning, and then I didn't. Great use of perspective.

This story definitely has a clear Structure to it, with a beginning, middle and end. It has one POV, and has all the elements to make it an excellent, fast read. You use one central "idea," if you will, to lead the reader through the story, and that's the idea that Kate is imagining the situation. You also use Kate's actions and statements to make us believe in her, that the "man from the accident" is real. This was well done, because I was convinced.

The Plot is clear, with Kate's brother having to watch over his sister, even though he'd rather not. Delivering her home proves to be more challenging than it should have been, even though he expects problems. This simple plot makes the details surrounding the situation much more intense and frightening. You did a wonderful job building the suspense through this simplicity.

The Character of Kate is well-defined as far as her personality is concerned, and especially as far as her state-of-mind, although we don't know much about her physical attributes. Alex is clear in my mind also, but again, not because of any details about him or physical attributes, but because of his attitude and reaction to his sister and her mental state. His impatience with his sister was convincing. And Kate's insistence about helping the man was also convincing. Both characters were believable and reacted the way we would expect someone in their situation to react.

The Dialogue was very well written. I completely believed them when they spoke, and they sounded like a real person would sound like under stress or in a critical situation. You didn't use speech tags, which made the conversation really pop! Yet, while the comments and language seemed spot on, the differences between Kate and Alex's verbiage didn't seem different from each other. They did sort of sound the same, with regard to their voice.

Your use of Punctuation and Grammar seemed accurate. I didn't notice any issues or problems. If there was a missing comma or other mark, I wasn't distracted by it.

The Overall Feeling of the story was dark and confusing. Not confusing in the sense that I didn't understand the story. I mean the situation and the turmoil they find themselves in is rather a state of confusion in itself.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

I *truly* enjoyed reading this! First, it was a fast read, not slowed down by too many details or any speech tags. Second, it flowed very well, and had all the tension and mystery in the right places. I was hooked, and had to read to the end to see if I was right about Kate or not.

...I wasn't. (And what a great surprise, too!)


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Review of Non-Fiction  
Review by Dee
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your articles to be well-written, informative, and especially touching. I am not disabled in a way where I cannot work or function on a daily basis, although I do share two of your disabilities, but I do understand what it's like to have to deal with very difficult hardships because of the issues and pain we have.

I think your attitude about your disabilities are both inspiring and enlightening. I'm sure both come from your own strength of character and from God, which I also understand, as I'm a Christian myself. It's clear that your faith provides you the ability to recognize your talents and indulge in them.

You have a wonderful portfolio of fiction and other items, but I especially enjoyed reading your non-fiction articles, such as "My Experience Living with A Disability," "Miracle of January 29, 2017," and your "Dear Me" letter. Your letter was truly inspirational! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. And I found your blog to be one I could easily relate to.

I have no doubt you will achieve your goals, Bonnie. You have a mind and a will that can't be put down, another one of God's gifts to you.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Tasty Morsels  
Review by Dee
Rated: E | (5.0)
I thoroughly enjoyed the poems in this "Give It 100" folder! You chose so many emotional, self-reflective, and heartwarming topics to express your feelings about, and I really enjoyed reading and experiencing them. I would say this is my favorite collection of yours. Keep going, you're doing great! *ThumbsUpL*
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Review of Life Lessons  
Review by Dee
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
After reading through your poems, I felt happy and sad. Your writing is full of heartfelt thoughts and bittersweet images. I enjoyed reading them. Your topics were emotional ones, that came from the heart, and I even understood the influence God has in your life through many of them. Very nice work. I look forward to visiting your port again soon!
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Review of Fiction  
Review by Dee
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Bad Valentine" was an unusual valentine story, but that's what piqued my interest! That's terrific that you entered the Dialogue 500 Contest! I read your "Write Your Books" entry also, and see that you are indeed working to accomplish your goals. Keep on going, and write on!
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Review by Dee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on your first auction! It turned out to be a wonderful success! *Heart*
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Review of Contests  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Meduf,

I'm stopping today by to do a Port Scan of your main three folders! For the last day, I've been exploring your folders, and I see you have three of them. Within the three main folders, I found you also had a multitude of additional folders.

I had the pleasure of checking the Contest folder first. The Bard's Hall folder holds a wonderful tribute to the firemen who gave their lives on 911. Great little piece, worthy of a read and review.

I found the Blink folder full of wonderful quick reads that have an amazing amount of descriptive writing for such few words! Very good imagery and emotion packed into these short shorts!

The Dear Me folder sports your self-to-self letter, with monthly checklists to keep your goals in mind. Great idea, by the way! And a very interesting letter. Talk about holding yourself accountable...nice!

Your Dialogue 500 has several good stories. I found the "Priest and Condemned Man Conversation" the most thought-provoking of the bunch.

My favorite folder in here is in your collection of Flash Fiction stories. I read them all, and they are nice pieces to reflect on. I especially enjoyed "A Funeral in a Bakery." This was a very emotional story, sort of heartbreaking in a bittersweet way. Great piece of writing! And I thought "Mode of Transportation" had a very humorous ending. *Smile*

You had a few awarded stories in the No Dialogue folder that was well deserved. Overall, this was one of the best folders in the contest group!

While I've got to be one of the only non-Harry Potter fans, your Challenge Book Promptly Potter book is quite impressive. Interesting prompts and entries here!

Good to see you enter two of the newer contests, "Pink Fluffy Unicorns," and "Elizabeth's Short Story & Poetry Contest." Your Pink Fluffy entry was really humorous too! *Wink*

You do really well with the various Writer's Cramp entries. Your creativity truly shines in this folder. The Cramp is a tough challenge, yet you have some great stories here that deserve a read!

I read through several other folders with a diverse group of writing, such as the LGBT Writings, the Screams folder, and other Prompts.

Overall, there is something for everyone in your port! A visitor would easily find something to their liking in your Contest folder.

Write On!


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Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Invalid Photo #1048846

Hi Meduf. I'm reviewing "Devil of the Ocean" today.

Genre - *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

The genres you chose represent this story perfectly. I thought this was very scary and packed with fear and tension. I normally don't read a lot of horror stories, but when the elements intrigue me, I'm right on it!

Title - *Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

While I thought the title was impactful and evoked fear, I also thought it was a bit revealing. I knew from the title that a shark was going to be a threat to someone's survival. I didn't know if they would live or not, but it did take away the ability to surprise me at the end of the story.

Plot - *Star**Star**Star**Star*

This is a very good plot. It takes the natural fear of sharks and the fear of dying alone to another level when you added losing her husband and possibly her child also. The plot came out of their situation--the weather and being thrown into the sea, and I found it to be extremely emotional since this kind of crisis makes it easy for fear and panic to surface. I was caught up in Kim's struggle to get to the boat. However, while I expected the ending, regarding Kim's situation, I wondered, as she did, what would happen to the boat and especially what happened to her child.

Theme - *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

You handled the theme very well. It was clear the theme is about survival. I especially liked that her first thought was to get to the boat and her child, showing a mother's instinct clearly.

Story Setting & Descriptions - *Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

I know you wrote this for a contest, and the first line was required, but the "dark and stormy" part sort of contradicted the "sunset and night sail" when they first leave out on the boat, since they didn't start out on a dark, stormy night. However, the ocean setting was well-drawn, despite this, and the dark and stormy part worked nicely to set the mood of the piece. Your use of descriptive writing is very good! I didn't just read about the waves she fought, I felt the waves flogging her.

Story POV - *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

I found this to be a strong story, as far as telling it from Kim's POV. I felt her fears, and especially her struggle as she tried to reach the boat. The scary/horror aspect was well written.

Characters - *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

Kim was a character I saw clearly in my mind, and her voice was distinct. Her personality attributes came through well, such as her strength, and controlled panic, with the ability to make good and fast decisions. The writing showed her to be more than capable of handling herself.

Dialogue - *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

The use of dialogue was very limited. I believe only one line of dialogue was present, but it sounded realistic and began to show the panic in Kim's voice. Kim's inner dialogue added to the terror and exhaustion we understood she was going through.

Story Structure - *Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

The story has a beginning, middle, and end to it, but while the resolution of Kim and her husband was clear, what happened to the boat and the child isn't. However, as I mentioned before, I still think this is an excellent story, with respect to the plot, the fear and the struggle for survival on Kim's part. You have at least one plot point that raises the stakes, (finally being able to grab the lead rope from the boat), and the climax where she is just about to reach the boat, only to not survive despite her efforts.

Punctuation/Grammar - *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

Good use of punctuation and grammar, with few problems, other than a missing comma or two.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

I enjoyed reading your story very much. It had all the elements for a horror tale, and I felt all the fear and panic Kim did and in all the right places. Good work!

Invalid Photo #1045954


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92
92
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2116766 Unavailable **

Hello Ayla. I'm reviewing "Discovered (STTNG) Chapter 1" today!


*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

I'd like to say this is a very fine piece of writing for Star Trek fan fiction. I am enjoying this story and will continue to read the other chapters you have up.

This Title, Discovered, seems to fit the story perfectly. The Description tells us the basic premise, but you did not give away the plot or storyline. Very good use of these elements.

I saw you used Multiple POV's. I haven't read a story with multiple POVs in a while. You did a good job with it. I read the story for enjoyment, but honestly, I saw no head-hopping issues. When you used a particular POV, you stayed in it until the change of a paragraph of a transition. Good work.

The Structure of your story starts well. You have a solid beginning. Since this is the first chapter, I can only assume you will have a middle and end or resolution to this story. If you executed the other chapters the same way as this one, I have no doubt the structure will be solid all the way through.

The Plot is really good! I loved the revenge aspect of this story and having someone as sweet and nice as Deanna Troi to have a horrible revenge plotted against her. It was perfect. Talk about taking your hero out of her comfort zone. Very good work with the plot. I can't wait to see how it ends!

The Characters were all well depicted. You did not stray from their personalities, their attributes or their mannerisms in any way, keeping them as we know them to be while adding a storyline that the series did not fully explain, not even in the final movie. You went into more detail about Imzadi than the creators did. Good job! The character of Kitana is an excellent creation. You did very well with designing the perfect adversary!

The Dialogue was spot on. Again, everything seemed authentic, they spoke as if they were real people, they stayed in synch with their television counterparts and the statements they made were in line with what that character on the series would probably have said and done.

Punctuation and Grammar were also handled well. I saw nothing major or out of place to worry about.

*Star* FINAL COMMENTS *Star*

If I had to say one thing that would be under the heading of "suggestion," it would be to make the font a bit larger and to use paragraphs for the narrative and action and put dialogue on a separate line. It will be easier to read. The readability as far as language is concerned is excellent, but the readability as far as the format goes is a bit tough. That withstanding, this is a wonderful chapter.

I have found several Trek stories that were well done here on WDC, and this one stands with those as one of the best. I will be reading the rest of your chapters soon. I don't do that very often with novels, unless they really capture my interest, as this one does! Great story, so far.



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93
93
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2116766 Unavailable **

Hello Jason. I'm reviewing "Star Trek: No Beach To Walk On" today!


*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

Before I say anything else, I'd like to tell you that this was one of the *Best* Trek pieces I've read here on WDC!

The Title was very interesting! I was curious about it because I remember hearing this phrase before, but I couldn't recall where. This phrase is extremely metaphorical, and it suits the story well. Of course, you don't know that until after you finish reading it.

This Plot is a bit different than a standard Trek story, as it does not encompass any "mission" other than being on Starbase 11 and shore leave, or any crisis at hand. However, you gave it just the right amount of tension, stress, and "crisis" since Kirk had to deal with the Karidian issue on the Starbase. The plot line that includes Janice Rand was really very good! I mean, real Trek fans always knew the relationship they had was a "love from afar" sort of thing, but nevertheless, we knew they did have feelings for each other, which you show quite clearly. Now that Rand is transferring, she is able to do this freely, and all the things we wondered about in the series, is answered with your wonderful piece of fan fiction!

You handle the Characters of Kirk, Spock, Rand and others with perfect precision, keeping their personalities, and their physical and mental attributes as we have always known them to be, intact, which is the beauty of writing fan fiction, having the world and characters already set-up and created. But making them reflect the profiles they were created with isn't as easy as it sounds, yet you did so and made the story intriguing. I wanted to know why she was actually leaving, and why she couldn't be persuaded to stay. I also loved reading about the other side of Kirk's personality, the side he doesn't show while in command. Very well done.

Their Dialogue is also included in this comparison to Roddenberry's creations, as you made them "sound" exactly as they should, their voices were theirs, and theirs alone, and the verbiage and manner in which they spoke were exactly what it should be. I enjoyed the conversation between Kirk and Janice. It was creative and sentimental, and it laid the groundwork for why she was no longer on board the ship later.

You have worked all the elements of Structure into the story. This story has a definite beginning, middle and ending, and the resolution is definitive. I like endings that are true endings. I also felt that using Kirk's POV was the only option, and you never strayed from that point of view. Nice work. Let's face it, he's the Captain, and he is the one person everything on board will affect, so it was the right choice.

Your use of Punctuation and Grammar was spot on. I saw nothing out of place. If there was, I sure wasn't going to notice it while I was enjoying the read! This was also well done.

Overall, I would have to call the feeling and mood of this piece as dramatic, somber, and even a bit painful. You could actually "feel" Kirk and Rand's pain over her transferring off the ship and separating from each other. However, the one optimistic feeling came from Kirk thinking he would probably see her again, and that the universe has a way of working things out. Even Rand's comment about "you never know" referring to her taking a few command courses, gave a hopeful feeling to the story.

*Star* FINAL COMMENTS *Star*

I found this story to be a perfect piece of fan fiction and a well-done story in the Star Trek world.


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94
94
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #2116766 Unavailable **

Hello Snee. I'm reviewing "In Honour of Spock" today!


*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

The Title and Description suit your poem, as it does honor the character very well, and tells me that it will be of a more serious nature.

I noticed you used the Quatrain poetic format, with 10 stanzas. This happens to be my personal favorite, because of the rhyme scheme. It makes the poem flow like a song, easy, off the tongue, and makes it a lighter poem to read.

It's an interesting poem, as far as I'm concerned because I love all aspects of Star Trek, and what the show stands for, so this is a poem in tribute to one of the finest character actors, and to the character himself. The feeling throughout the piece is logical, organized and serious, but by the end of it, especially in the last stanza, it takes on a more solemn and somber tone to it. The interesting part about the actual poem is that you started it by honoring Spock, and ended it by honoring Nimoy. I liked that. *Smile*

I especially enjoyed this poem because it was more of a vignette of a story, through a poetic device, as well as a tribute to the character and man. Very nice.

I thought your use of punctuation worked very well and felt right for the piece.

*Star* FINAL COMMENTS *Star*

There were a couple of words that, while they did rhyme, they didn't sound like "true rhyme," such as words like "know it/transmit, and sure/detour, etc. However, this did not detract from my enjoyment of the poem in any way. Nice work with this one.



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95
95
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2116766 Unavailable **

Hello onaya3. I'm reviewing "An Enterprising Halloween" today!


*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

I must tell you, out of all the humorous Star Trek stories and poems I've read, this is one of the funniest ones, in my opinion! I was laughing so much, I had to stop before finishing it. Very good job! Very good title. Yes, you told us what the story was about between the Title and Description, but in this case, you did not give away the story humor by telling us the premise. Good work.

I would never have thought to use Data to explore a Halloween-themed story. Great idea! This Plot screamed funny! Even original Trek used a Halloween theme for "Catspaw." Although, that episode was nothing like this story, and it was a serious episode.

You did a wonderful job keeping the Characters in "character." I've read some stories, where they don't speak or act anything like what we know them to be like, so you did a fantastic job of showing their personalities with action and language.

The Dialogue was quite good. I could see and hear Data perfectly, as well as Picard. And the language and words they used were spot on to their character. For instance, Data called them "domesticated fowl eggs" and Picard called them "chicken eggs."

I didn't see any Punctuation issues or Grammatical problems. This had good readability.

*Star* FINAL COMMENTS *Star*

About the only useful comment I could make would be about the first two lines. They were a bit long. It could be easier to read if you tried making them three lines, rather than the two long ones. However, I thought this was a fantastic story. The humor was so "Data!" Good job!


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96
96
Review of Mudd's Spud  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #2116766 Unavailable **

Hi Prosperous Snow. I'm reviewing "Mudd's Spud" today!


*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

I *loved* this little poem! Nice rhyme, it was humorous, and told the plot in four lines.

I saw you chose to use the AA, BB rhyme scheme, and I thought it made the poem so wonderfully melodic and jovial! Harry Mudd is always a good subject for anything with a scheme or a plot of a devious nature, but this piece took aim at his more common plot of "going for the credits!" Loved it! No doubt, he stole the spud from someone out there! *Laugh*

*Star* FINAL COMMENTS *Star*

Very good use of the clerihew poetic format. It was perfect for this biographical Mudd piece! I also liked how you kept the punctuation and capitalization consistent.



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97
97
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
** Image ID #2116766 Unavailable **

Hello Rose. I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers. I'm reviewing "The Dave of the Dove" today!

*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

I must say, after reading your poem, you truly earned that Awardicon. What wonderful images and feeling from this construct. It was quite impressive that you could create such a short but definable story out of these Trek titles.

First of all, the poem was very interesting and evoked the "peaceful" story you were hoping to create. What I found most amazing was how each line created a variety of storyline possibilities as I read it. I liked how you told the story---with few details so that the reader could fill some of those in and imagine them for themselves such as, "the patterns of force" that were used in "a private little war," without actually telling me what those patterns were. Nice...very nice, indeed!

I wouldn't say the poem sounded "melodic," but it definitely had a flow to it that seemed logical, with a sense of hope coming from it. The tone seemed to change from dark to that peaceful ending once they are shown "the way to Eden." With these elements combined, you created depth and feeling to it. And one interesting thing to note is that it did not seem forced or contrived. The lines made sense and moved to the next in a way that moved the story to its conclusion.

I noticed you didn't use punctuation at all. It felt like it should have had a few marks, here and there to make the pauses clear, but despite that, this is a 5-star poem in my opinion.

*Star* FINAL COMMENTS*Star*

This poem is an enjoyable piece to read, yet it makes you think about what is being said from different points of view, and makes you consider the actual or metaphorical "voyage to Eden."


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98
98
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2116766 Unavailable **

Hello Jason. I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers. I'm reviewing "Star Trek: Generation Gap" today!


*Star* HOW I FOUND YOU *Star*

I found your story while searching out fan fiction items for Star Trek stories. Let me first say, "Wow! What an excellent alternate story!" I was impressed by your writing. And you very obviously love Trek too by this creative storyline.

*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

The Title and Description gave me the environment, being ST, and a little information about what I would be reading, but I had no clue it would change the events in such a significant way. I loved this version as well as the original story. Quite frankly, your version would have really opened up the films for an interesting viewpoint, had they gone with your version. Very good work with this!

I think there could be no other Point of View to use other than Kirk's. It was a powerful story, hearing his thoughts, and it had a bit of a darker side to them, especially when we thought about being "put out to pasture" so to speak by Starfleet, and how he resisted retirement. I thoroughly enjoyed how he ended up having similar thoughts in his new environment, and how insulted he was to be treated like "a pet," as you put it.

Very, very good Characterization. Many of these thoughts were never explored in the series of films because he was in his prime then and in command. Here, however, he is more of a living statue, and we see another side of his personality. The interesting thing is, this "other side" seems to be spot on as far as his character is concerned.

The story Structure is good, a definite beginning, middle, and yes, an end too. Although, you didn't actually resolve the story in a definite action. I mean, you did, in the sense that Kirk is standing his ground in this new environment as well as he had in the past, but there was no real declaration about that other than in his own mind. We don't know what he did after he left the holodeck. However, I loved this so much, I still think it's a 5-star piece.

The Plot was a combination of original and Next Generation Trek, which seems to be a popular trend in both the films and in fan fiction, that I've noticed. Your characters in your story are true to their original creations, which is very important in fan fiction, and they speak and react the way we expect them to.

Since you had limited Dialogue, I can't say too much about this element, although everything is truly spot on here. There were a few places with dialogue and they sounded genuine and followed the character's mannerisms and style of speaking. But I felt this piece was written more as inner thoughts and reflections, rather than outward discussion.

I wish I could give a suggestion or a comment for thought, but quite frankly, I think this was a fantastic alternative story line. I have no suggestions, criticisms, or otherwise, other than ending the piece perhaps more definitively.

I saw no grammatical or punctuation errors, or anything missing. Of course, I was so intrigued by what I was reading, I could have missed something! Excellent Trek fiction!


Invalid Photo #1048805


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99
99
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2116766 Unavailable **

Hello Prosperous Snow, I've chosen to review "USS Enterprise Meets Clarabell the Clown" today!


*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

Of course, your genres of choice were perfect for this tale! I loved the comedy aspect of the story! There are so many parodies about Star Trek, and they are all fun and enjoyable, even to the hardcore fan. I am a huge Trekker, so I love this combo!

This story made me laugh and smile! I mean, I knew what the Enterprise and crew were going to find by the title, but it got me laughing before I even read it! And even though I knew "Clarabell" would be in the action, I had no idea how you were going to present it, so it was quite a surprise! I believe another reason the humor worked so nicely in this is because you stayed consistent, keeping the story from Kirk's POV. Spock being "the straight man" wouldn't have done it justice. Nice work!

Your story was a nice, short piece, with a complete structure of beginning, middle, and resolution. And boy oh boy, did it get resolved! *Laugh* The plot was a standard Trek episodic premise, exploring the galaxy, as well as other missions, but you made this plot an original one by combining original Trek with elements from the Next Generation series. I don't want to give it away for anyone who might read this, but the surprise ending was *perfect.* Very creative!

The characters and dialogue were spot on. Since they are well-known characters, you had no trouble keeping them "in character", yet you added the element of humor, and Kirk's comments were really very funny! I especially liked it when he called Spock a "dunderhead!" *Laugh* And I couldn't help but notice Kirk's memory issue! Again, it's so Kirk with humor!

Overall, I found nothing grammatically out of place. This was a good, quick read, with just the right amount of humor to make it a wonderfully Trekkish!


Invalid Photo #1048805


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100
100
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Hi Jade. I'm Dee. I stopped by your port today to review your poem, "Where's Christmas in the South?."

*StarY* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarY*

I found you when I visited the Newbies Academy Group Showcase List. Congratulations on being a Showcase Member for April!

*StarP* MY THOUGHTS *StarP*

While you chose the category personal for your poem, I think you would fare better as far as getting reviews, if you were more specific. Personal works well, but perhaps you should add other categories such as emotional, family, or holiday to the list. If you leave it on personal, and no other genre, it's difficult to have an idea what the poem is about.

I understood this is a Christmas poem, it takes place in Georgia, in the south, and it's about the author's experience with the cold and snow that made that Christmas special.

The tone and mood of the poem are light, hopeful, and happy. I felt the tone and mood through the entire poem, until the end of it, when the mood became exciting and thrilling when show arrived.

You set the stage with comments about the weather being "a cold nip in the air." All your descriptions and descriptive writing made me "feel" your experience as you wait for Christmas Eve and snowflakes to hopefully fall, which of course, they do!

Your stanzas had rhyme to it, but it wasn't the traditional AABB or similar rhyme schemes, and I saw little to no alliteration or assonance.

*StarP* FINAL COMMENTS *StarP*

I liked this poem very much! You turned inspiration and a personal desire into a wonderful piece of holiday poetry that put a smile on my face! Nice work!

Invalid Photo #1047400




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