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Public Reviews
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1
1
Rated: E | (3.5)
I sure wish I had this kind of advice when I was in school! This is a fabulous inspirational piece. You give sound advice. The one thing I will say is that it was difficult to read, for me, because it was all one paragraph. I think you could break it up into at least two. Maybe at "I know this is spiraling but too many waste their time and energy on trying to be normal."

Judging has always been a thing and I'm sure it always will be because there are too many opinionated people out there who aren't afraid to share, even if it's unwanted.

My daughter dyed her hair blue. I took her to get it done. My husband made the comment, "She calls herself an introvert but goes out and does something that gets people's attention." That's just who she is. He's so judgy, I can't stand it sometimes. I found a website that states:
Blue hair: typically signifies a quiet, soft-spoken, intellectual, sometimes even introverted character – albeit often one with a surprisingly strong will.
May I share this with her?

This is one of my favorite sentences: Let them show you who they are instead of you deciding for them. I love that.

You did an excellent job with grammar and spelling. I found nothing that needs correction.

Kind of makes me want to print out a bunch of copies of this, laminate them, and have them ready to hand out to teens and tweens. Don't know if you have a school paper in which you could maybe get it printed, but I think people need to read this.

You've written a wonderful piece here. I hope you continue to write!

Write on!
2
2
Review of Why am I here?  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this greetings poem. At least I understand what it's about! *Ha* I hope you find your home here. Many of us have and we love welcoming new members.

There is a lot of good writing around the site. Maybe you'll find some blogs you would be interested in following. Speaking of which, I need to go read some.

Have a fabulous day!

~QPdoll
3
3
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Bubblegum Jones . I am reviewing "Daniel and his people as part of your winning bid in the 4 Seasons Auction & Raffle.

*Crown*Thoughts
I know it's hard for people to not judge others who choose to do things a bit differently than the rest of us. We are a little boring and I think it's kind of fun to stand out from the crowd.

*Crown* What I Liked
I admire Daniel for sticking with what he likes and enjoys when it comes to his hair. That says something about a person.

*Crown* Parting Comments
This was short and funny. I really enjoyed it. Great job!


Created by A E Wilcox
4
4
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Bubblegum Jones ,

This is a Review of "The Story behind Play-Doh to fulfill the package you won from the 4 Seasons Auction and Raffle.

I don't usually review articles, so bear with me. This is listed as a short story, but it doesn't have all aspects of a story which include exposition, rising action, climax, and falling action.

This article explains when Play-Doh was invented and its sole purpose at the time. It then goes on to explain how it became a toy. Isn't it interesting how the purpose of items changes as time goes on? It was originally a cleaning product then turned into something for kids and adults to play with.

You did a good job presenting the facts and I learned something new in that I had no idea it was originally used as a way to clean coal off of walls. I wonder how long it actually lasted.

I remember playing playdoh with my daughter. We had a lot of fun squishing it through our fingers and the plastic "tools" used to create "spaghetti" and hamburgers. We also had a little sundae maker. Great times.

I've read through your writing and you do a fantastic job with articles. Well done!

Congratulations on your win in the 4 Seasons Auction!



Created by A E Wilcox
5
5
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Izzy's Writing !

As requested, I am reviewing "When All Lights Go Out (You're There) . Thank you for allowing me to read your story.


The Overall Impression
This piece made me sad but happy in the end. Well, maybe not happy ... relieved, I think. I can't imagine losing a spouse or significant other.

I could feel Phoenix's pain. It was clear she struggled severely. It's not something I want to feel anytime soon!

I kind of liked the flashbacks, too.

So there's some telling here and tense changes. You start off pretty good with tense, but by the end, the tense changed.


My Favorite Part
I really liked the flashbacks. It gives you an idea of what their relationship was like before everything changed. No wonder the loss was so difficult.


Setting
As far as setting goes, maybe you could add more about the apartment. Use all the senses. Is there a scent on his pillow. Would Phoenix touch the pillow? How does it feel or make her feel? You do use the sight sense with photos. Good job. Maybe their favorite food just doesn't taste the same now. You also use the sound sense in showing how quiet the apartment is now. She doesn't want to play her guitar because Luca's not there to listen.


Plot
I think the ending needs more because I felt that Phoenix was a little too accepting in such a short period of time. It seems to me that she would need a little more time after seeing Luca to process everything. Also, watch how many times you use the term "move on." It gets a bit redundant.


Suggestions

I can’t speak about you in past tense. I speak about you as if you were still here. This is past tense. You can change it to present tense like this: I speak about you as if you are still here.

I breathe out a sigh and lean my head back against my bedroom wall. My guitar was strapped over my shoulder, but I wasn’t playing it. I had just finished the song I’d written for you last night, but now, I had no desire to send it out into the world. Why should I when you wouldn’t be there to hear it?

Here we need to tighten up the writing. At the beginning of the paragraph, you have the word "my" four times. Let's see if we can change it up a bit. Don't forget, these are only suggestions.

I breathe out a sigh and lean against the bedroom wall. The guitar was strapped across my shoulder, but I didn't play it.

There is just a little telling in the remainder of the paragraph. Try something like this: I finished the song I wrote for you last night, but now, I have no desire to send it out into the world. Why should I when you won't be there to hear it?

We need to stay away from these helping verbs. We all write with them, but that's why we have to edit. These words are: am, is, are, was, were, be, been, has, have, and had. There are times when these words are necessary, but that should be minimal.

Also, watch your tenses. When we write in first person, we must choose our tense, present or past. I believe this story works wonderfully in first person, but I think it needs to be in present tense. I think that would be more impactful.

Here's an example: Luca. Your name meant light in Latin. You were my light, my beacon that guided my ship to safe waters, and my candle that flickered in the darkness. Without you, I’m covered in darkness, and I don’t know where to turn to next. You had never left me stumbling in the dark before, but now, you were gone, and I had no one to guide me.

Your name means light in Latin. You are my light, my beacon which guides my ship to safe waters, and my candle that flickers in the darkness. Without you, darkness covers me and I don't know where to turn to next. You never left me stumbling in the dark before, but now, you are gone and so is my guidance.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar
You did a fantastic job with these.

Final Thoughts/Comments
Please don't think that this piece is not good because it is. I feel that there is more work that still needs to be done. That's why I rated it at a 3.5. Don't take the score too seriously. It's just meant to help.

At the beginning of the story, your character stares into the sun, then looks down at the music. I don't know about you, but if I've just been staring at the sun, I wouldn't be able to see anything for a few minutes. Just something I wanted to point out.

Here's a link I think you might find interesting.
https://writersedit.com/fiction-writing/7-essentia... Sorry, you have to ignore the fifty million ads on the page. *Laugh*

Thank you for allowing me to read and review this story. I enjoyed it and you did a fine job. *Smile*


New Signature made by A.E. Wilcox



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of ARE YOU A TEEN?  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I remember being a teen and the questions were the same then. (An extremely long time ago!) My daughter is now the same age as you are. I work hard to include her in almost everything I do and experience. I want her to enjoy, as you say, the beauty of being a teen. Excellent poem!
7
7
Review of Outlook  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Isn't this the truth! You did a fantastic job of summarizing our daily communications, for sure! You portrayed messages that we get from business and corporate leaders all the time. Sometimes it's almost like playing make-believe.

I really like your poem. Great job!
8
8
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Mastiff !

I am reviewing "Occupational Changes to fulfill the package you purchased in the "Mad Hatter's Tea Party.

Please know I am not a professional editor or author and these are only my thoughts and opinions.



What I Like
I liked being able to picture everything throughout the reading. You wrote good descriptions and I felt like I was right there watching everything play out.

I believe one of your strengths is writing narrative. Keep up the great work!


Setting
I liked the various settings, the gym, the Japanese garden, the apartment. However, I would have liked to get more description. I know I always forget to write with the five senses: sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. These would have brought the reader more into the scenes like the restaurant and Japanese garden.


Plot
We get physical descriptions of Chris and his sensei and they seem real to me, but the descriptions read like a list as opposed to being weaved into the story. Something like, his 5'11" made it easy for him to kick the bag, or, when he grabbed his towel he could have wiped it across his short-cropped hair. Hopefully, you understand what I'm saying here, but let me know if it doesn't make sense.

I was able to follow along the story with little confusion. There were a few parts I had to re-read, but I think that was on my part. *Ha*

My one question is, how did he die? Did he simply die in his sleep? What happened?


Suggestions

Even not a large man at 5’ 10”, Chris had plenty of upper body strength. This sentence read a little awkward to me. For me, the word "even" doesn't make sense.

Shadow wagged because he knew the word, and it was always fun. I think "his tail" might be good to add between "wagged" and "because."

Not fading away, but almost drawn away if sucked back by a straw. I believe this sentence would read easier if you added "as" between "away" and "if."

This time, he didn’t forget to unharness his dog, but once that was done, he just reclined on the couch where he sat. This sentence seems a little cluttered. You don't need the word, "just", and "where he sat" is also not needed because you already stated that he reclined. That gives the reader the picture that the character laid down on the couch. So, the sentence would read, This time, he didn't forget to unharness his dog, but once that was done, he reclined on the couch.

Here's a link about words to avoid in writing: https://www.freelancewriting.com/copywriting/ten-w....

Then, it pointed at him, then slowly floated back through his wall, and was gone. It may be considered 'old school', but I would refrain from using the same word in the same sentence. "Then" is used twice and fairly close. A suggested rewrite might be: It pointed at him, ... or Then, it pointed at him and slowly floated ...

“You are here late, deshi, does something trouble you?” I think maybe since Chris has already stated that he is troubled by saying that he needed to talk, I would suggest changing this question to read, "what troubles you" instead of "does something trouble you?" This would require a change in his response as well.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:

He grabbed a towel and dried sweat off his body after working out. Shadow, his mastiff, left his guard position across the doorway to the room, assuming it was play time. The word playtime is one word.

Past the restaurants, various shops full of trinkets martial arts weapons, and fireworks, it was a melting pot of many Asian cultures living in relative harmony. I believe there should be a comma after "trinkets" because you're listing three different items.

After showering up and smelling nice, because there were lovely ladies on campus, the two-headed for the Broad Street subway. There is no need for a hyphen between "two" and "headed" unless we're talking about a two-headed animal or person.


Final Thoughts/Comments
I felt sad for poor Shadow who was now left alone.

Although I still can't tell if this was supposed to be a bad spirit or not. I would have thought bad until Chris became the spirit himself and left to get his father. This left me confused.

Your description states horror/scary, dark, and occult, but I didn't feel any of those things. Although the spirit was a little frightening, that was it. The only thing I can think of to change this is maybe different language/words?


I have so enjoyed reading this story and having the opportunity to review it. Thank you. And, thank you for purchasing my donated package in the "Mad Hatter's Tea Party.


Keep on writing!!



New Signature made by A.E. Wilcox

9
9
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, LazyWriter !

I am a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Reviewers Group and have just read "The Child of the Water. I would like to share my thoughts.

Please remember these are only my thoughts and opinions.

I was checking out Charlotte's Castle and saw the introduction of new PDG members. Welcome!

So, I perused your port and found this story.


Overall Impression
I love the title. It matched the story perfectly.

I was so excited for Rar, who was full of adventure and bravery. He was his own person and enjoyed spending time with his dad.

I was anxious and 'on the edge of my seat' during the sea monster scene.

You were able to bring excitement and energy to the story. You captured my attention and held it throughout the story. I wasn't sure how I'd like this story when I first checked it out in your port. It was a pleasant experience.

Setting
I loved the idea of a village of 'water people' living deep in the ocean. It's something I've fantasized about. I know it's weird, but I've always wondered about ships that have been 'lost' in the Bermuda Triangle. Wouldn't it be cool if they found themselves in an underwater world?

Plot
The characters seemed real, even his sister. You did a fantastic job creating these characters and bringing life to them. I loved the description of their white hair.

I was able to follow the story with no interruptions or stumbling. I didn't have to go back and re-read anything. It all made sense and flowed well.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar
I noticed just a couple of things.

“Um…A little, sir.” He’s barely slept! I think you might have meant "He'd" barely slept.

“Brother, why haven’t you bought a new mattress for my bed?! There should only be one punctuation mark after a sentence. Since this is a question, the question mark would be best. The excitement has been portrayed through the language so I believe the reader would understand without the exclamation point.

Final Thoughts/Comments
I loved this story. I like fantasy and this piqued my interest and curiosity. I would love to read more about Rar and his apprenticeship.

Thank you for sharing. Write on!



New Signature made by A.E. Wilcox

10
10
Review of True  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, ToucanTheRainwing !

I am a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Reviewers Group and have just read "True. I would like to share my thoughts.

Please remember these are only my thoughts and opinions.

*Check2* Overall Impression
This story was full of energy. I felt anxious to know what was going to happen next.

*Check2* Plot
So much seemed to happen at once. The events took place in an order that seemed realistic for the story. You introduced the background story and brought us to the current point in time where Dream sat next to her ailing father. Then she was thrown into a new situation.

*Check2* Scene/Setting
I couldn't decide if this story took place in a room in a cave or a castle. I wonder if the room was warm or cold? I would hope warm, but since they are dragons it could be that cold is more comfortable.

*Check2* Characters
I enjoyed meeting Dreamhunter and the dragon who swooped into the room with the scroll and message.
I did wonder about her dad. What did he look like since he was so ill? Did he cry out in his sleep? Was he coherent enough to speak to his daughter?

*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics
I didn't find any errors with grammar, spelling, or punctuation.

*Check2* Suggestions
Maybe a little more description like the temperature of the room.

Also, a quick little description of the delivery dragon would help, in my opinion, to bring the reader a little more into the story.

I wondered about Dream's necklace. What did it look like? I pictured something akin to large, white various shaped stones but that may be completely different than what you pictured.

Thank you for sharing your story. I enjoyed reading it.

Write On!



New Signature made by A.E. Wilcox
11
11
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Baloney Bill !

I am a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Reviewers Group and have just read "The Hole-In-the-Wall Come Christmas. I would like to share my thoughts.

Please remember these are only my thoughts and opinions.

I am really late reading through my emails but finally got to the one introducing new PDG members. Congratulations! It's nice to have new members. So, I perused your port and found this story.

Overall Impression
I liked this story even though it's sad. It's nice that he stayed in touch with his kids, especially since he never received any kind of custody. I wonder if he got regular visitations until the kids were old enough to make the decision to visit or not.

I felt sad for him. I feel bad for many dads who lose custody of their children. It's just not fair to take their kids away from them unless there are some abuse or safety issues.

You did a good job with portraying his heartache even if he didn't recognize it.

My Favorite Part
This piece made me want to both smile and cry.

My favorite part was the note he wrote in the card he was going to send to his son. It was good that they also seemed to stay in a little touch with their dad, after all, Andy did send him a picture of his little girl.

Setting
I like that the title matched the setting of the story. It was a place he hadn't planned to stay at very long. Unfortunately, life played havoc and he found that he'd been in the same place for many years. It's a little disheartening. I wanted so much for this character.

Plot
I enjoyed how you walked us through his life to the point where he ended up. He agreed that the divorce should have happened, but not that he lost custody of his kids.

I could feel the pain of which he suffered, even though he claimed he didn't mind his situation. The character seemed real and I could kind of relate to the pain he was feeling, although I've never been without my children. I could imagine what I'd feel like to have lived with them for a certain amount of time, then more or less being kicked out of their lives.

Suggestions
The one suggestion I would make is that when there are strong or loud emotions they don't need to be capitalized. If you use an exclamation point, that should give the reader a good enough idea that it is loud.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar
I saw no punctuation, spelling, or grammar errors.

Final Thoughts/Comments
I was sad that he'd been out of his children's lives as much as he was, but he still kept in touch with them through cards. It was great how you brought in his emotions at the end that showed how much his kids really mean to him and how sorry he was that he wasn't more a part of their lives.

The writing was smooth and was easy to read. I didn't have to go back and re-read anything.

Wonderful job!




New Signature made by A.E. Wilcox

12
12
Review of Grace  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ah, poetry. I don't know a lot about it, which is evident in the poetry I've attempted *Laugh*, but I enjoy rhyming poetry. You get into a rhythm and everything reads so smoothly.

A place of darkness, someplace none of us wish to be. You've portrayed it well. It reminds me of being in a deep depression trying to free yourself. It made my heart feel heavy. Ultimately, prayer helps to break free.

Then, finally, a sliver of hope ensues. It's like a huge weight being lifted. Then thank Him for his grace.

I like your poem. As always, an excellent job. *Smile*

13
13
Review of The Unexpected  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, OOT™ !

This is the review you won in the "Invalid Item auction.

PLEASE REMEMBER, these are only my thoughts and opinions.


Overall Impression:
I loved this story, but I'm all about romance. Well, not all about romance, but I like it. I like the title as well. It fits nicely with the story.

This piece definitely gave me the warm and fuzzies. I like how in the midst of working together Steve and Sharon forged their own opinions of the other and how much it varied from what they'd heard around the office. Sounds to me like those in the office were a little jealous. *Wink*

The writing was smooth and flowed well. I didn't run into any "bumps" where I had to reread anything or lost my way. I stayed in the story to the end. Nothing took me out of the story.

I also liked how you gave the reader both characters' points of view. I like those kinds of books where each chapter focuses on the different characters in the story. I could see you writing one of those kinds of stories.


My Favorite Part:
I think this was a creative story. I liked the idea of them working for an advertising agency and being placed on the same project together.

Something that made me smile is something I've already talked about and that's where they admitted to themselves that they listened to office gossip instead of coming to their own conclusions about the other. But sometimes I think that's the way it is in life. It takes a while to kind of come to your senses and think about things rationally.


Setting:
So, the story took place in an advertising agency. The one thing that was missing for me was the setting. It would have brought the reader into the story a little more by describing their surroundings. It makes the reader feel like they're there in the office with the characters. For example, were they in a conference room or an office working on the project? I pictured something like a conference room with windows, but that may not be at all what you were thinking of when you wrote it.


Plot:
The characters seemed real to me even if we didn't get a description of them. That would have added to the story though, in my opinion. For example, And why hadn't he noticed before how her eyes sparkled when she smiled? Adding a simple color of her eyes would have helped to picture the character here.

I was able to follow the story in that both were hesitant to work with the other based on what others in the office said about them.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I found no punctuation, spelling, or grammar mistakes.


Final Thoughts/Comments
After reading through the stories in your port I want to tell you that I think you do a fantastic job with them. The only thing I would recommend is to expand on them and draw them out a little more. I give you this advice as it was given to me. I also don't seem to write very long pieces. I try, but I write everything down that's in my head and that's all I can come up with, you know?

But as this was written for a contest, I'm not sure if a word limit was set. That would make a big difference.

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading through your port.

Thank you for sharing and thank you for participating in the Chinese New Year Celebration.

I hope you have a fantastic day!



New Signature made by A.E. Wilcox

14
14
Review of Bickersons  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Mastiff .

I am reviewing for I Write 2019.


I was really hooked with this story, wanting to know what would happen next. It held my attention throughout the story all the way to the end.

I felt sorry for Ruby struggling with being alone for so long. I did wonder if he wasn't able to call her and let her know he had to work a double. Just a curiosity.


In the first line I walked through the red front door, letting the screen door hit me in the butt a bit, then I pulled closed the solid wood behind me with a loud thump. In my mind, you would push the door closed instead of pulling it.

That make it a very ugly evening for me, but I had to hold it together. Just missed the "s" at the end.

I wasn't sure about the different font colors, but then I figured out that those were the prompts.

I enjoyed this story and wish you the best of luck with the contest.

Write on!


~QPdoll

15
15
Review of Going Back  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Mastiff .

I am reviewing this story as part of I Write 2019. (I sure thought I completed this a while ago. I apologize it's so late.)


*Check2* Overall Impression:
This is a creepy story, perfect for the SCREAMS contest.


*Check2* Flow:
I feel the flow is sporadic. In most places, it flowed well, but in others, it is a little splotchy. I was taken out of the story because it was hard for me to follow. (But I may be the only person who had this problem.)


*Check2* Scene/Setting:
The scenes took place in different locations. I believe it started in a hospital room, then, through memories, moved to a sports arena, then back to reality in the hospital.


*Check2* Characters:
There were a number of characters, which kind of made it difficult for me to understand. We just got a 'taste' of all of them. But once I put it all together I was able to comprehend the different scenes.


*Check2* Dialogue:
This part had me confused as to who was speaking because of the last sentence of the paragraph before the dialogue:

... I said I was sorry, and she looked at my gear.


"Played a sorry game, too!"
"Wait!" She stopped.
"What?"
"Could I buy you a new cup of coffee at least?"


I thought she was the first person to speak, but I don't think that's correct. Once I reread it, I understood that he was the first speaker.


*Check2* Emotional Content:
I felt a little emotion from the last section of the story where she professed her love to him. I understood it as kind of a Romeo and Juliet kind of ending. Well, except for the very last part. *Wink* It must have been the drugs talking. *Ha*


*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:
I found no errors with grammar or spelling. Nice job.


*Check2* Closing thoughts:
Although it was difficult for me to follow, on the third read I finally understood the whole thing. I don't think you gave yourself enough time to 'flesh out' your story. It was as though the reader was given little excerpts of what really happened.

However, I think it ended up an awesome SCREAMS story. I did find it creepy and kind of, if you know of it, Twilight Zone material.

Good luck in the contest! I enjoyed reading and reviewing.



New Signature made by A.E. Wilcox
16
16
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Tinker ,

I'm reviewing "Prompted by Poet's Place Cafe for I Write 2019.

I am not a poet, but I try. With that, I want to state that these are only my thoughts and opinions.


*Tree**Tree**Tree**Tree**Tree*
Favorite Lines

My favorite line is: they dwell within me now, my place of dreams.


*Tree**Tree**Tree**Tree**Tree*
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling

I saw no punctuation, grammar, or spelling errors.


*Tree**Tree**Tree**Tree**Tree*
Overall Impression

I enjoyed this poem. It brought back memories of running around when I was a child, exploring through the woods. I could picture the character sitting atop the boulder. I felt disappointed about the change in scenery.


*Tree**Tree**Tree**Tree**Tree*
Parting Comments

I think you did a wonderful job with this poem. The imagery was perfect. I don't know a lot about poetry but I can tell you that I understood this poem. It wasn't a foreign feeling.


It's funny that you just reviewed my work and now I'm reviewing yours.

I hope you have a fabulous day.

Write on!

New Signature made by A.E. Wilcox
17
17
Review of The Flip  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Mastiff !

I'm reviewing this for I Write 2019 and would like to share my thoughts.

PLEASE REMEMBER: These are only my thoughts and opinions.


Overall Impression
I think this is a great start for a longer work. I love science fiction although I can't write it! I liked the characters, and it was interesting that the main character didn't have a name.


How did this piece make you feel?
I liked the story but got confused especially at the end. I didn't quite understand if he was in a younger body or still in an older one. Or was he in a robotic body?

I enjoyed the format. It was easy to read.


My Favorite Part:
This is a creative idea and was creepy, making it a twisted tale for sure.

My favorite part was actually the part that confused me because he got vengeance on his help. I got the impression that they weren't going anywhere soon.


Plot:
The characters only somewhat came alive for me. I think more description would help. For example, when he learned he was in a much older body what did he see besides wrinkles? Did he have bushy eyebrows, faded color eyes, a white five o'clock shadow?


Suggestions:
It wasn't clear to me at the end whether or not he had a new robotic body, which would be totally cool. I liked where this story was going. It will be great if you continued with the story.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I noticed a few things:

“Clive!” I tried to yell. But being out for how knows long, it wasn’t loud. I think you meant to say "who knows for how long."

Looking around as I marched downstairs, the view didn’t fill me me any confidence. Fill me with ...

"An month, at best, but probably less." Doc wasn't any medical designation, he was just someone who worked with the people and equipment for transfers. I believe this should be "A" instead of AN.


Final Thoughts/Comments
You did a nice job. Good luck in the contest.



New Signature made by A.E. Wilcox

18
18
Review of Shackled  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, 🌜 HuntersMoon !

I am reviewing for I Write 2019 and have just read "Shackled. I would like to share my thoughts.

PLEASE REMEMBER: THESE ARE ONLY MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS.


First Impression
This is definitely dark. I felt sad for this person, which is what I hope is the emotion you wanted the reader to feel.


What I like
I love rhyming poetry and this had a great flow.


Mechanics
With the rhyming theme, it was pleasant to the ear. Although I know that when poetry was first written it was for oral reading so rhyming didn't play a part.

Voice
One thing I noticed is that there were two voices but one was silent and spoke only with "it's will."

Tone
We can hear by the tone that he despised what he was being made to do.

Mood
This mood, for me, was deep and dark and sad and scary.


Imagery
The images described were crisp and clear. I could picture the chains and the blade.


Summary
I enjoyed this poem albeit it's dark nature. It is a fantastic dark Quatrain. Excellent job.


Thank you Jimminycritic

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19
19
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Detective

I'm reviewing this piece for I Write 2019. I didn't review the correct writing. I apologize.

Please know that the following are simply my thoughts and opinions. Only you can decide what's best for your story. Take what you can use and forget the rest.

I have read "A Call from Beyond and would like to share my thoughts.

I found your story
Very appealing. I could see myself watching this play out on tv. I thought it was really creepy but I wanted to know what was going to happen during the storm. It definitely made me want to read more.


Overall Impression
I rather liked your writing. I know you were only able to use 500 words or less and I think you created a fabulous scene. Unfortunately, I don't think it was a story. But to be honest I can't write a story in 500 words or less using only dialogue. I've tried, but have not been so successful.


My Favorite Part
That would be this: “The gun isn’t the only thing I kept in my safe. Be careful, Margret.“ I wouldn't want to get into the safe but at the same time, I would! I'd have to know what's in the safe.


Suggestions
I think you've done an incredible job with the word limit and the fact that it all had to be in dialogue. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Good luck in the contest.

Keep Writing!

~QPdoll
20
20
for entry "Thread of Dreams
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Tinker !

I am reviewing for I Write 2019.

PLEASE REMEMBER: THESE ARE ONLY MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS.


First Impression
I think this is a lovely poem, bringing out the quietness of poetry and dreams.

What I like
Poetry strokes the silken threads of dreams, Poetry almost always seems soft and whispery. This one is gentle and peaceful.


Mood
For me, the mood is quiet at first, then it blasts off with Writing vibrant words to stain the brain, kaleidoscopic guise

Imagery
I picture a woman in a silky nightgown slumbering, then waking to write down words floating around her head.


Summary
I really like this poem. It was very relaxing for me. You've done a fine job.

Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.


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21
21
Review of Week 2- Cold  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, trailerpark bodhisattva .

I think you covered the emotional amplifier, cold, excellently. I got the cold sense in the first sentence. It took me forever to get my story out. You did a great job. The best part was when they decided to order online instead of in-person. *Ha*

The stuttering definitely amplified the emotion and made it apparent in the scene.

Again, great job!
22
22
Review of No Trespassing  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Please know that the following are simply my thoughts and opinions. Only you can decide what's best for your story. Take what you can use and forget the rest.

Hello, Mastiff .

I have read "No Trespassing and would like to share my thoughts.

I'm reviewing for the I Write 2019.


Overall Impression
This is a good story and will be a great part of a longer writing, such as a novel. I am glad I live in my world and not this one. Or maybe I'm just glad I haven't traveled into the wrong place. *Ha*

You were able to convey the smell of the creature well. I would have liked to read more about what they looked like. I pictured creatures like those in The Fifth Element.


My Favorite Part
Of course, my favorite part was when Droyn explained to Mehenilda how to escape, even though it wasn't physically leaving their capture.


Suggestions
One thing I would suggest is to offer up some way or reason Droyn knew about this place and what would happen. If everyone is killed or tortured for life how would he know? Did someone at one point actually escape or did one of the creatures leave and share their secrets? That's just one thing that occurred to me while reading.

By the way, I wasn't taken out of the story. It kept my attention throughout. Great job.


Keep Writing!

~QPdoll


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Rated: E | (4.5)

Please know that the following are simply my thoughts and opinions. Only you can decide what's best for your story. Take what you can use and forget the rest.

Hello, Tinker .

I have read "The Night the Bears Roamed and would like to share my thoughts.

I'm reviewing this for I Write 2019.


Overall Impression
I liked the idea that Dad was outside protecting the rest of them inside the cabin. It is hard when you become homesick. Everything is a big deal. It's hard to move past that feeling.


My Favorite Part
My favorite part was Mom inside comforting the children in a much different way than Dad was. Together I would have felt comfortable myself. Psalm 23 is always a great reminder of who is in control.


Final Thoughts
This is a beautiful poem. I really like the message it carries. Good luck in the contest.


Keep Writing!

~QPdoll
24
24
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a delightful poem. I don't review poetry but I wanted to share with you the calmness I felt while reading it. You're right, He does fulfill all my needs. I just don't necessarily take the time to stop and reflect on everything He's provided to me.

I enjoyed the rhyming scheme, that's my favorite kind of poem. I find myself trying to make my words rhyme after reading a lot of it. Goofy, I know.

I think you did a great job. Good luck in the contest.

Have a Happy New Year!

~QPdoll
25
25
Review of The Fair Nation  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Martha Callaghan !

I have just read "The Fair Nation. I would like to share my thoughts.

Please know these are only my thoughts and opinions. I have a hard time with drawing out or elaborating. I tend to have short answers or comments. Please don't read anything into that.


I enjoyed this chapter. It was exciting. It brought out emotions of wanting to protect Justin.


Plot
I'm not sure that the conversation between Justin and George was necessary at the beginning. I don't believe it added to the actual events of the chapter, other than establishing his home life and a little background into his living conditions. I feel the rest of the chapter captured the actual story.


Characterization
I loved the characters! I quickly came to like Justin and the fact that he was just trying to survive in a world where he wasn't exactly welcomed. He's the underdog and I almost always support them.

Character development is essential and I think you've developed this character very well in this first chapter.


Flow of the Chapter
I thought the chapter flowed well. I tripped over who was speaking at times, but it could have just been me. I had to reread some parts because of my confusion.


Dialogue
I felt you did an excellent job with the dialogue and communication. It flowed like normal conversations which is the goal, right.


Setting
One thing I can say about the setting is that I was able to fall back on my personal descriptions of a park or a restroom. I rather liked the statue in the park, but I didn't get a good sense of what the park might have looked like. Was there a sidewalk or just trails through the park? Did the path wind around trees and bushes? What did the bathroom look like at Justin's job?

However, I also like that you left it up to the reader to imagine what each looked like.

See, I'm kind of wishee-washee when it comes to setting. On one hand I like the author to show us what they picture, but on the other hand, I enjoy creating my own images.


I'm looking forward to reading more. Drop me a line when you post another chapter, won't you?


Little girl with baby doll and Christmas Tree



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