Guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing The Lighting of This Candle{/u}.
First Impressions:
I applaud you for this poem. As a fanatic of military history (and history in general), you captures the spirit of war on the opposition side very well. The desolation and despair brings me back to World War I Europe, so sad. I can actually cry to this poem; very few can make me cry. You also have a nice nuance of words, which gives the poem even more depth.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, everything looks perfect. I also like how you broke this into stanzas, made it easier to read. Also, a nice job sticking to the AABB format.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Very good job; nicely done. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Life's Short.
First Impressions:
This reminded me of a piece I have read by Jonathon Edwards. It's very interesting and makes the person reading this think about the life they are living. I really like the imagery you used and the AABB rhyme scheme. It works with the poem and really adds depth to what you are trying to convey.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I liked how you broke Life's Short into stanzas; it makes it easier to read.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
Again, you have a lot of beauty to your work. Keep this up and remember to write on!
Guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing [u}Across The Universe.
First Impressions:
Wow, this was a really amazing poem. I loved your imagery because I felt like I was the actual girl inside your story... each blow she took, whatever was done to her I could feel. It left chills up my spine. I also liked how you played with your words and the rhyme scheme. The style added to the flow, which made your story even more complex. You did a really nice job.
Mechanics:
Please remember these are only MY opinions, so feel free to do whatever you want.
I thought this could have been changed:
>>Can ever I leave this dark place? <<
Can I ever leave this dark place?
To me that sounds better. Other than that, I found no mechanical errors. I also liked how you broke the poem into stanzas, it made it easier to read. Across the Universe was perfect.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
You have a very impressive style. I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good book and keep writing on!
Hallo und Guten nachtmittag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Song of Night and Other Poems.
First Impressions:
These are very interesting poems, nonetheless I love the intimacy and sensuality of these poems. You have great imagery and the poems really came alive for me. Great job.
Mechanics:
Only suggestion is to bold each title of new poems. It would make it easier to see where a new poem begins. Other than that I spotted no mechanical errors, the stanzas really worked and so did the flow. The flow added to the poems.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Ramadan 2007.
First Impressions:
This is very interesting. I have learned a lot of new facts about Ramadan that I didn't know before. Thank you for sharing this with us. Happy Ramadan (is it okay to say that?)!
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I liked how you boldest and colour changed each new section. I also like the quotes used, it gives the reader examples, as well as the spacing that makes it easier to read.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Thanks again for sharing; this really was interesting and a good insight into Islam. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing To The Speakers of Words.
First Impressions:
This is very interesting, but true nonetheless. People really should watch what they say and you present the reasons why in an interesting and creative way. The flow also worked and made the poem more interesting. Good job.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I liked how you set it up into stanzas; made it easier to read.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
I liked this poem and I think more people should follow your advice/poem. You have an interesting style and it really works. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Dangerous Ground.
First Impressions:
I get what you're trying to convey and I love the military theme, however this poem lacks a lot of substance. You leave me wondering where the imagery is; don't get me wrong there is a little bit, but it lacks a lot of depth and luster. Also, the flow is off; the end doesn't perfectly match... it is really choppy.
Mechanics:
I spotted a few errors. I also came up with some ideas to make this poem better, especially since I've been writing military pieces myself. Remember these are only MY opinions.
>>A soldier patrolled a hellhole,
through land that knew no control,
survived terrible attacks,
without injury or scratch,
then stepped on a mine in a hold.<<
The soldier patrolled his hellhole,
Why his? In war everything is personal and well, war is hell; this conveys that it is also your own hell.
In a land that knew no control. Surviving many terrible attacks,
Adding many gives the depth that he has been in war for a while, which he probably has been.
without injury or a bloody scratch. With bad luck, stepped on a mine on the knoll.
Knoll would rhyme better with the hole/control scheme. You don't have to fix it of course, but I think it would make it a little better.
Rating: *
Final Impressions:
What contest did you enter this in? I'd be interested in checking it out. Just remember writing takes practice, for everyone, just keep writing on!
Guten nachmittag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Memorial Day, 2007.
First Impressions:
This really moved me. I like how you contrasted between the real meaning of Memorial Day (especially with the dread military families feel) with what most Americans take for granted. However, I think you could have expanded the contrasts by two more lines... maybe with something like "the pools open, everyone jumps in; television marathons for hours, everyone wins." I love how you end it, especially.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I like the rhythm because it brings your poem to the point and gives it some more depth.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
I like contrasting poems, it gives more depth and I like your message in this poem. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing The Valley of Mystification.
First Impressions:
This isn't a bad start, it just needs some work. I think you have some great ideas for imagery, but others could be spruced up a bit. The flow is a little choppy, but it wouldn't be hard to fix. This poem has a lot of potential.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but as I said this poem could be fixed up. Please remember these are only MY suggestions and you don't have to follow them.
>>For a poet's heart doesn't know it until the abyss of time envelops it,
And the sweet seraph of the sultry sepulchre serenades it.
Having that said, the poison will creep through my veins and spread to my heart,
Seep out through my body and flow in the night.
For a poet's lyrics are septicemia to the soul but vague to the mind,
Ensnaring the senses and incinerating all doubt,
The ultimate enigma of this life shall never be known.<<
For a poet's heart doesn't know
Until the abyss of time envelops it,
First question, what doesn't it know? Maybe be a little be more clearer.
And the sweet seraph of the sultry sepulchre serenades it.
Having that said, the poison creepsthrough my veins; Spreading quickly to my heart,
Seep out through my body and flow into the night.
For a poet's lyrics are septicemia to the soul But vague to the mind,
Ensnaring the senses and incinerating all doubt,
The ultimate enigma of this life shall never be known.
Rating: ***
Final Thoughts:
Yes, I think if corrections are made, this poem will be really great. Just remember to keep writing on; that's how we all get better.
Guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Grace.
First Impressions:
I liked this poem; it has a great message and the connotations speak loudly to me. It is very true and I'm struggling with a lot of inner turmoil. I'm not very religious, but I do have my beliefs (karma). I really loved the flow (ABAB) format; it makes the poem as well with the imagery.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. It looked perfect.
Guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I will be reviewing The Ice Cream Cone.
First Impressions:
What an interesting poem. I really liked the imagery; it was very innocent, but held another meaning, and I was fascinated. I also liked the flow; it made the poems.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I also liked how you broke it up into stanzas; made it easier to read.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Yes, yes, you have quite a talent. Can't wait to read more. Just remember to write on!
Guten nachmittag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing I'm [Not] Sorry.
First Impressions:
I could relate to this poem; I used to have a crush on someone like the person you described in the poem... it really brought back bad memories, especially how he would tell his friends everything and I'd apologize. = I digress, you have vivid details and the way you play with the words made this poem come alive and feel as the reader was in on the action. I also liked the flow.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I like how you break the poem up into stanzas; it made it easier for reading.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
I was really impressed with this poem, though it brought back bad memories of a person. = But, you really have a talent and I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing On Sunday Afternoon.
First Impressions:
I thought this was a very pretty haiku and it really expressed a nice later spring / early summer day. Man, I wish I was living that day, especially with the softness of a kitten next to me. Very beautiful imagery.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors; I think it is set up beautifully.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
I'll check out the rest of your port later. You did a really beautiful job with this. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten nachmittag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Legacy.
First Impressions:
This poem was so beautiful and yet so sad, you brought tears to my eyes. I really loved your imagery; it really brought the angst of the soldier's wife, something we can't imagine until we live it. I also liked the flow and how you ended the poem the way it began, but it past tense.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. This was perfect and it flowed very well. I also liked how you broke it up, made it easier on the eyes; especially ones filled with tears.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
I was about to type something like this (both happy and sad ones; the happy one of course a soldier's letter home and coming home to see his wife) and the sad one similar to this. This really inspired me. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten nachmittag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Window.
First Impressions:
This is a very interesting poem about looking out the window and reading looking to find truth. I really like your imagery and the despair, then hope you go through; such as life. I could really picture doing this, which I have so many times and the flow really clarifies it. I also liked the outcome of this poem.
Mechanics: Have you ever been looking out the window?
>>Have you ever lookedout the window?<<
That line sounded verbose, so I cut out all the unneccessary pieces of that line. Other than that, the poem looks fine.
Rating:{/b] ***
Final Impressions:
I really enjoyed this poem and it gives the reader some hope. You really did a nice job with this. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing The Other Brain Within Me...
First Impressions:
At first this piece wasn't bad because of your imagery and I could really visualize this. However, you repeat "I have this feeling within me," it made it a little repetitive and banal. But, your imagery and flow were good.
Mechanics: Feeling this urge inside me take over my mind The other brain within me cries to destroy you
Searching for the proper weapon to use
Planing the attack in my mind
>>Feeling this urge inside me take over my mind <--- This was fine.
The other brain within me cries to destroy you. <--- Please don't underline "The other..." it looks weird. It would look better if it wasn't underlined.
Searching for the proper weapon to use. <--- This part was fine.
Planing the attack in my mind. <--- Planning not planing.
Also, place this poem on a left align... centering it makes it look bulgy, weird, and frankly it gives me a headache.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
This wasn't a bad start; you're there with imagery. Just fix the mechanics and it should look good. Just remember to keep writing, the more you write the better you become.
Guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing They Wait.
First Impressions:
Very interesting piece. You did well characterizing; I felt like I was in the room with these characters and knew them personally. I also loved your imagery, I could picture the setting and how these people looked.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. It looks perfect and I like the way you set up the paragraphs; it is easier to read this way.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
I really enjoyed this. I can't wait to check out the rest of your port. Remember to keep writing!
Guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Serenade Of Shadows: Profane Prayer.
First Impressions:
This is a very pretty poem; it shows the destructive powers of the goddess, maybe even the destructive powers in us. I really liked the imagery and I could tell you worked a very long time on this poem; it is very successful.
Mechanics:
I only found one error:
a grand priest-ess.
>>a grand priestess (no dash in it)<<
Other than that, everything is perfect and the flow really works with this poem.
Rating: ***
Final Impression:
This is a very interesting poem and I really like it. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten Morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Decorating the Temple of Sweetest Lies.
First Impressions:
This isn't too, too bad. It actually has some great imagery in it and it seems very pretty. You don't spare us on the imagery and some parts of this poem reminds me of the Door's "Light My Fire." Some parts didn't flow right, so I would suggest going back and proofreading. Other than that, this poem wasn't that bad and has lots of potential.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors and I also like how you break up the poem into stanzas.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
You have a lot of talent. I'll check out more of your port tomorrow. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten tag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing W.D's Advice For Forlorn Lovers.
First Impressions:
This is great, especially the humor in this. You really present advice in an interesting way, especially with a twist. I also like how you put your personality into it, which made what you are trying to sell even more. May I ask you a few relationship questions?
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I liked how you set this up as a advice collumn for a newspaper and how you signed it.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
I can't wait to check out more of your port. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Guten tag! Ich bin Jessica and I will be reviewing Ten Writing No-No's.
First Impressions:
Bravo for this piece! I really should print this out and give it to my younger cousins and people at school who still break the rules of grammar. -_- Anyway, you explained Passive Voice to me; I never understood that before and now I do. Thank you. =] I also like your layout; it makes it easy to understand, new numbers are bolded and are in red, and you give examples. Examples = good. Honestly, you should send this to schools... I think students would find this useful.
Mechanics:
Since this is a piece about mechanics, it would be ironic if there were any in this piece. However, you stayed on your prompt, proof-read carefully and I found no errors. =]
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Do you do this for a living? You sound professional. Anyway, can't wait to check out the rest of your port. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
First Impressions:
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I was in awe the whole time reading this. I love how you personify the storm -- it gives it a lot of depth and amazement. The imagery was also breathtaking; it felt like I in this storm and knew the person you were comparing the storm; just overall beauty.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors; this is perfect, absolutely perfect. I also like the spacing.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Thank you for participating in
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Hallo! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing I Am.
My First Impressions:
Very interesting and philosophical. This really shows that we don't truly know ourselves, just like people on the outside don't know who we are. This is very true and yet very simple.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I like how it's setup and you did a great job following the rules of haiku.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Keep writing these haikus daily and you'll get even better in no time. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Have a great holiday and please check out:
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Hallo! Ich bin Jessica and I will be reviewing Forbidden.
First Impressions:
I'm not a very religious person and don't really believe in heaven and hell, but this poem isn't half bad. I like your imagery and how you capture human emotions (because lets face it, humans are tempted... but that's part of being a human).
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. However, it would be better not centered. It looks better at a left align.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
As I said above, I'm not a religious person; but this was enjoyable. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!
Have a great holiday and please take a look at:
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Guten Morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing My 2001 Diary Entries About Fred.
ns: My First Impressions:
This is so cute and such a great idea too. If my cat was a lot youner (we've had him since 1988... before I was born) I would do something different. I also loved the humor in this and your account of everything. At first I thought Fred was a human from your characterization.
Mechanics:
I found no spelling or mechanical errors. Only minor, though: I would bold face the dates. It would distinguish the dates from your accounts. I also like how you spaced -- made it easier for reading.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
You have a lot of talent and I love your humor. Hope Fred is doing okay (he is your actual cat, right?). Keep writing!
Have a good day!
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