Hello flcomeau 
Since you requested this review, I thought I'd give it a go. I'm not so much of a poet anymore but I don't mind sharing my opinion for those that are willing to listen.  I'm also connecting the review with a group I am a member of: "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.
Title:
It is a nice title. I like the general idea created around it as the concept works both in general and for poetic formation. The description below it does work in that it says something about the writing in general, though it doesn't show much about the content of the poem, but that's okay.
Comments:
I liked the bee concept and comparison to thoughts. It was interesting. There is imagery, a different perspective in relation to the concept of thoughts and a personal feel to the overall result. In general, you have created an interesting poem for a "first one" and some readers will enjoy the read, but there is also plenty of room to grow and develop both this particular poem but also your writing skills in general.
Form/Rhythm:
There is no specific form used in this case, as it's more free form, which works for the purpose of just trying to create a poem. However, you might consider the sentence structure and punctuation usage to help so the lines flow a little better for the reader. While, there is nothing wrong with going without punctuation in poetry, there are some reasons that commas and such help with the flow of the words used. I tend to go with an either all or nothing approach with punctuation and poetry myself. I have some where I don't even use commas at all and that's how I want the poem. However, I feel if you are going to use some, then go all out and follow correct sentence structure and punctuation for the whole poem. And sometimes, the poem just works better when punctuation is used.
You have some commas but there are other places that could have used them but they didn't get the same treatment. For example, the first couple of lines:
Have you ever followed a bee with your eyes
Seen it fly, roam bounce around
There is the one comma in the second line, but that line could use at least one more between "roam" and "bounce" to help keep the reader from stumbling when they read the start of the poem. And there are other spots that would benefit from either commas or maybe even ending punctuations like question marks and such. Just something for you to consider.
Favorite Part:
A swarm of thoughts is never a good thing
Like an angry child in my head
Every thought gets louder
Until it's a riot
Chaos and uncompromised
- I like this part in particular because of the visual created from the display of thoughts as a swarm that forms a loud riot in your head. It's interesting and gives the reader something to see beyond just the words.
Other Notes:
Here are a couple minor notes for you to also consider. Just things I noticed about the poem in general, beyond what is already listed in this review.
Visual - something you could consider is not to double space the whole poem. This makes every line seem on its own and you lose the benefits that come from having different stanzas. You do want to have that extra space between stanzas because it helps group and arrange the structure of the poem. However, I find that having a space separating every single line to work against the structure when it comes to poetry. The extra space is more like a breather, a little break, but when it's every line, that is almost too much of a slow down and you want things to move a bit more to get a better flow for the reader.
The end gets a little confusing. I liked the initial use of the first person because that is the main focus of the poem, but towards the end you also throw in a second and a third. Poetry is one of the few places where second person (you) can work out quite well, that and pick your own adventure types. However, when you added the "her" at the very end of the poem, I wasn't sure who it is in reference to that time. It seems to lose focus by the end because of the slight variations. My suggestion at this point is to change the "her" part to you or something of that nature. I think the "I" and the "you" in this case work together, and have been used more, so keeping those are easier than trying to convert some to this other, unknown character. This way it still creates the same concept but feels a bit more connected.
Overall, this is a start. The poem has potential and with some development and work, would have a pleasant, poetic result. It's fun to experiment when getting into writing and that's the best way to find your own route down the path that writing creates. You'll figure things out along the way. So, keep writing.
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Ski prompt proved easy to find in all of the poems presented for the challenge and this one is no different. The focus of the poem is skiing, well done.
This worked for the prompt because the main character had recently gone from in a relationship to single with the bother's friends representing the chance to feel better about it. I like that approach because we see some minor strife though maybe she's not quite as heartbroken about the ordeal with the possible move on but in the short time frame and word count allowed that is okay.
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The viewpoint character is the mother but the focus, her focus, in this story is upon her daughter so that works for this prompt. Both are interesting characters and will make for a great story as the short item here feels like an introduction to something much bigger.
This is a brother telling us about his brother, so that fits the requirements of the prompt. Focal character and viewpoint character are not the same ones, so that is good. Nice work in following the prompt and finding a way to showcase the character more than just writing a description about the one being eccentric. I appreciated to be shown the character more than told, despite the wording of the prompt.
