*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/elusive4lyn/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/13
Review Requests: ON
2,095 Public Reviews Given
2,098 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 9 10 11 12 -13- 14 15 16 17 18 ... Next
301
301
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Ken, how are you?

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: To Begin Again

First Impression: Interesting poem with a specific form maintained through out. I like the cadence and how easily it flows off the tongue when reading

What needs your attention: The quatrain with a common meter works very well for this poem. It didn't feel forced. Kudos

What part I liked best: I enjoyed how you closed the poem with dreams of a new Garden of Eden. From learning that H. G. Wells work was done was a great reminder of other believers that goals are achievable. Is it possible to control any situation once greed enters a picture? It worries me that if we ever do make it to another planet that we'il repeat all of the same mistakes again.

Overall impression: A quatrain works very well and the fact that you followed a specific meter was a pleasant surprise for the reader. Thank you for delighting this reader.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Write ON. Ken, your work, unlike H. G. Wells, is not done.
Lady Lyn Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
302
302
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Webbie,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: I Hate Early Morning Visitors

First Impression: I didn't get the feel Lou hated early morning visitors he disliked having cops visit him in the morning. Probably anytime is more like it. I feel the same way, I need a pot of coffee to be civil and having a cop at my door wouldn't be a good thing.

What needs your attention: This time I clearly felt like I was with Lou the whole time. I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors. The story flowed smoothly from scene to scene.

What part I liked best: Lou likes his dames, that jumped right out at me. He shmoozed Estelle with his charm at the perfume counter and she had no idea he wasn't really shopping. Estelle paying off the bad guy to protect her husband from her past was sweet. I loved Gloria showing up at the end and he had Valentine's Day covered. Lucky!

Overall impression: Lou seems to have knight in shining armor covered, I've read two pieces and both times he's shot a guy to save the dame. Columbo would be proud of you both, nice endings!

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Lou is a saofty! Okay, on to the next port 10 team members and 20 reviews so I need to get my butt moving.
Lady Lyn Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
303
303
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Webbie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: One Busy Night in Chicago

First Impression: Lou Ryan's voice as I read sounded just like a private eye I knew back in the day. He fancied himself as Columbo, some days even dressed like him.

What needs your attention: We're in Lou Ryan's voice throughout the story except for one spot where you head hopped over to Gloria's. Everything I've learned in the classes I am taking says don't switch POV. So you could easily do it this way have Lou Ryan repeat it out loud like Columbo used to do
"Her name was Gloria Kranski. She had been dating Vinny for several months. She knew he was involved in some shady business, but she could not believe he would murder someone. When she let out that scream, Vinny looked at her as though she was his enemy. After she ran from him, she caught a cab that was cruising by the restaurant. She jumped in and told him to drive away, anywhere. She looked out the back window and saw Vinny's men running toward the cab, but we moved away before they caught up to us. She made the cab stop a couple blocks from this place, and just kept walking. She noticed the light on in your office window; that's how she came here. It was just pure luck. Most offices in this area are closed up for the night. So, she wanted me to help her? She was a desperate woman."

What part I liked best: As I said earlier I love the voice that came in my head, he sounds macho and set in his ways, great character set up. The woman's characteristics fit every bimbo they portrayed on the show. So kudos for character development.

Overall impression: I enjoyed the story very much, I was glad Vinnie got what he deserved. The only thing I wasn't clear about was whether the goons took him away in the car or left him on the street. Guess I'll have to keep reading.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I won your team on the wheel of torture, aren't you lucky?
Lady Lyn Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
304
304
Review of An Arm Beneath  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Elycia,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: An Arm Beneath

First Impression: It feels delightfully creepy to this warped sixty year old woman, I enjoyed it immensely.

What needs your attention: I'm going to give you a revised work of your poem, please read it out loud and then read yours as it is. I hope you hear how much better the cadence is by eliminating unnecessary words and changing tense. Just food for thought. Maybe I'll inspire you in different directions.
An arm extends from beneath the soil
in the darkest of the night.
The industrious diggers love their toil
unearthing and choking visitors in fright.

It's arising from the grave
expanding size three times.
Spotting visitors it gave them a chase;
desiring to commit many crimes.

Unseeing, silent; thus day come,
multitudes of bodies appeared all around.
Cemetery in the morning, cold and calm,
More mourning living to be found.

And then night comes and darkness falls
An arm extends from beneath once more
In a thrilling, eerie scream it calls
Echoing the cemetery with its hideous roar.

What part I liked best: I'm a huge Halloween junkie and every ghoulish about that season. I start playing haunted music in August, decorate my home in September and it stays until Thanksgiving when I leap into Christmas decorations.

Overall impression: I love the interesting visual images that jumped into this overactive coffee stimulated mind.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Are we having fun yet?
Lady Lyn Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
305
305
Review of The Sun Also Sets  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Hi Hooves, twice in one day, aren't you one lucky bull.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Sun Also Sets

First Impression: I love reading Hemingway in school. writing was direct and easy to follow with out all the added baggage of flowery adjectives and adverbs. A great writer to become obsessed over. There were a lot of interesting writers during that time. I loved the imagery of Hooves wearing a beret cocked to the side, classy look indeed.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues, I was enjoying Hooves's story too much to notice truthfully.

What part I liked best: I loved the imagery of Hooves moseying over to Hemingway, bulls are hardly small creatures so imagining him being delicate or unobtrusive was amusing. Especially when most readers are more familiar with the adage bull in a china shop.

Overall impression: I enjoyed visiting with Hooves and Hemingway, in this interesting twist about how Hemingway wrote about bulls in his future stories. The story flowed smoothly and held my interest from beginning to end.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? It's always a pleasure to visit your port.
Lady Lyn Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
306
306
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Stephan

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Be Careful What You Tell Your Kids

First Impression: Oh my, can I ever relate. Thankfully, I didn't have the police department only the fire department at the house. Children absorb every detail of the adventure but never heed the warnings given. I'm glad your child and his friend were not seriously injured. This was an engaging and educational read.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammars in my enjoyment of your story.

What part I liked best: I chuckled so many times as I read because it reminded me of so many incidences of my own children who tried like yours to relive the glory days. Drew must have had eyes as big as saucers when the police officer told him how much the fire cost the city of Los Angeles and that you would be responsible.
I know for my own sons and the gas bombs they created for a mock battle that they mimicked from a story of my youth. We re-enacted battles from the civil war. We hooked them to pitch forks and swung them like they were coming from canyons so we could see our enemies clearly. The difference is we did it in a large sand pit where there was nothing to ignite. My sons, on the other hand, lit the woods up behind our home and ended up burning our woodshed and our house. We were lucky we didn't lose our home completely.

Overall impression: Its fun reliving memories with our children about our youth but it always needs to be done with caution so as not to encourage unsafe actions. You did an excellent job of setting the reader up, sharing the event and the consequences so hopefully they don't make the same mistakes.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Just cos we're parents doesn't mean we know everything, does it. *Bigsmile*
Image #2129195 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
307
307
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Hooves

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Bovine Legend of Finnegan

First Impression: As I saw your piece in action/adventure I wondered if you had a selection for every category and I'd be visiting every day in August. *BigSmile* Finnegan is quite a name for an Irish bull and his story definitely was entertaining.

What needs your attention: Nothing, I like that you chose to do it in a ballad style poem. The poem had a nice pace and each stanza contributed smoothly to the next one without feeling forced.

What part I liked best: The princess, of course, rescuing the bull from the snotty butler. I'm always good for sappy endings. It made me smile to read the bull's arrival was foretold in her vision in her dreams and she had been expecting him. His travels were minor compared to what lies ahead of him.

Overall impression: This was an engaging ballad about Finnegan, the bull, and his journey far from home where initially he was rejected by a snotty butler but then saved by the fair princess who had seen him in a vision. A perfect fairy tale ending that will delight young and old alike. Good Job.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Until tomorrow my fair maiden.
Image #2129195 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
308
308
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Zikky,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title:

First Impression: I felt sympathetic for Nero, it's not a good feeling knowing your job is on the line. Great opening line with Nero had a life like most others

What needs your attention: There are a lot of details that aren't necessary or could be simplified to improve the pacing of the story. Sometimes less is better than too much detail as you have in the beginning of this story. You could simply say his morning routine involved a work out before the train. He was a creature of habit in the office, coffee, news, email before he began his work duties. Luckily for him most of his meetings were with his mouse and keyboard and not with real people. Just food for thought.

What part I liked best: I'm a sucker for making spaces my own, I could see his office in my mind including the 4:00pm visitor waiting for his daily handout. Taking the steps himself was ballsy and cool. I hated the idea of having anything bad like a firing on my work record so I would've done the same thing.

Overall impression: THe story is interesting, I found myself cheering for Nero. With that said, I think some editing and tightening up your story would be beneficial. Writers often think they have to put a lot of words on the page for a reader to get it, but usually less is so much better.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Write on
Image #2129195 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
309
309
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Jeannie, it's been awhile since we crossed paths, how are you?

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Bosco Comes to the Farm

First Impression: This is an adorable children's story. I enjoyed the moral of the story very much and it feels appropriate today especially with the Game of Thrones going on. Together, we can face the demons and win.

What needs your attention: I'm sure with a children's book there will be illustrations clearly showing what kind of animal Bosco is but for me I had to think about what animal had a long neck and banana shaped ears. I hope it's a giraffe because that's the only animal I could think of with a long neck. I did not note any punctuation or grammar errors.

What part I liked best: I loved Gloria's outgoing attitude, she's a keeper. It's a great example for children to see how to interact with newcomers comfortably. Strangers are always challenging. The reminder from Boris about teamwork was a great conclusion to the story.

Overall impression: This was a beautifully told story from different animals on a farm with examples of social skills and a great moral at the conclusion for I think an ideal target audience for 3-8 years of age. Great job, Jeannie

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I can't believe I missed this gem from last year. Write on.!
Image #2129195 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
310
310
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Carol

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Behold, the Bread Tie Bandit

First Impression: Your story about Boo reminded me of my dog Angel, she was a black lab that ate everything but the kitchen sink and I'm sure she probably tried. We had many trips to the vets for rocks.

What needs your attention: Nothing,I noted with punctuation or grammar. I want to thank you for larger font size after doing 15 reviews today my eyes are tired.

What part I liked best: I loved how Boo presented you with the bread tie so matter of factly. She does know how to claim the scene doesn't she.
I also found it amusing that Mr. Hooves knew the answer to the bread tie, I thought they were metal as well and like you would have worried about Boo's safety.

Overall impression: I enjoyed the delightful tale of Boo's hiding the bread tie until she felt the timing was perfect for its return. Children and dogs sure know how to worry their owners. I will admit my cats don't stress me like that black lab used to do. Though I do miss her antics at times.
This was an enjoyable read about the ordinary life of the Hooves family and their four legged baby Boo.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2129195 over display limit. -?-
311
311
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Daughter of choice

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Wheel of Torture

First Impression: Initially, I thought leave it to Gaby to find a creative way to torture us all but after taking my first spin I enjoyed my experience and impatiently waiting for my next opportunity to spin.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it's very clear to me after 4 years of the games you've mastered creating forums and secret chambers.
I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors, not that I truly looked that hard. Sorry, my filter is broken after being nice all day *Headbang*

What part I liked best: I thought the list was perfectly compiled with lots of different options. I still can't believe I got my number not once but twice. That's hilarious. The directions are very precise and easy to comprehend. I liked that there are going to be multiple choices available.

Overall impression: I can see you've been brain storming on this, your hard work jumps off the page in each crazy warriors face begging us to give it our best shot.

Thank you for allowing me to read or okay flop my jaws about your work. It has been my immense or maybe dubious pleasure depends on how the games go. *Rolling*


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2129195 over display limit. -?-
312
312
Review of Jesse  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Kiya

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes and this is review 4 out of 5 from the wheel of torture.

Title: Jesse

First Impression: What a horrible injustice, it sickened me to know this is part of our history and there are probably a lot more Jesses than we know. I am appalled that people could commit crimes like this. I can't help but wonder how Lucy lived with herself after.

What needs your attention: Not a thing, you're an excellent author, I wish I was as talented as you clearly are.

What part I liked best: I liked the link so I could read what inspired you to write about Jesse. Yes, the pictures were graphic. I felt you gave Jesse a voice in your inspirational tribute to him. He certainly deserved a helluva lot more than he got. I still can't believe no one questioned the paper he unwittingly signed and everyone turned a blind eye to his conviction and torturous death.

Overall impression: I paused briefly to ponder about Jesse and the injustice he suffered at the hands of alleged Christians. He did not deserve the indignities he suffered, its horrible to me.
Your retelling of that event in history serves as a reminder that we can prevent injustices by not ignoring what is happening.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I'm sorry Jesse.
Image #2129195 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
313
313
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Kiya,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes and this is review 3 of 5 for the Wheel of Torture # 85..

Title: White Case Memorial

First Impression: I had no idea so many authors on WDC had passed away. There are some names I never crossed paths with and others I simply thought had simply not kept their membership. This is a beautiful tribute.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the forum and the information is very easy to navigate. The tributes are beautifully displayed on the page with drop down menus so it does not look overwhelming. Nicely crafted.

What part I liked best: The short bios of the different authors and their contributions. I didn't know this existed or I would have come sooner. It's a lovely tribute Kiya. As I read the different authors bios and work I wondered what piece I've written will be featured when I'm gone. I need to get my butt writing so there are lots of selections to choose from inside of letting life get in the way.

Overall impression: Life deals us a hand to play and we do what we can with it. There are some very talented authors highlighted on this forum that clearly found their voice and did something with the deck they were dealt. Thank you for honoring each WDC author on your port.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my IMMENSE pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? You're a very special woman Kiya.
Image #2129195 over display limit. -?-
314
314
Review of She wanted him  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review number # 1 week of: April 27th- May 3rd
Yellow rose


Hi Wies,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: She wanted him


First Impression: The young woman was focused on her goal and luckily for her the man in question didn't resist.

What needs your attention: I didn't find anything that needed your attention other than I was hoping the girlfriend would interrupt the encounter. I know, I have a warped sense of humor.

Favorite Parts: Maybe next time, made me chuckle. Clearly, it was mutually satisfying to both and they left the door open to other possibilities. The characters are inviting the author to expand.

Overall Impression: An amusing short story about a sexual encounter without really spelling it out crudely. The story moved at a steady pace similar to a quickie encounter would if someone snuck off at a party as the characters did. Enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing it with us today.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
315
315
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review number # 10 week of: 3/9-3/15
Yellow rose


Hi Bob,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Winter in Palm Springs


First Impression: I did not anticipate the ending in this morbid tale of a dystopian post-apocalpytic world.

What needs your attention: This story has excellent pacing and vivid imagery.

Favorite Parts: Mat talking with Beth while Jenny tried to remember the things he shared with their daughter, That was nostalgic moment for this reader, because she has shared things like that with her grandchildren.

Overall Impression: This story was interesting and a bit gorey for this reader but I made it through. I can't say killing people for food is my cup of cocoa, to quote a dear friend. Please take note that Lyn read more than poetry in March. Congrats on your quill nomination.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
316
316
Review of Never, Now, Then  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 9 week of: 3/9-3/15
Yellow rose


Hidebmach

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Never, Now, Then


First Impression: The opening line and stanza are so inviting.

What needs your attention: This free verse is almost perfect. The last line hangs this reader up when reading it out loud. I suggest either a lover's song or and a loved one's song.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the lines today, forever in a blossom and the jubliant moon. The images delighted the reader.

Overall Impression: Excellent job.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
317
317
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 8 week of: 3/9-3/15
Yellow rose


Hi debmach

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and for the Simply Positive Fundraiser.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Beauty of a Humbled Heart


First Impression: This poem has potential to be more than what you have here. I think with a couple tweaks this has 5 stars all over it. The abstract simplicity is very appealing to this reader.

What needs your attention: Lets begin with the first line. Hear. Love, like a fragment of shell rolls off the tongue awkwardly. I suggest Heart. Love like a fragmented shell. Marred and broken, it still holds beauty.
A single brass wing brings flight to mind with images lighter than air creatures. I suggest A single brass wing inspires images of flight lighter than creatures in air.
Glass and metal spark and catch my eye. Memories pieced together. And so we rise.
I suggest glass and metal sparks catch my eye. Memories pieced together so we rise.
 I overheard her say, "you're going to have to take it with with a grain of salt."
I suggest She said,"you're going to have take it with a grain of salt.
The ending is perfect.
I hope my suggestions inspire you to tweak this poem.

Favorite Parts: The poem inspires images that the reader found enjoyable in this abstract free verse poem.

Overall Impression: I really hope you consider tweaking this poem, it has so much potential.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
318
318
Review of The Wake  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 7 week of: 3/9-3/15
Yellow rose


Hi debmach

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive's Fundraiser.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Wake


First Impression: It is difficult to see someone so young deceased. I thought you did an excellent job of inviting the reader into the sad experience.

What needs your attention: There was not a rhyme pattern or a specific line count in this free verse discussing a difficult time. The only line that hung me when reading it out loud was soley tears. Soley sounds odd to this reader. Maybe consider soulful tears, which might be more effective. Just food for thought.

Favorite Parts: The last stanza makes it all real for the reader when you sum up a child's life by sports awards, championship photos, family memories, smiles frozen in time. I could imagine the parents sitting there devoid of all life seeing the last vestibules of their child. What a perfect closing with the wound is fresh, deep, raw.

Overall Impression: A disturbing truth that too many of us know all to well. You did an excellent job of sharing such a painful experience with the reader.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
319
319
Review of Walking South.  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 5 week of: 3/9-3/15
Yellow rose


Hi Hi Pure Poetry

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Walking South


First Impression: I would have enjoyed more of the story about the woman but as you've noticed I'm a detail focused, writer.

What needs your attention: Looking at the night black, took me out initially. I found myself stumbling on the odd placement of black. Why didn't you say Looking at the black night. I did not note a specific rhyme pattern though there are several places that do.

Favorite Parts: The third stanza resonated with me the most because I felt the narrator's happiness with being with the young woman.

Overall Impression: The poem has potential to be longer and more descriptive if the author chooses. As it is now, it is a solid, nicely written poem.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
320
320
Review of Lightning Flash  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review number # 1 week of:3/9-3/15
Yellow rose


Hi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and as a Judge for 2016 Quills.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Lightning Flash


First Impression: I was a bit confused by the second stanza with the line but by men's blown up ego because lightning is a sudden electrostatic discharge that occurs during a thunder storm. This discharge occurs between electrically charged regions of a cloud.

What needs your attention: The rhyme sequence of hastily and naturally helped the poem flow. I did not note anything distracting with the free style form.

Favorite Parts: Without a single care for life. Storms are violatile and frightening when they do damage. I enjoy watching them but I am always safely inside my home. I don't think they would be as appealing if I was standing outside exposed.

Overall Impression: Interesting poem, I've read it several times and still feel the confusion about the connection with man. I would love to know the thought process behind this Tracy. Congratulations on your nomination.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
321
321
Review of Deer on Parade  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Review number #4 week of: 3/1-3/8
Yellow rose


Hi Chris, this is your final review of your win in 30 day mega raffle. I did 2 blog entries and one poem to cover the 3 reviews.

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Deer on Parade


First Impression: This poem was based on a prompt in the writers cramp contest. I felt bad for the deer.

What needs your attention: This is a six stanza poem with end rhymes. Some of the lines flow very smoothly and others feel forced. Like for instance in the fourth stanza suddenly out of nowhere trouble came, darts flew through the air and then you indicate they slept all the same. Confusing imagery. This stanza doesn't have the same cadence as the others when read out loud either.

Favorite Parts: I chose this poem because I love deer and I am very aware of the battles they face co-existing with man. They come up right up to our garage doors and feed on my lilies all the time. They are beautiful in fields to watch. I don't have the picture prompt to see what inspired your poem so I understand your stanzas better. So based on what I have the challenges deer face came across very clearly throughout the poem

Overall Impression: This was interesting but does need tweaking as I am sure you know by the previous reviews. I also know with the contest you have limited time to get the entry completed and in on time. So kudos to accomplishing that.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
322
322
for entry "Ten Things" 
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review number # 3 week of: 3/1-3/7
Yellow rose


HiChris or Marvin, which is it?

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and for Norb's 30 Day fundraiser.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Ten Things


First Impression: I do the majority of my writing in the evening too. I tend to over plan my days so I feel like I am always playing catch up. I spend evenings catching up with family too. Who needs the boob tube when you have reality.

What needs your attention: Having to scroll down the page takes away from the enjoyment. I already noted in the previous review how you can still have your images just not as large on each entry. There is nothing to distract in the actual writing, it is well organized and focused.

Favorite Parts: I'm not sure you realize for BCoF and Blog City you can put multiple entries together under one book entry so you do not use up valuable port space.

I know exactly what you mean about the cold finding its way in. In the summer our house stays comfortable but in the winter I swear the wind finds every crevice. We hear the interstate more at night here than I do during the day too. I wonder if the train and the cars aren't noticed as much because our minds are focused on tasks whereas when we are sleeping we're not focused. I've got this https://www.amazon.com/HoMedics-SS-2000G-Relaxatio... I love the summer nights in particular with the cricket sounds, I sleep peacefully and never hear the outside distractions. It's something to think about and 20.00 on amazon isn't outrageous either.

Overall Impression: There is always balance in life and ending on a good note is always preferred.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
323
323
for entry "False Arrest" 
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review number #2 week of: 3/1- 3/8
Yellow rose


Hi Chris

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and for your win in 30 Day's Mega Raffle.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: False Arrest


First Impression: Man, if it weren't for bad luck the character would have no luck at all applies. I know how this feels because I am always receiving stuff in the mail for another woman with the same name as me. Frustrating keeping the bill straight.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the great part of a blog is being able to express your thoughts in no particular form, its open to the possibilities. There was nothing to distract the reader in the writing. The blank white space for the different pictures is distracting. You can minimize the pictures so they fall closer together by putting the image number plus -50% and the end bracket.

Favorite Parts: The name and the social security number almost the same added tension to the tale. My step-father a few years back went thru a bunch of crap because some one shared the same name as him and the ss# was identical and the person died. All of his accounts were froze. He had to get an attorney, come to find out this person had stolen his identity years before but had stayed off the radar until his death. My step-father never checked his credit report so when the attorney did, he had numerous accounts in Montana. Dad had never been to Montana and for that matter out of Vermont. It was a horrible mess.

Overall Impression: Your blog entries are usually entertaining to read. Thank you for joining Norb and I on his blogging fundraiser.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
324
324
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review number # 1 week of: 2/23- 3/1
Yellow rose


HiGigie,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Wtich's Garden Totally an appropriate name.


First Impression: I don't know how I missed seeing this forum until now. I guess I don't get out enough. I need to change that. I enjoyed the hawk and the flower pictures very much.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the forum is clear and easy to navigate. The intent of the forum is clear. People appear to be comfortable with the layout.

Favorite Parts: I loved seeing the hawk, I so enjoy seeing the bird pictures you post on facebook. I am surprised you do not have an album here of all your great bird pictures. I know people would love to see them. Your pictures are awesome, please share more.

Overall Impression: I am going to pay closer attention so I don't miss out on any future activities. Thank you for letting me peruse your port and visit for a while.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn


325
325
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 6 week of: 1/4-1/11
Yellow rose


Hi Catdok

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Lawn Mower Steeple Chae


First Impression: The poem spread across the page is not visually appealing to this reader. I did find the story amusing, I've mowed a few lawns myself.

What needs your attention: The words in bold face I take are for a contest entry. I did scroll back up to see that they are for the Writers Cramp contest. It helps if the author lists them all together at the bottom of the page so the reader understands the purpose.
The flow is smooth with your word choices and the required words. My only knitpik is the poem sprawled across the page, it was distracting from your work.

Favorite Parts: The darn brass gadget in the grass. That made me chuckle and remember how many times my mowing was interrupted with toys left on the lawn by my children and then my grandchildren. Matchbox cards were rough on the mower blade.

Overall Impression: This was a delightful reminder of my own mowing experiences to read. Your word choices complimented the required ones without feeling forced, nicely done.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
816 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 33 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/elusive4lyn/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/13